Why would anyone want to get married??

T-K-O · 31-08-2013 06:26PM

Grandpa Hassan wrote: »

I give up!

It doesn't mean I'm against it. It means personally I'd never do it. I have no problem if other people want to

You give up, I give up.

You went on about how bad marriage was and that it costs a lot of money.

I stated that you could do it for little or nothing.

Next question from me, what is worse; the expense or marriage itself, is it the expense or the marriage that puts you off.

I should not have used the word against but surely you knew what I was getting at.

zenno · 31-08-2013 06:52PM

Rented Mule wrote: »

Sounds a bit like a Tracker Mortgage.

I'm not selling anything or trying to take anything, it's free

Mr_Spaceman · 31-08-2013 08:06PM

Geomy wrote: »

Im just about to load up the car with my surfing gear, stop off have breakfast with a single gorgeous surfer called Jane...

Then we'll hit the waves for a few hours,meet Jackie for lunch in Kinvara.

Spin back to Ballyvaughan, meet Janette for tea, back to Lahinch for another surf, then head home to my 4 bed palace.

Have supper off out again for the evening, and the great thing is I don't drink or smoke, so can drive anywhere I like. ..

Love being a selfish bas...tard ;-)

Well done you.

gcgirl · 31-08-2013 08:14PM

Marriage is for the insecure to feel somewhat secure.

Why buy a cow when you can milk it for free

T-K-O · 31-08-2013 08:23PM

gcgirl wrote: »

Marriage is for the insecure to feel somewhat secure.

Why buy a cow when you can milk it for free

Absolute tripe.

gcgirl · 01-09-2013 01:19AM

T-K-O wrote: »

Absolute tripe.

Have I hit a nerve ???

FameHungry · 01-09-2013 02:03AM

I don't know tbf.
The way my brother sees marriage is that it's for couples that have run out of things to talk about

Sunglasses Ron · 01-09-2013 02:52AM

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Please, the marriage had broken down at that stage, and Tiger frequented high end joints only.

You wouldn't ride some of his women into battle. Rank.

Woods is a strange bloke all round in truth.

upandcumming · 01-09-2013 03:58AM

RachaelVO wrote: »

Jesus... Tiger Woods shagging lots of women and increasing the risk of bringing home an STD to the mother of his kids. Yep she was totally in the wrong :rolleyes:

Ah Jesus you're stretching very far with that.

T-K-O · 01-09-2013 07:15AM

gcgirl wrote: »

Have I hit a nerve ???

'My first book of forum answers'

Read the thread. No, you have not hit a nerve. I am not married and have no immediate plans to get married.

You're just not making any sense.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 01-09-2013 07:54AM

Don't understand (yet) why anyone in their right minds would willingly get married or have kids. I think it's for the emotionally unstable.

SmilingLurker · 01-09-2013 09:34AM

I love my wife, and want to spend my life with her. Having said so publically and legally makes me happy, even now years later.

Without this, I would have no automatic legal right to access to my children.

Also, she automatically gets inheritance rights to take care of them should anything happen.

Also, she would never have had children without being married.

Marriage is not for everyone, but it is a useful legal construct for rights and inheritance, even if you are cold hearted about it. You have to be totally aware getting out of the contract is extremely difficult and costly, and should not be taken lightly.

Catphish · 01-09-2013 10:03AM

nicegirl wrote: »

I appreciate and respect your opinion, and thanks for your contribution. The reasons you stated are of course why many people get married, and all that, which is understandable.

I'm the opposite though. Been stuck with the one person for the rest of your life. If children come along, you are completely stuck with that person - even if you love them.

If you genuinely deeply love someone you would not see it as being 'stuck' with them. You should be looking forward to spending the rest of your life with them.

Frank Lee Midere · 01-09-2013 10:14AM

Nice girl will be married in two years.

Czarcasm · 01-09-2013 10:18AM

gcgirl wrote: »

Marriage is for the insecure to feel somewhat secure.

Why buy a cow when you can milk it for free

What kind of nerve has to be hit for you to come out with nonsense like that? You'd have to have a piss poor understanding of what a marriage is to compare it to owning a cow!

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Don't understand (yet) why anyone in their right minds would willingly get married or have kids. I think it's for the emotionally unstable.

Same question- I'd have to wonder what would have led you to such a ridiculous conclusion? But at least you leave the door open to the possibility that some day you will understand why some people choose to get married. Getting married and having children are two different things btw and one is not necessarily related to the other.

Frank Lee Midere · 01-09-2013 10:22AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

What kind of nerve has to be hit for you to come out with nonsense like that? You'd have to have a piss poor understanding of what a marriage is to compare it to owning a cow!
Same question- I'd have to wonder what would have led you to such a ridiculous conclusion? But at least you leave the door open to the possibility that some day you will understand why some people choose to get married. Getting married and having children are two different things btw and one is not necessarily related to the other.

In general most people who rant against marriage, or say they never will, always do. If you ask them later they say they "met the right person" but surely that is an assumed preresiquite.

Wanting to have children is clearly not "emotionally retarded" but the opposite since it means putting others first.

Czarcasm · 01-09-2013 10:46AM

Frank Lee Midere wrote: »

In general most people who rant against marriage, or say they never will, always do. If you ask them later they say they "met the right person" but surely that is an assumed preresiquite.

Wanting to have children is clearly not "emotionally retarded" but the opposite since it means putting others first.

You're actually after reminding me of my sister in law who at 20 was single and vehemently opposed to having children or marriage, etc, she thought the sun shone out of Jack Kerouac's arse and Woody Allen was her demi-god. She was an immature pain in the hole basically.

Ten years later she's married and they have a child and all and she's a completely different person to the idiot she was ten years earlier- now instead of just thinking she's mature for her age because she can read, it's her understanding of the world around her that has given her a more mature outlook on life.

Or, she could be just emotionally unstable and looking to milk her husband (I don't want to imagine the physics behind that one!), but honestly, I doubt her growing up and becoming more mature had anything to do with her wanting to get married and start a family. Far more likely that she met a person whom she saw as the kind of person she wanted to make a commitment to, not to mention the legal advantages and rights that are bestowed upon married couples.

Why does anyone think the LGBT community are fighting so hard for marriage equality and adoption rights? Are they all emotionally unstable too?

Legs.Eleven · 01-09-2013 10:51AM

gcgirl wrote: »

Have I hit a nerve ???

I'm not married, don't want to get married but even I know what you said is pure garbage.

Catphish · 01-09-2013 10:54AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Why does anyone think the LGBT community are fighting so hard for marriage equality and adoption rights? Are they all emotionally unstable too?

Excellent point.

Legs.Eleven · 01-09-2013 10:55AM

Frank Lee Midere wrote: »

In general most people who rant against marriage, or say they never will, always do. If you ask them later they say they "met the right person" but surely that is an assumed preresiquite.

Wanting to have children is clearly not "emotionally retarded" but the opposite since it means putting others first.

I've met the right person (the person I see myself having kids with, for example) but don't want to get married. You're saying that everyone who doesn't want to get married always do? Well that's even more garbage right there.

There are plenty of unmarried couples out there and more now than there ever was.

Catphish · 01-09-2013 11:13AM

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

There are plenty of unmarried couples out there and more now than there ever was.

I'm not disagreeing with your point, it's as valid as any have for marriage as those against have. But sometimes there are outside factors to take into account for a couple that are in a LTR and are not married. Some have put buying a home as a priority over getting married and simply don't have the money to get married for the forseeable future. There are people that just working to make ends meet and also cannot see how it can happen.

I personally don't believe that you have to spend a fortune on a wedding, and it can be done on a small budget. But that isn't for everyone either, and they may well want a big wedding and all that goes with it.

Marriage is for some, not for others. We just have to accept that. Though some of the replies are so embittered by past experience or something they've observed through a family or friends experience, it's sad to read how these things have shaped a persons opinion on marriage. Nevertheless I respect that, and I've no wish to change their outlook on it.

T-K-O · 01-09-2013 11:14AM

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I've met the right person (the person I see myself having kids with, for example) but don't want to get married. You're saying that everyone who doesn't want to get married always do? Well that's even more garbage right there.

There are plenty of unmarried couples out there and more now than there ever was.

Good for you, at the end of the day we should all do what ever makes us happy.

It's perfectly fine for a person not to get married. I just find some of the reasons in this thread either;

1. Nothing to do with getting married.
2. Comical

Grandpa Hassan · 01-09-2013 11:22AM

Frank Lee Midere wrote: »

In general most people who rant against marriage, or say they never will, always do. If you ask them later they say they "met the right person" but surely that is an assumed preresiquite.

.

Don't know about that. I've met the 'right person', am in my late 30s, and have zero intention of getting married. Neither does she. And I'm not alone in thinking that

If anything marriage is even less appealing than it was when I was 21. I have friends who were very much in love when they got married, saw nothing but happily ever after, but are now stuck in bad relationships or going through horrendous divorces. Every time I see them I just thank God I'm not in their position, and that I am living life on my own terms

It helps that I don't want kids. If I did, I suppose I might want the extra security that would give me access rights in the event of a break up. That's the only benefit to marriage that I can see

If you're comfortable and solid in your relationship I don't get how marriage should necessarily follow. But I get how some people want the formality wrapped around their relationship

drunk_monk · 01-09-2013 11:25AM

Just as a side note, by default the father of children born outside of married is legally not the guardian of said children unless a declaration is signed.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/cohabiting_couples/legal_guardianship_and_unmarried_couples.html

Just saying

Splendour · 01-09-2013 11:33AM

Wibbs wrote: »

I think it depends entirely on the individual. Some (if not most?) are better emotionally suited to the notion of marriage(and relationships in general), while others aren't. People differ, as do their ideas and practice of what love means to them. Some people are just better at relationships and especially longterm relationships than others.

And failure of a marriage can have dire consequences, emotionally, socially and financially.

Gender comes into this as men usually suffer more in this respect. Men going through a divorce are over twice as likely to commit suicide than married or single men. Women going through divorce show no such effect. Link. The majority of divorces(and breakups) are instigated by women. Add in the idea of "no fault" divorce and men come away as the more vulnerable gender.

Then we get to the financial. The media is full of stories of rich men being "taken for all he's got", but you don't have to be rich. I know quite the number of ordinary guys who ended up in bedsit land while still paying a mortgage for the ex wife.

Then there is the access to children issue, which is a whole other tale of woe for many. Oh some of the stories I could tell ye on that one.

Now there most certainly are women who come out of relationship/marriage failure the worse off and there are also women who don't seek to take the ex for all he's got*. Indeed there are even cases where it's the woman who ends up supporting the ex husband(though rarely enough). There are even example of both here among Boardsies, but generally men simply take a bigger risk when saying "I do".

Any relationship depends entirely on the couple and their willingness to give and not receive. People spend far too much time pointing their finger at their partner instead of taking a critical look at themselves.

Men probably are more inclined to commit suicide than women following a divorce but sadly men are more predisposed to suicide in all walks of life.
On the other hand women, in general following a divorce, will become poorer http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/25/divorce-women-research

Bottom line is, it's the children of broken relationships who suffer the most-regardless of marriage or not.

Grandpa Hassan wrote: »

I'm in my 30s and can't think of anything worse than getting married and just having that person around all the time. When 'compromise' means doing too much stuff that you don't want to do, then I'm out of there

I've a massive independent streak, and need time on my own. I need weekends when my im left on my own completely. And to not get pressured into going out when I don't want to. And to sleep in a separate bed when I actually want a good nights sleep

My girlfriend, who I love to bits and who I've been with for a good while, feels the exact same. Which is great. We leave each other to our own devices regularly...and there's no pressure to see each other all the time. If we ever move in together we'd have our own rooms so that we didn't have to share a bed every bloody night for ever! We already talked about it

Marriage is just the opposite of that. Living in each others pocket

No way

IMO, our relationship is a hell of a lot healthier than many married couples I know

I'm not advocating you get married but I don't understand why a couple can't do all of the above when married anyway? How does a piece of paper change all that?

SicklySweet · 01-09-2013 12:18PM

drunk_monk wrote: »

Just as a side note, by default the father of children born outside of married is legally not the guardian of said children unless a declaration is signed.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/cohabiting_couples/legal_guardianship_and_unmarried_couples.html

Just saying

Was just about to mention this.

My cousin was with her boyfriend for 15 years. No plans on getting married. Then comes 3 kids. Legally, the children would automatically be given to her mother, and if she died, unwed, i don't think the father of the children wouldn't get anything. Nor a passport. There's a whole lot of "vintage" rules about it

princess-lala · 01-09-2013 12:27PM

I thought it was all about the party :pac:

Grandpa Hassan · 01-09-2013 12:36PM

Splendour wrote: »

Any relationship depends entirely on the couple and their willingness to give and not receive. People spend far too much time pointing their finger at their partner instead of taking a critical look at themselves.

Men probably are more inclined to commit suicide than women following a divorce but sadly men are more predisposed to suicide in all walks of life.
On the other hand women, in general following a divorce, will become poorer http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/25/divorce-women-research

Bottom line is, it's the children of broken relationships who suffer the most-regardless of marriage or not.

I'm not advocating you get married but I don't understand why a couple can't do all of the above when married anyway? How does a piece of paper change all that?

It is the psychological impact of that piece of paper I suppose. That it stands for a commitment and a life long compromise which is a complete antithesis to everything that we want out of our lives

I just don't see any reason why I would get married

Wanderer2010 · 01-09-2013 12:45PM

Marriage is a decision between 2 people and I dont think its anyones business to question that but what I do find odd, especially in this day and age of couples living together for years before marriage, open marriages and generally more tolerant society, is the amount of people in their 20s who feel under pressure to get married as soon as they can. Coincidence or not, I have found a lot of people I know who want that ring on their finger before 30 are from rural areas, is there still a lot of rural pressure on people to follow tradition and get married young, maybe someone could shed some light on this? There may be, but I dont see the point myself in rushing into marriage just to keep a few nosy neighbours and relatives happy..

Mrs Garth Brooks · 01-09-2013 12:50PM

I honestly dont understand how anyone in there 20s, 30s, 40s or any age can say they want to spend the rest of their lives with someone and to say it through marriage.

In your 20s, you've got your whole lives ahead of you, why rush it. If they're meant to be together, surely marriage can wait. And thats for any age.

I'd rather get married at 90 after 30, 40 or 50 years together. If I feel the same as the first day I met them at 90, so be it.

Why would anyone want to get married??

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