Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Was my comment inappropriate?

  • 13-03-2014 10:23AM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 233 ✭✭Rhotheta


    I got chatting to a woman who works in my office on a night out. Never spoke to her before, just noticed her gliding around the office. Anyway at one point I told her I thought she was beautiful and if I wasn't married I would attempt to chat her her up. She laughed and we chatted some more before making our way back to our friends. A colleague overheard and thought that comment was innapropriate as I'm a married man.

    What is the opinion of after hours on the matter?


«13456718

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,778 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    I got chatting to a woman who works in my office on a night out. Never spoke to her before, just noticed her gliding around the office. Anyway at one point I told her I thought she was beautiful and if I wasn't married I would attempt to chat her her up. She laughed and we chatted some more before making our way back to our friends. A colleague overheard and thought that comment was innapropriate?

    What is the opinion of after hours on the matter?

    Your colleague is a nut - what's wrong with paying someone a complimnet?

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,487 ✭✭✭Virgil°


    This colleague of yours, he obviously fancies you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,886 ✭✭✭✭Roger_007


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    I got chatting to a woman who works in my office on a night out. Never spoke to her before, just noticed her gliding around the office. Anyway at one point I told her I thought she was beautiful and if I wasn't married I would attempt to chat her her up. She laughed and we chatted some more before making our way back to our friends. A colleague overheard and thought that comment was innapropriate as I'm a married man.

    What is the opinion of after hours on the matter?

    There must be very little to chat about in your office.:confused:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,009 ✭✭✭sopretty


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    I got chatting to a woman who works in my office on a night out. Never spoke to her before, just noticed her gliding around the office. Anyway at one point I told her I thought she was beautiful and if I wasn't married I would attempt to chat her her up. She laughed and we chatted some more before making our way back to our friends. A colleague overheard and thought that comment was innapropriate as I'm a married man.

    What is the opinion of after hours on the matter?

    Ask your wife what she thinks? ;)

    Seriously though, on a professional level, it was inappropriate. She could have construed it as sexual harassment. Personally, I'd hate to have to work with some lecherous married dude who was gawking at me in the workplace.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,012 ✭✭✭Plazaman


    Tell Eavesdropper Mc Earwig to mind their own business and take a hike.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭ElleEm


    Would you have said that comment in front of your wife?

    It's fine to compliment someone, but personally, I don't think it is okay to say you would chat her up if you weren't married.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 233 ✭✭Rhotheta


    sopretty wrote: »
    Ask your wife what she thinks? ;)

    Seriously though, on a professional level, it was inappropriate. She could have construed it as sexual harassment. Personally, I'd hate to have to work with some lecherous married dude who was gawking at me in the workplace.

    Noticing attractive members of the opposite sex is lechoursly gawking now? I assume you are asexual. :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,886 ✭✭✭✭Roger_007


    sopretty wrote: »
    Ask your wife what she thinks? ;)

    Seriously though, on a professional level, it was inappropriate. She could have construed it as sexual harassment. Personally, I'd hate to have to work with some lecherous married dude who was gawking at me in the workplace.

    You have to expect a bit of attention because you are 'so pretty'.:pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,009 ✭✭✭sopretty


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    Noticing attractive members of the opposite sex is lechoursly gawking now? I assume you are asexual. :rolleyes:

    Telling a colleague you think they are beautiful is a bit creepy. I'd be getting the shivers every times I'd have to pass you, wondering what part of me you were admiring at any given time. :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 677 ✭✭✭CarMe


    I think it's quite peculiar to be honest.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,888 ✭✭✭AtomicHorror


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    Noticing attractive members of the opposite sex is lechoursly gawking now? I assume you are asexual. :rolleyes:

    Noticing and telling are different verbs.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,009 ✭✭✭sopretty


    Roger_007 wrote: »
    You have to expect a bit of attention because you are 'so pretty'.:pac:

    Lol.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    sopretty wrote: »
    Telling a colleague you think they are beautiful is a bit creepy. I'd be getting the shivers every times I'd have to pass you, wondering what part of me you were admiring at any given time. :D

    Especially if that is the FIRST time you ever have spoken to her...what's wrong with a hello and an introduction?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,886 ✭✭✭✭Roger_007


    sopretty wrote: »
    Telling a colleague you think they are beautiful is a bit creepy. I'd be getting the shivers every times I'd have to pass you, wondering what part of me you were admiring at any given time. :D

    I think that could be easily narrowed down............?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 192 ✭✭galwayredgirl


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    Never spoke to her before, just noticed her gliding around the office.


    Hang-gliding? Para-Gliding? How does one "glide" around an office?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,280 ✭✭✭Davarus Walrus


    A work night out isn't considered a success unless some drunk married man attempts to chat up a female work colleague. Office infidelity is the finest form of infidelity.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,753 ✭✭✭Vito Corleone


    Completely pointless comment tbh. Why say it? :confused:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 233 ✭✭Rhotheta


    sopretty wrote: »
    Telling a colleague you think they are beautiful is a bit creepy. I'd be getting the shivers every times I'd have to pass you, wondering what part of me you were admiring at any given time. :D

    Shivers?? :confused: see a doctor about that.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    Your colleague is an unsocial ass who should go back to the 60's whence he came.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 233 ✭✭Rhotheta


    Completely pointless comment tbh. Why say it? :confused:

    Small talk drives me insane, I much prefer to say what I'm actually thinking. Life is generally more interesting that way I find.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    Small talk drives me insane, I much prefer to say what I'm actually thinking. Life is generally more interesting that way I find.

    A filter wouldn't go amiss. Its work, not the pub.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,764 ✭✭✭peejay1986


    I doubt she took it as anything offensive. Still, nothing a firm slap to the buttocks couldn't solve. That'll make sure things stay good and professional.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 397 ✭✭whitewave


    Hang-gliding? Para-Gliding? How does one "glide" around an office?

    Is it like how nuns glide when they're out and about? They always seem to move really quickly but not be actually walking, kinda gliding along in their shiny white runners?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,764 ✭✭✭peejay1986


    Completely pointless comment tbh. Why say it? :confused:

    He had to say something. Would've been awkward otherwise.

    2vxoyti.jpg


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,371 ✭✭✭Obliq


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    Noticing attractive members of the opposite sex is lechoursly gawking now? I assume you are asexual. :rolleyes:
    Rhotheta wrote: »
    Shivers?? :confused: see a doctor about that.

    Not sure why you posted the question if you have already determined that it was completely ok to put a work colleague in the position of (potentially, as we don't know) feeling uncomfortable in your company?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 547 ✭✭✭loalae


    I'd find it creepy if it was said to me in a work environment. The married part isn't the creepy part - it's just an inappropriate comment to make in a work place. Especially since you had never spoken to her before.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,361 ✭✭✭Boskowski


    All about context and situation.
    Some people will be flattered and ok about it some will have you down as the office creep.

    Generally speaking it's probably not something I'd advise doing. What were you trying to achieve anyway? On paper it sounds you were at least fishing for something here. But then again it's all about the context and the situation. Only you can know for sure whether it was flirty and lighthearted and most importantly whether it has been perceived that way by your colleague or not or whether there was really more to it. Technically speaking even if you were fishing it would be ok if your colleague was on the same wavelength. Only you would know yourself.

    But on paper and with no other info don't be doing that. Not much good can come out of it but it can lead to embarrassment and worse.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,526 ✭✭✭Slicemeister


    Happened to me once OP, told a customer if I wasn't married I'd show her the way to Amarillo.
    Ended up back at hers that night. Nothing ventured nothing gained.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,925 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    eviltwin wrote: »
    A filter wouldn't go amiss. Its work, not the pub.

    It was a night out, it probably was the pub.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,567 ✭✭✭Red Pepper


    sopretty wrote: »
    Seriously though, on a professional level, it was inappropriate. She could have construed it as sexual harassment.

    You're sopretty.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Ihatecuddles


    If I was your wife, I'd be a bit annoyed that you said that. What were you hoping to gain? Let the single men tell her she's beautiful.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,547 ✭✭✭Foxhound38


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    I got chatting to a woman who works in my office on a night out. Never spoke to her before, just noticed her gliding around the office. Anyway at one point I told her I thought she was beautiful and if I wasn't married I would attempt to chat her her up. She laughed and we chatted some more before making our way back to our friends. A colleague overheard and thought that comment was innapropriate as I'm a married man.

    What is the opinion of after hours on the matter?

    You're best leaving that kind of commentary on people's attractiveness out of the workplace, OP. You mightn't mean anything by it but it could land you in a world of hurt if it's ever taken up the wrong way by the recipient, and the whisper mill could get you a workplace reputation you wouldn't want your wife to hear about - even if you didn't do anything.

    This specific incident seems harmless enough, but in future I'd keep it professional were I you - it just keeps things simple.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,009 ✭✭✭sopretty


    Red Pepper wrote: »
    You're sopretty.

    Feck off. :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 81,219 ✭✭✭✭biko


    "Oh girleen, if I weren't married 30 years I'd chat you up!"

    *awkward laughter*

    "I need to go back to my friends now.."


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    In itself, it's not a bad thing to say but it is a flirtatious comment (despite the old rhetorical device you used) to a colleague and you're leaving yourself at the mercy of the person it's directed at as to whether it gets picked up the wrong way which is why you shouldn't say it.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Ihatecuddles


    sopretty wrote: »
    Feck off. :D

    And modest!! :P


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,103 ✭✭✭Tiddlypeeps


    I'd think you were a creep if it were me tbh, it'd be pretty uncomfortable. I wouldn't let on and I'd probably laugh it off as it's not a big deal, but I'd still think you are a creep and avoid you from that point on.

    It would be different if you weren't married and were actually trying to pursue a relationship with the woman, it might still be uncomfortable for her if she isn't interested but it's much less creepy than pretty much saying "I'd give you one if I wasn't married".

    Your colleague who passed comment on it afterwards tho should mind their own business (unless they are HR).


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,567 ✭✭✭Red Pepper


    sopretty wrote: »
    Feck off. :D

    Forget you! :p


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,009 ✭✭✭sopretty


    mauzo! wrote: »
    And modest!! :P

    Deluded might be a more accurate description! :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 233 ✭✭Rhotheta


    Obliq wrote: »
    Not sure why you posted the question if you have already determined that it was completely ok to put a work colleague in the position of (potentially, as we don't know) feeling uncomfortable in your company?

    I didn't ask any questions about lecherous gawking.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,371 ✭✭✭Obliq


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    I didn't ask any questions about lecherous gawking.

    Doh! The question you did ask "Was my comment inappropriate?". From your responses to voices that have said yes, it was, I am asking why you bothered to post the question as it's pretty clear you think it was fine and dandy :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,565 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    B"llox is it inappropriate to tell someone they're beautiful. It's an aesthetic comment rather than a sexual one Imo.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    I got chatting to a woman who works in my office on a night out. Never spoke to her before, just noticed her gliding around the office. Anyway at one point I told her I thought she was beautiful and if I wasn't married I would attempt to chat her her up. She laughed and we chatted some more before making our way back to our friends. A colleague overheard and thought that comment was innapropriate as I'm a married man.

    What is the opinion of after hours on the matter?


    Yeah, that was so cringe, no wonder she laughed! :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,371 ✭✭✭Obliq


    steddyeddy wrote: »
    B"llox is it inappropriate to tell someone they're beautiful. It's an aesthetic comment rather than a sexual one Imo.

    If it could put a work colleague in the position of being weirded out in his company, at work, then yes it is.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 233 ✭✭Rhotheta


    Obliq wrote: »
    Doh! The question you did ask "Was my comment inappropriate?". From your responses to voices that have said yes, it was, I am asking why you bothered to post the question as it's pretty clear you think it was fine and dandy :rolleyes:

    To see what after hours think out of curiosity.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 233 ✭✭Rhotheta


    Obliq wrote: »
    If it could put a work colleague in the position of being weirded out in his company, at work, then yes it is.

    A person thinks another person is attractive. So weird.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,371 ✭✭✭Obliq


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    To see what after hours think out of curiosity.

    Well, I'm sure you'll get plenty of mileage out of it, and a bunch of after dinner conversations.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    steddyeddy wrote: »
    B"llox is it inappropriate to tell someone they're beautiful. It's an aesthetic comment rather than a sexual one Imo.

    The old rhetorical device of flirtation that's not flirtation is always amusing.

    "You're a dirty thing and I'd ride you up your Bournville boulevard if I wasn't married with 2 kids".


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 233 ✭✭Rhotheta


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    Yeah, that was so cringe, no wonder she laughed! :pac:

    It's more interesting than discussing the weather and how busy you are at least.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,567 ✭✭✭Red Pepper


    Rhotheta wrote: »
    To see what after hours think out of curiosity.

    Watch out Rhotheta, you have a post count of 10 which automatically makes you a target of post count snobbery. It's a kind of Boards racism.
    I myself think it's a wonderful question.


  • Advertisement
Advertisement