So insecure about my body :(

LegacyUser · 05-07-2009 07:43PM #1

This is an odd one.

I am single and quite content with that, but am always open to going on dates etc. I have never internet dated - nore would I, but a good friend of mines brother who i have never met added me on facebook and we've been chatting a bit and he asked me out....

I have always struggled with my weight and have always fluctuated between a size 8 and a 12. For a good while I was exercising and eating well and managed to maintain my size 8 (I'm only 5ft 3 by the way)...Then 2 months in LA and Vegas saw me gain a good bit of weight and i've found it really really difficult to get back the motivation and self will to go back to the gym. Anyway, i'm a size 10 now and i have a fairly big chest and i just feel huge right now.

Anyway, in most of my facebook pics I am a size 8 - but now i'm a size bigger and i am so terrified he is going to be totally repulsed by me...

I was just wondering how seriously a guy would take this - should i call the date off? Am I being dishonest or misleading?

He does seem like a genuine and nice guy

Thanks

anonanon · 05-07-2009 08:22PM

Just be honest.Just tell the guy your a little heavier than your pics..If it's an issue then he's not worth meeting

LegacyUser · 05-07-2009 08:40PM

I cant see how you think being a size 10 is big, even at 5'3". I'm only 5'1" & a size 10-12 and I dont think I'm overweight. OK so you're not a size 8 anymore like in your pics but you're not heavy by any means. Enjoy the date!

G-Money · 05-07-2009 08:56PM

I don't think this is a big deal to be honest. Moving up one dress size from a guys point of view is barely noticeable. You might feel like you are huge but I'm guessing he won't care. Besides, let me let you in on a little secret. Guys love huge chests on girls

To be honest, if you had put a load of weight on then maybe it would be better to come clean about it. By a load of weight, I'm talking like you putting on 5-10 stone or something. Going up one dress size is no biggie, so just relax.

Permabear · 05-07-2009 09:26PM

This post has been deleted.

Sarah W · 05-07-2009 09:36PM

OP, if when you meet him he was one size bigger than in his photos would you be "repulsed" and think him dishonest? Or wouldn't you notice?

Relax and stop fretting over a body which in 20/30/40 years time you will finally realise was damned near perfect.

pikachucheeks · 05-07-2009 10:05PM

A man I know once told me "All photographs lie, no photographs tell the truth"

And that is true! Photographs can be edited, manipulated and tweaked to make a person look flawless. I would know - I was a huge myspace kid!

In reality no one is perfect, or picture perfect! - that's not always a bad thing. It makes us human. Our little 'imperfections' the camera can sometimes hide might be the very reason someone takes a liking to us.

This guy asked you on a date because he's been speaking to you and obviously likes your personality, as well as your appearance.
If you didn't have a good personality and if he didn't enjoy speaking to you, he wouldn't have asked you out!

So what if you've put on a bit of weight? Most people aren't shallow enough to have a problem with a person putting on a few pounds. And if he does have an issue with how you look in the flesh, that's a reflection on him, not on you!

Maybe you look slightly different now than you do in some of your photographs, but don't worry about it! We all change, and we all look different in reality, to some degree.

Meet up with this guy, have a good time, don't worry about what's on the outside so much! If you let you guard down and have fun, chances are you'll both really enjoy yourselves

Chucky the tree · 05-07-2009 10:18PM

I'd say something to him. I think it's poor form not too.

Trinity · 05-07-2009 10:45PM

Chucky the tree, what do you propose she say oh by the way i am a massive size 10?

sweet jesus its not like you have pics up of a size 8 and you are actually size 18

whats the difference between 8 and 10 - 2 inches?

You have nothing to worry about.

Chucky the tree · 05-07-2009 10:50PM

Trinity wrote: »

Chucky the tree, what do you propose she say oh by the way i am a massive size 10?

sweet jesus its not like you have pics up of a size 8 and you are actually size 18

whats the difference between 8 and 10 - 2 inches?

You have nothing to worry about.

All she has to do is let him know she went up a size or has put on some weight, why is that so hard to do? Also a size up on some people can be extremely noticeable/obvious.

Adamisconfused · 05-07-2009 11:43PM

Without going into the reasons, I would advise you NOT to tell the guy that you’re bigger than in your old pics. Simply post some flattering new photos on Facebook and I doubt there’ll be a major difference in his eyes. You’ll always think the worst since it's your body.
Also, size 8-12 is better than fine. That’s a nice size range to be in. It’s neither skinny nor fat.

lynsalot · 06-07-2009 12:04AM

Hi OP

The most attractive trait in someone else is confidence, no matter what size they are. Honestly, a man wouldn't notice. You don't have to tell this guy ur a size bigger, because it's none of his business. If u were a decrepid 90 yr old granny with 3 arms I'd say ok prob should tell him what to expect, but he's not going to know. By telling him you're making it an issue, when honestly a size 10 is a perfect sexy size to be. Do u know I was a size 24, lost 4 stone and went down to a size 18 - I felt so so skinny and met a guy off the internet. Now I had all kinds of pics posted. He said the first thing he noticed about me was my appearance and my confidence. He couldn't have guessed my size and it didn't come into it because I was so confident I held myself well.

Anyway we got married... lol and I've lashed back on the weight but i'm back down the gym so cross your fingers for me lol

honestly u have no need to feel this way. Have u seen his pic? If he's irish.... then the chances are he's no brad pitt ur going to meet. He's probably bricking it. be yourself and go with an open mind. Stop worrying what he'll think, worry about whether ur attracted to him. You already know u get on. Enjoy the date... they're meant to be fun - and believe me if I can do it at a size 18 (And I'd do it now with the weight back on) then you can definitely go in there with your head held high... woman you're mad... a size 10 is a fantastic. Tell ya what swap with me.... i won't even charge ya

Hope there's chemistry and you enjoy the night... my advice? Have a few jars before hand and you'll be grand

CCCP^ · 06-07-2009 02:44AM

You know, men aren't strictly into one type of body, I happen to think some women who some might say are "large" are hot. I think back in the 1800s or something a woman who was "big" (i hate using this kind of language to describe someone, based purely on physical look but i am just trying to get the message across) anyway, those women we're the hot thangs of their time. It's just because we have those ****ing wretched women's magazine's pumping into people the idea of an ideal body. If we all looked the same, jesus that would be boring. Those magazines FEED on people's insecurities.

This guy obviously thinks your nice, don't be so insecure. In 10 years time, you will look back on pictures of yourself, and recall in a way you couldn't back then, how fabulous you really looked. Your unique!

CathyMoran · 06-07-2009 05:58AM

OP - you are only a size bigger now, that is nothing - I would be your height and used to vary from an 8-12 as well and can honestly say that nobody noticed the difference between me being a size 8 and a size 10 - you are still skinny with a great figure...you certainly do not need to tell him, I believe in honesty in a relationship but this is pushing it too far - would you expect to tell your other half your weight every day?

discobeaker · 06-07-2009 06:37AM

personally i think you should just PM me and then we can go out

(its worth a shot)

But honestly,size 10 or size 10,000 its all about personality and if he has a problem with how you look now then my offer still stands!!!! Im sure you look great.

Michellenman · 06-07-2009 08:12AM

The chap is hardly gonna notice one dress size. I'd say he'd only notice it if OP went from an 8 to a 14 or something! I say don't mention it, if you'd lost weight would you say the OP should tell him? No.

I say put it to the back of your mind OP. Go out with him, put you're favourite jeans on and doll yourself up. Get in the mood to go out with him and to enjoy yourself and forget about it all. There are so many women who'd kill for your figure, just remember that :P

Have a great time.

weird · 06-07-2009 08:30AM

Unregistered wrote: »

This is an odd one.

I am single and quite content with that, but am always open to going on dates etc. I have never internet dated - nore would I, but a good friend of mines brother who i have never met added me on facebook and we've been chatting a bit and he asked me out....

I have always struggled with my weight and have always fluctuated between a size 8 and a 12. For a good while I was exercising and eating well and managed to maintain my size 8 (I'm only 5ft 3 by the way)...Then 2 months in LA and Vegas saw me gain a good bit of weight and i've found it really really difficult to get back the motivation and self will to go back to the gym. Anyway, i'm a size 10 now and i have a fairly big chest and i just feel huge right now.

Anyway, in most of my facebook pics I am a size 8 - but now i'm a size bigger and i am so terrified he is going to be totally repulsed by me...

I was just wondering how seriously a guy would take this - should i call the date off? Am I being dishonest or misleading?

He does seem like a genuine and nice guy

Thanks

People come in all shapes and sizes, it's whats on the inside that counts. If this lad meets you and runs the other way he's a shallow prick and you're better off without him.

Also, should that happen look me up, and give me a chance at you :-)

LimeFruitGum · 06-07-2009 08:49AM

Oh my goodness, what an awful state of affairs it is when size 10 is now considered fat/undesirable.

I wouldn't bother telling him. Just concentrate on looking hot for the date. Good outfit, makeup and hair style can all be done in a way that accentuates the good and hides the bits you don't like.

Honestly, you are worrying far too much and making mountains out of molehills. But if you're that worried about a body part being bigger than before, then just dress to complement your figure so you know you look as good as poss.

LegacyUser · 07-07-2009 03:12PM

Hey...OP here

well i'm just sitting here waiting for him to pick me up. I have to say most of your replies made me feel much better. As have the words of my friends.

If this guy is for me then a couple of pounds won't bother him, if he has an issue then it's his loss (i know this is right, i'm still trying to convince myself though

)

Anyway...fingers crossed

x

CathyMoran · 07-07-2009 03:58PM

Wishing you all the best with this.

discobeaker · 07-07-2009 05:12PM

Let us know how you get on and remember if he has a problem then you better PM me for a date

legend365 · 07-07-2009 09:44PM

Your gorgeous OP...

...and thats that!

Good luck!

ladhrann · 07-07-2009 09:53PM

I agree heartily with all above posters i.e. the ones that say no one will notice the difference between one dress size and another.

Previously I was going out with a girl, who went up a dress size, I didn't notice anything apart from her getting depressed, withdrawn and rejecting intimacy. The whole time I thought she was absolutely gorgeous,......, so let that be a warning to you, don't let your worries destroy a relationship or at this stage the possibility of one.

LegacyUser · 09-07-2009 08:55AM

Hey OP back again,

Em well went on the date and really liked him but the feeling wasn't mutual

I don't know if it was because of my size, I'd like to think it wasn't - but it's hard not to feel a bit burnt! This guy came on really strong so I musta been a big disappointment :O

Ah well, it'll prob give me more motivation down the gym

Thanks for everyones help and advice with this anyway

Lou

squonk · 09-07-2009 10:03AM

Don't be discouraged! There are a million reasons why dates don't go well and feeling saren't mutual. Don't pin it on what you are most insecure about because it's not just down to that and very likely has nothing to do with it. On the other hand, if he did think like that then you're better off without him. You actually sound like a very nice down to earth person! Easilly said I know but don't take it too seriously. Get out there and don't worry about what you perceive to be your flaws. We all have them. Just be confident, you've no reason not to be.

ladhrann · 09-07-2009 04:31PM

Arra, you win some, you lose some. And remember fair play to you for having the cojones to go on a date and to give things a lash.

There's no point in getting lost in the self and getting negative and stuff. Enjoy the next date.

discobeaker · 09-07-2009 11:21PM

Personally i think that you should just contact me and then we can paint the town red

sod this guy,his loss is someone else's gain.

Im sure you looked great on the date.

Novella · 09-07-2009 11:28PM

Hope the date went well and you are feeling better about yourself

I know exactly how you feel 'cause I always fluctuate between a size 8 and a size 10 and if I go into a shop and can't fit into size 8 jeans I feel really crap but when I said it to my best friend she said she never even noticed! Trust me, most people are too busy worrying about how they look themselves to even notice that you have put on a teeny bit of weight. It's no biggie!

So insecure about my body :(

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