Girlfriend tells her friends everything

Tramps Like Us · 13-08-2013 11:53PM #1

My girlfriend insists on telling her friends about seemingly every little detail of our relationship, what we do, where we go, if I'm unwell, arguments we have either between ourselves or with others, our sex life, things I say to her, illnesses in my family, pretty much everything.

It's really pissing me off. I'm a private person and I don't tell any of that stuff to my friends. It feels like my life and our relationship is being put on show to others. I don't like being around her friends now, sometimes they might make a (well meaning usually) comment about something that I'd only said to my gf.

I've asked her not to talk about stuff like that with her friends, but she just says that they are her friends and she tells them everything, and always has. I said that they may be her friends, but they are relative strangers to me and I dont like them knowing everything.

I blew my top today after we met one of her friends for lunch and her friend made reference to a number of things I'd told my gf (my future plans re work/college, fight at work, romantic evening I'd had with my gf including a reference to what happened in the bedroom [nothing bad thank god, but what happens if one day I'm not up to scratch?] ) To be fair she was just being nice and making conversation, she must have said "So I hear you/your... blah blah blah" half a dozen times.

To be honest I feel like she has just handed my diary to her friends and let them read it. I can only imagine what she tells them that I don't know of. I open up to her emotionally, which I'm not very good at, I find it hard. But then she relays it to her friends. Having them know about even the small things we do is annoying me at this stage. For example I'd say to my friends "We went out for dinner then came back to mine and watched a film". She say where we went, what I was wearing, what time we went, what we ate, how much it cost, how we divvied up the cost, what film we watched, and then what we did after the film! (and how many times!)

Anyway I lost the rag at her this evening after her friend left and told her in no uncertain terms to stop telling her friends so much about us and me, and that what happens between us should remain between us and I don't like everyone knowing every detail about our relationship. Anyway she twisted that into me not liking her friends and not wanting her to see or talk to them. :rolleyes: I told her that I meant for her to have some cop on and have a degree of reservation, tact and respect for my privacy and wishes when telling her friends things and if she didn't then I couldn't trust her enough to be honest and open. Somehow she turned that around into me being the bad guy and bad boyfriend, not liking her enough, and wanting her to choose between her friends or me. Anyway we ended up having a big fight over this and it ended in tears, so now I feel guilty and am getting the silent treatment, ignored calls and texts. To be perfectly honest right now I feel like telling her to go fcuk herself and e done with it. She no doubt expects me to apologize and suck up to her to get back into her goodbooks, and she will of course have told her friends all this.

I'm going to try and sit down and talk to her calmly about all this, BUT if she won't change her behavior I think it's a deal-breaker to me.

Am I overreacting or being unreasonable? I feel like I'm in a bloody soap opera.

Toast4532 · 14-08-2013 12:03AM

Honestly, for me this would be a deal-breaker. I mean who tells their friends about their sex life, or arguments, where you go, when you go, who you go with etc? And to tell them every little detail?

Your girlfriend is disrespecting you, your privacy and your relationship by continuing her behaviour, even after you've asked her numerous times to stop.

If she hasn't changed her behaviour now, then I doubt she ever will to be honest.

Personally, I would dump her. It might just be the wake up call she needs to get the cop on and tact she severely lacks. I don't think you are over reacting at all OP.

And as for her twisting things to make you look like the bad guy, that would be a big red flag for me, and not something I would take lightly.

She sounds too immature to be in an adult relationship, in my opinion. She needs to seriously grow up, cop on and start respecting your wishes of her keeping her trap firmly shut in future.

Catphish · 14-08-2013 12:16AM

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

My girlfriend insists on telling her friends about seemingly every little detail of our relationship, what we do, where we go, if I'm unwell, arguments we have either between ourselves or with others, our sex life, things I say to her, illnesses in my family, pretty much everything.

It's really pissing me off. I'm a private person and I don't tell any of that stuff to my friends. It feels like my life and our relationship is being put on show to others. I don't like being around her friends now, sometimes they might make a (well meaning usually) comment about something that I'd only said to my gf.

I've asked her not to talk about stuff like that with her friends, but she just says that they are her friends and she tells them everything, and always has. I said that they may be her friends, but they are relative strangers to me and I dont like them knowing everything.

I blew my top today after we met one of her friends for lunch and her friend made reference to a number of things I'd told my gf (my future plans re work/college, fight at work, romantic evening I'd had with my gf including a reference to what happened in the bedroom [nothing bad thank god, but what happens if one day I'm not up to scratch?] ) To be fair she was just being nice and making conversation, she must have said "So I hear you/your... blah blah blah" half a dozen times.

To be honest I feel like she has just handed my diary to her friends and let them read it. I can only imagine what she tells them that I don't know of. I open up to her emotionally, which I'm not very good at, I find it hard. But then she relays it to her friends. Having them know about even the small things we do is annoying me at this stage. For example I'd say to my friends "We went out for dinner then came back to mine and watched a film". She say where we went, what I was wearing, what time we went, what we ate, how much it cost, how we divvied up the cost, what film we watched, and then what we did after the film! (and how many times!)

Anyway I lost the rag at her this evening after her friend left and told her in no uncertain terms to stop telling her friends so much about us and me, and that what happens between us should remain between us and I don't like everyone knowing every detail about our relationship. Anyway she twisted that into me not liking her friends and not wanting her to see or talk to them. :rolleyes: I told her that I meant for her to have some cop on and have a degree of reservation, tact and respect for my privacy and wishes when telling her friends things and if she didn't then I couldn't trust her enough to be honest and open. Somehow she turned that around into me being the bad guy and bad boyfriend, not liking her enough, and wanting her to choose between her friends or me. Anyway we ended up having a big fight over this and it ended in tears, so now I feel guilty and am getting the silent treatment, ignored calls and texts. To be perfectly honest right now I feel like telling her to go fcuk herself and e done with it. She no doubt expects me to apologize and suck up to her to get back into her goodbooks, and she will of course have told her friends all this.

I'm going to try and sit down and talk to her calmly about all this, BUT if she won't change her behavior I think it's a deal-breaker to me.

Am I overreacting or being unreasonable? I feel like I'm in a bloody soap opera.

Talking to her friends about what they do in terms of social activities is perfectly normal. Getting into bedroom specific isn't very respectful towards you.

I don't think you should send any more texts or get in touch for now. Let it settle. You constantly texting or calling her is empowering her which is wrong here. It's a case of column A and column B here so far as I can see. You're a bit sensitive about catch ups she has socially with her friends, but bedroom details is pushing it too far.

Ball is in her court now. You owe each other an apology, but you need to relax a bit and she needs to keep her mouth shut about bedroom stuff. Tempers are frayed at the moment, like I said, just sleep on it for now.

halpin17 · 14-08-2013 12:25AM

It could be because she's proud of you and is bragging/showing off about you. "oh he took me to dinner here" and he wore that "expensive suit" and he plans "to take a better paying Job in such a such company and its a real step up the ladder" your life reflects well in her life, girls gossip it's what they do, every girl you've ever slept with has broken down that event in their life in more detail to her girlfriends than a video analyst for a sports team.they prob even know minute details like if I touch him on left big toe he does this etc etc
Roll with it and open up

Catphish · 14-08-2013 12:44AM

Pride in your partner is one thing, every intimate moment discussion is not. It's unfair to say that all girls gossip too. It's not for everyone to give out all the details of their sex life either. I never have and never will. Each to their own, but I don't feel it's right.

sam34 · 14-08-2013 04:57AM

halpin17 wrote: »

girls gossip it's what they do, every girl you've ever slept with has broken down that event in their life in more detail to her girlfriends than a video analyst for a sports team.they prob even know minute details like if I touch him on left big toe he does this etc etc

rubbish, utter rubbish, and quite insulting, actually. not all women do this, in fact I'd say most don't.

OP, your situation would be a deal breaker for me. I'm quite a private person, it's not that I have any big secrets but I just value my privacy and I don't like people knowing very much about me, even if it's fairly trivial stuff. I couldn't abide anyone who was so disrespectful about my privacy... I know not everyone is as private about smaller issues, but it sounds like this girl has no boundaries whatsoever.

Meauldsegosha · 14-08-2013 06:04AM

halpin17 wrote: »

girls gossip it's what they do, every girl you've ever slept with has broken down that event in their life in more detail to her girlfriends than a video analyst for a sports team.they prob even know minute details like if I touch him on left big toe he does this etc etc
Roll with it and open up

No no no this is simply not true.

OP your girlfriend sounds very immature. Not only is she discussing your sex life with other but also family information you have told her in confidence. She obviously doesn't know how to be discreet. Also the fact that she is trying to turn this around on you and say you don't like her friends and are a bad boyfriend shows she is not willing to see your point of view or respect your wishes. Another sign of her lack of maturity.

Sometimes on boards people say "end the relationship" far to quickly for me however in this case unless your girlfriend is willing to admit she was wrong and learn some discretion I wouldn't see a future between you. I don't think you are overreacting or being unreasonable.

Hannibal Smith · 14-08-2013 06:48AM

That would be a deal breaker for me and I'm a woman. Its so disrespectful. Life isnt like Sex and the City...she owes you a degree of privacy and respect and to refuse your requests is exactly like her saying its her way full stop like it or lump it. Why shouldn't that be a deal breaker for you?

Chara1001 · 14-08-2013 08:21AM

I'd HATE this, i'd never trust that anything i said or did wouldn't get back to her friends. Not all girls do this- and i'm one too- and honestly, I don't know ANY female friends/ family members who give this amount of information away.
I'd be pretty appalled, and whats worse, its not like she doesn't know, it sounds like you've been clear on this in the past.
You've got to respect the privacy of your partner. Its not fair otherwise.
Don't get sucked in to sending her texts, or arguments about whether you like her friends or not, stick to your concerns and tell her if she finds it too hard to do this, whats the point?

DjangoMc · 14-08-2013 08:27AM

Not every girl blab's to their friends. I have one friend I tell most stuff to, but not what we do in the bedroom. If we have a fight, I think once I rang her as I was really upset and it was the week before my wedding.

You have a right to a private relationship. People you don't know, knowing all your business, that is a deal breaker in my eyes.

Relationships are between 2 people. If others are "in on it", its not going to work out. And her flying of the handle like that, yeah she is a head wrecker.

I love my friends, but I wouldn't tell them everything. In all honesty, girls, women, are mental!

heretochat · 14-08-2013 08:29AM

I have to agree with the majority view on this. What she is doing is competely disrespectful to you.. You have told her how you feel on this and she has ignored your feelings.

We all have a right to our provacy and certain things should remain within the boundaries of a relationship.. end of...

Again like others I would be a private person and I would be extremely unhappy if I heard others were talking about me behind my back..

The words "deal breaker" have been used and this would be my stance as well.

Toast4532 · 14-08-2013 09:05AM

halpin17 wrote: »

girls gossip it's what they do, every girl you've ever slept with has broken down that event in their life in more detail to her girlfriends than a video analyst for a sports team.they prob even know minute details like if I touch him on left big toe he does this etc etc
Roll with it and open up

This is not true, NOT all girls talk. Maybe all the girls you are friends with talk, but they are a minority.

I have never, ever divulged any personal information about my boyfriend, his family, our sex life etc, to any of my friends of family. What the hell would they even want to know for?

My friends or family have no interest in such information, and I would find it odd if they did.

OP, try talking to her once more, if she won't listen, won't see your point of view and won't change her behvaiour, I would walk.

Dortilolma · 14-08-2013 09:34AM

In previous relationships I used to tell my friends a fair bit (not all the gory details mind) but I hold back a bit more now. My OH is pretty reserved and I know I have to respect that.

It sounds like your gf is actually hurting you with her behaviour - I know you have talked to her before but maybe point out that she is making you very uncomfortable and should respect your wishes. That's not to say she can never talk to her friends about you and your relationship but ask her to consider what she tells them a bit more and before she starts talking to ask her self 'is this something X would be comfortable with me sharing'.

The big fight is not going to help things, but maybe give it a few days and instead of apologising when you guys are talking again try and have a discussion instead of a fight. No blaming, no telling her she's wrong, just a discussion on how her behaviour is affecting you. Maybe ask her what solution she suggests.

trio · 14-08-2013 09:37AM

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

That would be a deal breaker for me and I'm a woman. Its so disrespectful. Life isnt like Sex and the City...she owes you a degree of privacy and respect and to refuse your requests is exactly like her saying its her way full stop like it or lump it. Why shouldn't that be a deal breaker for you?

Exactly. This isn't meant to happen in real life. As a woman, I feel this is a total deal breaker. She's basically dating her friends, and you're allowed to tag along.

And she's made it quite clear that it's never going to stop. She values those cosy intimate chats with her friends FAR more than she values you.

And to be honest, this doesn't seem resolvable. Say she said yes. Say she agreed that she'll never discuss anything about you with her friends. Then she gets resentful when she's out in the pub and something similar comes up (like one of them had a fight in work) and suddenly she wants to share that you had one too...but she's FORBIDDEN. So she comes home pretty pissed off and brandishing the "controlling" card. You get to be the bad guy, once again.

I don't like to call time on relationships, but until she's ready to be in a private one, I don't think she's ready to be in one at all.

But please make it absolutely explicit that it's this issue, as she is trying to twist away from that and make it something else. Hopefully something might drip in.

simonsays1 · 14-08-2013 09:53AM

deal-breaker!!

beano345 · 14-08-2013 10:35AM

If I was dating a girl and she was going into detail about our sex life apart from everything else it would turn me right off sleeping with her you'd be a paranoid wreck around her friends all the time.

BraziliaNZ · 14-08-2013 10:57AM

Personally I think you're overreacting. She may need to tone it down a bit. I learned a long time ago that women will pretty much tell their friends absolutely everything sooner or later. Couples row, things happen, her friends wont think anything unusual of you if she says that you got mad at her about something. Maybe ask yourself why you care if these people know about your life or not? Who gives a sh*t?

Big Bag of Chips · 14-08-2013 11:03AM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I learned a long time ago that women will pretty much tell their friends absolutely everything sooner or later.

Enough of the generalisations. Women don't tell their friends every minute detail of their lives. Some women might, but it would be those who have no respect for other's boundaries.

Next generalisation will result in Mod action.

BraziliaNZ · 14-08-2013 11:06AM

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Enough of the generalisations. Women don't tell their friends every minute detail of their lives. Some women might, but it would be those who have no respect for other's boundaries.

Next generalisation will result in Mod action.

Well the women I've gone out with then. I just don't see why the OP cares.

kylith · 14-08-2013 11:09AM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Personally I think you're overreacting. She may need to tone it down a bit. I learned a long time ago that women will pretty much tell their friends absolutely everything sooner or later. Couples row, things happen, her friends wont think anything unusual of you if she says that you got mad at her about something. Maybe ask yourself why you care if these people know about your life or not? Who gives a sh*t?

Bollox we do.

OP, what she is doing is completely disrespectful. You have asked her to stop and she has refused to. Unless you can somehow convince her to start respecting your privacy (perhaps ask how she'd feel if she knew you were giving your mates blow-by-blow accounts of your sex life when you were down the pub), then there is only one way that this will end.

heretochat · 14-08-2013 11:18AM

kylith wrote: »

Bollox we do.

OP, what she is doing is completely disrespectful. You have asked her to stop and she has refused to. Unless you can somehow convince her to start respecting your privacy (perhaps ask how she'd feel if she knew you were giving your mates blow-by-blow accounts of your sex life when you were down the pub), then there is only one way that this will end.

Again the key word here is disrespect. She knows your opinion and has completely ignored it.. I don't think there is a way that you can get her to change personally but it's up to you try and convince her if you want to save this relationship.

If she refuses to listen or tries to make this your fault (:eek:) then you really have to consider whether it is worth it...

DjangoMc · 14-08-2013 11:20AM

kylith wrote: »

Bollox we do.

OP, what she is doing is completely disrespectful. You have asked her to stop and she has refused to. Unless you can somehow convince her to start respecting your privacy (perhaps ask how she'd feel if she knew you were giving your mates blow-by-blow accounts of your sex life when you were down the pub), then there is only one way that this will end.

You make a good point there, I know I would be furious if my husband told his mates every detail of our life!

ibarelycare · 14-08-2013 11:42AM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Well the women I've gone out with then. I just don't see why the OP cares.

He's explained it very clearly. He cares because he's a PRIVATE person. His girlfriend is telling private and intimate details about him to her friends, who he hardly knows.

OP although I think the lack of respect your girlfriend has for your wishes is pretty bad, I think her emotional manipulation is far far worse, and that's where I saw red flags in your post. She twisted your words twice to make herself out to be the victim. She's giving YOU the cold shoulder and having you chase her. It is very difficult to change someone like that, so you're potentially looking at a very unhappy and stressful relationships together. She is immature, spoilt and manipulative, and I would be getting rid of her ASAP.

ShaShaBear · 14-08-2013 12:08PM

I have one friend that I am very open with. I would discuss with her, and her with me, certain details of our relationships and sex lives. Now, when I say sex lives, I mean as in she might ask me advice on trying something in particular new and if I know anything about it. I might say "Well I tried that once with X and he didn't like it at all, and it didn't do much for me". She's obviously aware that it might not be the same for her.
I think it is probably more accurate to say we trade sexual experience moreso than sexual secrets. She doesn't know what my partner explicitly likes, or about the size and performance of his member. I certainly would not tell her if he had issues performing on a particular night or complain to her if he wasn't pleasuring me.
On details of the relationship like social events, of course I tell her. Just like I tell her about going shopping with my sister, or to the hairdressers with my mother.
On arguments and tiffs, I would never ever discuss them with anyone unless I was in desperate need of advice. Because I learned the hard way that speaking ill of someone you care about when you are in the heat of the moment will ALWAYS come back to bite you in the arse. You tell a friend once that your boyfriend called you a selfish beech and all of a sudden she'll be ganging up on you at every given opportunity to tell you how emotionally abusive he is. So I would never discuss an argument - until the point where the dust settles it is always going to be a biased and exaggerated discussion.
Finally, on matters directly personal to my partner - I would never divulge this information. It's barely even MY business, let alone that of my friends.

It sounds like one of a few things. Possibly she is quite immature and boasts of you to her friends. Another possibility is that she isn't very good at opening up to you and she counteracts this by leaking her woes and secrets to her friends. She might just have no concept of privacy or minding her own business and feels that if you tell her then it isn't a secret (again this would show vast levels of immaturity).

Turning it around on you suggests that, yes, she will most likely tell her friends about this argument and it will be somewhere in the region of "He's so controlling, he just totally lost it and pretty much told me not to talk to you guys any more". Obviously she knows that isn't what you said, and when she calms down she will regret it. Her friends will hassle her about staying with you, because you've been painted in an awful light, and she will feel forced to tell them all the nice, romantic and intimate things you have said and done, or any family issues you have that might cause this behaviour in you, to make you seem like a better person. It is a vicious circle.

I'd recommend that you end it with her. Tell her you feel she is too immature for an adult and private relationship and since that is what you are looking for, she is no longer suitable. She'd have to tell a downright lie to her friends to twist that one, and it will more than likely come out eventually that that's exactly what she did. Forgiving her will only turn into a spiteful gossip with them about how you knew you were wrong etc.

Tramps Like Us · 14-08-2013 12:51PM

Thanks for the advise everyone, glad to know I'm not overreacting. She was basically saying to me that all women talk like that with her friends and I should get used to it. She seems to think that because we are together all my business is hers to tell to the world.

We haven't even been going out properly that long, only a few months. I can understand her wanting to show off a little to her friends (if I may say so! :P) but she is taking the piss with her behavior. She's not being nasty about it but it really is too much. She needs to keep things to herself. It's not as if she is giddily telling her friends about something nice we did (like if we went away for the weekend and had a great time of course she can tell people about it) it's the fact that she tells them about everything we do, and everything I talk to her about. I think its the trivial things which annoy me the most, its as if our relationship is being played out for the benefit of an audience.

sam34 wrote: »

rubbish, utter rubbish, and quite insulting, actually. not all women do this, in fact I'd say most don't.

OP, your situation would be a deal breaker for me. I'm quite a private person, it's not that I have any big secrets but I just value my privacy and I don't like people knowing very much about me, even if it's fairly trivial stuff. I couldn't abide anyone who was so disrespectful about my privacy... I know not everyone is as private about smaller issues, but it sounds like this girl has no boundaries whatsoever.

Yeah thats me exactly!

She has a lot of redeeming qualities about her though, its not all bad. She's coming over to my house in the next hour so to talk about it, I'm just going to calmly explain to her what the problem is and see how that goes. I'm not madly in love with her or anything but I like her a lot and I think the relationship has legs, if this issue can be tackled.

In my last relationship there was much more of a us versus the world vibe where we kinda lived and did things in our own bubble, did our own thing. With our friends everything was dealt with in general terms if people asked about it.

I'm hoping this wasn't an unusual dynamic.

dixiefly · 14-08-2013 01:23PM

I would be quite easy going but I would not like the situation that you are in at all.

It would be a deal breaker for me and I would probably end it as much because of her reaction to your requests for her to cease as the fact that she was doing it at all. As someone else pointed out, how can you ever be sure that she wont revert to type if and when other problems occur in the relationship.

LegacyUser · 14-08-2013 01:46PM

OP, get away from this woman a.s.a.p. She is dangerous. Such behaviour is abnormal. I know, if my better half was such a blabbermouth she wouldn't be my better half.

As bad as it is now, imagine if your personal finances were being discussed? And they will, if you stay with her.

You are now faced with staying with her, realising she is not going to change, blabbing to all and sundry about the most intimate details, and you having to develop a second-life where you will have to keep secret from her lest she blabs it all to her friends.

As for her audience? If they were real friends they would not listen to such talk and would tell her to be more circumspect about what is discussed. I can only imagine they dinging out on all the gory details and discussion it in great detail even when GF is not about.

You have been warned. Take action or deal with the consequences.

finbarrk · 14-08-2013 01:57PM

If she was my girlfriend the relationship wouldn't last long.

IcyBreadPeople · 14-08-2013 02:26PM

Let the poor girl alone, Christ you sound so controlling. Get over yourself.

DjangoMc · 14-08-2013 02:33PM

IcyBreadPeople wrote: »

Let the poor girl alone, Christ you sound so controlling. Get over yourself.

So you wouldn't mind you sex life, your hopes, your thoughts your life, being broadcast to all and sundry?

Everyone is entitled to privacy. If her & her friends are as chatty as the OP has said, who knows who else it is being said to. OP's girlfriend tells all her friends, all the friends say it to there other halves and so on!

IcyBreadPeople · 14-08-2013 02:40PM

I just think he needs to get over himself dude

Tramps Like Us · 14-08-2013 03:01PM

Anyway she came over to my house and I talked to her....

First off we both apologized to each other and then we sat down to talk about it, I calmly explained it to her and when I was in the middle of doing so she jumped down my throat and started demanding to know why I didn't like her friends, why I was tying to stop her from talking to them, why am I being so mean about it, was I ashamed of her and is that why I dont want people to know about what we do etc etc, then she started crying, I found myself apologizing to her and hugging her but I caught on to myself, pushed her away, and told her that it wasn't going to work so it was over, and that she should leave right now. Anyway she went mad and demanded to know why, I told her she was being a manipulative cow who wouldn't even entertain my concerns or wishes so it was never going to work. She ended up throwing the contents of her glass of water at me (I'm glad she turned down the tea!!) and tried to storm out, but she couldn't figure out how to open the hall door (I lock it) and had to come back upstairs and ask me to open it for her, which I did, and as she was leaving I said to her to make sure she mentions how her dramatic exit was an epic fail when she tells her friends about it, closed the door before she answered me back. Was bad of me but I couldnt resist.

As soon as she left I did the nuclear option with my phone by blocking her number, went on facebook and did the updating of relationship statuses, blocking her etc,I figured this was the best option because I don't want to see any fallout on facebook or having a load of texts or phonecalls from her. I can't imagine this being the last of it, she seemed really upset/pissed.

I've never initiated a breakup before so this is all new to me. Reading back over that it all seems rather childish from the pair of us.

ibarelycare · 14-08-2013 03:09PM

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

Anyway she came over to my house and I talked to her....

First off we both apologized to each other and then we sat down to talk about it, I calmly explained it to her and when I was in the middle of doing so she jumped down my throat and started demanding to know why I didn't like her friends, why I was tying to stop her from talking to them, why am I being so mean about it, was I ashamed of her and is that why I dont want people to know about what we do etc etc, then she started crying, I found myself apologizing to her and hugging her but I caught on to myself, pushed her away, and told her that it wasn't going to work so it was over, and that she should leave right now. Anyway she went mad and demanded to know why, I told her she was being a manipulative cow who wouldn't even entertain my concerns or wishes so it was never going to work. She ended up throwing the contents of her glass of water at me (I'm glad she turned down the tea!!) and tried to storm out, but she couldn't figure out how to open the hall door (I lock it) and had to come back upstairs and ask me to open it for her, which I did, and as she was leaving I said to her to make sure she mentions how her dramatic exit was an epic fail when she tells her friends about it, closed the door before she answered me back. Was bad of me but I couldnt resist.

As soon as she left I did the nuclear option with my phone by blocking her number, went on facebook and did the updating of relationship statuses, blocking her etc,I figured this was the best option because I don't want to see any fallout on facebook or having a load of texts or phonecalls from her. I can't imagine this being the last of it, she seemed really upset/pissed.

I've never initiated a breakup before so this is all new to me. Reading back over that it all seems rather childish from the pair of us.

Your comment to her when she was leaving probably was a bit childish (although I did smile)

But seriously, fair play to you for being strong and not taking that crap from her. I think you did the absolutely right thing by blocking her number and deleting her off FB. No doubt you'll get crap sent from her friend's accounts at some stage but just ignore it all and stay strong!

P. Breathnach · 14-08-2013 03:13PM

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

...
I've never initiated a breakup before so this is all new to me. Reading back over that it all seems rather childish from the pair of us.

I don't see that you had much choice. In my opinion, you did the right thing.

Take a bit of time to lick your wounds, and let's hope that you then find somebody more suited to you.

ShaShaBear · 14-08-2013 03:52PM

P. Breathnach wrote: »

I don't see that you had much choice. In my opinion, you did the right thing.

Take a bit of time to lick your wounds, and let's hope that you then find somebody more suited to you.

Agreed. She has been far from mature in this whole argument and she even (dibs on me calling it

) tried to make out that you were trying to stop her from talking to her friends. You can be assured that this won't be the end of it, I can imagine her dramatic retelling of the events will start quite quickly. I advise you tell the people you care about exactly what happened, the reason why you argued and split, and keep it honest. Compared to her very dramatic tale, it will probably sound more believable, and people will know what to expect.

claypigeon777 · 14-08-2013 03:53PM

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

My girlfriend insists on telling her friends about seemingly every little detail of our relationship, what we do, where we go, if I'm unwell, arguments we have either between ourselves or with others, our sex life, things I say to her, illnesses in my family, pretty much everything.

It's really pissing me off. I'm a private person and I don't tell any of that stuff to my friends. It feels like my life and our relationship is being put on show to others. I don't like being around her friends now, sometimes they might make a (well meaning usually) comment about something that I'd only said to my gf.

I've asked her not to talk about stuff like that with her friends, but she just says that they are her friends and she tells them everything, and always has. I said that they may be her friends, but they are relative strangers to me and I dont like them knowing everything.

I blew my top today after we met one of her friends for lunch and her friend made reference to a number of things I'd told my gf (my future plans re work/college, fight at work, romantic evening I'd had with my gf including a reference to what happened in the bedroom [nothing bad thank god, but what happens if one day I'm not up to scratch?] ) To be fair she was just being nice and making conversation, she must have said "So I hear you/your... blah blah blah" half a dozen times.

To be honest I feel like she has just handed my diary to her friends and let them read it. I can only imagine what she tells them that I don't know of. I open up to her emotionally, which I'm not very good at, I find it hard. But then she relays it to her friends. Having them know about even the small things we do is annoying me at this stage. For example I'd say to my friends "We went out for dinner then came back to mine and watched a film". She say where we went, what I was wearing, what time we went, what we ate, how much it cost, how we divvied up the cost, what film we watched, and then what we did after the film! (and how many times!)

Anyway I lost the rag at her this evening after her friend left and told her in no uncertain terms to stop telling her friends so much about us and me, and that what happens between us should remain between us and I don't like everyone knowing every detail about our relationship. Anyway she twisted that into me not liking her friends and not wanting her to see or talk to them. :rolleyes: I told her that I meant for her to have some cop on and have a degree of reservation, tact and respect for my privacy and wishes when telling her friends things and if she didn't then I couldn't trust her enough to be honest and open. Somehow she turned that around into me being the bad guy and bad boyfriend, not liking her enough, and wanting her to choose between her friends or me. Anyway we ended up having a big fight over this and it ended in tears, so now I feel guilty and am getting the silent treatment, ignored calls and texts. To be perfectly honest right now I feel like telling her to go fcuk herself and e done with it. She no doubt expects me to apologize and suck up to her to get back into her goodbooks, and she will of course have told her friends all this.

I'm going to try and sit down and talk to her calmly about all this, BUT if she won't change her behavior I think it's a deal-breaker to me.

Am I overreacting or being unreasonable? I feel like I'm in a bloody soap opera.

Don't tell her stuff you don't want her telling anyone else.

Tramps Like Us · 14-08-2013 04:01PM

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Agreed. She has been far from mature in this whole argument and she even (dibs on me calling it ) tried to make out that you were trying to stop her from talking to her friends. You can be assured that this won't be the end of it, I can imagine her dramatic retelling of the events will start quite quickly. I advise you tell the people you care about exactly what happened, the reason why you argued and split, and keep it honest. Compared to her very dramatic tale, it will probably sound more believable, and people will know what to expect.

Luckily our two social circles don't really overlap, and we have mutual acquaintances rather than friends, so hopefully it won't be too bad. I imagine she is telling people I'm the devil incarnate but I don't care. Should I go around telling my friends why broke up with her? I was just gonna say to anyone who asked that it just wasn't going to work out so I ended it.

I'm pretty bummed out by the whole thing but it's for the best. If she just didn't get why I was annoyed it would be one thing but it was the twisting it which pissed me off, playing me like a violin!

P. Breathnach · 14-08-2013 04:25PM

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

... Should I go around telling my friends why broke up with her? I was just gonna say to anyone who asked that it just wasn't going to work out so I ended it....

Best to stay dignified. First it reflects better on you; second, if she acts badly, the fact that you say nothing that might be construed as unkind would lessen any negative impact of what she says.

ShaShaBear · 14-08-2013 04:32PM

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

Luckily our two social circles don't really overlap, and we have mutual acquaintances rather than friends, so hopefully it won't be too bad. I imagine she is telling people I'm the devil incarnate but I don't care. Should I go around telling my friends why broke up with her? I was just gonna say to anyone who asked that it just wasn't going to work out so I ended it.

I'm pretty bummed out by the whole thing but it's for the best. If she just didn't get why I was annoyed it would be one thing but it was the twisting it which pissed me off, playing me like a violin!

I wouldn't go playing it up. I mean as in if family or friends ask what happened, tell them honestly that you two were just not compatible in the end and you decided to end it. As P. Breathnach said, keep it dignified with honesty and it will be obvious if and when stories start flying who is telling the truth.

Meauldsegosha · 14-08-2013 04:54PM

I agree with P. Breathnach keep it dignified. You have handled things very well so far. This girl has a lot of growing up to do, throwing water at someone is akin to a toddler stamping their feet.

You come across as a decent chap so I'm sure you'll find the right person for you in time. Good luck.

Hannibal Smith · 14-08-2013 05:39PM

I wonder will we get a 'my boyfriend broke up with me for no reason' thread

Well done OP characters like that who can't take correction when theyve done wrong are a bad breed.

I wouldn't bother telling people why you broke up...after all then you'd be doing the thing you broke up over. Yiz weren't suited so you broke up..end of.

dixiefly · 14-08-2013 05:57PM

IcyBreadPeople wrote: »

I just think he needs to get over himself dude

What is your opinion now dude?

dixiefly · 14-08-2013 05:59PM

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

Luckily our two social circles don't really overlap, and we have mutual acquaintances rather than friends, so hopefully it won't be too bad. I imagine she is telling people I'm the devil incarnate but I don't care. Should I go around telling my friends why broke up with her? I was just gonna say to anyone who asked that it just wasn't going to work out so I ended it.

I'm pretty bummed out by the whole thing but it's for the best. If she just didn't get why I was annoyed it would be one thing but it was the twisting it which pissed me off, playing me like a violin!

Well done, you seem to have handled this as best you could.

Maybe you should contact one of your mates and have a couple of pints or a glass of wine to ease the pain and begin the process of forgetting about her.

Catari Jaguar · 14-08-2013 08:47PM

Fair play to you OP. You seem really copped on, know yourself, stand your ground and won't be pushed around for the benefit of others. That's pretty hard to find. Hopefully you find a girl with similar traits that's better suited to you further down the line. All the best.

claypigeon777 · 14-08-2013 09:00PM

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

Anyway she came over to my house and I talked to her....

First off we both apologized to each other and then we sat down to talk about it, I calmly explained it to her and when I was in the middle of doing so she jumped down my throat and started demanding to know why I didn't like her friends, why I was tying to stop her from talking to them, why am I being so mean about it, was I ashamed of her and is that why I dont want people to know about what we do etc etc, then she started crying, I found myself apologizing to her and hugging her but I caught on to myself, pushed her away, and told her that it wasn't going to work so it was over, and that she should leave right now. Anyway she went mad and demanded to know why, I told her she was being a manipulative cow who wouldn't even entertain my concerns or wishes so it was never going to work. She ended up throwing the contents of her glass of water at me (I'm glad she turned down the tea!!) and tried to storm out, but she couldn't figure out how to open the hall door (I lock it) and had to come back upstairs and ask me to open it for her, which I did, and as she was leaving I said to her to make sure she mentions how her dramatic exit was an epic fail when she tells her friends about it, closed the door before she answered me back. Was bad of me but I couldnt resist.

As soon as she left I did the nuclear option with my phone by blocking her number, went on facebook and did the updating of relationship statuses, blocking her etc,I figured this was the best option because I don't want to see any fallout on facebook or having a load of texts or phonecalls from her. I can't imagine this being the last of it, she seemed really upset/pissed.

I've never initiated a breakup before so this is all new to me. Reading back over that it all seems rather childish from the pair of us.

Good man.

There are two possible outcomes:

1) You'll either never hear from her again which means she was never worth it.

OR.

2) She will use her head and figure out why you dumped her and she will come back a changed person.

Either way it's all good.

finbarrk · 14-08-2013 10:10PM

IcyBreadPeople wrote: »

Let the poor girl alone, Christ you sound so controlling. Get over yourself.

I'm happy for the op.
Obviously you like a different type of boyfriend.

XxMCRxBabyxX · 14-08-2013 10:19PM

claypigeon777 wrote: »

Don't tell her stuff you don't want her telling anyone else.

If you can't tell your OH your most private things who can you tell?

LegacyUser · 15-08-2013 03:04AM

You have done the right thing ending this relationship.
I know people will chat to there friends about where they went out at the weekend but both sets friends don't need to know every detail about your relationship and sex life.

You gave her a few chances to change things before you did this. If she was unwilling to listen to what you said to her or could not understand why you did not want your private life being public knowledge it shows that she lacks maturity.

You did the right thing blocking her from your phone and face book because I am sure she is not happy with you ending the relationship.
If anyone asks you why you ended things I would just follow the previous posts advice.

MJ23 · 15-08-2013 10:14AM

Whatever you do, DO NOT apologise. She is in the wrong, let her sit on it for a few days and maybe she'll come to her senses. If she doesn't, move on. Maybe she'll take time to learn, and her next fella won't have every detail of his life dissected.
She needs to cop on.
What age is she?

kylith · 15-08-2013 10:34AM

You did the right thing, OP. Chalk this one up to experience and move on with your life.

tinkerbell · 16-08-2013 10:44AM

Well done OP! You did absolutely the right thing here by breaking up with her. It is not normal to be blabbing every second-by-second detail of your relationship with your friends. Tbh, you got a lucky escape. Stay strong, and you can hold your head up high that you handled it with dignity.

Girlfriend tells her friends everything

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