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Need some expd advice please

  • 14-06-2010 06:49PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Never posted here before but seems that everyone is doing it.

    I'm 18 and like this close friend alot. I've been thinking I love her for about 3 years. She feels the same. I've gone out with a few girls before but been put off by how sh!t i feel when I break up with someone. Well I said I'd try going out with people again as I really like this close friend and went out with this her for a 2 months. We only met up a few times though. Anyway I'm not sure if its cause I expected it to be amazing or cause she was a bit shy and never been with a guy before (shes 19) but it wasnt an unreal feeling like Ive had with other girls. I broke up with her and although our friendship was on the rocks for 4-5 months its all been back to normal for the last 3 months or so. But now I'm beginning to think I was just too hasty in breaking up with her (maybe cause I was a bit uncertain and the longer it went on the greater chance I had of hurting her).

    I'm starting to get really strong feelings for her again and do feel like I love her. If I try to meet up with her again and end it it'll mean our friendship is gone and i'll have really hurt her again.

    Is the best thing for me to do is to walk away from any notion of a sexual relationship with her so as not to hurt her again? I'm just very confused.

    Gut instinct and head: stay friends, dont risk it
    Penis and heart: go for it


Comments

  • #2
    wonderfulname
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,943 ✭✭✭wonderfulname


    well you need to ask yourself this; feeling as you do now, would you end it?

    I was in a similar situation, I knew myself to be hopeless at relationships and I cared for my friend too much to put her through that. For months it was blatantly obvious to anyone who cared to look we were mad for each other. I asked myself that question and knew the answer was no. For the first few months I worried now and then that i'd break her heart, but we're together two years now and I can't imagine my life had I backed away, I doubt we'd still be close as I know I wouldn't be able to deal with her being in other relationships. Having said that if I couldn't insist to myself I wouldn't do anything stupid this time I wouldn't have risked it.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    wonderfulname wrote: »
    well you need to ask yourself this; feeling as you do now, would you end it?

    I was in a similar situation, I knew myself to be hopeless at relationships and I cared for my friend too much to put her through that. For months it was blatantly obvious to anyone who cared to look we were mad for each other. I asked myself that question and knew the answer was no. For the first few months I worried now and then that i'd break her heart, but we're together two years now and I can't imagine my life had I backed away, I doubt we'd still be close as I know I wouldn't be able to deal with her being in other relationships. Having said that if I couldn't insist to myself I wouldn't do anything stupid this time I wouldn't have risked it.

    If i end it with her again after like 2 months and shes distraught and everyone thinks i'm a massive c**k for messing her around, would it be worth the gamble?

    Very very confused


  • #4
    Sebastien De Valmont
    Closed Accounts Posts: 54 ✭✭Sebastien De Valmont


    teenagehearttrobb wrote: »
    If i end it with her again after like 2 months and shes distraught and everyone thinks i'm a massive c**k for messing her around, would it be worth the gamble?

    Very very confused

    You are only 18 for godsakes.

    Instead of getting one-itis (focusing on just one girl) go out there and play the field.

    If you think a girl is the "one" try dating a dozen other women first and then go back and see if she's worth it.

    You are not in "love" at the age of 18. You are barely out of nappies.

    You are only going to be young once so what you should do is sow your wild oats and have a good time.

    Ask yourself what would Russell Brand do???


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Whether you're 18 or not love at 18 is just that. Love at 18.
    Love at 38 is just that. Love at 38.

    Love is not just one set or parameters it varies person to person and age to age.

    I have been in love at 21 with someone and in completely in love at 32 with someone else and the love i have now is completely different. So quit with 'you're only 18' nonsense.... say something original.

    Anyway, back to your original question. I agree with the person a few posts up. Play the field if you think it'll make you see clearer but i would also temper that with saying going for it with her now too...

    Confused? good because I don't mean to deflate you but there is no right advice for you now. You need to make this decision on your own and then deal with the outcomes on your own too. Its called growing up my friend and its something you never stop doing, even at my age

    tell her how you feel and then you will have to go with your heart....

    When it comes to love always follow your heart....... They don't put brains on valentine cards for a reason...... Follow your heart.


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