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Honest car ad

Comments

  • #2
    reverenddave
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 805 ✭✭✭reverenddave


    [QUOTE]WELL WELL WELL,JUST FEAST YOUR MINCE PIES ON THIS RAGING BEAUTY!!!!...FIRSTLY.. I`D LIKE TO START OFF BY SAYING HOW FINE AN EXAMPLE OF QUALITY FRENCH MOTOR CAR CONSTRUCTION THIS VEHICLE IS................I`D LIKE TO SAY THAT....BUT...SADLY I CANT...IN FACT I CANT COME ANYWHERE CLOSE TO SAYING ANYTHING REMOTELY SIMILAR TO THAT.

    RENAULT ESPACE NINETEEN OATCAKE,HOPE ITS A DIESEL AS ITS CERTAINLY OILY,SMELLY AND WAY NOISY ENOUGH...ALWAYS STARTS 1ST PUSH...WELL NEARLY ALWAYS.BIT OF A LOTTERY,BUT HEY WHEN IT DOES START IT DOES MOVE...SORT OF..GEARBOX LIKE STIRRING YOUR GRANS CUSTARD,STEERING IS AT BEST EXTREMELY VAGUE,RECKON BEST JUST TO POINT IT IN THE ROUGH GENERAL DIRECTION AND JUST WALK THE REST.

    BRAKES ARE...WELL CHALLENGING...LETS JUST SAY YOU WONT FALL ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL (unless the exhaust fumes get to you 1st).LIMITED SLIP CLUTCH AND QUICK RELEASE ASHTRAY FITTED(full to brim).AS PIX SHOW IT HAS COMPETITION LIGHT SWITCHES CENTRAL CONSOLE MOUNTED,APPARENTLY CONVERSION DONE BY B&Q MOTORSPORT.A COLABORATION WITH THEM AND STEVIE WONDER AUTO ELECTRICS.JUST LIKE SITTING IN THE LIVING ROOM,CARBON FIBRE SLIPPER RACK HAS BEEN REMOVED,SORRY.

    THESE SEVEN SEATERS..WELL SIX AS ONE HAS FALLEN THROUGH A HOLE IN THE FLOOR BUT STILL PLENTY ROOM ON DRIVERS KNEE FOR A WEE ONE. INSIDE COULD DO WITH A FRESHEN UP WITH A HAND GRENADE,SEEMS LIKE A BAG OF DEAD KIPPERS STUCK IN AN AIR VENT.OUTSIDE THE PISSDRAB GREEN PAINTWORK APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RUBBED DOWN WITH A HALF BRICK INSIDE AN OLD SOCK,BODY HAS NORE DINGS THAN A CHINESE PHONEBLOOK,TOWBAR FITTED AT THE REAR,SHOULD REALLY BE AT THE FRONT I RECKON.CHECK OUT DA BANGIN RIMZ MAN, APPARENTLY THIS WAS THE ORIGINAL CAR FROM THE LATE NIGHT GENTLEMANS MOTORING CHANNEL PROGRAMME "GIMP MY RIDE"!!..WOW 15" WHEELS,ONE AT EACH CORNER,GO ON COUNT EM!!!TYRES ARE FORMULA ONE SPEC...AS MUCH TREAD AS MURRAY WALKERS SHINY BONCE!!!ACTUALLY BOUGHT IT FOR MY WIFE FOR CHRISTMAS,(oh how i used to quite like her) STRANGELY SHE DIDNT TAKE TO IT AS WELL AS ID HAVE HOPED.

    MY SCABBY RABID FLEA RIDDEN MANGY DOG WONT EVEN SLEEP IN IT. IDEAL FOR PARKING IN THE DRIVEWAY IF YOU REALLY DESPISE YOUR NEIGHBOURS.SO THANKFULLY A RARE CHANCE TO PICK UP A REAL NON BARGAIN.

    T    RY FINDING ANOTHER LIKE THIS!!!! PRAY TO GOD YOU CANT!!!DUE TO THE HUGE RESPONSE NOT EXPECTED WE NEED IT PAID IN FULL AND COLLECTED WITHIN 24HRS 36 MINUTES AND 20 SECONDS OF SALE END.CAR IS ONLY 500 MILES FROM LONDON.SO IDEAL IF IN GLASGOW.SORRY NO MICROWAVES IN P/EX BUT WE WILL SUPPLY A BIG PAPER BAG FOR COLLECTION PURPOSES(eye holes optional)..OH DEAR SADLY I WAS OUT DOING SOME DRIFTING (off to sleep) IN IT AND TO MY DISMAY/JOY I FEAR THE ENGINE HAS POPPED,CURRENTLY TRYING TO SHOEHORN A SMALL LITHUANIAN PIT PONY PIG CROSS INTO PLACE SO IF IT WORKS THE HP WILL BE DOUBLED TO 31/2.    [/QUOTE]


    it's a long read but very funny :D


  • #3
    Guy:Incognito
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 38,244 ✭✭✭✭Guy:Incognito


    Is there something in all that which explains why theres 2 domestic light switches wired in and a bunch of cables butchered ?


  • #4
    johnos1984
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,096 ✭✭✭johnos1984


    Guy:Incognito wrote: »
    Is there something in all that which explains why theres 2 domestic light switches wired in and a bunch of cables butchered ?

    The ad states its a Renault.

    All the explanation I need. I've seen a similar bodge job on a mark 1 Laguna


  • #5
    johndaman66
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,100 ✭✭✭johndaman66


    Indeed that guys description seems apt for a Renault ball of junk alright.


  • #6
    homer90
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,073 ✭✭✭homer90


    :D:D:D


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  • #7
    Buffman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,957 ✭✭✭Buffman


    Legend!

    The Q&A so far is good too!
    Q: Love the colour. Any chance you can accept 5 1/2 penny sweets(cola bottles) and a half eaten sausage i found(comes with its own mould)
    A: I think you will find the mouldy sausage is not half eaten. the other half is in the glovebox.
    Q: are them light switches available separately? i dont need a new shed, just 2 new light switches....
    A: Sorry wont split as i fear it may impair the chance of a speedy sale,thanx anyway.
    Q: Mate,you deserve treble the asking price for that fine car. I absolutly pissed myself laughing at your ad.BRILLIANT!. Good luck with your sale. J
    A: Why thanx,it does come with spare pants if you fancy it.
    Q: Is this a Turbo Diesel or a Naturaly Athmatic.... Also does it come with life in the battery....
    A: Its VERY asthmatic.sadly any life in the battery has long drained away along with my enthusiasm for the beast,there is however a Duracell AAA in the glovebox.(also flat)
    Q: hi fanizzle a dizzle, wud i be able to lower it on a pair of rolla skates n pull some top be-atchs in the devon area, also how much extra for da **** that is piles up around it, i am willin to pay top wonga extra for dat, hit... Continue reading
    A: Bro,dis wagon is a top be-atch magnet,i is gonna ave it rollin on dubz stateside stylee,juiced chopped-n-chanelled lowrida style wid de bangin choonz innnit,check it!!

    FYI, if you move to a 'smart' meter electricity plan, you CAN'T move back to a non-smart plan.

    You don't have to take a 'smart' meter if you don't want one, opt-out is available.

    Buy drinks in 3L or bigger plastic bottles or glass bottles or cartons to avoid the DRS fee.



  • #8
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,620 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    Wow, that car should come with a free lobotomy.

    Even madder:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaW_35KPDBY


  • #9
    Lyndaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭Lyndaz


    brilliant :D


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