found engagement ring in boyfriends pocket

Molly100 · 14-02-2011 03:54PM #1

Myself and my boyfriend have been together for almost 7 years and have been talking about getting engaged for the last year... There is no major pressure from my end but he knows i will be delighted when it happens. The only thing i wanted was for me to be totally surprised with whatever way it happens. Anyway we went for dinner saturday night and i had a feelin during the day he was a little bit preoccupied and my mind started wandering! When we went for a drink after i checked his jacket when he went to the loo and was shocked to find a fake engagement ring that he was obviously going to propose with at some stage(and we would get ring after). Dont blame him that he didnt propose over dinner as i had really bad pms and was probably not in as good form as usual. Now the ring is all i can think about... Should i tel him i found it just so i will actually get a surprise when it does happen, and not be wondering everythime he wears that jacket is it going to happen, or is that just a bit selfish and should i just let it happen?

ppink · 14-02-2011 04:02PM

Whhhhyyyyy did you check his jacket?;)

It depends on the type of person you are what you do next. I am the type that it would kill me to lie and carry that lie forever.
Everytime someone would ask about you getting engaged then he will think he gave you great surprise but you will know it was not. Can you do that forever?

Ickle Magoo · 14-02-2011 04:05PM

As usual, the on-topic and helpful replies only rule exists...please don't ignore it.

OP, your original post has been re-instated and thread unlocked as requested.

Molly100 · 14-02-2011 04:23PM

Just checked his pocket because like i said i thought he was preoccupied, then when he went to the loo he said watch my jacket which triggered something in my mind... i dunno why, girls just do that type of thing! Also no not worried bout another woman at all!

star-pants · 14-02-2011 04:34PM

Well he probably just meant 'watch my jacket' like you might say 'watch my bag' when you go to the bathroom.
If you were in very bad form / acting anyway odd after he got back maybe he felt it wasn't the best time to ask. OR maybe he thought you would look in his jacket / find it and that was his surprise? We can only guess though.

Thing is now that you found it, you know it's going to happen and thus (no offence) you've ruined the surprise element somewhat. If you say it to him, then he's just going to ask you there and then probably. If you don't say it then he may take the next opportunity to ask you.
So it's your decision whether or not you can cope with holding out until whenever he decides to ask.

astra2000 · 14-02-2011 04:38PM

Just let it happen, he tried the surprise route and due to your mood and curiosity that element is now gone, not his fault, so accept you have spoiled the surprise part of the proposal and leave him to make the move when ever he feels the time and place is right, after all this is what you wanted in the first place. I can imagine he feels a lot of pressure to get this right and make it special I would be of the opinion that you bringing up finding the fake ring would be fustrating for him and spoil whatever plans he has. Best of luck

seamus · 14-02-2011 04:49PM

astra2000 wrote: »

Just let it happen, he tried the surprise route and due to your mood and curiosity that element is now gone, not his fault, so accept you have spoiled the surprise part of the proposal and leave him to make the move when ever he feels the time and place is right, after all this is what you wanted in the first place. I can imagine he feels a lot of pressure to get this right and make it special I would be of the opinion that you bringing up finding the fake ring would be fustrating for him and spoil whatever plans he has. Best of luck

+1 leave him at it.

My wife loves spoiling suprises by trying to guess what they are, I don't understand it.

Accept now that he's planning to do it and let him do something special around it.

Basically if you tell him that you know, then he's not going to bother doing anything special to propose - what's the point? So if you want a nice proposal, don't tell him you know.

LittleBook · 14-02-2011 05:14PM

Molly100 wrote: »

Myself and my boyfriend have been together for almost 7 years and have been talking about getting engaged for the last year... There is no major pressure from my end but he knows i will be delighted when it happens. The only thing i wanted was for me to be totally surprised with whatever way it happens. Anyway we went for dinner saturday night and i had a feelin during the day he was a little bit preoccupied and my mind started wandering! When we went for a drink after i checked his jacket when he went to the loo and was shocked to find a fake engagement ring that he was obviously going to propose with at some stage(and we would get ring after). Dont blame him that he didnt propose over dinner as i had really bad pms and was probably not in as good form as usual. Now the ring is all i can think about... Should i tel him i found it just so i will actually get a surprise when it does happen, and not be wondering everythime he wears that jacket is it going to happen, or is that just a bit selfish and should i just let it happen?

No matter what happens, no matter what he does, you will never be totally surprised now. Not only are you completely expecting a proposal, you're actively thwarting any attempt he might make to surprise you by checking up on him. And now every time he seems "a little bit preoccupied" you'll be jumping to conclusions.

Just leave him to it and accept the fact that you will not be surprised but, for his sake, you might try acting surprised.

LittleBook · 14-02-2011 05:18PM

Molly100 wrote: »

Just checked his pocket because like i said i thought he was preoccupied, then when he went to the loo he said watch my jacket which triggered something in my mind... i dunno why, girls just do that type of thing! Also no not worried bout another woman at all!

Sorry, but no, no way. I have never gone through my OH's pockets, I find that very odd.

I honestly can't understand what was going through your mind when you did that ... unless you had a suspicion as to what you'd find but then why would you be "shocked".

Seraphina · 14-02-2011 07:42PM

Molly100 wrote: »

i dunno why, girls just do that type of thing!

I HATE the way so so so many women here on PI make sweeping generalisations about 'what women do' trying to justify sneaky and underhand behaviour like looking through phones, email or in this case, jackets.

OP you have ruined your own surprise. Whether you tell him now or attempt to fake 'surprise' when it happens, he's going to know you knew beforehand anyway (you can always tell from someone's reaction, genuine surprise is NOTHING like the way you fake it), and he'll probably be crushed that it's not all exciting like he planned. It's obvious from your post that you're most unlikely to stop thinking about this until it happens, but my advice would be to attempt to forget it all and pretend it never happened. STOP overanalysing when he seems preoccupied. You'd think after 7 years you'd be trying to add a little mystique and mystery to your relationship, not remove all trace of it. You don't need to know EVERYTHING he's thinking and doing, sometimes secrets can be nice!

matrim · 14-02-2011 07:54PM

If you really want a surprise you could always ask him. You won't be surprised but he will

But the best bet is probably to just leave it with him and he'll get around to it soon enough

SheRa · 14-02-2011 11:18PM

No no no no no no. Dont say a word to him.

Why on earth would you want to let him know that you spoiled his surprise?:eek::eek::eek:

Edit: Ok I know that you know, but does he really need to?

Beruthiel · 15-02-2011 09:18AM

Molly100 wrote: »

girls just do that type of thing!

Actually, no, they don't. I've been with my fella over 11 years and I've never gone through his jacket pockets. You might want to take some time to realise that there are boundries you should not cross due to privacy.

As for the ring. Forget about it.
It will happen when he's good and ready. Quit trying to spoil it for him, and yourself.

dub_3 · 15-02-2011 03:41PM

I hope you've learned your lesson about looking in pockets etc...

I expect your life will be hell till he does actually propose now.

My suggestion for you is to organise another romantic dinner asap.
Or arrange some other romantic setting where it would be perfect for him to propose.
(without him realising you're setting him up of course)

Oryx · 15-02-2011 04:02PM

You cant expect to get wonderful surprises if you are nosey enough to spoil them before they happen. So you need to curb that part of your personality. Quite apart from it wrecking your surprise, its not a nice trait to have, and not the way to conduct a trusting relationship.

Other than that, dont lose sight of what a proposal is. Its your fella taking a big emotional leap and telling you he want to commit his life to yours. That alone should be enough to make your heart flutter. Not the fact that the ring appears in the end of a champagne glass or such.

Molly100 · 15-02-2011 08:24PM

Thanks for all the input just gonna chill out and let things happen!!

collegegal · 15-02-2011 09:15PM

youve already ruined the surprise of the guy proposing, my advice is to leave it and say nothing. That way, you won't know when he will go and ask you for real, and he wont feel like an egit for letting you find the ring in the first place.

found engagement ring in boyfriends pocket

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