boyfriends looking at other women

sporina · 16-01-2011 02:52PM #1

was chatting my friends last night - all in relationships and two of them have noticed that their boyfriends do flirt/eye up other women. In certain cases - the women are v attractive - and I think that perhaps they just cannot help it and that it does not mean that they would do anything about it.
My question is really for the men. Even though you may be in love with your oh, do you look at /flirt with other really good looking women when out? And if you do, is it just because you cannot help it or is it because you are straying and not that interested in your girl friends?

I know if depends on the relationship - but i guess I am trying to be general here. Thanks.

baby and crumble · 16-01-2011 03:05PM

TBH I think flirting is totally natural and healthy, once everyone knows what's going on. My GF and I are totally fine with the other flirting so long as a) it's not done with intent to score and b) it's not done in front of the other person, because that's just a bit disprespectful.

I love flirting. It's great fun, it makes you feel good and so long as everyone know's the score and is in agreement, it's not damaging. I do know that a lot of other girls don't feel the same as myself and my partner though, so to each their own.

Plus it's kinda fun when myself and my GF double-team on flirting with some girl. heheh.

TheNewMee · 16-01-2011 05:06PM

Looking at other women - of course. You don't suddenly put blinkers on when you start dating someone, and it doesn't mean anything about what you feel about your girlfriend.

kerryman12 · 16-01-2011 07:57PM

You cant hold looking at other women against him to be fair. WE all do that, perhaps if you are honest with yourself you do it also. The thing is guys are always more obvious at this than the ladies.

When it comes to chatting to/ chatting up - its more like how long is a piece of string. What one person finds acceptable others wont.

My take on it would be something like this;

If I was to get up from my seat or purposly walk over to some random lady to chat to her - this would not be ok
If I ended up talking to a random lady for another reason fair enough. Where the line between chatting to and propper chatting up is, dammed if I can explain it.

John400 · 16-01-2011 08:31PM

OP, you've kind of answered the question yourself to a degree when you said that some boyfriends will look at very attractive women..well, yeah.

Most red blooded males are going to look. I know of instances of this with two couples i know.

The first couple were out shopping one day when the guy went upstairs in a particular department store i won't mention while his girlfriend went downstairs. While he was coming down the escalator an attractive foreign girl asked him for the time (she happened to have great cleavage) so he was having an eyeful at the same time, but he didn't realise his girlfriend was waiting at the bottom of the escalator (bad move) she went mental over it, he told me he couldn't help looking.

The second couple i know, frequently shop in one of the biggest shopping centres in the country (i won't mention it either). Anyway they do their shopping on Saturday evenings and there is an attractive older women who frequents the centre at the same time. He's been caught out olgling this woman more than once by his girlfriend,not good he told me but he can't help it.

In fact i'm single and i shop up there on Saturday evenings myself, i know of this woman my mate mentioned and believe me lads look (i fully admit i do myself) She has dyed red hair and wears high-heeled boots, ski pants etc...blokes can't help themsleves. If she walked past me if i was going out with someone i most certainly would still look at her.

Silverfish · 16-01-2011 08:31PM

OP, how is this a relationship issue for you?

This forum is for giving advice, and other people's experiences might not be suitable to advise you in your own relationship.

whatsamsn · 16-01-2011 08:32PM

I am a guy op, and anytime a user posts about "a partner looking at others" you always get people replying back saying its natural... and it is

BUT!
Alot of people instantly write it off. Which is foolish. But its all about whats been done.

If you're walking down the road with your gf/bf and their eyes glance over at someone they find attractive. Thats fine. Thats natural

If in the same circumstance but they stare - thats disrespectful because you are their partner and you are in their presence.

(And the biggest one of them all IMO) ... if you are with your partner and they are chatting and flirting with someone in front of you. Eg, talking to a shop assistant? a person they know (fancy)? (plenty of situations it could happen in) This is something that cannot been seen as "harmless"- In fact depending on how hard the flirting was, i would probably break up with someone over that. No im not insecure. But my common sense tells me that if my partner was to obviously and big time flirt with someone in my presence, it says what would they do if i wasnt there? ... But more so how much they respect me? ... and it can be a sign of just how bothered they are being with me. So that would be a red flag for me.

xXxkorixXx · 16-01-2011 09:20PM

zoegh wrote: »

TBH I think flirting is totally natural and healthy, once everyone knows what's going on. My GF and I are totally fine with the other flirting so long as a) it's not done with intent to score and b) it's not done in front of the other person, because that's just a bit disprespectful.

I love flirting. It's great fun, it makes you feel good and so long as everyone know's the score and is in agreement, it's not damaging. I do know that a lot of other girls don't feel the same as myself and my partner though, so to each their own.

Plus it's kinda fun when myself and my GF double-team on flirting with some girl. heheh.

TBH i dont think its at all right to flirt with another woman/man when you are in a serious relationship. My fiancé would never flirt with another woman as i would not allow him to. to me, its another from of cheating.

16-01-2011 10:21PM

It depends on what the flirting is and what the OP defines it as. I've been told I come across as very flirtatious, though most of the time it's not intended - I'm just a naturally chatty and charismatic person. However I see nothing wrong with looking at other women, usually attractive. Women would usually have no problem with looking at men they thought were handsome, so why can't I look at someone I thought was attractive?

baby and crumble · 16-01-2011 11:31PM

xXxkorixXx wrote:

TBH i dont think its at all right to flirt with another woman/man when you are in a serious relationship. My fiancé would never flirt with another woman as i would not allow him to. to me, its another from of cheating.

Fair enough, like I said to each their own. I don't think it's right to 'not allow' someone to do something in a relationship, and boundaries that arise should be erected out of mutual respect, in my opinion. I'm happy enough with the way relationship is, 7 years later and we're still going strong.

Hank_Jones · 17-01-2011 02:48AM

I would think that there is possibly a double standard with regards to this.

Of course we look at other women, if I see a nice painting I look at it, I don't take it off the wall and bring it home though.

I honestly think women do this as well, they just save it for when their partners aren't around.

sporina · 17-01-2011 09:21AM

thanks for all the replies.

Ok so the reason I posted here is as follows..

the girls were going mad over their OH's paying attention to certain pretty girls in particular circumstances.. but in these circumstances the certain pretty girls were the one's initiating the contact with their OH's..

I do not think the boyfriends are to blame here - these people are all accquaintances BTY and so the lads are not gonna be rude to these girls..

I do think it is natural in a way - if I see a guy who is handsome I will too look of course though I am mad about my OH..

I actually think my mates are a little jealous cos these girls in particular are just v pretty.. and I guess it makes my mates a little insecure... which is also natural..

I was trying to pacify my mates cos I know for a fact that their OH's are mental about them and would not be interested,,,

women are more pretty anyway and so why would one not look..

as someone said.. you see a pretty picture - don't mean you wanna take it home...

Silverfish · 17-01-2011 09:36AM

This is more a general discussion / survey rather than a personal issue, so I'll close this.

boyfriends looking at other women

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