Doesn't fancy me anymore after 6 years

LegacyUser · 18-03-2009 05:07PM #1

Broke up with GF after 6 yrs 3 weeks ago. I am gutted to say the least. Have good and bad days.
I needed to know why she broke it off and she said that in the last year she saw me more as a friend and that she didnt fancy me anymore.

I find it hard to swallow that after 6 yrs this would be the main reason as i though this is one of the 1st things that you establish in a relationship - i.e. am i attracted towards them.
I did a lot for her and treated her well and did love her.

What do you think she really means by this or is it as it says on the tin. Should i be reading something between the lines?
I havent talked to her since split. Should i get further details or just leave it.
Advice appreciated as im seriously confused.

Wibbs · 18-03-2009 05:14PM

IMHO this would be the number one reason people split. The causes of not fancying the other person are legion in number, but the end result is that. Treatig them well while welcome can be separate to attraction. How many people you know stay with who appear to be right so and sos towards them. Why? outside of dependence mostly because they're still attracted to them. to After 6 years it's hard to keep that attraction going too. I wouldn't be reading anymore into it TBH.

This is not to say you're not attractive anymore, although it may feel like that when the person you love rejects you. All it means is that she doesn't feel the way she did. Big diff.

Oh The Humanity · 18-03-2009 05:26PM

Its what it says on the tin, sorry anyway.

The one good thing you can take from this is at least you know.

Too many times when people split up they give stupid reasons or no reasons or false reasons (its not you its me and all that stuff)

Although it hurts you know the reason why, she lost attraction for you. As Wibbs points out there, it doesn't mean you are not attractive any more, just that for some reason she doesn't feel attracted to you any more.

Dont beat yourself up obsessing about why either, just accept it and move on. Her loss will be someone elses lucky gain!

Its sad and it really hurts being rejected but dont let it destroy your confidence.

Best of luck

LegacyUser · 18-03-2009 07:48PM

let me guess, shes mid 20s , you're her first serious relationship and you thought thing were doing great?

if the above is correct then youve been hit by GIGS, (grass is greener syndrome). its not unusual they just feel that theres more out their for them.

i would in your situation, tell her how you feel (dont beg) and that you want her back, if the reply is negative then go total no contact with her, dont reply to texts or calls unless they are telling you she wants you back.

dont let her lead you on, or use you as a back up or fall back guy. Going NC will be very hard no looking at social networks either a total black out .Trust me its the best way.

You have a long road ahead of you op, so be good to yourself and look after no 1.

LegacyUser · 18-03-2009 09:49PM

Well not quite, shes 27 im 31. She wasnt sure a year ago but we kept going, but in the end she said whilst she loves me she is not in love with me. The ommph had gone.
I havent physically changed much in appearence during these years and i wouldnt be ugly but the sex did go a bit downhill in the last year. I always initiated it and she/her body never seemed to really get into it.

She said there is nothing i could have done but i do feel i was a little blase with the relationship which is probably only natural after 6 yrs?
I am so all over the place you wouldnt believe.

Im not sure about contacting her. I read it is best not to and just leave it but then again should i not fight for us and tell her how much i love her.
Do i just accept that i cant give her what ever it is she wants and try and move on?
Confused?

thegame · 19-03-2009 09:36AM

i know how you feel mate,i broke up with my girlfriend 3 weeks ago im still not over it,we were going out for 5 years.i did fight for her but no luck,she moved out only tues out of the apt,i have let her go now and i stopped texting her,maybe giving her space might change her mind,but you still have to carry on with your own life,i am trying to at the moment,i changed my image and got new clothes,it helped me alot,Keep Strong

my gf was 23 im 30.age should not make a difference,but maybe to her it did,shame really

LegacyUser · 19-03-2009 10:00AM

Thanks "The Game". Why reason did she give you for breaking up? - was it similar? If you dont want to answer that is perfectly fine.

reprazant · 19-03-2009 10:03AM

This is the main reason most couples in long term relationships breakup and was the reason why me and my ex broke up. I just didn't see her the same anymore and it felt more like two friends who happened to share a bed rather then an actual couple.

Blue_Wolf · 19-03-2009 10:43AM

I broke up with GF of 2 years because I fell out of love. She's a good person as a friend just not as a partner. Happens all the time.

Unregistered wrote: »

Broke up with GF after 6 yrs 3 weeks ago. I am gutted to say the least. Have good and bad days.
I needed to know why she broke it off and she said that in the last year she saw me more as a friend and that she didnt fancy me anymore.

I find it hard to swallow that after 6 yrs this would be the main reason as i though this is one of the 1st things that you establish in a relationship - i.e. am i attracted towards them.
I did a lot for her and treated her well and did love her.

What do you think she really means by this or is it as it says on the tin. Should i be reading something between the lines?
I havent talked to her since split. Should i get further details or just leave it.
Advice appreciated as im seriously confused.

LegacyUser · 19-03-2009 12:21PM

Unregistered wrote: »

Well not quite, shes 27 im 31. She wasnt sure a year ago but we kept going, but in the end she said whilst she loves me she is not in love with me. The ommph had gone.
I havent physically changed much in appearence during these years and i wouldnt be ugly but the sex did go a bit downhill in the last year. I always initiated it and she/her body never seemed to really get into it.

She said there is nothing i could have done but i do feel i was a little blase with the relationship which is probably only natural after 6 yrs?
I am so all over the place you wouldnt believe.

Im not sure about contacting her. I read it is best not to and just leave it but then again should i not fight for us and tell her how much i love her.
Do i just accept that i cant give her what ever it is she wants and try and move on?
Confused?

Alright mate,

I'm in exactly in the same situation at the moment but my gf only broke it off a few days ago and im really devastated. I love her so much and she gave me the exact same reason for finishing things.....we wer together just over 8 years.
I think my gf or ex gf even is just confused, think she wants to see what else is out there cos maybe the relationship did die down a bit over the last year or so but as you said isnt that a bit normal in a long term relationship. How many long term relationships are the same today as they wer wen they first started out? We are not long back after been travleing for a year so I dont know if that has changed her opinion of me but we got on really well and bearly fought.
I also have the same delemia,hav read a bit not to contact her for a while, but i know 4 defo tat i want 2 fight 4 this relationship,I just have to I love her so much. But if I do continue do give her her space how do I know wen enough time has passed to contact her and wot do I say to her? Do I just come out and say I want you back? I'm so afraid that if I give her her space for too long it might be deffinately too late to win her heart back.

thegame · 19-03-2009 06:10PM

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks "The Game". Why reason did she give you for breaking up? - was it similar? If you dont want to answer that is perfectly fine.

She said her feelings were gone for me and she said she is young and she didnt want to settle down and she THINKS she doesnt love me and she THINKS we wont be back together,that what really is messing my head up the THINK part..I miss her everyday and i love her so much,yes i have hope she might ring me someday and ask me to talk,but i cant just sit around and hold on to that i just have to move on,if its ment to be she will be back if not then there is nothing i can do

...be strong

boarder_444 · 19-03-2009 09:15PM

It's really rough.. I'm going through similar thing. 8 years. no spark left. Although I think these things can be re-ignited.. but sometimes there are other reasons, and this is the easier one to explain. Regarding contact: hold back for a while. Try to keep it positive when you are in touch - that might be your best chance of her changing her mind.. Best of luck.

LegacyUser · 19-03-2009 11:30PM

I'm in a near identical prediciment. What should I do? With gf 5 yrs, both 22. Recently there is NO sex from what was a good sex life. Kissing is also limited. I've tried everything I can to initate it but nothing but abuse for trying... She said she's not sure are we just friends but wants to stay trying yet she won't give me any physical affection. Emotionally we are joined at the hip and meet most days even thou its gone sorta stale now. Should I cut the cord and save her the hassle because I know she isnt strong enough to crush me

Wagon · 20-03-2009 10:06AM

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm in a near identical prediciment. What should I do? With gf 5 yrs, both 22. Recently there is NO sex from what was a good sex life. Kissing is also limited. I've tried everything I can to initate it but nothing but abuse for trying... She said she's not sure are we just friends but wants to stay trying yet she won't give me any physical affection. Emotionally we are joined at the hip and meet most days even thou its gone sorta stale now. Should I cut the cord and save her the hassle because I know she isnt strong enough to crush me

Yes. Dump her. She's too uimmature to do it herself and is just leading you on at this stage so save yourself the trouble of getting any more grief and do the break up.

Kimia · 20-03-2009 10:14AM

I just posted in the 'grass is greener' thread about this.

I was in the same situation, except I'm the girl that didn't fancy my boyfriend anymore. It was horrendous, I loved him, but not in that way anymore and it broke my heart because I broke his.

There is no going back after this. Just try to accept and move on because you deserve someone that fancies you like crazy and who would think that any girl is mad if they don't think you're the most attractive man in the world.

You will find it again, so don't waste time on your ex. It's dead and over and will never ever be the same again. You'll just be a pushover fall back for her until she gets the guts to tell you straight.

Doesn't fancy me anymore after 6 years

Comments