Introvert and nervous about wedding

LegacyUser · 23-05-2015 02:27PM #1

Regular poster going anon for this. I am getting married soon and really looking forward to marrying the love of my life. I am also looking forward to the wedding and am happy with al of the decisions we have made so far, from the venue, to the cake, to the guest list (although obviously the last one has required a bit of compromise... no massive fights about it though).
The issue is that, while like everyone I don't fit neatly into one box, I am far more of an introvert than an extrovert. I always have to psyche myself up for nights out and the thought of having small talk with over 100 people is making me quite anxious. The average night out is only 6 hours or so and the whole day will be about 18 hours long. It is the typical Irish wedding and I am more than ok with that, but the closer the time comes the more I am nervous about having to 'put myself out there' and be the centre of attention for such a long time.
I consider myself extremely lucky to have found an amazing partner and we are in the very fortunate position to be able to get married and make that wonderful commitment to each other. I don't have cold feet and my blessing far outweigh this small issue, nonetheless if anyone has any tips or words of wisdom I would be very grateful.

bp · 23-05-2015 06:52PM

May I ask if you are male or female? My hubby just spoke to his mates at our wedding and no one noticed! You can be as outgoing or not as you like - photos can take hours etc, then the meal, first dance - a lot of hours gone

bee06 · 24-05-2015 01:04AM

Firstly, most weddings don't last 18 hours. That would be crazy! And you don't talk to people all the time during the wedding. You've got an hour of ceremony, photos, dinner, dancing. Most of the people at your wedding you should know so you shouldn't have to make small talk with them, you can have normal chats with them. And for the people you don't know you already have ready made small talk ... You look great, it was a lovely ceremony, the dinner was fabulous, where are you going on honeymoon blah, blah, blah. People understand if you don't spend ages talking to them. Have a quick chat, move on to the next group and spend most of your time talking to the people you want to talk to.

silverfeather · 24-05-2015 03:10AM

It's you day you do it how you please. If you want to be more solitary than do that. Ask people to understand. Not everyone likes the performance and attention aspect of weddings it's ok if you don't. People will hopefully want and understand it's your day to spend as you please.

CaraMay · 24-05-2015 06:11AM

Op I'm going to buck the trend here and say that I think, as a guest, it's very important that the bride and groom get round to each table to say hi. The guests are there to celebrate with you, not to just have dinner in a hotel and watch the couple from afar.

The quickest thing is to go to each table just before dessert and ask is everyone ok, thank them for coming and tell them you hope they enjoy the music. That's your job done. Just practice what you want to say or else go around with your wife. People are there for you - they aren't going to make it awkward for you.

bp · 24-05-2015 06:25AM

agreeing with CaraMay people are happy with a quick hello - thank you for coming, weather was (insert weather and luck), I hope to see you on the dance floor later and move to next table or group.

I think the bride is more noticeable (hence asking gender) and is usually expected to visit every table.

Post ceremony everyone lines up to congratulate you but honestly you just say thanks for coming/ thanks for saying I look great/ see you at the venue

Triangla · 24-05-2015 06:37AM

Hi OP, typically you will have the morning to yourself with mates.

Get a good relaxing brekkie in and take plenty of time to relax. At the church find some small job like making sure booklets are there for guests. Simple as finding two relations or friends and asking them. Then just stick with a close mate or two and wait.

The service will fly by, relax and go with the flow. Afterwards typically you will have photos and will be told what to do, where to go.

At the reception you will have 100 or so people that you or your wife know. At 3 mins with each person that is 300 mins - 5 hours. By the time you've said thanks for coming and they've said congrats that's that time done. With the meal, speeches and dancing you will have a lot less time than this to worry about. The evening goes by in a blink.

Relax and enjoy, everyone is on your side on your wedding day. Keep it light and all will be fine.

LegacyUser · 24-05-2015 02:32PM

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am the bride to be so

CaraMay · 24-05-2015 05:10PM

Same applies op but have your groom as a wingman when visiting the tables

LegacyUser · 24-05-2015 10:22PM

Argh, sorry, was on my phone earlier and that sent far too early, actually thought I couldn't do anon posting from my phone, hence only coming on now. Sorry, thought that earlier message hadn't sent at all.
Anyway, yes I am the bride to be so will be a bit more visible, but your responses have made me feel a lot better about the whole thing. He is outgoing and very funny so he will lead for 'his' people. There are some of the people on his side who he hasn't met for years but he will take it in his stride. I absolutely want to do the going around tables bit as it is just good manners, but was afraid of making an eejit of myself while doing it.
Thanks for the tip about running through the 'script' beforehand CaraMay, that's a great idea.
Thanks everyone, I can visualise the whole thing now much better than before (haven't been to a wedding in years) so am not so worried about that bit of it now.
Much appreciated

CaraMay · 24-05-2015 10:39PM

You'll have a great time. They will all be complimenting you and all about you so you won't need to make conversation. Have a few lines ready in your head but just relax and enjoy

Lollipops23 · 25-05-2015 12:14PM

I will say it's important to just acknowledge all the guests if possible-I was at my cousin's wedding last year, it was quite a bit away so we all drove down and booked B&B rooms. He came over at the reception as soon as he saw us and greeted us/thanked us for coming. Then he went on his way, as obviously he had quite a bit to be doing! His new wife, however, ignored his side of the family completely. She never thanked us for coming and walked past us several times to chat to her friends. It wasn't a gigantic wedding, so there was no reason she couldn't spend literally 30 seconds thanking people who gave up their weekend to be with them. Wasn't too impressed tbh.

OP, try to just enjoy and soak in as much of the day as you can. From what I hear, it goes by so fast you do need to remind yourself that it's your big day.

di11on · 27-05-2015 07:47AM

I would say that spending time thinking about this has magnified the issue out of proportion. After our wedding which was a little unconventional, my wife and I were delighted that we had done it our way and didn't regret a thing.

It's your day and you'll spend it together how you want and you'll look back on it fondly. You're not performing for anyone. Your guests are there because you want to share the event with them.

Chill and don't think too much about it. You'll do what comes naturally on the day.

Introvert and nervous about wedding

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