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Little bit tacky or just me?

  • 14-09-2009 05:47PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, want to just get others' opinions on this.....Out of a longterm relationship over a year so have been dipping my toe back in the dating scene . I joined a dating site and overall found it a good way to meet new people(I am in 40s),and on it there was one guy I clicked with when we met up..long story short we had great chemistry but after a few weeks he seemed to get a little scared and saying he didn't know what he wanted.

    I was a bit crushed but told him I would start to see other people, he seemed a bit pissed off and every now and then would chat to me online and ask me to meet up. I told him I would meet to chat, but no sex as he still said he didn't know if he wanted a relationship..he didnt call to meet up, so I messaged him to say I found it headwrecking and was going to continue to date others.

    Fast forward a few weeks and I am now seeing an old flame from long ago who I met out of the blue, we have always been mad about each other and had split because he moved years ago.We are really happy,and quite serious.
    I joined a social site called tagged, and on it the guy from the dating site was on a mutual friend's list by fluke, I said hi and we added each other as contacts. Now this site involves sending "tags" to your contacts and there is a lot of banter on it...but here's the thing this guy has started to send more flirty tags to me and then last week he asked me to meet up.
    I asked did he want to talk, and he said he wanted me to go to his place(way out in country) for a night , just to be clear I said was he looking for a casual hook-up and he said "he didn't know but it's a start"...I was a little upset as he knew this isnt my scene at all, so I told him I was seeing someone and besides sex for me has to be part of a relationship, that's just me.
    Well I got chatting to another woman on that site(you can add each other's friends) and she was all excited as she has been dating this exact same guy,they had met 3 times and she is mad about him...I did not want to upset her so I told her nothing. But what is bothering me is he has obviously been sending her the same flirty "tags" as me on the same days(I lookes at her page)...I liked this guy as a person before this but now I just think he is sleazy, and I wish I had never gone near him.I am sort of a beginner and maybe I am just out-of-date? He was my first dating experience and I feel foolish because I didnt know him at all it seems. The guy I am seeing thinks the online guy is a player, but I feel dumb!


Comments

  • #2
    herya
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,571 ✭✭✭herya


    He does sound like a player all right... there are probably plenty like him out there and you were just unlucky to get him as your first online dating experience. Concentrate on your nice guy now and move on - good luck :)


  • #3
    estar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 801 ✭✭✭estar


    stay in the real world with the real guy.


    what total lies, its a start, and the morning after, its an end.

    it takes a long time to get to know people, and online doesnt count. so basically you don't really know people from online contact it has to evolve into phone calls, and dates for you to get to know them.

    you sound like you have had a lucky escape, but also that you have fundamental common sense and knew yourself what you wanted and stuck to your guns.

    good for you.


  • #4
    kjl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    can I just say fair play to you for getting back on the horse again.

    I think the other guys has mixed feelings. For some guys, me included, commitment is a big thing. We kinda see ourselves as lone wolfs. I have serious relationship issues, for example, I hate sleeping, and I mean sleeping, with other people. I like to do my own thing before I go to sleep. One of my past relationship lasted 3 years, and I only ever stayed the night in her house 4 times. Every other time I went home. So he may have issues, but I recon he does like you.

    The new guys sounds quite nice too, but you wouldnt be posting this if you didnt have feelings for the other guy, so you have to really be true to your feelings and not just chose someone because there are no games. Don't forget, the games are part of the fun.


  • #5
    shellyboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    The guy is just your classic online dater, tbh. Keeping his options open, looking for his hole basically. You dodged a bullet. There are many, many, many more guys like him out there online though.


  • #6
    GigaByte
    Closed Accounts Posts: 515 ✭✭✭GigaByte


    OP, unfortunately you meet an ahole, just delete him and forget about him.

    estar wrote: »
    stay in the real world with the real guy.


    what total lies, its a start, and the morning after, its an end.

    it takes a long time to get to know people, and online doesnt count. so basically you don't really know people from online contact it has to evolve into phone calls, and dates for you to get to know them.

    you sound like you have had a lucky escape, but also that you have fundamental common sense and knew yourself what you wanted and stuck to your guns.

    good for you.

    Just to let you know this does happen in the really world, players didn't arrived with the internet. Lots of people have made first contact on the internet and take it from there. It all depends on the people involved not the form of first contact. I'm sure lots of people have made new friends and more through boards beers, etc..


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for all the advice and replies. I guess I had forgotton what a tough world dating is after so long.
    kjl : I think you are right he does have issues, but I can't stick around whilst he sorts them out, and yes I was starting to have feelings for him which is why I have to protect myself before I get attached too much.
    He was again online asking me to meet up so I have deleted myself from his list, I gave some excuse.
    estar: you are so right, it's like a cyber dating world and there is no comparison to being with the other guy in the Real World! I talked to other guy til 2am this morn on the phone, and I was the first person he called when he had a family crisis at the weekend.

    I know now I went too fast with the online guy before I really knew him , but I will put it down to experience.

    Thanks again everyone!


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