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The annoying moment your penis wakes up before you do.

  • 08-10-2011 07:28AM
    #1
    T0mmy C
    Closed Accounts Posts: 83 ✭✭


    Hello everyone. I'm new so hi. :)

    All us men will understand that it is extremely frustrating for your penis to wake up before you do, often known as 'morning glory'.

    I hate having to get out of bed, fishing around suspiciously while I try to pour some cornflakes without the family noticing my erect pole.

    I'm sure I'll have great sympathy off the males of the board here, right?


«1

Comments

  • #2
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    *breaking news*

    Man gets morning wood :eek:


  • #3
    Gee Bag
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,541 ✭✭✭Gee Bag


    You want sympathy for walking around in front of your family with a boner?

    Have you mixed up boards.ie with incest.com?


  • #4
    Chris P. Bacon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,808 ✭✭✭Chris P. Bacon


    If you have a piss before you eat your cornflakes it will go away.


  • #5
    Mint Sauce
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,293 ✭✭✭✭Mint Sauce


    Have a fap, or sex, that usally sorts it quite quickly.
    Chris P. Bacon wrote: »
    If you have a piss before you eat your cornflakes it will go away.

    But then theres that whole problem of have to direct it.


  • #6
    Mr. CooL ICE
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,786 ✭✭✭✭Mr. CooL ICE


    irish-stew wrote: »
    Have a fap, or sex, that usally sorts it quite quickly.
    Chris P. Bacon wrote: »
    If you have a piss before you eat your cornflakes it will go away.

    But then theres that whole problem of have to direct it.
    Smooth criminal leaning position. Problem solved


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  • #7
    Chris P. Bacon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,808 ✭✭✭Chris P. Bacon


    irish-stew wrote: »
    But then theres that whole problem of have to direct it.

    Its easy enough just stand about 6 feet from the toilet bowl (thats just me because of my huge cock),or piss into the bath if you have one!


  • #8
    T0mmy C
    Closed Accounts Posts: 83 ✭✭T0mmy C


    Chris P. Bacon wrote: »
    If you have a piss before you eat your cornflakes it will go away.

    Are you male?

    Have you tried to urinate with an erect penis?

    I like to sit down when I go for a wee. Do you know how hard it is to bend it into the pan?


  • #9
    Saila
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,751 ✭✭✭Saila


    do you all still sleep in one room in your house :confused:


  • #10
    Ronin247
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,256 ✭✭✭Ronin247


    irish-stew wrote: »
    .........
    But then theres that whole problem of have to direct it.

    1.Hand against the wall,
    2.lean at an impossible angle,
    3.Attempt to bend it down at a worse angle,
    4.P*ss everywhere except the bowl.


  • #11
    Chris P. Bacon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,808 ✭✭✭Chris P. Bacon


    T0mmy C wrote: »
    Are you male?

    Have you tried to urinate with an erect penis?

    I like to sit down when I go for a wee. Do you know how hard it is to bend it into the pan?

    I wouldnt enjoy my cornflakes if i needed a piss.


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  • #12
    T0mmy C
    Closed Accounts Posts: 83 ✭✭T0mmy C


    Saila wrote: »
    do you all still sleep in one room in your house :confused:

    Don't be so ridiculous. We all have our own rooms, except the parents. They share a bed. ;)
    Ronin247 wrote: »
    1.Hand against the wall,
    2.lean at an impossible angle,
    3.Attempt to bend it down at a worse angle,
    4.P*ss everywhere except the bowl.

    It just goes everywhere anyway. I then have to mop it up with tissues. :(


  • #13
    Saila
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,751 ✭✭✭Saila


    T0mmy C wrote: »
    It just goes everywhere anyway. I then have to mop it up with tissues. :(

    are we still talking about pissing here?


  • #14
    T0mmy C
    Closed Accounts Posts: 83 ✭✭T0mmy C


    Saila wrote: »
    are we still talking about pissing here?

    Yes, I think that's what the subject matter is about. :confused:
    callaway92 wrote: »
    OP, you remind me of Eeyore from Winnie-The-Pooh.

    Except nobody feels sorry for you.

    :(


  • #15
    Chris P. Bacon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,808 ✭✭✭Chris P. Bacon


    T0mmy C wrote: »
    Don't be so ridiculous. We all have our own rooms, except the parents. They share a bed. ;)



    It just goes everywhere anyway. I then have to mop it up with tissues. :(

    You should cut it off and hit yourself over the head with it.


  • #16
    Saila
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,751 ✭✭✭Saila


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZucKDddRMSM


  • #17
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    T0mmy C wrote: »

    I hate having to get out of bed, fishing around suspiciously while I try to pour some cornflakes without the family noticing my erect pole.

    So you sleep in the kitchen with your entire family?


  • #18
    mackg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,938 ✭✭✭mackg


    Op you need to sit down and discuss your problem with your whole family, or you just make lemonade and have an aul fap before you exit the bed


  • #19
    Gee Bag
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,541 ✭✭✭Gee Bag


    stovelid wrote: »
    So you sleep in the kitchen with your entire family?

    Maybe he's a character from a Charles Dickens novel.


  • #20
    Mickey H
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,822 ✭✭✭Mickey H


    T0mmy C wrote: »
    Hello everyone. I'm new so hi. :)

    I hate having to get out of bed, fishing around suspiciously while I try to pour some cornflakes without the family noticing my erect pole.

    Give it a lash of a spoon. That'll quieten it.


  • #21
    Temptamperu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,303 ✭✭✭Temptamperu


    Jaysus i had the biggest erection of me life this morn. Had a slash smooth criminal style pointing it down. Twas the sound of thunder in the jacks.


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  • #22
    foggy_lad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,373 ✭✭✭✭foggy_lad


    Mickey H wrote: »
    Give it a lash of a spoon. That'll quieten it.
    That only works when someone else does it so op will have to get a sibling or parent to slap it for him.


  • #23
    cocoshovel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,036 ✭✭✭cocoshovel


    Or you know, you could wait a minute or two and wait for it to go down before getting up. Unless you have absolutely no control over your penis. :confused:


  • #24
    Biggins
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 34,567 ✭✭✭✭Biggins


    .


  • #25
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Chris P. Bacon wrote: »
    If you have a piss before you eat your cornflakes it will go away.

    Handstand ftw!


  • #26
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Temptamperu wrote: »
    Jaysus i had the biggest erection of me life this morn. Had a slash smooth criminal style pointing it down. Twas the sound of thunder in the jacks.

    Now, this I don't get - how can one mans erection be bigger one day to the next? like, what does this refer to? :confused:


  • #27
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    Gee Bag wrote: »
    Maybe he's a character from a Charles Dickens novel.

    I approve of your user name.


  • #28
    LeixlipRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,081 ✭✭✭LeixlipRed


    stupidusername wrote: »
    Now, this I don't get - how can one mans erection be bigger one day to the next? like, what does this refer to? :confused:

    There are various different stages of erection. How do you not know this?? :eek:


  • #29
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    LeixlipRed wrote: »
    There are various different stages of erection. How do you not know this?? :eek:

    Because I don't have a penis. and have not studied them in great detail.


  • #30
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    LeixlipRed wrote: »
    There are various different stages of erection. How do you not know this?? :eek:

    I actually didn't know this until I was quite old :o.

    It's like men with women's periods. You don't think about heavy and light flow i'm sure .


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  • #31
    Cicero
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,144 ✭✭✭✭Cicero


    stupidusername wrote: »
    Because I don't have a penis. and have not studied them in great detail.


    ....and you probably won't be able to for the foreseeable future, what with research grants greatly reduced in universities ........damned government..:(


  • #32
    aujopimur
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,953 ✭✭✭aujopimur


    Ahh, memories for me I'm afraid, as Billy Connelly says, never waste an erection even if your on your own.


  • #33
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    stupidusername wrote: »
    Because I don't have a penis. and have not studied them in great detail.

    You prefer it up the arse then?


  • #34
    Gee Bag
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,541 ✭✭✭Gee Bag


    midlandsmissus wrote: »
    I actually didn't know this until I was quite old :o.

    It's like men with women's periods. You don't think about heavy and light flow i'm sure .


    Even though this thread is rubbish it is clearly deicated to the discussion of mens wobbly bits. Lady problems have no place here!!!!!!


  • #35
    Saila
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,751 ✭✭✭Saila


    stupidusername wrote: »
    Now, this I don't get - how can one mans erection be bigger one day to the next? like, what does this refer to? :confused:

    stiffness hardness, different degrees ;)


  • #36
    4leto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,940 ✭✭✭4leto


    What the hell is that about with us, what the hell is the lunatic we share our lives with thinking first thing in the morning and it can be painfully hard as if you ODed on viagra, and it never stops I am in my 40s and it still happens.


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  • #37
    ShooterSF
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,824 ✭✭✭ShooterSF


    Just remember a day will dawn for all of us when we'll miss him rising at inappropriate times!


  • #38
    Jaxxy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,297 ✭✭✭Jaxxy


    Can you not just tuck it into the waistband of your boxers and get on with things?


  • #39
    cocoshovel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,036 ✭✭✭cocoshovel


    JaxxYChicK wrote: »
    Can you not just tuck it into the waistband of your boxers and get on with things?

    Doesn't really work fully. Also thats very uncomfortable.


  • #40
    Biggins
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 34,567 ✭✭✭✭Biggins


    Take a cold shower for fcuks sake!


  • #41
    Darksaga87
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,990 ✭✭✭Darksaga87


    Piss on your family, piss in your conflakes, piss on yourself.
    Then **** over your piss covered family.

    The next time you walk into the kitchen with a proud stiff one, your family will run in fear, therefore.... leaving you alone in the kitchen to sit and eat cornflakes and possibly **** while reading the morning paper.


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  • #42
    Jaxxy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,297 ✭✭✭Jaxxy


    cocoshovel wrote: »
    Doesn't really work fully. Also thats very uncomfortable.

    But if it is very uncomfortable surely that would help you get rid of it faster, which is the point, right?

    Nevermind, someone just informed me via PM that it only works on semis.


  • #43
    BBDBB
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,899 ✭✭✭✭BBDBB


    never mind OP, this cold snap will soon sort you out ;)


  • #44
    Helix
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,661 ✭✭✭✭Helix


    T0mmy C wrote: »
    I like to sit down when I go for a wee


    you have bigger issues than morning wood then so son


  • #45
    Mike 1972
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,018 ✭✭✭Mike 1972


    irish-stew wrote: »
    But then theres that whole problem of have to direct it.
    Chris P. Bacon wrote: »
    Its easy enough just stand about 6 feet from the toilet bowl (thats just me because of my huge cock),or piss into the bath if you have one!

    You could try out the bathroom window although the neighbours might complain ?


  • #46
    maygitchell
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 843 ✭✭✭maygitchell


    Just take a seat on the toilet, or shove it in your woman before she wakes to relieve yourself, I find setting an alarm clock earlier than hers works best


  • #47
    hatrickpatrick
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,798 ✭✭✭✭hatrickpatrick


    eejits ITT
    You're supposed to have a cheeky fap to get rid of it.


  • #48
    Stacey.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 190 ✭✭Stacey.


    lmfao -has sympathy for you- :(


  • #49
    T0mmy C
    Closed Accounts Posts: 83 ✭✭T0mmy C


    Helix wrote: »
    you have bigger issues than morning wood then so son

    Well I'm gay so maybe it is in the jeans?

    Like, women sit down to go to toilet and so do I. I just find it more relaxing. I'm too lazy to stand up and piss.

    Most of the time when I have an erection I just try to tuck it under my thigh cheeks and walk about like a pregnant lady until it has gone.


  • #50
    Oh_Noes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,512 ✭✭✭Oh_Noes


    T0mmy C wrote: »
    Are you male?

    I like to sit down when I go for a wee.

    Are you male?

    No self-respecting man would sit down while peeing. I say do the smooth criminal or stand 20 feet away from the toilet and aim carefully. Failing that. get a very high ceiling and aim carefully.

    Or don't aim carefully. We're male after all.


  • #51
    Gee Bag
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,541 ✭✭✭Gee Bag


    T0mmy C wrote: »
    Well I'm gay so maybe it is in the jeans?

    Like, women sit down to go to toilet and so do I. I just find it more relaxing. I'm too lazy to stand up and piss.

    Most of the time when I have an erection I just try to tuck it under my thigh cheeks and walk about like a pregnant lady until it has gone.

    This reminds me of the mangina dance in 'silence of the lambs', are you by any chance a trainee serial killer?


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