Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Dating to Relationship

  • 28-11-2009 03:37PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    Regular poster deciding to go annoymous on this one.

    So, I am pretty rusty when it comes to the dating scene to be honest. My last relationship ended just over 12months ago (after 6 years) and I haven't really had much success with the opposite sex (I am male) up until now. Truth be told I wasn't really making an overly huge effort anyway.

    So I recently tried out (for the first time) the world of Internet Dating. I have recently (3 weeks ago) met an absolute lovely girl. We've had 4 dates so far each consisting of a mixture of activities, which have involved pubs, restaurants and other non-drinking activities. So far, after each date we've had ended up staying over in one another's house (hers 3 times, mine once). There has been "heavy petting" involved each time but we have both mutually agreed to wait to have sex for now.

    We text and/or email each other on a daily basis. Our next date is tonight and I am really looking forward to it. I can really see myself falling for this girl and I am quite surprised by it, but obvsiouly absolutely delighted. I am 28 and she is 29.

    I suppose what I want to ask you all is, well, when do you go from dating somebody to actually being exclusively in a relationship with them? My previous relationships seem to have just happened.
    In your opinion(s) do people just fall into relationships or should there be a sit down and discuss moment? If it should be discussed etc... when is the best time to do this - i.e. is the "discussion" too soon to bring up after 4 or 5 dates, should you wait for 10 dates (or more)?

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks in advance


Comments

  • #2
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    im not sure exactly. as after about 3 dates with my ex, we added each other on facebook and became other halves on it. that was a month after we 1st met. we joked about it, but he really liked me and i really liked him. we didnt really have a sit down chat. later he asked, when did we officially started going out? so i mean we never had a day where we offically started the relationship, we just kept seeing each other.

    well done on meeting through the internet, ive found internet dating a complete waste of time and this is the 1st success story i heard. so when you say your rusty dating, your doing absolutely better then me.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the reply.

    We've already added each other on facebook (we did so before we went on our first date) but haven't set each other as OHs.

    As a matter of interest, you were saying you did that after 3 dates but it seems that your 3 dates were spread out over about a month (if I am interpreting your reply correctly). What if your 3 dates and now your fourth (in about an hour's time) is over the course of one week? I am not sure if so many dates in close succession is a good sign, a bad sign or if it really matters. I suppose time will tell.

    The internet thing didn't nerve me out too much as two of my friends met their partners through dating sites and both couples are now engaged so I have definitely come across a lot of success stories with it. I think probably like anything else it can just be a big matter of luck and timing. That has definitely been the case with my internet dating story so far, although time will have to tell if it will ultimately turn out to be a success story.

    Dating is kind of nervy though, I forgot what it was like - the whole "does she like me, does she not?" "are these good signs or bad signs or even signs at all"

    ah dating...


  • #4
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    yeah mine was a LDR, i met him here in france. then by surprise i had an unexpected wedding to go to in dublin about 2 or 3 weeks after. i met him for a drink and it went well. then i went back to dublin about 2 weeks after (planned before i even met him). again date went really well.(at this stage i think we started talking about being a couple) he came to visit me. after putting in the effort of him coming to visit, i actually thought we might be going somewhere. so its quite different to your situation. however similar in that we had a lot of internet/phone connection to actually establish the relationship. i think we had 3 weeks worth of seeing each other after about 8 months! yeah one week is quite early to think about a relationship. you might want to take it more slowly. once you know your not dating anyone else and shes not dating anyone else.

    i had a bad experience with internet dating, as i had just arranged to meet this guy.(we had met about 2 times) but obvisously he was honest and said he was also going dates with 2 other girls. girl 1 was say on tuesday, he said, not to worry he didnt fancy her. me wed, and then girl 3 on thurs. he said it should be fine as i seemed great. i get a text to say he prefered girl 3. i wasnt too upset but just annoyed as he lived far away and i had to stay at his (in the box room) and he cooked me dinner. i couldnt really enjoy the date as i knew the next night he was going on date with someone else. hence its prob better to see how things are in a month


  • #5
    muboop1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,025 ✭✭✭muboop1


    Em, just tell her you want to be exclusive. Tell her that you like her and want to give "yous" a go!

    Take it slow from there.

    If you think you want to give it a little longer, then do!
    Just don't be afraid to talk!


  • #6
    Monkey61
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,137 ✭✭✭Monkey61


    Well I met my girlfriend on the internet too. We had about 5 dates in the space of 2 weeks and then she just said "right, what's going on here? Is this something or not?" And I said "Well,do you want to be my girlfriend then?" and she said yes. That was it.

    Every relationship is different though. I have had girlfriend's in the past just tell me that we were together now before the first kiss and I have had situations where nobody has ever said it until someone referred to us in public as being a couple and we didn't disagree.

    If you want her to be your girlfriend, just drop it into conversation with a smile. If you are feeling it and you should have a pretty good idea that she is too, then you aren't going to put her off by saying it. By the way you have described it, she is in exactly the same place that you are anyway! It sounds lovely. Well done!


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    mood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    I would just like to point out that at this stage you should be phoning each other and not just texting. Texts can be picked up wrong etc.


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    magneticimpulse wrote: »

    i had a bad experience with internet dating, as i had just arranged to meet this guy.(we had met about 2 times) but obvisously he was honest and said he was also going dates with 2 other girls. girl 1 was say on tuesday, he said, not to worry he didnt fancy her. me wed, and then girl 3 on thurs. he said it should be fine as i seemed great. i get a text to say he prefered girl 3. i wasnt too upset but just annoyed as he lived far away and i had to stay at his (in the box room) and he cooked me dinner. i couldnt really enjoy the date as i knew the next night he was going on date with someone else. hence its prob better to see how things are in a month

    I am sorry to hear of your bad experience with Internet Dating. I wouldn't be too impressed if I went on a date with someone adn they told me they had a string of successive dates organised. I'd rather not know if it was me.

    At the same time, I wouldn't do that anyway. Maybe I am old fashioned but if I appear to like someone enough to go on a date with them then I personally would rather give it a date or few dates to see how things go without organising dates with other girls around the same time.

    Thank you for your input.


  • #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    muboop1 wrote: »
    Em, just tell her you want to be exclusive. Tell her that you like her and want to give "yous" a go!

    Take it slow from there.

    If you think you want to give it a little longer, then do!
    Just don't be afraid to talk!

    Thanks for that. I think the thing is, I just didn't want to suggest it too soon. We only met for the first time 8 days ago but have now spent 5 of those nights out together. So although we haven't been "seeing" each other for that long, we have on the other hand spent a large proportion of time together.

    Monkey61 Well I met my girlfriend on the internet too. We had about 5 dates in the space of 2 weeks and then she just said "right, what's going on here? Is this something or not?" And I said "Well,do you want to be my girlfriend then?" and she said yes. That was it.

    Every relationship is different though. I have had girlfriend's in the past just tell me that we were together now before the first kiss and I have had situations where nobody has ever said it until someone referred to us in public as being a couple and we didn't disagree.

    If you want her to be your girlfriend, just drop it into conversation with a smile. If you are feeling it and you should have a pretty good idea that she is too, then you aren't going to put her off by saying it. By the way you have described it, she is in exactly the same place that you are anyway! It sounds lovely. Well done!

    Thanks for the reply Monkey61. I am delighted to hear of your success with Internet Dating, Congratulations!

    I think you're right, our next date is Tuesday night so maybe I will drop it into conversation then. All of our dates so far have been one to one and have been very intimate (in terms of atmosphere) and we've done loads and loads of conversing about many things, so I suppose we are quite comfortable with each other in that sense and any silences are definitely not awkward.

    So far it's been around 50/50 with regards to who has suggested the next date etc... so I am guessing that she is interested to keep wanting to meet up with such frequency and as I've said above sex is not on the cards yet as mutually agreed on our first date so it's not just that either...

    I guess all is going well really...

    Mood I would just like to point out that at this stage you should be phoning each other and not just texting. Texts can be picked up wrong etc.

    Thanks for the reply. I do agree with you on the phone versus texting thing. We've only had one or two 30 second phone calls between us so far. But on the other hand we've seen each other so much over the last while that we're not lacking in one to one oral conversation or anything.

    Will definetly try initiate phone calling a bit though, thanks for the advice


  • #10
    muboop1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,025 ✭✭✭muboop1


    well if you've seen eachother 5 times in 8 nights...

    I'd almost take it as a given.

    Maybe just extend the olive branch or so to speak?

    Tell her your very glad you met her or something (you better mean it to... i've no time for lines-most ppl don't)

    I mean at your rate 10 dates could be a week off!

    Just be open and honest.

    If it's ment to be it will!


  • #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    muboop1 wrote: »
    well if you've seen eachother 5 times in 8 nights...

    I'd almost take it as a given.

    Maybe just extend the olive branch or so to speak?

    Tell her your very glad you met her or something (you better mean it to... i've no time for lines-most ppl don't)

    I mean at your rate 10 dates could be a week off!

    Just be open and honest.

    If it's ment to be it will!


    Take it as a given that we are heading towards an exclusive relationship?

    Ah yeah, I do really like her and am delighted to meet her indeed, I don't do lines, if I say something I always mean it. But probably most people don't believe that off the bat.

    Is it a bad thing to have so many dates so close together so early do you think?


  • Advertisement
  • #12
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    This is a tough one.
    5 dates in 8 nights. So really you have known her face to face for just over a week.

    To me - I would say just be honest. Tell her you have really enjoying spending time with her, and you hope that you both can see each other exclusively?
    In all fairness she has had little time to spend with anyone else.
    I guess don't come on too strong or like a cave-man.

    Hope it works out for you.
    Now - she might reply that it is too early and she needs a bit more time. You might just have to accept that, but hopefully this will not be the case. Again - key here is not to be pushy. She might genuinely need a few more weeks to be 100% sure thats all - don't take it as any kind of judgement on you - all about self-preservation here, making sure she is not hurt.


  • #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Taltos wrote: »
    This is a tough one.
    5 dates in 8 nights. So really you have known her face to face for just over a week.

    To me - I would say just be honest. Tell her you have really enjoying spending time with her, and you hope that you both can see each other exclusively?
    In all fairness she has had little time to spend with anyone else.
    I guess don't come on too strong or like a cave-man.

    Hope it works out for you.
    Now - she might reply that it is too early and she needs a bit more time. You might just have to accept that, but hopefully this will not be the case. Again - key here is not to be pushy. She might genuinely need a few more weeks to be 100% sure thats all - don't take it as any kind of judgement on you - all about self-preservation here, making sure she is not hurt.

    Taltos,
    thank you for the reply, much appreciated. I completely understand what you are saying.
    I think I might leave it another week and see how things go. We have our date tomorrow night and nothing further arranged so far and we're both out of the country for 3 or 4 days next week but those days don't overlap too well so we won't see each other for about 7 or 8 days.

    Maybe I will wait until after the trips to bring up the relationship idea. It might give us a bit of time to let things settle in our minds I guess.

    Interesting times...


  • #14
    carlychick
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34 ✭carlychick


    hi, just reading your story it sounds lovely and so nice.......i think if you are both out of the country for a while and won't see each other for 7/8 days that is good............it will give time for you both to settle and see how you feel about each other.....i am in the same boat myself as i am dating a guy - we've had maybe 8 dates so far and a big row!!! since hallow'een. it is moving very slowly. he is busy at work lives at home, drives a lot to work and i live at home (we both have houses just not living in them) so it is so difficult to figure out if he wants me as his girlfriend!!! or where this is going. i guess we are getting to know each other. but oh my god this dating stuff!!!! on the otherhand i am happy to take it slowly as i am not convinced that he is the really nice decent guy i am looking for....but my last 2 dates were good.......
    i did go out with a guy for a year and a half and it was just plain sailing.......literally from the start we were in a relationship'it just happened that way.....from our first date. however, i had met this guy
    2 years prior to going out and we had met a few times out and about. but date 1 was a relationship and we saw each other all the time as we live close enough.
    as for the internet yes i have been on the internet and i had some very good experiences in fairness........met some great guys and 1 rotter.who practically stalked me and he was a bad egg but over all it doesnt matter where you meet someone at all if your lucky enough to meet the right person for you. good luck with your new romance and wishing you all the best


  • #15
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    You could be joking with her and say 'so when are you going to ask me to be your boyfriend?' - keeps it light and airy and you can gauge her reaction.


  • #16
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    carlychick wrote: »
    hi, just reading your story it sounds lovely and so nice.......i think if you are both out of the country for a while and won't see each other for 7/8 days that is good............it will give time for you both to settle and see how you feel about each other.....i am in the same boat myself as i am dating a guy - we've had maybe 8 dates so far and a big row!!! since hallow'een. it is moving very slowly. he is busy at work lives at home, drives a lot to work and i live at home (we both have houses just not living in them) so it is so difficult to figure out if he wants me as his girlfriend!!! or where this is going. i guess we are getting to know each other. but oh my god this dating stuff!!!! on the otherhand i am happy to take it slowly as i am not convinced that he is the really nice decent guy i am looking for....but my last 2 dates were good.......
    i did go out with a guy for a year and a half and it was just plain sailing.......literally from the start we were in a relationship'it just happened that way.....from our first date. however, i had met this guy
    2 years prior to going out and we had met a few times out and about. but date 1 was a relationship and we saw each other all the time as we live close enough.
    as for the internet yes i have been on the internet and i had some very good experiences in fairness........met some great guys and 1 rotter.who practically stalked me and he was a bad egg but over all it doesnt matter where you meet someone at all if your lucky enough to meet the right person for you. good luck with your new romance and wishing you all the best


    Thank you for your reply and your kind words and indeed for sharing your own story with me.

    Well, we are seeing each other tomorrow night and we haven't made any further plans. She is away on friday until Monday and I go away Tuesday until Sunday.

    I would like to see her maybe Monday night before I go away but I am kind of reluctant to suggest it at the moment. Maybe it would be better to just have that 8 day gap and see what happens.

    I hope your own situation works out best for you.


  • #17
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    You could be joking with her and say 'so when are you going to ask me to be your boyfriend?' - keeps it light and airy and you can gauge her reaction.

    Thanks for the reply.

    I think if all goes well while we are apart for the week (i.e. if we stay in a bit of contact etc...) I will hope to have a date organised for soon after our return and I think if it feels right at the time I will take this kind of subtle light way of approaching the subject.


Advertisement