Just hate myself!!!

LegacyUser · 06-09-2008 10:54pm #1

Hi,
I am having really bad problems with my self esteem,
I really hate myself- on the inside and the outside.
There is enough for a thread on each but recently it has mostly been my appearance that bothers me.
Firstly, I hate my height. I am 5'9 and as a girl, feel I am much too tall.
I hate going into shoe shops, looking at all the beautiful high heels, knowing I will never be able to wear them.
I hate my jaw. It is too strong. I have always hated it. This hatred was made even worse when a former friend, who always said he thought I was beautiful and flirted with me, told me I was ugly and had a big jaw (we had not been friends in months at this stage).
I hate my legs and feet, they are too stocky.
I hate my entire build- being tall means being broader than other girls.

Basically when I go to a nightclub I feel so inadequate next to all the small, beautiful girls with the small faces. I get plenty of guys coming up to me (and have had bitchy remarks from other girls about it, who never get guys coming up to them) but they are just drunk and its dark. I have big boobs and long blonde hair so that is another reason why they would come up to me, it is a look that many men think means a girl is easy or dumb.

So yeah, I hate myself.

Strokesfan · 07-09-2008 12:04am

Try not to be so hard on yourself - Cameron Diaz said she hated her build when she was younger and that kids used to call her 'Skeletor'.

The model Erin O'Connor has strong facial features and she's really elegant and beautiful.

You can't change your height unfortunately so you're going to have to accept it and learn to love yourself. Don't mind that 'friend' that insulted you - people always find something to pick on and if they knew you were conscious of it, it's easy to throw it at you.

I'm 5'4'' and I'd love to be tall and have long legs. You're lucky in so many ways, you have to stop focusing on you don't like.

Affable · 07-09-2008 12:12am

Many people would kill for a strong jawline(some have weak jaws) and height. I like women with strong faces. If people give you flak they might be jealous.

hippiechickie · 07-09-2008 1:22am

This post has been deleted.

SnowMonkey · 07-09-2008 1:28am

hey Op

may i sugest going to a counciller its really not that bad .....

every one can go on here telling you how great you sound and stuff but the fact of the matter you hate what you see because your self essteam is the problem.... How do you fix it go to councilling.

Beleave me I went for my first session, on friday and i swear the relif of my shoulder's and mind, where amazing... So thats my advice....

Serously if blokes are chating you up and girls are giving you bitchy comments, you must be doing something right, as for tall women i dream of tall women it means i dont have to sloutch in order to talk to them or you try being 6.1 and kissing, 5.2 dont work at all lol...

that's the only bit of info i can put forward....

hope this helps and if you need any info about councillers your more then welcome to pm me

......

thats all i can say really

07-09-2008 4:20am

You have a really really warped self perception.
How old are you? Have you always felt like this or it a recent change?
5ft 9 is regarded as almost tall, you can certainly pull off heels.
Your "friend" obviously picked up on your feeling and tried to use it to hurt you.
Look at the women in our pop culture who we regard as beautiful. Dita Von Tesse, Emily Deschanel, Kiera Knightley, Eva Mendes, Jessica Biel, Marcia Cross......I could name names the whole day. They all have strong jaws.

LolaLuv · 07-09-2008 4:29am

I think most people go through periods like this. It's especially common when you're younger, so if you're a teenager you might just have to accept that adolescence is awkward and this is precisely why. Whether you're a teenager or not, it's imperative that you begin to appreciate the positive things about yourself. For me accepting myself has been a long, difficult process and I feel I only really accomplished it within the past year. Try to find something you excel in; once you realize you have valid contributions to make then the trivial things like height and jawline won't matter to you as much.

But really, everyone has periods where they go through things like this. The real question is do you feel like this all of the time?

Zombienosh · 07-09-2008 4:31am

like the above poster, i think everyone dislikes themselves or hates themselves at some point or another, its almost like a part of growing up... once you learn to accept yourself as you are and be happy with it...life suddenly gets a whole lot better.

dologhli · 07-09-2008 5:04am

sappygirl wrote: »

Hi,
I am having really bad problems with my self esteem,
I really hate myself- on the inside and the outside.

:-(

sappygirl wrote: »

There is enough for a thread on each but recently it has mostly been my appearance that bothers me.
Firstly, I hate my height. I am 5'9 and as a girl, feel I am much too tall.

Ok, your height is something you can't change. You have to try to stop worrying about it. Easier said than done, I know. As a guy, you're not anywhere near what I'd regard as a tall girl, let alone a much-too-tall girl. In fact, lots of people (including me) would regard you as a normal height for a girl :-)

sappygirl wrote: »

I hate going into shoe shops, looking at all the beautiful high heels, knowing I will never be able to wear them.

Of course you can wear them! There's no "correct" height. So adding a few inches to your height isn't going to make anything better or worse. If you really don't want to wear them, then find some beautiful flat shoes. I was out this evening with some friends of mine, including a girl who's taller than you who was showing off her beautiful new flat shoes.

sappygirl wrote: »

I hate my jaw. It is too strong. I have always hated it. This hatred was made even worse when a former friend, who always said he thought I was beautiful and flirted with me, told me I was ugly and had a big jaw (we had not been friends in months at this stage).

Re your jaw; again, something you can't really change, so try not to worry about it. And forget that **** of a "friend". You don't need anyone who says such things. The way you've described yourself in your post is the exact opposite of what he said. He first said he thought you were beautiful. This is no doubt true. From your description, I'd agree with him on this point: You ARE beautiful. When he called you ugly, he was probably just lying to hurt you when his flirting didn't work out and you hadn't been in touch in months. Don't give what he said a second thought. He sounds like an immature a**hole. (I say that as a reformed immature a**hole...)

sappygirl wrote: »

I hate my legs and feet, they are too stocky.
I hate my entire build- being tall means being broader than other girls.
Basically when I go to a nightclub I feel so inadequate next to all the small, beautiful girls with the small faces.
I get plenty of guys coming up to me (and have had bitchy remarks from other girls about it, who never get guys coming up to them)

If I find out how to stop feeling inadequate around others, I'll let you know. After I make millions selling it to the other 6 billion or so people who want to know the secret, that is :-) You're not alone. Everyone feels that way some of the time, most of us all of the time.
Re the guys coming up to you; take it as a compliment! I'd love a girl to even just pause on me with her eyes as she scans the crowds... You're obviously quite a catch if guys are choosing to approach you over your friends :-)

sappygirl wrote: »

but they are just drunk and its dark. I have big boobs and long blonde hair so that is another reason why they would come up to me, it is a look that many men think means a girl is easy or dumb.

You're assuming you know what is going on in their mind. You don't know that that's what the guys are thinking. It's almost certainly impossible to know what others are thinking. And you certainly do not come across as dumb in the way you wrote your message above; quite the opposite, in fact: well-able to express yourself and quite intelligent. Please stop thinking that that is what they are thinking, as you can't be sure. From your description, you come across as extremely beautiful, and the type of girl I wish I had the courage to approach when I'm out and about. It sounds like any guy would be lucky to have you.

sappygirl wrote: »

So yeah, I hate myself.

Don't. You shouldn't. Ok, I say this to myself a lot also, it's shockingly not uncommon for people to think this about themselves.

Most of the advice from all above is good. Speak to a counselor or therapist. I have been doing cognotive behaviour therapy for several months now and it's helped me a lot, even though I frequently still tell myself that I hate myself, I'm doing it less frequently. If you decide professional help is not for you, you should confide in someone, close friends or whatever. Or even just continue to post here on boards.

In summary (as I tend to waffle in the wee hours of the morning); the next time you look at yourself in the mirror and see something you don't like, ask yourself, is it something you can change. Then ask yourself why you want to change it. Are you worried about how others perceive you? Every time you arrive at a conclusion, ask yourself what evidence you have that supports that theory (because, at best, it's only a theory) You said you thought yourself much too tall. But look around: you don't have to go far to find a girl taller than 5'9". You're worried about your legs and feet and build. Don't be. Try to accept yourself as you are. You worry about your appearance: The evidence (the guys approaching you in the nightclubs) seems to indicate that you shouldn't worry: you are beautiful and attractive.

Fol20 · 07-09-2008 5:17am

As the other op said i too prefer meeting taller women as im 6.3 and talkn to 5ft women is awkward in nightclubs.Everyone is different and being tall isnt such a bad thing.As for the guy that commented on your jaw etc, i think that was completely rude and he isnt a friend if he treats you like that.Cheer up and see the positives of yourself.

hope you feel happy again:)

Curlypinkie · 07-09-2008 10:29am

Hey OP,
I really feal for you. As Moonbaby mentioned, I hope you're in your late teens, early twenties....
A very hard childhood left me with having absolutely no self respect and totally hating myself for how I looked and having practically no self esteem in my late teens, early twenties.

I was 5.8, I was flat as a pancake and I had wonky, horrible teeth, fat thighs, donkey's legs, the lot.

That was 8 years ago. Today? I love myself. What happened? Did the fairy godmother one day flutter by and change me into a generic little barbie doll of 5.6 being able to wear really high heels and flicking my hair on the right side of 6foot something fellas?

No. I had the good luck to find a mentor in my life, someone that brainwashed me into thinking I was the sh*t. THat mentor was myself.

When I think back of the years I wasted hating myself for things only I could see and no-one else really took notice of I just shake my head in shame....

Today I put on my new, gorgeous platforms which make me the tallest (but also the most noticable) woman in any bar or pub (I think I'm like 6.4 in them???) ANd I walk in them with pride. COz wearing them is me, and I'm great.
Please start thinking like that, because you are!!!!!!
And I wish I had long blonde hair, I'm cheating sometimes with extensions but it's not the same thing.

Miss Fluff · 07-09-2008 10:55am

hippiechickie wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

That is SERIOUSLY cute!:)

LegacyUser · 07-09-2008 11:23am

dologhli wrote: »

Re your jaw; again, something you can't really change, so try not to worry about it. And forget that **** of a "friend". You don't need anyone who says such things. The way you've described yourself in your post is the exact opposite of what he said. He first said he thought you were beautiful. This is no doubt true. From your description, I'd agree with him on this point: You ARE beautiful. When he called you ugly, he was probably just lying to hurt you when his flirting didn't work out and you hadn't been in touch in months. Don't give what he said a second thought. He sounds like an immature a**hole. (I say that as a reformed immature a**hole....

LOL, I haven't even told yous the half of it...His girlfriend wouldn't let him speak to me, it turned out that he told her he wanted to leave her for me- but he didn;t have the guts because she put him on a guilt trip and he didn't think I was interested... he made that comment a few months later. I was barely speaking to him at the time, I had been ignoring him for about 5 months before that.

To everyone else- I am 22 and have always felt like this. Up until maybe 18 I also hated my teeth and flat chest, but I got braces which fixed my teeth, and my chest is now much bigger.
I actually have a boyfriend who says I am the best thing ever but none of this has anything to do with him, I am only with him a year. This goes well beyond that.

Wibbs · 07-09-2008 11:31am

Curlypinkie wrote: »

No. I had the good luck to find a mentor in my life, someone that brainwashed me into thinking I was the sh*t. THat mentor was myself.

When I think back of the years I wasted hating myself for things only I could see and no-one else really took notice of I just shake my head in shame...

Bloody good advice.

Overheal · 07-09-2008 11:39am

damn straight.

leesmom · 07-09-2008 3:16pm

op im 5ft4 and i wish i was taller,i hate having short legs and would give anything to extend them:rolleyes:
you sound quite pretty,i had a friend like you,gorgeous blonde hair ,legs that went on forever and she totally though she was ugly when every single guy adored her.
i think its in your head maybe and all you need is to have more confidence in yourself.

Madame Razz · 07-09-2008 4:57pm

Op,

I am 5ft 11, much broader and stockier than any of my friends, they are all small dainty and petite types, I've big square shoulders, long arms, lanky legs, biggish feet, I've very strong features, jaw, nose etc(see my pic in ladies lounge if you dont believe me), teeth were awful, braces fixed them, they're still large though, small boobs, and had to cut my hair up boy short recently due to a bleaching accident. I always look bigger, even though in most cases I am actually the same dress size

I regularly feel big and awkward next to the rest of the girls.... I regularly feel big and awkward full stop. but I still wouldn't change my height if i had the choice. In fact i find my height and build have been a goodsend on many nights out...... few people will cross me at over 6ft in heels! In truth I regularly feel odd, that I stand out but not in a good way etc. But i think every woman feels like this. I'm not every mans ideal woman, but those who dig me REALLY dig me, so i can't be all that bad

I ALWAYS wear heels, and they are the supreme confidence boost, so this is definately something you should consider. And I can wear outfits that my friends would look ridiculous in.

Gradually, im learning to accept myself for who i am. Im healthy and relatively happy, i could look a lot worse, i have plenty of friends and a good job. There are more things in life than your appearance, and in a lot of cases the nasty comments directed at you were probably just jealousy. Soemthing similar happened to me previously.

Everybody has ugly duckling days. Just dont let them get you down. Focus on the good, not the bad, Focus on whats inside, not outside. everybody has something special to offer, you just have to see that.

And for GODS sake start wearing heels, absolutely no reason why you shouldn't. I used to even wear them when going out with a guy who was 5ft 7!!!

LegacyUser · 08-09-2008 12:13am

well i was out tonight and my bf's friend started arguing with me for no reason and then he called me an "ugly trollop" and his friend said that was below the belt so she must agree... then i am walking away and my bf gets a text and i took his phone and said your not reading messages from other people laughin at me...

He said he never wants to see me again and i am a stupid cow... he let me get my stuff from his house then told me to get out and i had to drive home drunk... no point any more if he doesnt love me and everyone else says i am ugly... he knows how much i despise myself and he let someone call me ugly...

if he doesnt love me and my ex-friend i talked about earlier doesn't love me then no one will... i don't care about myself anymore, i was bullied by everyone in school and by my own friends and now i am bullied in m adult life... i will never get away from my problems...

Sugar Drunk · 08-09-2008 9:13am

Ok OP please stop being sorry for yourself. as a 5'2" brunette with no boobs to speak of I would kill to be taller and to be able to wear certain tops!

This muppet that told you he thought you were ugly most likely did that out of spite when we are angry we hit people where it hurts.

I used to waste time thinking I was a minger. i was obsessed with being what I am not. BUT the only person that can make you like what you see in the mirror is you!. I have learned what to wear that will flatter my body shape and while I can wear the same things as a tall person theres things that look great on me that they cant weaR.

Honestly I would go for some councelling as its bordering on BDD (Body Dismorphic Disorder).

JuliusCaesar · 08-09-2008 9:15am

sappygirl wrote: »

...d my bf's friend started arguing with me for no reason and then he called me an "ugly trollop"

People who can't argue their point fall back on insults.

sappygirl wrote: »

and his friend said that was below the belt so she must agree...

'below the belt' means UNFAIR not that he/she agrees.

sappygirl wrote: »

my bf gets a text and i took his phone and said your not reading messages from other people laughin at me...

taking his phone on the assumption that you know what the text will be is immature

sappygirl wrote: »

He said he never wants to see me again and i am a stupid cow...

Insults again

sappygirl wrote: »

no point any more if he doesnt love me and everyone else says i am ugly... he knows how much i despise myself and he let someone call me ugly...

Does he love you or was he fed up with your behaviour?

sappygirl wrote: »

if he doesnt love me and my ex-friend i talked about earlier doesn't love me then no one will...

TWO people don't love you = everyone??

sappygirl wrote: »

.. i will never get away from my problems...

How do you know? You need to do something for yourself, only you can love yourself - you know you need to work on your self-esteem before engaging in relationships otherwise you will never get away from your problems. There's a great book by McKay & Fanning called Self-Esteem. Read it first.

LegacyUser · 08-09-2008 10:31am

I have had so many fights with my bf over the things his friends say to me, while he just stands there... Last night was the first time I'd seen him in a week, after we had a row over his brother calling me a c*** amongst other things. I went out last night because i felt bad about myself and i came home feeling even worse... I mean this guy last night just started on me for no reason.

Madame Razz · 08-09-2008 10:52am

Op,

What happened to you last night was awful, all I can say is please don not take it to heart and please try to see beyond it.

You really should sit down and talk to somebody, at 22, you appear to have a lot of issues with your self-esteem, at a time in your life when you should be at your most cocky and confident. You have to lose this irrationality. Two people do not the worlds opinion make. You are so wrapped up in your negative image of yourself that you overanalyse and take to heart every little comment, its almost as if you want to see the bad.

I urge you to address this before you get any older, because, as women, aging brings with it negative and positive attributes, and often the negative atttributes are physicals ones, but being comfortable in your own skin will bring with it a lot of fun and happiness.

I think Julius Caeser put it very well in his post, and maybe you should read that book he recommended. 22 is an awkward age, its a sort of transition phase. Please dont dwell on the insults thrown at you last night, most likely they were drink fuelled and meaningless. Move on from what happened. If you feel you can talk to your boyfriend and sort this out then by all means do it, but ask yourself is he bringing you down also, or is a psoitve aspect to your life. If he is in fact a negative influence then please please remove him from your life.

Maybe look at taking up a new hobby, musicals etc are a great confidence boost. And in the short term, go out, go shopping, treat yourself to a new outfit, new shoes(heels of course!), a haircut/blow dry, beauty treatment, whatever. Be positive, and focus on the good about yourself....there is good in everybody.

Ultimately, nobody can truly make you feel good about yourself, apart from yourself.

Good luck op!

LegacyUser · 08-09-2008 11:43am

I don't think I can sort this out with my boyfriend, if it's not his friends calling me names its his brother. We have had a million and one rows about it before but at the end of they day, he will not stick up for me.

I don't know what I will do without him, as he is all I have. I never see my friends anymore since we finished college and even though I regularly text them asking them to let me know when they are meeting up, they never do.

He is a good boyfriend but what sort of boyfriend just stands there and allows another man to call his girlfriend names like that...he should have knocked him out. I would have slapped that guy in the face, only he would have hit me back and my boyfriend would just stand there. He's an awful wimp.

Besides all this, I am missing my former friend, who I spoke about earlier, like hell, but our friendship is well and truly beyond repair and I have not seen or spoke to him in over a year.

ShooterSF · 08-09-2008 12:18pm

Op listen. You have got to stop taking life too seriously. Until you can stop hateing on yourself your going to make it very hard for anyone else to love you because you will constantly find yourself questioning their reasons and even the honesty in their expressions. How can you believe someone else can love you when you can't. This in turn will drive the people who really do care for you away.

As for your looks, my god consider yourself blessed. I'm sure you have plenty of approaches from guys (and yes some will be scumbags but others won't be) and I'm sure you've rejected them out of hand as it's easier to think they're drunk pervs or out to use you. But the reason you think that again stems from your belief about yourself, that they couldn't want anymore as your not good enough!

Maybe your even afraid to be happy if you let them in who knows. If I could make a few suggestions from my own experience. Get out of your head (literally. I dont mean get off your head), now this is very hard but EVERYTIME you start talking to yourself in your head in a negative form (I look horrible etc) stop yourself. Think of something else, think of having fun anything. You need to overcome your thought process.

Next stop drinking till your in a better frame of mind. It will only make you worse when your drunk and leave you even more depressed the following day. Knock it on the head for now.

If you have any close female friends maybe spend some time with them. Go to the cinema, rent movies, have pillow fights, whatever helps ya!!

The next piece of advise is hard to follow. Learn to to have thicker skin. Throughout your life people will try to bully if they think they can. Do you know why? Is it cause your ugly? NO. It's because they have the same, if not worse, insecurities about themselves. They hate themselves and they feel better by making others feel just as bad. Simple as. If anything you should learn to pity them. Laugh them off.

I know it's easy to read these things and continue in self-pity. It's strangely a rather comfortable place where you know what to expect and in some twisted ways you avoid falling from heights but trust me when you leave it behind you'll realise how much it sucked and how it was all in your head.

Eventually you should be able to even laugh at yourself!

3 last things as I am rambling.

Wear the ****in' heels if deep down you want to. Who gives a crap if anyone says elsewise. If they do its their own insecurities bubbling up.

Get out of yer head. Said it before but it's important enough to say twice. Just have fun, relax and stop the negative voices the minute they start.

If you ever learn to get rid of all your self doubts write a book. Everyone'll want it cause we all suffer at times. (But if I helped throw me a free copy

)

kayos · 08-09-2008 12:34pm

sappygirl wrote: »

if he doesnt love me and my ex-friend i talked about earlier doesn't love me then no one will...

Until you learn to love yourself then it is very hard for you to accept love when others offer it to you! Your worst critic, and this goes for nearly everyone in the world, is you. When you look in the mirror you see things you dislike that others dont see and most likely its because they dont exist. So take the time to learn to stop being your own worst enemy. Learn to love you for who you are and the rest will follow.

LegacyUser · 08-09-2008 9:40pm

Well I haven't heard from my boyfriend since and he is now "single" on his MySpace so I guess he meant what he said, although he has changed it when we have had big rows before- so have I.

I feel worse than ever, at least before this I had him to talk to but now I have no one.
I am missing my former friend more than ever, he might have treated me like dirt but damn, he was good to talk to about things.

Karen_* · 09-09-2008 8:49am

Well just because you miss people doesn't mean they were any good for you.

econ08 · 09-09-2008 8:50am

OP, I think you should see a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist for this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dismorphic_disorder

LegacyUser · 09-09-2008 10:31am

econ08 wrote: »

OP, I think you should see a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist for this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dismorphic_disorder

I really don't think I have body dismorphia- I feel like crap about myself in general, not just my appearance.
I would feel really embarrassed going to the doctor about it, and if they told me I looked fine, I wouldn't believe it anyway.

I wish I had my now-ex boyfriend to talk to about this, but I don't think he ever wants to hear from me again. I am so lonely without him. We have broken up before and I have got back with him mostly just out of lonliness and having no one to talk to about these things.
It was always so much easier to go back to him than it was to tell everything from the start to someone else. Even my friends don't know how bad I feel, but I never see them as they don't invite me to things.

Aurora Borealis · 09-09-2008 11:11am

Karen_* wrote: »

Well just because you miss people doesn't mean they were any good for you.

So simple and so unbelieveably true!!
I love these pearls of wisdom you find on boards sometimes and being at a stage in my life where I can fully appreciate them. Isn't it so cool learning from your mistakes. I learn so much more from them than the easy times.

Sorry slight digression there....

OP we all have a wealth of things we'd change but over time and as you interact more with people you generally become more comfortable with your own skin. It takes some longer than others and there is no shame in getting help with it if needs be. Attraction is not a one size fits all thing. Some people may think I'm attractive, some may not see it at all but I know I'm comfortable in my own skin give or take a burger or two and that is what matters. Stop looking outwards for affirmation, you can find it within.

Karen_* · 09-09-2008 11:44am

Its just that I was thinking about it on the way to work. Got into a lovely daydream of how I missed my ex and wondering if he missed me. Lovely warm fuzzy feeling. lol!! Then I remembered he's an absolute pr*ck who made my life miserable and although I miss the companionship I'm actually quite happy without him. So its like missing a stone in your shoe really. Lifes alot nicer without it but you still notice its not there anymore:p But do you want it back? er...nah. You don't really, beleive me!:D

ShooterSF · 09-09-2008 11:50am

At this point IF you want to be happy (and I'm not sure you think you deserve to be) avoid your insulting friend. Maybe suggest your boyfriend and you take some time apart or if things are still broke off tell him you need the time to yourself before you discuss your relationship further, either it'll end and stop the negativity he seems to have on you atm or he'll learn he needs you and be more supportive but either way you need time to yourself to sort yourself out.
Maybe try and find a hobby, something you like to do and make friends doing that.

MOST IMPORTANTLY and I think this is the core problem you need to believe you deserve to be happy and block people out that are negative towards you. As it is I think your surrounding yourself with bad influences cause your subconscience(sp?) has decided that's what you deserve.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2008 12:46pm

I just wish my ex-boyfriend would have grown a pair of balls and stuck up for me, instead of either being too scared to say anything to his friends/brother, or being too busy trying to impress them.

ShooterSF · 09-09-2008 3:55pm

sappygirl wrote: »

I just wish my ex-boyfriend would have grown a pair of balls and stuck up for me, instead of either being too scared to say anything to his friends/brother, or being too busy trying to impress them.

Ah yes and not being insensitive but I wish Kirsten Dunst would fall in love with me give up her career and spent her life looking after my every need but it ain't gonna happen.

You're looking at these things from the wrong angle. Instead of wishing he grew a pair you should be wishing you realised sooner he was a jerk and got on with your life. You can't change people but luckilly for us theres not exactly a shortage of human beings out there (somewhere round 6 billion). Meet new people who will treat you with the respect you deserve and don't accept anyone that doesn't

Starting to feel like I'm a broken record but sort yourself out first. Forget about an intimate relationship for now and try to make some positive friends.

You might consider professional help. It sounds crazy but if you want to change your life you have to change things in it.

You cant keep doing the same things and expect different results.

RedXIV · 09-09-2008 4:12pm

Just an aside lass, logical facts that may help you realise you shouldn't hate yourself.

1) The average height of a man in the last few years has shot up. 50 years ago the average height for a MAN was 5ft8, now it's 6ft. I'm about 6ft4, what the hell would i do with a woman who is 5ft??? 5ft8 is a good height for a girl these days.

2) Even if you wore 6inch heels, that would make you 6ft2, you'd still be smaller than me and most of my friends. so don't be shy

3) No woman on the face of the earth will ever fully understand a man's mind. We know we'll never fully understand women, kindly grant us the same luxuary. Guys always approach more at the end of the night because regardless what women think, most guys need dutch courage to speak to attractive ladies.

4) Guys that group "blondes with big boobs" into an easy category class pretty much ALL women into that category. Take this from me, a guy. I know how we think.

5) Even if you decide to ignore all the advice here, and you claim to be the worst case of humanity on the planet, I KNOW that there is someone out there that already probably loves you for who you are and how you look. People don't realise how many people hold secret crushes these days especially guys because we apparently lose all sense of tact and decorum after 16 but i'd be very suprised if you haven't at least got one.

6) Last tip. And this is honest words now. If you want to go out and look stunning, if you want to break every guys heart in a place because they all just want the chance to talk to you, there's only one thing you need to do. And that's smile. Smile and laugh and every guy won't just see the usual, the legs, chest, ass combo, they'll see a girl who's fun. And that will sell you ten times faster.

Best of luck

Red

teamsamson · 09-09-2008 4:52pm

sappygirl wrote: »

Hi,
I am having really bad problems with my self esteem,
I really hate myself- on the inside and the outside.
There is enough for a thread on each but recently it has mostly been my appearance that bothers me.
Firstly, I hate my height. I am 5'9 and as a girl, feel I am much too tall.
I hate going into shoe shops, looking at all the beautiful high heels, knowing I will never be able to wear them.
I hate my jaw. It is too strong. I have always hated it. This hatred was made even worse when a former friend, who always said he thought I was beautiful and flirted with me, told me I was ugly and had a big jaw (we had not been friends in months at this stage).
I hate my legs and feet, they are too stocky.
I hate my entire build- being tall means being broader than other girls.

Basically when I go to a nightclub I feel so inadequate next to all the small, beautiful girls with the small faces. I get plenty of guys coming up to me (and have had bitchy remarks from other girls about it, who never get guys coming up to them) but they are just drunk and its dark. I have big boobs and long blonde hair so that is another reason why they would come up to me, it is a look that many men think means a girl is easy or dumb.

So yeah, I hate myself.

Well, 5'9" aint tall! Jez lm bout 6', broad, with square jaw/chin, but happy as a pig in sh*te! confidence shines outa my a*se now! when l was younger maybe l was jealous of all the smaller petite girls, but now l wear big heels and hold my head tall (taller than 99.9% of the room!). confidence is about feelin happy and satisfied with what you have. honey, its time to accept it, and then you can move on. plus there is tall men out there!!!

leesmom · 09-09-2008 7:20pm

teamsamson wrote: »

Well, 5'9" aint tall! Jez lm bout 6', broad, with square jaw/chin, but happy as a pig in sh*te! confidence shines outa my a*se now! when l was younger maybe l was jealous of all the smaller petite girls, but now l wear big heels and hold my head tall (taller than 99.9% of the room!). confidence is about feelin happy and satisfied with what you have. honey, its time to accept it, and then you can move on. plus there is tall men out there!!!

fair play to you, that made me smile:)

SnowMonkey · 09-09-2008 8:02pm

you know what sappy girl...

people on this forum have offered experence help idea's to sorting you head out but its quite cleer your happy to brush them under the table and Hopefully forget about them...

which will NOT be the Case.

Im 26 Ive suffered depression, anxiety attack's, self loath, judge mentle to my self. the amount of time's I've felt ecatly how you describe... I cant operate Im goin with my life no where and fast.

I've started going to a counciler, very recently... My first session was brillaint... trust me if you go your life will cahnge for the better and if any body thinks oh look at her shes going to see a counciller shes messed up are they really worth a second thaught No there not.

My advice to you is look deep inside your self you know there are things not right about you you've said so in your post's well phisically i think your probably vey attractive as useually your the ones to say things luke that. from experence. i know your slightly emotionally imature, and need some help. I lost 6 years of my life because i wouldnt go to see a counciller over my problems....

I look back and people who dont help them selve's cause them more pain in the long run, if you think talking to your boy friend can help imagine talking to some one who doesnt judge, you at all..?? In america 50% of the population have a therapist, its not shaming, it liberating yousee you have problem's and you fix them...

maybe you will brush my post under the table along with every one else's but may be you might just reread what i just said and actully look at it from a point that you wont be despairing all the time.... look lifes like what you make of it. Dont loose 6 years because you think a boy friend will help you .....

the only person who can help you is you.. reconsider what some people have said respect the fact that where trying to show you the door to being a stronger less depent on other people person...

but then again your 22 you no everything right ?

Lilym · 09-09-2008 8:37pm

Do not hate yourself

I would die to have your height. The girls in the night club are jealous. You probably have everything they want so take all negative comments from other people and turn them into positive attitute. You see you have the height looks etc so I'm sure you could be a model. Negative attitude from other will make you stronger . Best of luck

GirlInterrupted · 09-09-2008 8:44pm

sappygirl wrote: »

Hi,
I am having really bad problems with my self esteem,
I really hate myself- on the inside and the outside.
There is enough for a thread on each but recently it has mostly been my appearance that bothers me.
Firstly, I hate my height. I am 5'9 and as a girl, feel I am much too tall.
I hate going into shoe shops, looking at all the beautiful high heels, knowing I will never be able to wear them.
I hate my jaw. It is too strong. I have always hated it. This hatred was made even worse when a former friend, who always said he thought I was beautiful and flirted with me, told me I was ugly and had a big jaw (we had not been friends in months at this stage).
I hate my legs and feet, they are too stocky.
I hate my entire build- being tall means being broader than other girls.

Basically when I go to a nightclub I feel so inadequate next to all the small, beautiful girls with the small faces. I get plenty of guys coming up to me (and have had bitchy remarks from other girls about it, who never get guys coming up to them) but they are just drunk and its dark. I have big boobs and long blonde hair so that is another reason why they would come up to me, it is a look that many men think means a girl is easy or dumb.

So yeah, I hate myself.

You have to change your attitude to your height.

I'm 5'11 and I love being tall. I'm up to 6'3 in heels and I enjoy the fact that I'm unmissable. I have no problem dating smaller men, and most men have no problem with my stature.

I see no reason why you feel you are denied nice shoes, or that being smaller would be an advantage. Make the most of what you have, it sounds like you have more than most. But most of all, learn to enjoy your height.

Stheno · 09-09-2008 9:03pm

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

You have to change your attitude to your height.

I'm 5'11 and I love being tall. I'm up to 6'3 in heels and I enjoy the fact that I'm unmissable. I have no problem dating smaller men, and most men have no problem with my stature.

I see no reason why you feel you are denied nice shoes, or that being smaller would be an advantage. Make the most of what you have, it sounds like you have more than most. But most of all, learn to enjoy your height.

5'

+1 I'm 5'8 and almost always wear 3-4 inch heels in work and going out and enjoy being that tall.

Overall though I think you need to learn to be happy with yourself, and accept yourself, you need to like/love yourself first and foremost, and not take to heart comments/opinions of others

Best of luck

davyjose · 09-09-2008 11:19pm

You're the same height as Cameron Diaz. I believe that's not a problem.

nobodythere · 10-09-2008 4:31am

5'9 is not too tall, most guys are still taller than you. Everyone has to accept things they don't like about themselves, if you actually take a good look around a night club you'll see that most people aren't very good looking.

Don't give up hope and look inward for self-esteem and confidence.

bp · 10-09-2008 11:04am

I am approx 5ft 11, and there isn't much I can do about it! I cannot get jeans to fit (I am a leg 35 - most shops dont even do 34 for women) and size eights are still sometimes hard to come by - but who cares! I have good friends - who have the joy of looking me right in the chest if I wear heels :-) and am generally happy! yes I feel like a huge yoke sometimes when out in night clubs when looking at these little 5ft2 women who look all cute and the like, but if you ever talk to them, they hate being short and have to wear huge heels to look anyway tall.

Be happy with who you are! that bloke who insulted your jaw line did it because he lilked you and you didn't return his feelings! he is just a twat! embrace your height, otherwise it will eat you up! wear the heels and the knee lenght skirt and the men will be falling over to get to you (any shorter then knee lenght on me just looks way to short)

Aurora Borealis · 10-09-2008 11:37am

RedXIV wrote: »

If you want to go out and look stunning, if you want to break every guys heart in a place because they all just want the chance to talk to you, there's only one thing you need to do. And that's smile. Smile and laugh and every guy won't just see the usual, the legs, chest, ass combo, they'll see a girl who's fun. And that will sell you ten times faster.

Red

This is so true. Smile and people see you, plus you feel better about yourself inside and out when you do.

teamsamson · 10-09-2008 1:05pm

leesmom wrote: »

fair play to you, that made me smile:)

Glad to put a smile on your face leesmom!!

though in this weather its a tad hard to hold the head up high!!

teamsamson · 10-09-2008 1:09pm

bp wrote: »

I am approx 5ft 11, and there isn't much I can do about it! I cannot get jeans to fit (I am a leg 35 - most shops dont even do 34 for women) and size eights are still sometimes hard to come by - but who cares! I have good friends - who have the joy of looking me right in the chest if I wear heels :-) and am generally happy! yes I feel like a huge yoke sometimes when out in night clubs when looking at these little 5ft2 women who look all cute and the like, but if you ever talk to them, they hate being short and have to wear huge heels to look anyway tall.

Be happy with who you are! that bloke who insulted your jaw line did it because he lilked you and you didn't return his feelings! he is just a twat! embrace your height, otherwise it will eat you up! wear the heels and the knee lenght skirt and the men will be falling over to get to you (any shorter then knee lenght on me just looks way to short)

hey bp!
can get 34" and 36" leg in dorothy perkins and topshop. miss selfridge and oasis do a 35" leg, and long tall sally (upstairs in clerys, dublin) do a 34,36 and 38" leg! new look and evans do a good size 8. Happy shoppin!!!:rolleyes:

wexford1 · 10-09-2008 8:58pm

Recovery group meeting will help turn around your opinion of yourself, if you're serious about going to the effort of changing it. In there, you will learn that feelings aren't facts, never to compare yourself to anyone as you will only pick someone you think is better than you and end up feeling worse, and to lowering your standards for yourself will improve your performance. Any belief of ourselves was built up over time and it does take time and effort to change it.

Recovery is a self help method for nervous conditions. This can range from someone who is just very shy or lack confidences right up to people who suffer depression or anxiety etc. People with nervous conditions tend to always interpret things about themselves negatively and so have a opinion of themselves that is far less than it is in reality,(or as another person might view them from the outside) Even in your post you interpret things negavtively, you reject the fact that guys come up to you in nightclubs as a good thing, opting to think instead that it’s because you’re easy or dumb, reject that the other girls comments saying they are drunk, when maybe you’re just better looking than they are. As for your former friend who changed his opinion of you to ugly, could he have done so out of bitterness. (Presumably there is some reason you are no longer friends)

http://www.recovery-inc.com/

http://www.recovery-inc-ireland.ie/meetings4print.htm

11-09-2008 2:09am

sappygirl wrote: »

I am 22 and have always felt like this. Up until maybe 18 I also hated my teeth and flat chest, but I got braces which fixed my teeth, and my chest is now much bigger.
I actually have a boyfriend who says I am the best thing ever but none of this has anything to do with him, I am only with him a year. This goes well beyond that.

You know... feel free to call me a complete prick... but you seem to be looking for sympathy that you really don't need/deserve.

I'm not very happy with myself either. I personally feel i look like crap and dont have anything to offer.

But thats all we may have in common.

I don't have a girlfriend who thinks im "the best thing ever" and i sure as hell don't have the balls to go to night clubs.

You say you hate your appearance, but plenty of guys talk to you in nightclubs over other girls? Plus you've got a boyfriend whom you've been with for a year?

You seem to be suffering from problems that don't exist and that, deep down inside, you know they don't exist.

Now I'm sorry if im coming across unnecessarily negative (especially considering this is the PI board), but you seem to just want attention.

I could be wrong, but thats my theory.

But hey, if you are being legitimate, just realise there are a lot of people that have it much worse. If i were you i'd consider myself very lucky.

watna · 11-09-2008 6:39am

OP, you sound like you have a bad habit that I also have. You look at other people and think they look lovely and must be so secure and confident. Most people aren't. Everyone has insecurities. I went through a phase of being a bit miserable and looking at everyone around me and thinking god, everyone else is so happy and have no problems. It took a change in my personal circumstances and a lift in my mood for me to realise that that's ridiculous.

Everyone has issues - you just don't see them. You just need to work on your confidence. I'm 5ft3 and I'd love to be taller.

As for your jaw, I have a small jaw (as my dentist says) and my wisdom teeth are coming in and because my mouth is crowded it's caused a large gap to develop between my front teeth. At first I was upset and was considering spending a fortune to fix it. It didn't take me long to realise that it added characted to me and it wasn't what is considered attractive but that it suited me and that it was part of me growing older (and more wise!) and changing and I should embrace it. You probably think that your jaw is very big but I'm sure it's just shaped to your face. At least you'll have room for your wisdom teeth to come in!

I just think you need to work on your confidence. Just remember that everyone has issues - you just don't see it because you're comparing yourself.

You said you had big boobs and long blonde hair and that this attracts men to you. You obviously like these qualities. Why don't you make a list of all the things you like about yourself - both physical and emotional. You just need to cut yourslf a break.

LegacyUser · 12-09-2008 10:34am

Deleted User wrote: »

You know... feel free to call me a complete prick... but you seem to be looking for sympathy that you really don't need/deserve.

No, actually I'm not.

Deleted User wrote: »

Plus you've got a boyfriend whom you've been with for a year?

If you read the thread, that boyfriend told me he never wants to see me again.

Deleted User wrote: »

You seem to be suffering from problems that don't exist and that, deep down inside, you know they don't exist....you seem to just want attention.

[/QUOTE]

Well thanks for your "help" but I don't think PI is the forum for you if that is the attitude you have to people's problems. And as for me looking for attention, reading your post, it seems you only replied so you could tell everyone how much worse you have it, i.e. get some attention for yourself.

To everyone else- I still haven't heard from the ex-boyfriend, I think he meant what he said. I have a friend who has gone to college in Canada and i have asked him can I come over- he said to wait til I have calmed down a little first so I don't rush into anything.

Just hate myself!!!

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