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The friend zone!

2

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  • #32
    Larianne
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,954 ✭✭✭✭Larianne


    Just from reading this thread, it has me wondering whether most guys who are friends with girls are just doing so so they have a chance to get into their pants? :confused:

    Or is it something younger guys do?


  • #33
    entropi
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭entropi


    Larianne wrote: »
    Just from reading this thread, it has me wondering whether most guys who are friends with girls are just doing so so they have a chance to get into their pants? :confused:

    Or is it something younger guys do?
    I cant speak for the guys around the 15-24 age group myself, but the way my life has turned out, I just happen to have friends who are women. We'd get along, have similar/conflicting interests, but there's no visible spark so they remain friends and nothing will ever happen, as I'd see them as not interested. If they wanted to pursue something, then so be it...if a woman wants me for something other than friendship, she can initiate something if she likes, and see how that turns out.

    Alot of men are just as confused as women with a lot of this signals malarky, if more people can just be out straight about what they want, it would be so much easier.


  • #34
    fonecrusher1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,768 ✭✭✭fonecrusher1


    Larianne wrote: »
    Just from reading this thread, it has me wondering whether most guys who are friends with girls are just doing so so they have a chance to get into their pants? :confused:

    Or is it something younger guys do?

    Personally i couldn't be friends with a girl i found attractive & i certainly couldn't be around a girl i was mad about 'as a friend'. I'd be bullsh!ting myself regarding the motives behind the relationship.

    This is going to sound seriously shallow but if she was unattractive & shared the same interests as me then yeah we could be friends i suppose but really only because deep down i would consider her more one of the lads than a woman.


  • #35
    Gandalph
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,793 ✭✭✭Gandalph


    The friendzone is fricken awesome, u get to watch them get changed


  • #36
    gargleblaster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,425 ✭✭✭gargleblaster


    Gandalph wrote: »
    The friendzone is fricken awesome, u get to watch them get changed

    :pac:

    So what exactly is the friend zone?

    Some people seem to be using it to describe something made up of the type of people who can't bring themselves to accept just being a person's friend, and will therefore wait in the wings while the friend has other relationships, waiting for a chance to possibly be with them in the future.

    Others seem to be describing simple relationship dynamics which I thought were common in groups of friends who've known each other for a long time, so in that case I don't understand the need for a special name for 'being friends with someone whom you might have dated or might still want to date if circumstances were different'.

    Still others seem to be saying the 'friend zone' is made up of people who wish to have nothing to do with someone if there isn't the possibility of a relationship/sex.

    Maybe it's just me but I'm finding it hard to understand what the term is even supposed mean at this point.


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  • #37
    Logical Fallacy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,933 ✭✭✭Logical Fallacy


    It's like everything else, it means different things to different people.


  • #38
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    Gandalph wrote: »
    The friendzone is fricken awesome, u get to watch them get changed
    That's the gay-friendzone :pac:


  • #39
    gargleblaster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,425 ✭✭✭gargleblaster


    Logical Fallacy wrote: »
    It's like everything else, it means different things to different people.

    Ah, fiddlesticks. How can you have a conversation about something if you can't define your terms?


  • #40
    Alopex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 632 ✭✭✭Alopex


    parker kent wrote: »
    That's the gay-friendzone :pac:

    Lol I thought voyeur-zone.

    For some reason it completely bypassed my thought process that a girl would let a male friend watch her change. I just assumed he meant being friends with her gave him the opportunity to plant a spycam
    Larianne wrote:
    Just from reading this thread, it has me wondering whether most guys who are friends with girls are just doing so so they have a chance to get into their pants?

    Or is it something younger guys do?

    Mostly yes. I would also say the girl is usually aware but pretends she doesnt because she likes a pathetic fool to be there for her 24/7


  • #41
    entropi
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭entropi


    Alopex wrote: »
    Mostly yes. I would also say the girl is usually aware but pretends she doesnt because she likes a pathetic fool to be there for her 24/7
    True and wise words...no woman without a fetish for it, wants a man to be at her beck and call all the time. Women generally do not like a doormat to be walked all over, there has to be some challenge to it or its not fun.


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  • #42
    gargleblaster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,425 ✭✭✭gargleblaster


    I'm completely lost. So - from the last couple of posts, am I understanding things correctly when I summarize thusly:

    - Most men who are friends with women aren't really friends, they're just hanging around to try to get sex.

    - Most women with male friends know that the men 'friends' only want sex, that they aren't really friends, so they're just using these men as doormats.

    - No woman without a fetish for men as doormats wants male friends.

    I must be getting things completely twisted around, because wtf.


  • #43
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    gargleblaster wrote: »
    I'm completely lost. So - from the last couple of posts, am I understanding things correctly when I summarize thusly:

    - Most men who are friends with women aren't really friends, they're just hanging around to try to get sex.

    - Most women with male friends know that the men 'friends' only want sex, that they aren't really friends, so they're just using these men as doormats.

    - No woman without a fetish for men as doormats wants male friends.

    I must be getting things completely twisted around, because wtf.

    I summarise those few points with this technical term: Loadabollix.

    You're right to call BS on those viewpoints. Of course men and women can be friends without one being a passive aggressive, doormat who is secretly in love or the other being a cunning, manipulative schemer out for an ego-boost. I'd normally list the girls I meet that are obviously attractive as follows:

    - Girls I really fancy and would find it difficult to be just friends
    - Girls I think are attractive, but have no real interest in anything romantic with them and can easily be friends. In other words, in a different time or stage of life, something might have happened. But I have no desire for anything other than friendship with them once I get to know them. If I didn't know them and saw them on a night out or somewhere, I might think "Yeah I would..." and I'm sure it is plausible that with the right combination of events sex could happen. But it is not as if the group of people I'd consider having sex with are necessarily the same group I'd see myself in a relationship with.

    A large amount of my friends are women. I work with women. Most of my classes at 3rd level and in my postgrads were women. I grew up in a house with lots of women. I'm used to being around women and can easily get on with them. I count lots of them as friends. Some are good looking girls, but I have no interest in a relationship with them. Another time, another place perhaps.

    When I meet a girl who I find attractive and would be interested in something more and she doesn't think likewise, I'd move on and not torture myself playing passive aggressive games. I'm really not sure that there are as many men and women in situations like that. Of course there are some, but not that many. They are mainly in online discussions and stupid movies.


  • #44
    gargleblaster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,425 ✭✭✭gargleblaster


    ^^^ All of that makes sense to me.

    Well, except for the part about seeing someone attractive and they don't agree about wanting a relationship so it would be torture to settle for only friendship. I don't think I've ever met someone and instantly thought 'OMG they're so hot/charming/???, I can't possibly be just friends with them'. That usually comes from knowing them, in which case, well I'm not sure, but I think you might already count as friends. Or maybe just acquaintances, but even in that case I would count it as just a crush and figure it will fade over time, so - again, not getting the torture aspect.


  • #45
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    gargleblaster wrote: »
    ^^^ All of that makes sense to me.

    Well, except for the part about seeing someone attractive and they don't agree about wanting a relationship so it would be torture to settle for only friendship. I don't think I've ever met someone and instantly thought 'OMG they're so hot/charming/???, I can't possibly be just friends with them'. That usually comes from knowing them, in which case, well I'm not sure, but I think you might already count as friends. Or maybe just acquaintances, but even in that case I would count it as just a crush and figure it will fade over time, so - again, not getting the torture aspect.

    I'm not talking about making a snap decision just after meeting them. If you have really, genuinely fallen for somebody, I can't see a friendship working. Sure you may already count as friends or acquaintances, but I'd rather remove myself from contact with that person.

    But those sort of very strong feelings are not the same as just noticing somebody is attractive and are not regular. Well not with me any way, there is only one friend that I had that I felt that way about. I saw her as my ideal girl. She thought otherwise. I tried to stay friends with her, but I could never see her as just a friend. So I had to get away from her.


  • #46
    gargleblaster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,425 ✭✭✭gargleblaster


    Yes, now that I do understand, all too well.

    I for some reason thought the concept of the friend zone was limited more to people you were just getting to know.


  • #47
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    gargleblaster wrote: »
    Yes, now that I do understand, all too well.

    I for some reason thought the concept of the friend zone was limited more to people you were just getting to know.

    Therein lies the issue with the "friendzone". It has no actual meaning outside of silly movies. Everything else is open to personal interpretation and semantics.


  • #48
    i need this
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭i need this


    I think that if you like someone and leave it too long to tell them your feelings then you can fall into the friendzone..

    this is just like if you are getting on really well and you are afraid or too shy to tell them how you feel..

    the longer its left the harder it is for something to heppen between ye.


  • #49
    entropi
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭entropi


    gargleblaster wrote: »
    I'm completely lost. So - from the last couple of posts, am I understanding things correctly when I summarize thusly:

    - Most men who are friends with women aren't really friends, they're just hanging around to try to get sex.

    - Most women with male friends know that the men 'friends' only want sex, that they aren't really friends, so they're just using these men as doormats.

    - No woman without a fetish for men as doormats wants male friends.

    I must be getting things completely twisted around, because wtf.
    I dont understand one bit of this lol...ok I understand the first two parts.

    I'd say alot of men, not most men, would be sniffing around to see what they can get, if they can get it. Not all women I would imagine are thinking men are just being friendly so they can get in her knickers...although there are definitely women who enjoy this "cockteasers" are what I call them.

    Its not unheard of for men and women to be purely friends, no ulterior motives or attraction on either side...I can admit that I have female friends I felt zero attraction to, and they had none either. We just work better as friends.
    parker kent wrote: »
    Therein lies the issue with the "friendzone". It has no actual meaning outside of silly movies. Everything else is open to personal interpretation and semantics.
    Indeed...if You believe in it, it is what You make of it.
    i need this wrote: »
    I think that if you like someone and leave it too long to tell them your feelings then you can fall into the friendzone..

    this is just like if you are getting on really well and you are afraid or too shy to tell them how you feel..

    the longer its left the harder it is for something to heppen between ye.
    Not always true, friends can hook up and continue being friends. Likewise, friends can develop feelings for each other and start a relationship. Its not unheard of :)


  • #50
    few cans?
    Closed Accounts Posts: 162 ✭✭few cans?


    There is nothing worse than when you convince yourself you dont fancy your female friend and therefore never make a move on her, and it is only when she begins a relationship with one of your friends that you realise you dont just fancy her, but you are actually horribly in love with her.


  • #51
    amacachi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,315 ✭✭✭✭amacachi


    ...And not too long afterwards she comes on to you just like she did a few years before when she was with someone else. Or is that just me? :pac:


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  • #52
    Handsome Bob
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,905 ✭✭✭✭Handsome Bob


    gargleblaster wrote: »
    I must be getting things completely twisted around, because wtf.

    I don't think anyone has said that.

    I myself have plenty of female acquaintances in "real life" and from people I've met on boards. Thinking of each one of them, I can't say I've any ulterior motives towards any of them. They're just friends, that's it.


  • #53
    py2006
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,845 ✭✭✭py2006


    I can recall countless times in my past were I befriended a girl that I really liked or got to really like! Because I was too much of a wuss to do anything about it slipped into a comfortable friends zone were she would only see my as a friend!

    There is no mystery about a 'friend zone' situation, it happens often!


  • #54
    Raze_them_all
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,477 ✭✭✭✭Raze_them_all


    tbh i don't get the whole friend zone, I've hooked up with the vast majority of my female friends, just cos you have sex doesn't mean ye still can't be friends. You get thrown in the "friendzone" when a girl isn't attracted to you and guys do the same


  • #55
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    gargleblaster wrote: »
    It's an ego-massaging excuse, IMO.

    It seems to me that what happens is people might have an initial attraction, but then after they get to know each other a little more, one decides they're not interested. The person rejected then might perceive that they've been 'friend-zoned', when really the other person was just never that attracted to them to begin with. It's certainly not just something men are relegated to.

    If someone doesn't fancy you that much, you get 'friend-zoned', that's it. Nothing to do with not seizing the moment or getting friendly without making your attraction to the other person obvious. Doing so might result in a date or two before they realized you weren't for them, but the bottom line is there just was never all that much attraction there to begin with.

    This.

    All this sh1te about being friend-zoned... guys will use any excuse as to why they couldn't get the girl :rolleyes:


  • #56
    Logical Fallacy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,933 ✭✭✭Logical Fallacy


    jaffacakesyum wrote: »
    This.

    All this sh1te about being friend-zoned... guys will use any excuse as to why they couldn't get the girl :rolleyes:

    I have to agree. It's a lot easier to think you didn't move quick enough that to think the object of your affections just doesn't find you attractive.


  • #57
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    py2006 wrote: »
    I can recall countless times in my past were I befriended a girl that I really liked or got to really like! Because I was too much of a wuss to do anything about it slipped into a comfortable friends zone were she would only see my as a friend!

    There is no mystery about a 'friend zone' situation, it happens often!

    If somebody really liked you, becoming friends with you would not rule you out as a potential partner. Countless couples describe being friends first. It's just a line people use, a cliché that is nicer to say than saying "I don't like you in that way".
    Handsome Bob wrote: »
    I don't think anyone has said that.

    I myself have plenty of female acquaintances in "real life" and from people I've met on boards. Thinking of each one of them, I can't say I've any ulterior motives towards any of them. They're just friends, that's it.

    I think you missed the point, he was pointing out the weirdness of what was being suggested.


  • #58
    gargleblaster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,425 ✭✭✭gargleblaster


    parker kent wrote: »
    I think you missed the point, he was pointing out the weirdness of what was being suggested.

    If that 'he' means me, then it should be 'she'. If not then please pardon my narcissism.


  • #59
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    gargleblaster wrote: »
    If that 'he' means me, then it should be 'she'. If not then please pardon my narcissism.

    The internet hides your gender well :pac: I've been called a she often enough here, about time I returned the favour!


  • #60
    G86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,660 ✭✭✭G86


    gargleblaster wrote: »
    It's an ego-massaging excuse, IMO.

    It seems to me that what happens is people might have an initial attraction, but then after they get to know each other a little more, one decides they're not interested. The person rejected then might perceive that they've been 'friend-zoned', when really the other person was just never that attracted to them to begin with. It's certainly not just something men are relegated to.

    If someone doesn't fancy you that much, you get 'friend-zoned', that's it. Nothing to do with not seizing the moment or getting friendly without making your attraction to the other person obvious. Doing so might result in a date or two before they realized you weren't for them, but the bottom line is there just was never all that much attraction there to begin with.

    This is basically it in a nutshell.

    Both people have to fancy/like each other for a romantic relationship to develop. If that isn't there, then nothing will develop. If I meet a guy and he's not interested in me romantically, that doesn't mean he's 'friend zoned me', it means..he's not interested.

    Also, I don't understand why 'friend zone' is used in a derogatory fashion; what's the harm in being friends with a member of the opposite sex? Many of my friends are guys, and yes some have gone down the questionable road of where to draw the line, but the majority are simply platonic relationships and always will be. That IS possible.


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  • #61
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    I'm not speaking for all women cause I know many girls who have started dating lads they have been friends with for years. Just for me once you are in the friend zone you can never come out of it!

    When I meet a lad I put him into the friend zone immediately, or else he has potential for romance. You get put in the friend zone immediately if

    -You're just not my type
    -I have a boyfriend at the time
    -You're dating someone I know
    -You aren't in a position for me to date (friend's brother, roommate)

    Weird but that's how I work. I could never fancy one of my friend's exes. The girls in my group do a lot of man swapping and I just don't get it. A friend of mine asked me out but when I met him I had a boyfriend and he was put into the friend zone. Such a great guy, but I cant' fancy him now!


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