Turning 25 and feeling lost in my life

LegacyUser · 03-09-2015 08:42AM #1

Just spent 6 months travelling. Wanted to stay longer but I was a bit reckless with my money and am now in a position where I'll have to return home. The thought of it is filling me with dread. I turn 25 soon and have no idea where i'm going in my life. I took off to escape my crappy social life, monotonous routine and general discontent with home. Everything about home is just so negative, including my parents who i love dearly but listening to their negativity is not good for me. I'm pretty sure I also made the wrong career choice in my life.

To be honest, im scared of coming home. I know as soon as I get off the plane ill be hit with a horrible sinking feeling - the realisation that im back to a place im not happy in. I know ill cry my eyes out and spend a day or 2 in bed. After that I really don't know what will happen to me. My parents have advised me to work for a year or 2 and replenish my funds and maybe take off again seeing as I love to travel so much. I fell in love on the road and had a ball, but my silliness with money means i have no option but to return home.

I'm desperately seeking a way to be more positive about returning. But I know all the problems will hit my like a slap in the face - my loneliness, my non-existent social life, my dislike for my career. I feel it brewing inside me already - a horrible sinking feeling. Like when im back and will never be able to take off again, maybe due to not being able to find work or hating my work too much. Sorry for the depressing post but im wondering is there a way to be more positive about all this? Turning 25 and feel completely lost. I thought travel would give me some clarity but all it has done is confirm how much I love to be immersed in different cultures. any words of wisdom would be nice. am i being a bit dramatic about this/

Merkin · 03-09-2015 09:14AM

Why don't you simply look for a job abroad?

magicmushroom · 03-09-2015 09:38AM

Merkin wrote: »

Why don't you simply look for a job abroad?

Exactly.

You haven't mentioned if you were working at all whilst travelling - which country are you in? Does your Visa allow you to work?

santana75 · 03-09-2015 10:19AM

First of all relax. This pre-occupation people have with age in the west, is something I'll never understand. It serves no purpose other than to make people feel bad about where theyre at in life or make them afraid of losing what they have already. So stop watching the clock for a start and just live your life as it unfolds. Live in daytight compartments, as the saying goes.
Its ok to feel lost, in fact its kind of essential. Its like a clearing of the decks. I read a stat the other day that said 80% of people are in jobs they dont like or jobs theyre not passionate about. Thats a massive number of unhappy people in the world. Its easy to look around at everyone and think that they have it together, they go to their jobs, maybe wearing a suit or something formal and professional looking, they have houses, cars, wife, kids, the works. But you have to understand that a lot of people who look like they have it together dont. Thoreux said that most men live lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.........I take "men" to mean both mena and women. I know people like this, that seem to have it all, but theyre desperatley unhappy. My point is, a lof of people pick safety and comfort over passion. They pick paying the bills over something thats scary but could turn out to be a great adventure. Most people are afriad of the future and of not being able to pay for material things and having social status or whatever. Theres a lot of fear involved in how people choose their careers. And its easy to get sucked into that way of being because fear of the unknown and being insecure are powerful forces. But you have to resist those influences, forget about safety, security or comfort, and figure out what your passion is. Regardless of what anyone else is doing. Put the blinkers on, and do your own thing.
You'll figure it out, if you let yourself. Dont give in to fear. Try things, no matter how silly you think it might be, give it a go. Dont do anything for just for money. Do things that you would do regardless of whether someone would pay you for it or not. Passion is the most important thing there is. Dont sell out just so you can fit in to society or whatever. And I know you dont know what your passions are, but like I said, experiment, try things. Life is just one big experiment, thats all it is. You were meant to be lost and you're meant to feel around and try things.

Take a look at this TED talk by Rob Greene. <SNIP>

In relation to your social life, dont worry. Again its all related to finding yourself. The most important thing is to connect with yourself. I know that sounds like waffle, but the reason you feel alone is because you have lost the connection to yourself. They say the connection is the link between your inner child and your adult self. When this is broken, you feel lonely and out of touch with yourself and the world. It has nothing to do with anyone else or how many friends you have. You cant connect with anyone until you connect with yourself. Its too long to get into now but this book explains it brilliantly and gives you a roadmap in how to reconnect with yourself.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B009R4P5G4?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o00_

via4 · 03-09-2015 11:02AM

At some point you have to come back to reality and work again. Count yourself lucky that you got those six months away some people never get the chance to escape the monotony!

Merkin · 03-09-2015 11:15AM

Please have a read of the charter santana75. The inclusion of any kind of videos is forbidden. Thanks.

santana75 · 03-09-2015 12:10PM

Merkin wrote: »

Please have a read of the charter santana75. The inclusion of any kind of videos is forbidden. Thanks.

I didnt realise that. My apologies.

Merkin · 03-09-2015 12:43PM

santana75 wrote: »

I didnt realise that. My apologies.

No problem. The description is still there so the OP can look it up for themselves.

Ursus Horribilis · 03-09-2015 09:52PM

wtfwillido15 wrote: »

I turn 25 soon and have no idea where I'm going in my life. I took off to escape my crappy social life, monotonous routine and general discontent with home. Everything about home is just so negative, including my parents who i love dearly but listening to their negativity is not good for me. I'm pretty sure I also made the wrong career choice in my life.

You took off to escape things that were wrong in your life but you can't run forever. If you have to return to Ireland, why are you working on the basis that you've got to continue on as you were? This crappy social life of yours - why is this the case? Is there anything at all you could do differently to change this? If you're sitting at home every night and not making an effort to get out there and meet people, of course it's going to be crappy.

When you're at home, where do you live? If it's with your parents (which I get the impression it is), look into moving into a houseshare or something. Get out of home. Living with your parents at 25 years of age is stifling.

If you made a wrong career choice, you can still change. Try going to a career coach or something like that and exploring your options. You can still retrain/change career direction thanks to distance learning, part-time degree courses, night classes etc.

FactCheck · 04-09-2015 09:27AM

Once again, I think you would be better off re-igniting some of your many, many previous threads because people will get a better, fuller sense of your issues and how you've gotten on with them, rather than starting from scratch every time. I get that you seem to want anonymity or to reinvent yourself maybe but you will get much higher-quality advice if people have all the information. And you might even find, revisiting the many many previous posts you've made, that you get a bit more insight into your feelings seeing how they've developed over time.

I'm very sorry you're no feeling as positive as you were in your last thread. Everybody feels crappy at the end of a period of travelling but that doesn't make it any easier to figure out what you should do next.

What about looking for a career-type job (not the farmwork etc you did) in Australia, or even in Canada or England (do you have any foreign languages?).

ruahead · 04-09-2015 05:22PM

Don't worry, what you're experiencing is normal. I've gone through it as have many I know. The world is your oyster, you can travel again, retrain for a different career or move in with flatmates. Nothing is set in stone. I changed careers by going back to college in my 30's. Some people change careers in their 50's now, very inspiring. You are too young to feel trapped. Yes, its scary but its exciting too. That's the fun bit of life.

Ursus Horribilis · 04-09-2015 06:47PM

If you have posted before, then I'm not sure what it is you're looking for. I have not seen the other threads but I assume you have been given the same sort of advice as you're getting now. Are you in a negative rut or something?
Nobody here can make up your mind for you. You are going to have to shoulder some responsibility for the quandary you're in now. There's a lot that's great about travel but it is also a way for people to run away from their problems. I get the feeling that this is a large part of what has happened to you.

You're now at a crossroads. The path your parents want you to go down is the least desirable one. So why go down it? You're a grown adult who shouldn't be looking to your parents for validation at this stage of your life. They've done their bit - it's now your life to do with what you want. You've got options if only you can open your mind and stop thinking in terms of "I blew my money, I've got to come home now and cry under the duvet for 2 days". It is true that you can't stay on holidays forever and you can't run away from your problems forever. But you could....

* Stay where you are and get a job waiting tables or something.
* Stay where you are and see can you get a proper job related to your existing qualifications.
* Move to another country and get a better job related to your existing qualifications.
* Come back to Ireland but move away from where you live now.
* Come back to Ireland, return to where you live but make an effort to make new friends and carve out a social life for yourself.
* Look into ways of going back to college either in Ireland or abroad as a full-time student.
* See if you can work and study part-time with a view to changing career.
* Decide that you don't want to settle down any time soon and continue to travel indefinitely.

So what's it to be? You're a grown adult. You decide.

Old Jakey · 05-09-2015 01:40PM

Welcome to your quarter life crisis. It'll pass don't worry.

Turning 25 and feeling lost in my life

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