did a bad thing - now will pay for it!

LegacyUser · 11-09-2011 11:47AM #1

I slept with a guy that i liked, he had a girlfriend i knew it before i slept with him. And yes I do have confidence issues and knew I shouldnt be doing it but i felt lonely - Im seeing a counsellor for my issues with a while. After I slept with him he felt guilty and probably wanted to forget the whole thing. Im ashamed to say I turned into a bit of a stalker - I text him alot but Ive stopped that now I hope. The texts were kinda abusive but the last text from him was friendly and professional so I guess he does not hate me - i duno. Im mortified by the whole thing - now it turns out Im going to be in contact with him again and I don't think it can be avoided ( work ) What am I supposed to do? I know I reap what i sow and its all my fault but I will die if I see him again. How am I supposed to handle this? And please don't give out to me for sleeping with a guy that has a girlfirend - i know it was wrong.

LegacyUser · 11-09-2011 04:44PM

Easy. Keep it professional. There is no need for any apologies or explanations or anything basically. Show that you can be trusted by acting like an adult. And remember that work has thrown you two together again, so trying to have 'chats' about stuff would be inappropriate.
Just accept that what's happened is over and show that you've changed by acting maturely. That means also accepting that any potential relationship with him is a complete non-runner. Don't let your mind play tricks on you.
It will only be embarrassing at first, and then if you act well it will all be ancient history.

BattleCorp · 11-09-2011 07:22PM

If you don't mention it, he won't mention it either. Just be civil and keep things professional when you meet and everything will be ok.

Liam Byrne · 11-09-2011 09:25PM

Keep it "professional" ????

Do you work with him ?

catch me if you can · 12-09-2011 11:16AM

just steer clear of him. dont strike up converstation unless spoken to . and dont stare at him. just keep it professional.
try forgive yourself and never do something like it again. we all make mistakes and once you learn from them and become a better person you should not let it destroy your inner peace.

LegacyUser · 13-09-2011 02:06AM

Hi OP,

You sound like you feel really guilty for doing this, he is just as responsible if not more, he could have put a complete end to it and said look I think we should not text anymore out of respect for my GF as i staying with her. If you want to ease your confidence i would do that myself, don't wait for him, just end it and say, because you are staying with your GF out of respect for her now we should not text and we should forget each other, if you come into contact with him in work then you have no ties and its a fresh start, i think you need to take control of this situation, let him go and move on you deserve better.

LegacyUser · 13-09-2011 10:43AM

op here - thanks for replies. I said to him before i was not going texting again but i did. I said this again on friday and have not text him since - - nor has he text me - he prob thinks I will text again but I dont want to and wont. To be honest I did like him and still do but he has a girlfriend and is not interetsed. I know its wrong and he does not want me to text him prob. Although he said he did not mind texting if its work related. Fair enough but its like I was being given scraps. It was embarrassing and insulting!

ibarelycare · 13-09-2011 01:10PM

Do you work with this guy?

Why do you need to text him for work related issues? It's unclear without knowing what your job entails, but do you really need to text him? My advice is to delete his number, stop harrassing him and move on.

Big Bag of Chips · 13-09-2011 02:37PM

You clearly like him more than he likes you. And more than he likes his gf it would seem. He is showing her no respect by sleeping with you and then continuing to text you. Whether you initiated the texts or not is irrelevant.

This man is not worthy of your time and attention. You did a bad thing, but you feel bad about it.. that leads me to believe that fundamentally you are not a bad person. Just someone who made a mistake.

Why do you need to text him for work? All contact with him should be in "office hours". And should be in whatever manner is appropriate in your job, email, phonecall whatever.

Outside of that you have no reason to contact him. He is not your "friend". You've crossed a line with him and the consequence of that is an friendship you had has to stop. No socialising with him. No chatty informal texts etc.

You made a mistake. The way to make it right is to stay away.

Have a work relationship with him. No more

LegacyUser · 14-09-2011 12:00AM

Hi again,

I think these are always learning experience if your young and testing the waters! I think girls should always work on themselves, building yourself up to being the best you can be. we get caught up in love and it can sweep you away sometimes, but i defo think you should try listen to your wise self and stay strong in what your telling yourself, your instinct is telling you not to text again. I would also just ignore him next time you see him, like be polite but don't give him any idea that you are his or something, be your own person and stand firm. Get used to awkward silences, thats a good trick in life to have! don't feel you owe him anything! xx

did a bad thing - now will pay for it!

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