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Is friend been taken for a fool?

  • 05-01-2012 09:56PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I have a very dear friend who means the world to me, but I am worried that a girl is taking him for a ride.

    He went on holidays to Thailand last July, returning on the 26th. He met a Thai girl who now says that she is pregnent with his baby. Her baby is due on May 4th.

    I know from one of my children whos due date was April 12th that he was conceived on July 23rd.... so surely this Thai girls dates cant be right.

    He is so looking forward to finally being a dad but I have my doubts and am finding it very hard to keep quiet about it. I dont want to crush his dreams..... he really wants this baby. I hope that I am wrong, I really do but I dont want to see him being made a fool out of.
    Maybe in Thailand, due dates arent as accurate as they are here.... would I be best to say nothing and see how it pans out..... or should I say something?

    Please tell me what you think?


Comments

  • #2
    Neyite
    Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    My due date is May 12th 2012. My LMP was August 6 and I ovulated & concieved on 19 August 2011.

    For her due date to be 8 days before mine, then I dont think its likely he could be the father considering the latest he could have slept with her is 26th July. You are correct, the dates really dont fit well at all.

    Has he been sending her money or anything?


  • #3
    fluffybiscuits
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 152 ✭✭fluffybiscuits


    You could point out the anomaly that it is to him in a joking manner and make light of it. You can either be blunt or just bring it up in a humourous manner. Its better to sow the seed of the idea in his head and then take it from there. That way he will think its his idea :)


  • #4
    Squiggler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 945 ✭✭✭Squiggler


    Without knowing the exact circumstances (and I'm assuming you don't know them either) it is difficult to say whether your friend is being taken for a ride or not.

    Some women in Thailand do take advantage of foreign men, for money or to obtain a visa for another country. There have also been known scams where women tell several foreign men that the same baby is theirs and obtain money from them all. But that's the worst case scenario.

    If there is a child, and if it is his child (DNA test results might be advisable), your friend should definitely find out what his legal rights are with regard to mother and child. He should also determine what it is that she is looking for from him.

    As far as I know (at least a few years ago) in Thai Law even in a marriage between a foreigner and a thai citizen there is no shared custody. If the relationship breaks down the Thai citizen gets full custody and keeps the child, with no obligation to allow the child to travel to spend time with the other parent, or grandparents, at least such was the advice given to my brother when he married his wife (who is Thai).

    If they married and lived in Ireland and she decided to return to Thailand taking the child there would be no recourse.

    It is likely that your friend would have absolutely no rights when it came to any child.


  • #5
    fluffybiscuits
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 152 ✭✭fluffybiscuits


    Squiggler wrote: »
    Without knowing the exact circumstances (and I'm assuming you don't know them either) it is difficult to say whether your friend is being taken for a ride or not.

    Some women in Thailand do take advantage of foreign men, for money or to obtain a visa for another country. There have also been known scams where women tell several foreign men that the same baby is theirs and obtain money from them all. But that's the worst case scenario.

    If there is a child, and if it is his child (DNA test results might be advisable), your friend should definitely find out what his legal rights are with regard to mother and child. He should also determine what it is that she is looking for from him.

    As far as I know (at least a few years ago) in Thai Law even in a marriage between a foreigner and a thai citizen there is no shared custody. If the relationship breaks down the Thai citizen gets full custody and keeps the child, with no obligation to allow the child to travel to spend time with the other parent, or grandparents, at least such was the advice given to my brother when he married his wife (who is Thai).

    If they married and lived in Ireland and she decided to return to Thailand taking the child there would be no recourse.

    It is likely that your friend would have absolutely no rights when it came to any child.


    I would strongly advise your friend to contact the Thai embassy to check the details of the legislation.


  • #6
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    There's not a great deal you can do bar point out the inconsistency re dates and let him then investigate as necessary. I'd definitely say it to him but whether he chooses to actually listen to you is an entirely different matter.

    On a side note, you might like to ask him what the hell he thinks he was doing having unprotected sex with a randomer while in Thailand...the mind boggles :eek:


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  • #7
    Pebbles68
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 165 ✭✭Pebbles68


    Miss Fluff wrote: »

    On a side note, you might like to ask him what the hell he thinks he was doing having unprotected sex with a randomer while in Thailand...the mind boggles :eek:

    That is what I was asking myself since reading the post but i didn't want to drag the thread off topic. Did he really have unprotected sex with a stranger in Thailand? But now that it has been brought up, it may be a good way to begin the conversation with your friend and then the conversation could move onto the subject of the irregularity with the dates.

    Personally I'd take the chance in expressing my concerns. If this guy values you as a friend he'll know that you have his best interests at heart.


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You really need to sit your mate down and explain to him in the strongest possible terms the distinct probability that this Thai lady is pulling the wool over his eyes.

    I know of two men who went along for a similar ride... both kids did not turn out to be theirs and the whole situation cost them both allot of money and heart ache...


  • #9
    tinkerbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    Sounds a bit dodgy alright ... he should not be giving her any money whatsoever unless he has got proof that the kid is his. Can't you do a DNA test while pregnant to find out who the father is? If he cannot get this now, then he has to do it after, and get the DNA test done himself, I wouldn't rely on her word that she'd do the test.


  • #10
    Kidchameleon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,482 ✭✭✭Kidchameleon


    tinkerbell wrote: »
    Sounds a bit dodgy alright ... he should not be giving her any money whatsoever unless he has got proof that the kid is his. Can't you do a DNA test while pregnant to find out who the father is? If he cannot get this now, then he has to do it after, and get the DNA test done himself, I wouldn't rely on her word that she'd do the test.

    Its possible but there is a small risk of harm to the baby. Better off waiting till birth.


  • #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks guys. yeah think I will bring up the subject of what were you thinking..... and as a by-the-by bring the "dates' into it. Yeah I agree it was a stupid thing to do, but he is so excited about the baby and I know any doubts will crush him, but I do believe that I would be failing in my duty as a friend if I didnt say anything. I truly hope, for his sake that I am wrong but something is telling me that I am not.

    Thanks for all your input, I appreciate it.


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  • #12
    Shelli2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 927 ✭✭✭Shelli2


    After the conversation, if he agrees with you that the dates don't add up but doesn't feel right rocking the boat and asking for a DNA test, this is what my friend in the same situation did, not sure if people would see it as ethical, but it put his mind to rest and it did so without him having to accuse the prospective mother of his child of lying. She too was an asian woman, and for their child to have an Irish (or any EU) passport is very desirable to them. He told her that as the child was being born outside the country and as she was a non -EU national, that a DNA test was required to obtain an Irish passport for the baby.
    In a weird twist of fate it turned out he wasn't the dad, but that she had genuinely thought he was, went and got the DNA and all, once she agreed to it he got his hopes up, as who would have a DNA if the knew he wasn't the Dad....anyway.. OT.

    Hope things work out better for your friend.


  • #13
    Ellie2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,123 ✭✭✭Ellie2008


    OP its sounds totally dodgy, I watched programmes about Asian women desperate to meet Western men and move over here, I cant blame them shoe on the other foot who know if I wont do the same, we re all just trying to survive after all. I think sometimes being a good friend means telling someone something they dont want to hear, you have his best interests at heart and I admire you for worrying, probably some guys who d think it was really funny!


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