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Worst year ever keeps getting worse

  • 09-07-2011 06:34PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Going unregged for this. I need some advice/cheerleading/support basically.

    Here's the short chronology: Lost my job last year in an industry where everyone's losing their jobs and there aren't any left. Have gone through the savings keeping the family/house going and am teetering on the edge of debt (not yet serious, but it's only going one way currently.)
    I've started retraining for a new industry and am back in education, where all my peers are half my age and I can't relate to any of them and feel depressed that I'm only where they are at twice the age.
    After a series of rows over whether we should emigrate, the mrs left earlier this year and moved abroad on her own, which devastated me and left me feeling really low.
    Only recently, I tried going on a couple of dates, but it just seems like every single woman my age I meet is completely mental and loaded to the oxters with serious baggage (psycho kids, psycho exes, mental illnesses, etc). I've no doubt that there are great women out there since I've quite a few in that age bracket who are good friends, but they're all attached, long since snapped up.
    Now my teenage kid has moved out too to live with relatives, saying they're depressed being around me, which has carved my guts out, because I fought for us to stay in this country against the mrs's wishes because the kid wanted us to.
    I just feel like I've pretty much lost everything that mattered to me in a matter of months, despite trying to do the right thing and fighting hard for it. Friends are sympathetic, but busy with their own lives and problems, of course.
    I know all the old sayings about 'no road without a turn, etc', but I'm beginning to feel cursed. Certainly I feel I think legitimately somewhat abandoned, by work, by the mrs and now by my kid too. I get up in the morning and try to make things better each day, but end up fixating on all the things I've lost, through little fault of my own, and feel persecuted and miserable as a result.
    I don't know where to turn or how to fix any of this and feel very vulnerable to more things going wrong in my life no matter what I do.

    Any advice would be sincerely appreciated.


Comments

  • #2
    John400
    Closed Accounts Posts: 179 ✭✭John400


    I definitely can relate with your 'worst year' description because it happened to me twice!...two years ago and six years ago.

    Six years ago i had a medical situation where i had to wait for a operation- felt myself getting into a rut- and it really went downhill from there- used to go out socially with friends, sit there and not speak because i was worried sick about it, this in turn affected me in my job, then when i went home at the end of the day i was going to bed at 7pm not wanting to talk to anybody.!!!...crazy stuff- changed completely and my GP had to give me tablets to calm me.

    Anyway i had a successful operation and i managed to hold on to my job and friends and family (by the skin of my teeth mind!!)

    On to two years ago- had a situation where my drinking got out of control with friends to a certain degree over a period of a couple of months...was out on the lash one Saturday night, walked out of where i stayed on the Sunday morning (still well oiled) and actually managed to get myself arrested on the Sunday lunch-time as i did something incredibly embarassing- then again got depressed because i was terrified i was going to lose 1. my family 2. my job. 3. my reputation. 4. end up in the media! etc..

    I knew i was going downhill again so i went to see my GP, a counsellor and a physciarist...they reassured me that more than likely nothing would be done about the incident and thankfully i heard nothing from the Gardai as they have bigger fish to fry, also i was never in trouble before in my life!!..it is now over 2 years since that particular incident and i've heard nothing...recently finished my stints with the three professional people i've mentioned who've again reassured me nothing will come of it.

    So there you go- i've had two years which were really **** as far as i was concerned and i've managed to come out the other side.

    My advice to you OP is this- no matter how ****e you think things are going for you eventually things will go back in your favour- you will come out the other side of these problems you have..

    ...also, these things and situations that you are now encountering will in the long run actually make you a better person and a tougher person in time.

    You will come out a better person from these experiences, eventually the tide will turn in your favour. :)

    Stay strong- i've been there.


  • #3
    John400
    Closed Accounts Posts: 179 ✭✭John400


    John400 wrote: »
    I definitely can relate with your 'worst year' description because it happened to me twice!...two years ago and six years ago.

    Six years ago i had a medical situation where i had to wait for a operation- felt myself getting into a rut- and it really went downhill from there- used to go out socially with friends, sit there and not speak because i was worried sick about it, this in turn affected me in my job, then when i went home at the end of the day i was going to bed at 7pm not wanting to talk to anybody.!!!...crazy stuff- changed completely and my GP had to give me tablets to calm me.

    Anyway i had a successful operation and i managed to hold on to my job and friends and family (by the skin of my teeth mind!!)

    On to two years ago- had a situation where my drinking got out of control with friends to a certain degree over a period of a couple of months...was out on the lash one Saturday night, walked out of where i stayed on the Sunday morning (still well oiled) and actually managed to get myself arrested on the Sunday lunch-time as i did something incredibly embarassing- then again got depressed because i was terrified i was going to lose 1. my family 2. my job. 3. my reputation. 4. end up in the media! etc..

    I knew i was going downhill again so i went to see my GP, a counsellor and a physciarist...they reassured me that more than likely nothing would be done about the incident and thankfully i heard nothing from the Gardai as they have bigger fish to fry, also i was never in trouble before in my life!!..it is now over 2 years since that particular incident and i've heard nothing...recently finished my stints with the three professional people i've mentioned who've again reassured me nothing will come of it.

    So there you go- i've had two years which were really **** as far as i was concerned and i've managed to come out the other side.

    My advice to you OP is this- no matter how ****e you think things are going for you eventually things will go back in your favour- you will come out the other side of these problems you have..

    ...also, these things and situations that you are now encountering will in the long run actually make you a better person and a tougher person in time.

    You will come out a better person from these experiences, eventually the tide will turn in your favour. :)

    Stay strong- i've been there.
    Agree totally.

    Bad experiences actually make you become a better person when you make it out the other side.

    What happens is that people tend to get tunnel vision thinking that everything is going wrong but eventually things come back into your favour.


  • #4
    dellas1979
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    Fair play to you.
    Life goes up and down, but you got to keep trying when the chips are down. I have every faith that it will all get better again. You just need to keep that in mind (yeah I know-the next question will be "but when will it get better?"-wish we knew this as humans).

    Its a little selfish what the teenage did - but thats what they are at that age, and also he/she may not be emotionally equipped to handle what is going on. Just try and keep the lines of communication open - again one day understanding will come in to this from them.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP there are some difficult times in your post, no one would argue that, and the people around you that should have supported havent so you're the only pillar left holding everything up.
    That is bloody tough trying to keep all the plates spinning on ones own.

    Right plates will drop but keep the ones you do have spinning going dont let little speed bumps knock them all. Keep the fight up ! Keep the head up!
    For what its worth you are doing a great job in my book ( i know you dont know me but if a stranger can see it then keep going)

    Turn negative thoughts into positive actions and with luck and hopefully others rally in to and the new training the times will eventually turn in your favour - life is cyclical you'll be on the up soon :)


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here. Appreciate the kind words, everyone.
    I know my luck has to change eventually, but at the moment I feel very alone with all of this, and genuinely feel that I didn't contribute to it occurring. I wasn't drinking, or being unreasonable, or contributing significantly to any of the situations which led to me losing things that really mattered to me. Maybe I'm deluding myself there, but when I think it all over, I don't see what I did that was so wrong at all.
    I think even if my fortunes did improve, I'd still be stuck lamenting what I've lost - my career, my wealth (what little I had), my family and my relationship. I can't see how I'd be an improved human being for having lost those things. And I don't think I relish a future without them, but none of them are coming back any time soon.
    It's all made me feel very low in myself, to be honest.


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  • #7
    SATSUMA
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 706 ✭✭✭SATSUMA


    Sounds like you have had it really tough.

    If you are back in education there's probably a counsellor on campus. They are free. Maybe it would be worth going to see one for a chat-you have nothing to lose and they might help you deal with all the change that's going on for you. Take the help when you can. If you don't like it then you don't have to go back. It's probably time you started putting yourself first and looking after yourself.

    Wishing you all the best


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