Am I ready for dating???

Timmythedonkey · 21-08-2013 7:31pm #1

I've be Seperated for 3 year's now. The 1st year I didn't date as I was just so anti men (Truth!) So my first year's dating was very casual and I wasn't ready to settle down. In the last year or so I've been looking for something more long term.........Here's the thing - I have changed my online dating profile many times to mirror my new outlook but I've met let down after let down.I live in a rural area and go out very occasionally, so online dating seems to be my only avenue!

I went on a date a couple of weeks ago and he mentioned that I seemed up tight and possiblly 'damaged' by passed experiences with men! I would consider myself to actually get on better with men than woman but I would admit when I get nervous I TALK, so maybe I came across that way to him!?

Finally I alway's seem to find fault in a possible partner........I never give them the chance to show what could come of thing's - If I don't find that initial SPARK then I'm gone......Is that a fault of mine or am I dealing with things in the right way?

I feel so confused with this way of dating and not sure if I'm being too critical and not giving things a go????

strobe · 21-08-2013 11:33pm

Timmythedonkey wrote:

I went on a date a couple of weeks ago and he mentioned that I seemed up tight and possiblly 'damaged' by passed experiences with men! I would consider myself to actually get on better with men than woman but I would admit when I get nervous I TALK, so maybe I came across that way to him!?

When you get nervous and talk... you don't talk about your previous relationship, do you? Cause no one likes going out on a date with someone (particularly a first date) and have them talk about an ex, particularly if it's negative stuff.

It's just with you mentioning you separated 3 years ago and were very anti-men afterwards it gives the impression the relationship ended badly and you were and maybe are a bit bitter about it.

I hope that doesn't sound insulting or anything but I've been in the position when dating and the other person would be sitting there badmouthing their ex and seemingly be oblivious to how unattractive it is, or perhaps even oblivious to the fact they were doing it.

Merkin · 22-08-2013 8:33am

That jumped out at me as well, have you been discussing past relationships when on dates? Major no no if you have.

heretochat · 22-08-2013 8:46am

I'm confused by this "initial spark" that the OP is desperately searching for in every first date she goes on..

Also would be concerned about the OP's attitude to men and whether this is transparent to all her dates..

And if she is bad-mouthing exes, well no surer way for a lad to turn tail and flee..

Idle Passerby · 23-08-2013 12:00pm

My initial reaction was that the guy was projecting. It would be incredibly rude and presumptuous to bluntly classify a stranger to their face like that, but if you are indeed launching into descriptions of your dating woes then you are instantly making a very negative first impression.

If you are still inclined to want to talk about your relationship history to people you have just met, Id assume you are not totally over it yourself, you're still looking for a sounding board on all you've gone through and not in the frame of mind yet to move on with your life.

DangerMouse27 · 23-08-2013 10:59pm

Your being far too critical but thats an issue that will only melt away with in time.

And time not best spent alone either.

I really think from your above post that your thinking about things waaay too much. Just take a deep breath.
Give it a go. Where is the harm? That initial spark is in the movies, real connections take a little time to develop. If he/she is interesting, maybe makes you smile too, then that should be enough for now. Your just getting to know them.

MrMillion · 28-08-2013 2:33am

you are only ready if you feel like you are ready. But 3 years is a long time, i would of dated again alot sooner.

Am I ready for dating???

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