Wedding Gift from Bridesmaide groomsman

xxfelix · 28-10-2010 09:25AM #1

Hi

Im bridesmaid and my hubby is groomsman - im giving €300 and the bride didnt even achknowledge it! maybe it was'nt enough? I have 3 kids so cant afford anthing more. What do ye think?

Thanks in advance

cyning · 28-10-2010 10:07AM

That is more to do with bad etiquette then anything I think: my oh was best man a year and a half ago, and we are still waiting for a thank you: we gave €300 too and he paid for his suit hire for the day. €300 is more than enough honestly... I've been to 6 weddings over the last year and got one thank you.... real personal pet peeve of mine :mad:

emarfrog · 28-10-2010 12:01PM

Getting married in March and I wouldn't expect a gift from my bridesmaid (or anyone for that matter). She has done so much already and is always pleasant and in good form. I bought her dress for the day and will be getting her shoes, makeup and hair done. I'll also be getting her a (small as we're pretty broke!) thank-you gift.

Don't get me started on Thank you cards. I'll be ordering mine with the invitations and intend to have them out ASAP after. People go to such lengths to attend your wedding, its not just the gift that they have given the B&G but also the expense of taking time off work, getting clothed, shod and made up for the day, babysitters, accommodation etc.

In these times people should be grateful if your friends and family just show up!

OP its plain rude not to get a thank you from the bride, in fact she owes you and your hubby a gift + a lot of thanks for putting in such an effort to be there for them on their big day!

toadfly · 28-10-2010 12:40PM

Was at three weddings this year and only got one thank you. very annoying, its basic manners.:mad:

5cutch · 29-10-2010 01:23PM

I feel for you. That said I can see how this could happen innocently; I'm looking at a rather nice vase I got as an engagement present. I have no idea who it's from; there may have been a card but it's slipped off.

As best man I annoyed most guests by asking if they were sure they'd written their names on cards. Only caught one guy out.

For my big day I'll be getting someone sober to collect all gifts and place in a secure location. I'll then do something fancy with spreadsheets and mail merges.

Toots · 30-10-2010 02:58PM

€300 is very very generous and the fact that the bride didn't even acknowledge shows shocking bad manners on her part!!!! It is absolutely enough! We got married 3 weeks ago and I'm trawling through the thank you cards here, have 54 to write and I'm trying to write something different in each one so it doesn't look like I just copied the same thing over and over again!

Luckily for us at our wedding, most of the gifts were either given in advance of the day, or on the day to our parents and best man (who doesn't drink much) so they were all kept safely in the room. We opened all the presents at one time and made a list as we went of who got us what, so we could write it in their cards later. Thankfully, we didn't have any mystery presents left over! I was worried about having someone give us a gift with no card and being offended cos we didn't even thank them for it!

Honestly can't understand how people don't send thank you cards, the guests made the effort to come to the day, probably forked out a small fortune on clothes, drink, hotel room, etc and then gave a present on top of that!

aviendha · 31-10-2010 03:32PM

I agree with everything Toots had to say above..

my only question for OP is when is the wedding - it appears from the original post that the wedding day might not yet have passed, or she hasn't actually given the gift yet (she mentions "I'm BM, husband is GM and I'm giving 300" rather than "I was BM, husband was GM and we gave 300")

so to be fair, if the bride hasn't received the gift how can she acknowledge it?
if my BM had told me in advance of the wedding "i'll be giving you 300" I'd have been a little embarrassed to be honest, how can one reply to that appropriately? you can't thank them for the gift if you haven't received it?

or maybe, if the wedding was only in the last month or two, maybe the bride hasn't gotten around to thank you cards - I know it took me just under 3 months to get my cards out?? (although, to be honest, I see my BMs so often, it was said to them in person before I got around to the official cards!)

just trying to give bride the benefit of the doubt for a second!:)

dollybird2 · 01-11-2010 12:44AM

You say "i'm giving". Have you actually given it yet or just said you will be giving it?

That is a generous present and the couple will appreciate it. I got married a few months ago and we both agreed no to thank anyone individually for their gifts as you can be sure you'll leave people out. Instead we are going to send the regular thank you cards but write a personal message to each and every guest rather then printed generic greetings. Maybe they are doing something similar?

clogs2 · 06-07-2011 10:45PM

so what are people agreeing on?? €300, a friend of mine heard recently that its more like 500 thats expected!is this ridiculous? ppl arent made of money!

A-Trak · 06-07-2011 11:52PM

clogs2 wrote: »

so what are people agreeing on?? €300, a friend of mine heard recently that its more like 500 thats expected!is this ridiculous? ppl arent made of money!

Jaysus.
I'm getting married later this year, and if someone gave me €500 I'd honestly be embarrassed, that's a crazy amount of money.

If you're giving cash as a gift, give what you can afford. Personally I'd be delighted with a voucher for a restaurant for for me and the mrs, any amount no matter how modest. (Saving for our wedding has meant very little cash for dining out or similar luxuries!)

Also, I don't expect my groomsmen or best man to give me any presents at all, I asked them to be part of my wedding!

cocker5 · 07-07-2011 10:29AM

we attended a wedding in march... i was bridesmaid and my huuby was best man we gave €500... same thing NOT EVEN a verbal thank you....

NOT EVEN A CARD!!!

not that i expected them to jump and down and praise us or anything... but a simple thank you would have been nice!!

lack of basic manners and up bringing if you ask me.... :eek:

Shoe Lover · 07-07-2011 11:55AM

That is so rude! I cannot believe you gave that amount of money and got not so much as a text!

I went to the afters of a cousin's wedding last year and just stuck 50euro in a card because that was all I could afford but he sent me a lovely thank you card which I wasn't expecting at all! A text would have suffice tbh!

My OH is going to be a groomsman at our friends wedding next month and we won't be giving them as much as 300euro because quite simply we cannot afford it.

I'd like to think that they'll appreciate how ever much we'll manage to scrap together to give them though

TheChevron · 07-07-2011 12:19PM

I've been at many weddings, never got one thank you card. There stupid anyway imo.

I couldn't give damn about them. I don't expect to be thanked for attending a wedding or giving a present.

Seems like some people are only giving presents to be thanked.

Victor Meldrew · 07-07-2011 12:23PM

clogs2 wrote: »

so what are people agreeing on?? €300, a friend of mine heard recently that its more like 500 thats expected!is this ridiculous? ppl arent made of money!

I'd say (assuming you are well off) €200 / €150 for close friends...

If they expect more, they are jerks.. If it cost more than that to have two people at the wedding, then the happy couple are nouveau rich idiots..

And not thanking... that is shameful.

We made a list of what everyone gave....

beertons · 07-07-2011 12:28PM

slow down everyone. maybe they haven't got the cards yet. we waited 6 months to send ours. maybe 5 actually. we used one of our wedding pictures as a thank you card.

cocker5 · 07-07-2011 01:08PM

beertons wrote: »

slow down everyone. maybe they haven't got the cards yet. we waited 6 months to send ours. maybe 5 actually. we used one of our wedding pictures as a thank you card.

for me personally i think 6 months is far too long IMO... dont mean to pick

I got married 2 years ago and send my out within a month or so... we also thanks everybody on the day of the wedding.. and those who gave gifts after we sent a thank you text (before the cards) and verbally said thanks...

for me im actually not too bothered about the card.. but when we gave them the money... they called us a few hours later about something else and still never mention it.... we then had to ask the 2 weeks later did the get our gift (even though we handed it to them 3 weeks before the wedding)... they said yes... still no thank you... its very basic manners IMO...

im mean fior gods sake if you go to starbucks and you buy and coffee.. when the girl hands your your coffee... most people will say thanks...

so hard can it be to say thanks for €500....

lack of up brining and manners.... im mean seriously

Heineken Helen · 07-07-2011 06:20PM

beertons wrote: »

slow down everyone. maybe they haven't got the cards yet. we waited 6 months to send ours. maybe 5 actually. we used one of our wedding pictures as a thank you card.

We're married three months and haven't even started the cards yet

. I'm pretty ashamed of it to be honest, especially reading some of these posts... gonna get moving on that but can't do it this weekend or next so it's gonna be close to 4

. I have personally thanked pretty much everyone and advised that there WILL be thank you cards... I just need to get on it.

Heineken Helen · 07-07-2011 06:23PM

cocker5 wrote: »

for me personally i think 6 months is far too long IMO... dont mean to pick

I got married 2 years ago and send my out within a month or so... we also thanks everybody on the day of the wedding.. and those who gave gifts after we sent a thank you text (before the cards) and verbally said thanks...

for me im actually not too bothered about the card.. but when we gave them the money... they called us a few hours later about something else and still never mention it.... we then had to ask the 2 weeks later did the get our gift (even though we handed it to them 3 weeks before the wedding)... they said yes... still no thank you... its very basic manners IMO...

im mean fior gods sake if you go to starbucks and you buy and coffee.. when the girl hands your your coffee... most people will say thanks...

so hard can it be to say thanks for €500....

lack of up brining and manners.... im mean seriously

My brother handed us our pressie the day before the wedding outside the church for the rehearsal so we put it in the car. Of course that night we had to separate and couldn't open it the next morning cos we were busy getting married. He asked if we opened it and, again, I was completely ashamed of myself. We opened it first thing the next morning and thanked him straight away but I hope he didn't find it rude of us... our heads were ALL over the place at the time:o

beertons · 07-07-2011 06:45PM

Don't mean to hijack or anything, but it was coming up to Christmas, and we thought that people would be getting enough cards then. So we sent them at the end of january when all the chrimbo cards were taken down. It didn't mean we were any more/less grateful.

Don't be ashamed of anything. Take your time, enjoy yourselves.

Kinetic^ · 08-07-2011 08:58AM

TheChevron wrote: »

Seems like some people are only giving presents to be thanked.

It's called manners, they cost nothing.

Wedding Gift from Bridesmaide groomsman

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