Oh, shoite, someone's gonna snare me...

Yearning4Stormy · 03-09-2008 09:49PM #1

Folically- and stomach-diametriclly-challenged folks,

So, I was gonna post this is AH, but the folks over there seem to have gotten themselves into a 'yore ma' frenzy. Seems that the following Q may be more suited to us folks with receding hairlines

Anyway, once again, knacker drinking at home, half-locked on the amber nectar (Bulmers, mmmm) - and checking and rechecking my grammar and spelling for fear of being flamed

in my intoxicated state - so, I'll ask this question here:

With regard to your job, do you feel you're STILL up to it?

I'm in a relatively senior position in a technical environment... and most of the time, I fear that someone, somewhere, is gonna figure out that, actually, I don't know sh!t about anything. Trying to keep one (or at least half a) step ahead is really tiring. Sooner or later, they're gonna suss out I'm a useless cnut living off past, uh, glories... but have failed to keep up with advances in technology... and I'm clearly winging it these days.

If I had a DeLorean and a Flux Capacitor, I'd be back in 1998 when I knew what the hell I was doing. Or maybe back in 1988 when I was getting some. Oh yeah!

Mods, this isn't a PI, so please don't move it. I'm genuinely interested if other mid-to-late-30s-ers are also feeling similarly employably-insecure (sp).

Listening to: "Call something paradise, kiss it goodbye"

smashey · 03-09-2008 09:51PM

I read that and my eyes hurt. You lost me.

Zaph · 03-09-2008 09:54PM

smashey wrote: »

I read that and my eyes hurt. You lost me.

I think to summarise Brother smashey:

- OP was once good at his job
- OP, through laziness, is no longer good at his job
- Nobody has sussed this yet
- OP is planking in case someone does
- OP wonders if anyone else is in a similar position
- OP is listening to The Last Resort by the Eagles

Hagar · 03-09-2008 09:55PM

Yearning4Stormy wrote: »

Mods, this isn't a PI, so please don't move it. I'm genuinely interested if other mid-to-late-30s-ers are also feeling similarly employably-insecure (sp).

At least this doesn't involve me. Give me a shout when he is trolling a couple of decades ahead. Night all.

trout · 03-09-2008 09:57PM

OP needs to 'cowboy up', skull some beer, ate some kebabs and let his inner alpha-ness shine through.

In fact ... he should "take it eee-a-eeeee-aa-zeeeee"

Failing that ... and it's likely ... just learn how to fake sincerity ... sorted. :cool:

I myself tend to change jobs every few months ... that way I always get the 'new guy' benefit of the doubt.

Yearning4Stormy · 03-09-2008 10:03PM

Zaph, get off the fence, say what you really mean

Bang on, btw.

Okay, more Bulmers required, obviously.

AlmightyCushion · 03-09-2008 10:06PM

Just make a load of stuff up about your co-workers that would ruin them and then create evidence to prove it. If any one cops you're useless just use this against them. e.g. Go out on a night on the town with one of your male co-workers, get him shítfaced, then dress him up as a woman (make it convincing, use make up and stuff) and put him next to a hobo and take a picture. If he threatens to rat you out, you just show him the picture and tell him you'll tell everyone that he dresses up as a woman at the weekend and fúcks smelly hobos. If he has a wife and kids, even better. He'll think twice about ever crossing you.

It's a bit of effort but if you get it right you are guaranteed job security for life.

Zaph · 03-09-2008 10:08PM

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Just make a load of stuff up about your co-workers that would ruin them and then create evidence to prove it. If any one cops you're useless just use this against them. e.g. Go out on a night on the town with one of your male co-workers, get him shítfaced, then dress him up as a woman (make it convincing, use make up and stuff) and put him next to a hobo and take a picture. If he threatens to rat you out, you just show him the picture and tell him you'll tell everyone that he dresses up as a woman at the weekend and fúcks smelly hobos. If he has a wife and kids, even better. He'll think twice about ever crossing you.

It's a bit of effort but if you get it right you are guaranteed job security for life.

Such an elaborate plan could not have been devised on the spur of the moment. You've done this, haven't you?

AlmightyCushion · 03-09-2008 10:14PM

Zaph wrote: »

Such an elaborate plan could not have been devised on the spur of the moment. You've done this, haven't you?

Like a boy scout always says "Why are you taking naked pictures of me, Mr McGowski", eh I mean "Always be prepared".

trout · 03-09-2008 10:21PM

OP ... hire some pi$$y wino-tramps to come in and accost yore boss in his office.

Then you burst in and save the day ... roaring and grunting in a display of astonishing bravery ... banishing the pi$$y-winos ... and here's the trick, then you leave yore boss some air freshener, to get the pi$$y-wino smell out of his office. That way he sees you as a trouble-shooter and a problem solver who can think around corners. I mean, come on ... anti-wino air freshener ?

That will give you at least 6 months grace.

Repeat as required ... at 6 month intervals ... give the winos a script, so that they can say stuff "in character" ... like "Oooh Mr [Insert Boss Name] ... why don't you write to us no more ... you [Insert Boss Eye Color] eyed divil ?"

Winos can be hired for 10 Eurines per harassment ... so for an outlay of 30 notes and a small bit of script writing ... you get a job for 6 months.

Zaph · 03-09-2008 10:38PM

trout wrote: »

OP ... hire some pi$$y wino-tramps to come in and accost yore boss in his office.

Then you burst in and save the day ... roaring and grunting in a display of astonishing bravery ... banishing the pi$$y-winos ... and here's the trick, then you leave yore boss some air freshener, to get the pi$$y-wino smell out of his office. That way he sees you as a trouble-shooter and a problem solver who can think around corners. I mean, come on ... anti-wino air freshener ?

That will give you at least 6 months grace.

Repeat as required ... at 6 month intervals ... give the winos a script, so that they can say stuff "in character" ... like "Oooh Mr [Insert Boss Name] ... why don't you write to us no more ... you [Insert Boss Eye Color] eyed divil ?"

Winos can be hired for 10 Eurines per harassment ... so for an outlay of 30 notes and a small bit of script writing ... you get a job for 6 months.

You know what I said to AC earlier...?

Oh, shoite, someone's gonna snare me...

Comments