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Why do I constantly bother and get hurt?

  • 09-08-2008 02:44PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    i reccently fell for a girl that's part of my social life. we would talk about everything about life, music, family, etc. and we found out that we pretty much fitted each other like two jigsaw pieces.

    so we arranged a date, there's me thinking, great i'm back in the game after a year out. now the date went well and everything but days later things couldn't be worse.

    she doesn't talk to me anymore (she use to instigate conversations with me through text/email/msn etc).

    i then went out with my friends again about a week later and she was there, me being the shy guy i just talked to everyone but her, i got it into my head that i ignored her, but the truth is i couldn't stop thinking about her but couldn't bring myself to say it.

    a couple of days later i called her, to apologise for the above, saying sorry if it felt like i ignored you etc. she said she never notice.

    now fast forward to today and 2 weeks on, i haven't talked to her she hasn't to me, i'm lost at what to do.

    i've even started to cancel things where i know she'll be there just because i hate awkward situations. i've even made excuses for tonight saying i can't go out cause i know she'll be there.


Comments

  • #2
    niavie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 111 ✭✭niavie


    All you can do is talk to her, phone her and ask her to meet you and explain how you feel, it might be a bit awkward at first but it'll be the same for her. It's the only way you will feel better about it all and find out where you both stand and how you feel about it. Best of luck!


  • #3
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    She's not interested. Try to forget about her and move on.

    You're just prolonging the pain by holding on.


  • #4
    Sofaspud
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,625 ✭✭✭Sofaspud


    Maybe she's thinking the same thing about you.

    I've been in this type of situation before, so insecure that I was paranoid about what people were thinking about me, when they were thinking the exact same.

    Why don't you instigate a conversation with her? You shouldn't always leave that up to her, she might just be as shy as you.


  • #5
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    Yes, sounds like you are worried that she is not intrested and making up the excuses is just to protect yourself for what's to come .You may go through quite a few of these type scenarios before you adopt a different (hopfully better in your case ) approach to dating


  • #6
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    The joys of it, eh ?

    OP, you'll meet a few "beauts" (and not talking about looks) along the way, but you can't let yourself take it personally wondering what you did "wrong"......be yourself and to hell with games.

    But - unfortunately (or maybe even fortunately) - it does sound like she's not interested, even though she might have seemed to be. I recently got "approached" online by a very flirty girl, we hooked up / went out a couple of times, all good and good fun, nothing serious; mind you, she apparently told her mum she was "seeing someone" (me) and she even invited herself and her friends up to my place for a weekend.

    But then the Monday before that weekend she emailed saying she wanted to leave it and drop the whole thing "because" it was too much hassle to travel/arrange every weekend, given her lifestyle. I was a bit taken aback, but feck it 'twas fun, so no harm done, and I emailed back saying, "fair enough, no harm done, and thanks for the fun".

    Then, 3 or 4 days later - at the aforementioned weekend that she was meant to be up here with her friends - I spotted that she changed her Bebo status to "seeing someone"; so there's your REAL "because", not the earlier emailed bull****; no-one sane changes that status thingy after 3 or 4 days of meeting someone!!!

    So basically, you never know what's going on in someone's head.....some people are too shallow/impulsive/fickle while others are too serious/deep; some people are too quiet and conservative while others are too flirty, cheap, loud or aggressive.

    And even within that, you or I can't even define the word "too", because it's all relative.

    So chalk it down to experience, be yourself, and keep smiliing!


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  • #7
    elle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 321 ✭✭elle


    Liam is spot on with that one! Please don't let her interfere with your social life. Don't go canceling because she will be there either. I think you are well shot of her if she's just going to play games. These things happen and please don't go blaming yourself because in fairness some people just aren't worth the bother and don't deserve it!


  • #8
    Red Alert
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 7,486 ✭✭✭Red Alert


    I can say I've done the whole 'liking a friend' thing a couple of times.... have a think about the situation as a whole. Two things strike me from the description - the fact you and her talk a lot, and the 'date'. I guess you know her a reasonably long time given that you and her talk quite a bit, which sometimes can make things awkward.

    Was the 'date' over-hyped? Did you expect too much from it? Maybe did she think you expected too much from the date? Maybe a more natural situation would have been appropriate to take things further, but you never know I suppose.

    Also, there is nothing that says that her feelings mightn't change. But, and this is the big one, you'll have to respect that only she can decide how she herself feels. Also, you need to live your own life in the meantime.


  • #9
    Carsinian Thau
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,054 ✭✭✭Carsinian Thau


    Liam Byrne wrote: »
    OP, you'll meet a few "beauts" (and not talking about looks) along the way, but you can't let yourself take it personally wondering what you did "wrong"......be yourself and to hell with games.

    But - unfortunately (or maybe even fortunately) - it does sound like she's not interested, even though she might have seemed to be.

    So chalk it down to experience, be yourself, and keep smiliing!

    QFT.

    I agree that you should probably move on in this case.
    Fortunately, the relationship never really developed so there shouldn't be much of an impact in the social circle.

    Keep going out with your friends and don't cancel anything even if she'll be there.
    It may be awkward so give her some space and eventually things will right themselves.
    But please don't allow yourself to be pushed from your friends, be it by her or yourself.


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