Advice please

LegacyUser · 05-02-2010 4:15pm #1

Long time poster here but need to go unreg for this........
God where do i start, have broken up with my Oh after 2 and a half years on and off (every time off he comes running back after a few weeks)
Basically last september we had been off for a few months and had had pretty much minimal contact, i got a phonecall to say he had been involved in a serious accident and went into hospital to see him ........ my heart broke when i saw him.....to cut along story short through all his tears and pleas of forgiveness in the seven weeks he was in there i decided i did still love him i always had and we could try again. fast forward to xmas everything was perfect, so perfect he was back to normal everything great, starting back at rugby at work at going out etc, we went away for new years, he spoiled me rotten always telling me how much he loved me etc
last two weeks he has had more work on than he can handle and has been not getting home til very late, i hadnt seen him in about 7 days and he asked me for dinner last friday.
Went for lovely dinner and he says 'right im gonna say this i dont know how u will feel about it but here goes.....you know how im working so much and we hardly ever get to see each other well how about we live together???'
I WAS SHOCKED, last thing i expected. I said yes of course i want us to live together ( i own my own place and have a flatmate, he is renting in a horrible apt) but i would need to let my flatmate know if you were moving in........he went mental saying he wouldnt live there if she did etc etc........
No joke about 5 mins later he said actually he thought we should call it a day cos my family or friends will never accept him and he doesnt think he will ever settle down
So fast forward a week and im in a complete daze.........i dont understand what happened and too add insult to injury he has been asking girls out off his facebook etc??
Im so sorry for the ramble i think i just need to get it out, i cant eat i cant sleep, i look and feel like complete crap.......i feel completely used and worthless all at the same time........
Does anyone have any advice for me??
x

Angus Og · 05-02-2010 4:28pm

What was the reason for the on and off-ness? It sounds like that is the reason for your current problem. It's not surprising that you went back to him when he was in an accident. That's what caring people do.

LegacyUser · 05-02-2010 4:36pm

to be honest it was 50/50 both me and him breaking it off, he had a little habit of chatting up girls online which he was caught out on..........
I think i just feel so stupid and annoyed with myself because last september i was fine i was over it and then he reeled me back in and now im at square one again.........
by now way am i a bitter mean person but right now im so consumed by hatred and rage and hurt, i want him to feel the way i do right now

ManOfMystery · 05-02-2010 4:44pm

Regardless of what he said about moving in, asking girls out on Facebook is an instant dealbreaker. Are you not upset by that? It seems like you added it to your post almost as an afterthought, whereas to me that would be a huge breach of trust in itelf.

His indecision sounds dodgy to be honest, I wondering if he is simply trying to give you something he thinks you want so you'll overlook other indiscretions.

daisybelle2008 · 05-02-2010 5:01pm

in_a_nightmare wrote: »

feel like complete crap.......i feel completely used and worthless all at the same time........
Does anyone have any advice for me??
x

You will continue to feel like that as long as he is in your life pulling your strings. I remember your previous threads, IIRC he has a track record for treating you badly, letting you down and flirting with other women. Your family and friends were against getting back with him because of his track record.
You have no stability with his fickle whims. Ask yourself how many more times you are going to accept this behaviour? Will you be able to relax and enjoy the good times wondering when he is going to cheat or leave again?
I am with your family and friends on this, kick him to the kerb. I have no idea why you keep forgiving and taking him back, allowing him to treat you like this again and again. Set yourself some standards, dealbreakers are dealbreakers. Continually forgiving him is giving him permission to treat you like this.

Angus Og · 05-02-2010 5:01pm

The problem is that he won't feel like you do now. There's nothing you can do about, and to be honest I wouldn't waste your energy trying to.

I don't think I have heard of a man like this that changed, but remember, you can. You can make sure this doesn't happen to you again.

LegacyUser · 05-02-2010 6:00pm

This must be very upsetting. It seems to me from ur post that this guy is very fickle and emotionally immature. It almost seems like whatever he does or says one moment he decides against seconds later almost like a child who puts down a toy and wants it back when he sees another take interest. He clearly has no idea what he wants. None of this has any reflection on you at all and I hope you dont take it as such. It is especially insulting and inconsiderate of him to have publically asked girls out on facebook where you could see this. This is the worst behaviour in his situation, and it sounds like he is so immature that he feels he needs to flaunt himself.

My advice is to stay away from this guy, his behaviour is far too selfish for you to get mixed up in anymore. Being alone and emotionally free would be a massive improvement from this situation. Unfriend him on facebook and spend time with people who care about you. Take Care Hun

Advice please

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