Problems with college friends

LegacyUser · 29-04-2009 10:22PM #1

Hey everyone!

I have a feeling that this will be a bit long, so i apologise in advance.

I dont know quite where to start with all this, but here goes.

Iv been feeling awful **** for the last few months, well really since September. All my 'problems' started at the beginning of the college year when one of my best friends didn't pass last year and now has to repeat the exams this year externally. As a result i found my self on my own. I tried to hang around with another group in the year, but it became obvious that there was mutual dislike between myself and a couple in the group so i distanced myself from them. As a result of this dislike the rest of the group stopped talking to me and now only one of them will say hi when hes not with any of them.

Anyways, it doesn't bother me so much that some of them don't like me, in particular when they are people that i don't have any time for either. However it does bother me that the ones that i thought were 'friends' now don't talk to me and i have witnessed and heard about them taking the piss out of me on a number of separate occasions over different things, one about being sick during exams, another about something in a major project that went a bit wrong for a while

I know that some will say that beggars cant be choosers (with regard to distancing myself from the group), but i personally don't see the point in making the effort to hang out with people that will just take every opportunity to make life awkward for you and make it obvious that they don't like you.

I no for readers that it may seem innocent etc, but it does really bother me especially when classes are canceled or rescheduled, or tutorials put on, extra notes given out and no one thinks about letting me know about them. FFS its my education as well.

However its eaten away at my confidence throughout the last while and now the simplest of things will set me off thinking that someone doesn't like me, sure why would they like me? Im only an annoying pain in the arse etc etc etc. And this is where my biggest problem lies, its started to affect other parts of my life out side of college. I may not have any Friends in college but i do have the most wonderful friends (who unfortunately i don't see enough of because of college) and a fantastic boyfriend. But with my bf iv started to wonder what he sees in me? How does he put up with me? Why does he love me etc etc etc.... you get the drift and its started to make me very uneasy and uptight about things and i hate it. So far it hasn't made things awkward between us as he knows that im stressed and that things arent great in college and why, but i don't think that he realises that it upsets me so much.

I used to be a happy-go-lucky type of girl who loved to have fun...now i find myself questioning why people, who i know like me do like me.

I dont know what i expect people to say if they even have anything to say. Its more of a rant to tbh. Things came to a head today in college and it really upset me. More than it may sound in my post.
If people do have any advice it would be great, but please keep negative comments to yourself, unless their constructive. Im feeling negative enough as it is.

THANKS AGAIN and sorry its so long.

Kevster · 29-04-2009 11:47PM

Hi there,

Don't worry - your post isn't too long. I have seen posts multiple times linger on another website which I frequent. Anyway, 'rant' or no 'rant', what you have done by coming here to write that out is good and I'm sure that you felt better (if even slightly) after writing it. That's what we do when we have a problem: We share it and let others know that we are in pain. So, pat yourself on the back for that.

Back to the issue at hand, I believe that you should try to accept what has happened / is happening and try to become more independent. I mean - okay - I know that having friends is important, but you have been dealt this situation and you must now cope with it. The best way to cope - as I see it - is to accept it and say to yourself: "I'm going to get through this course no matter what, and I don't care what these other people think about me".

Best wishes and take care,
Kevin

Rayne · 30-04-2009 12:08AM

Aww man, Big hug!

Last year i had to repeat 2nd year while all my girlies went ahead into final year. It sucked, it really did. I felt so alone and so uninterested in my course. My new class were friendly, but very clicky, did things there own way, very vocal and opinionated. I was scared. But never really gave them a chance, but they didn't me either. I missed numerous extra tutorials or classes or showed up to some that had been cancelled, even after i'd asked a few in the class if they were on.
It was completely disheartening. I ended up just keeping to myself a lot. Didn't bother with them. My only regrets are that i didn't just join a club or society. They're real easy way to make friends. I'm in final year now, and really look forward to doin a postgrad. I love the idea that in most cases the classes will be smaller and more intimate and it'll be easier to get to know people on a fresh foot.

I can't believe they are talking about you behind your back, its like being in secondary school again! They obviously have sad lives if all they have to talk about are other people. THEY are the ones with the problems. No you. But as said above, you have to try and become more independent. Rise above it. You don't need them. Attend your lectures and get your work done and be a top student. It is your education and you can't have them bring you down.
As you mentioned you have plenty of real friends, they will always be there for you!

With regards your boyfriend, don't doubt yourself. He's with you for a reason. He loves you. Talk to him about everything, this should help you. Let him know you love him and that you don't take him for granted. He'll be there for you.

I hope everything goes okay for the rest of the semester. Hold your head high, pass your exams and look forward to a good, fun filled summer.

Take care and best of luck OP
x

cafecolour · 30-04-2009 03:34AM

Never try and analyze why people do or do not like you, it's a headwreck. You click with some people, you don't with others. And if those friends were the type to take the piss behind someone's back, they're not good friend material anyway.

Your boyfriend likes you. Your friends from home like you. You got unlucky with the first people you met in college. Forget about them, and find new friends. The best group of friends I made in uni I didn't even meet to my final year!

Susannahmia · 01-05-2009 01:00AM

Hey there op, your class sound like a right shower of arseholes, screw them its their problem not yours.

Have you thought of joining any clubs or societies at all?

The year is nearly over now and I'm guessing that your friend will be back next year right? So at least you will have someone between classes.

None of my current college friends are even in my course. I never clicked with anyone in my class until a girl repeated second year and I got along with her so I know it sucks to not have someone in class, especially when everyone else seems to have someone.

What college are you in if you don't mind me asking? If your in nuim you would be more than welcome to come for a few drinks with me and my girlie's.:)

monellia · 01-05-2009 10:21AM

You’re totally right. What is the point in hanging out with people who obviously don’t like you? You shouldn’t waste your efforts on them.

Maybe you should talk to your other friends about your predicament. For all they know, you could be having the time of your life in college and don’t need their support. One of my friends used to have really serious self-worth issues, like yourself, and I didn’t even know about it until she opened up to me one night. From then on, it became important for us to include her in everything and constantly remind her of her good qualities. This was not a facade - she is an amazing person, and doesn’t deserve to feel lonely.

It‘s never too late to make friends. Are there any societies in your college that you would be interested in joining? At this stage, the prospect may seem daunting as they all have their established cliques, but there is always next semester. And with every semester comes an influx of new people with freshers and erasmus students and the like.

Open up to the people you love. A problem shared is a problem halved

LegacyUser · 01-05-2009 09:43PM

Hey everyone!

Thanks so much for replying to my post! really appreciate it!

The other day when i posted up here id had a particularly bad day. There have been a few tutorials held this week for certain exams that i was never told about and it just really bugged me. Im in the middle of my final year exams so pretty stressed out and i think that that's why it got to me so much.

I do have friends in the college in different courses, but their doing the polar opposite to what im doing, which means that their no help to me what so ever if i get stuck with something study wise and they have very few exams so their not around the college much this week, so id less people to hang around with and talk to for lunch/ tea breaks etc.

Some of the people that i do get on with know what i think of this particular group, and these people are divided on what they think of them. Some agree with me while others think their sound. The thing is that the people that think that their sound are 'in' with this group and they get class work etc off them. The ones that dont like them are looked down upon by this group (the nasty group) becasue they are not as academically good as them. Saying that the majority of this particular group (the nasty ones) are cheating like mad in the exams and will come out with good results and think that their so much better than everyone else. Iv been told that it kills them that im better at the course than most of them and id never cheat simply because id get caught...ha ha may be that's what gets to them so much!!!!!

Thankfully im finished in the college this year, only the exams left to finish and then im out of here. Hopefully ill then be off to another college in September to finish my education (got my offers, waiting on results for confirmation), so iv only another couple of weeks to put up with them!!!!

Thanks again guys!! sorry this post has been so long again!!!! Cheers!!!!

CDfm · 02-05-2009 10:45AM

Nice posts OP - just one little point - you can be friends with individuals and not groups.

For you if you are a bit on the shy side you might feel you are a bit of a hanger on otherwise.

It was years after college that I found out I was part of the cool clique and it was news to some of my college friends to. Ego boosting though.

You really shouldnt be commenting about groups or sub groups but more saying X is a friend and I like them. You will get over over analysing stuff and probably part of your shyness that way. You can count your real friends on one hand.

LegacyUser · 02-05-2009 09:23PM

Thats the problem with going out with someone who is basically addicted to boards, you never know where they might pop up

Your uncharacteristically good English comprehension had me fooled for a second :pac:

Unregistered wrote: »

But with my bf iv started to wonder what he sees in me? How does he put up with me? Why does he love me etc etc etc.... you get the drift and its started to make me very uneasy and uptight about things and i hate it. So far it hasn't made things awkward between us as he knows that im stressed and that things arent great in college and why, but i don't think that he realises that it upsets me so much.

Don't be talking silly, You know how i feel about you, what they think of you doesn't change that one bit. I always said your college was full of idiots! You've got a good group of friends, you get great with all of my friends, your not the problem, they are, and its their loss. It wont be long till your out of there and moving onto bigger and better things.

XXX

Problems with college friends

Comments