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At my witt's end!

  • 15-04-2009 4:14pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi

    I want to remain completely Unknown for this..

    This Is not about me... Its about some one I Care about, some one who has potential, coming out of them like some people radiate confidence. has the wacky of wackyist sense of humor.

    But there's a downer. She's in a position she does not want to be in. Yet she feels on some stupid level she has to put up with this because she feels its her mistake to hold onto that she must punish her self for a mistake she made a long time ago. Which as a friend I
    Find it hugely difficult to take, or even stand back and watch some one be as unhappy as I know she is.

    I'm refusing point blankly now to stop and watch this go on any more. So people who say
    "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink it " don't even think about it please... I don't give up on my friends, even if they'd give up on me.

    She feels its her mistake that she must hold on to it she does not want any one's pitty,
    That its her problem, and does not see away of fixing it! Because to be honest I don't think she know's how.

    I wake my self up twice a night to check my phone in case i slept through a call or a text from her needing help...

    I worry about this person night and day, I don't have any romantic feelings for her in any way what so ever... I'm shore of that!


    I just care about her something chronic its unbearable to know that she wants to hold this over her for the rest of her life, when there's no need...

    I'm just a friend who care's and its killing me inside seeing her this unhappy...

    Thanks for reading.


Comments

  • #2
    i-digress
    Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭i-digress


    To be honest, I think you'd need to be a bit more specific if anyone here is to say anything constructive...


  • #3
    sardineta
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 145 ✭✭sardineta


    What is the problem as you see it? That you're very "Affable"?


  • #4
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    Agreed, it is somewhat hard to give advice when the situation isn't explained very well. All I can gather is
    -you guys are friends nothing more
    -she's in some situation you feel is wrong
    -she won't get out of it?


  • #5
    bluecell99
    Closed Accounts Posts: 259 ✭✭bluecell99


    Would need more info for fuller advice but in a general way I would say this.

    If someone is determined to take a particular course of action then you cant do anyhting about that.All you can do is be there ,as you have been.

    I also get the impression that this could impinge on your own health and happiness.Is it worth this?


  • #6
    *Honey*
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 320 ✭✭*Honey*


    Without knowing what the situation is, I would say, generally speaking, you cannot make someone do something unless they want to. Whatever situation she's in that you don't like or feel is doing her harm, you cannot make her change that until she's ready to change. I appreciate that you are a good friend to her but sometimes you have to accept that you may have to just let her know you're then for when (and if) it all goes tits up. It's tough but sometimes it's all you can do.


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP,

    Yes a bit unclear there,

    But it sounds like you are feeling responsible for her, like thinking more about her problems and prob not about your own,

    Its good to be a good friend but sometimes to show love we have to teach it by saying no to people like if you are becoming a cruch for her she is not getting the chance to learn her way out of the situation,

    I hope this does not come across as a bad reflection of you just a thought.


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