Online dating and work

LegacyUser · 01-11-2015 7:41pm #1

Going unreg for this. Small issue. Looking for advice.

Long story short. I'm 35 (m), and out of an 9 year relationship about 5 months. It had run its course. I went onto PoF recently, just to see what out looked like and set up an account. But not really interested in dating quite yet, more curious.

The first person that popped up in the "My match" list is a work colleague. She's a lovely woman, and we get on well. However, work has a very strict policy against relationships between colleagues. By very strict, I mean one or other of the parties must leave. This is especially true if both people work in the same area, and one would report either directly or indirectly to the other (I would report indirectly to her, but she would review a lot of my work).

This leads me to a dilemma. Do I say anything to her about seeing her on the site? She wouldn't know I would have seen her profile, as I don't have a photo up yet, and I use a pseudonym, while she uses her real name.

Or do I stay mum, and never mention it?

Any advice appreciated.

paulmclaughlin · 01-11-2015 9:37pm

Why would you mention to her that you seen her on a dating site? Especially since your work has a policy against relationships and she doesn't even know it is you she has matched with?

Just leave it be.

zoobizoo · 02-11-2015 1:39pm

There are 2.2 million women in the country.

Do you
-know this woman?
-have thought about her before a website suggested her?
-know how the MyMatch algorithm operates?
-think, given the issues regarding inter office dating, that anything positive is to be gained by saying anything to her?
-you think she might be mortified that someone who reports to her would embarrass her like that?

Say nothing

mailforkev · 02-11-2015 2:04pm

Wait, what?

You do know that just because a website matched you that you're not in a relationship with each other?

You saw someone you know on a dating site. No more no less. Why on earth would your work policy even cross your mind in this situation?

magicmushroom · 02-11-2015 2:14pm

Unreguser1234 wrote: »

Going unreg for this. Small issue. Looking for advice.

Long story short. I'm 35 (m), and out of an 9 year relationship about 5 months. It had run its course. I went onto PoF recently, just to see what out looked like and set up an account. But not really interested in dating quite yet, more curious.

The first person that popped up in the "My match" list is a work colleague. She's a lovely woman, and we get on well. However, work has a very strict policy against relationships between colleagues. By very strict, I mean one or other of the parties must leave. This is especially true if both people work in the same area, and one would report either directly or indirectly to the other (I would report indirectly to her, but she would review a lot of my work).

This leads me to a dilemma. Do I say anything to her about seeing her on the site? She wouldn't know I would have seen her profile, as I don't have a photo up yet, and I use a pseudonym, while she uses her real name.

Or do I stay mum, and never mention it?

Any advice appreciated.

A dilemma? Where?

Why would you say anything to her? I don't understand what your dilemma is at all, it's a very odd post.

VisibleGorilla · 02-11-2015 2:29pm

There is absolutely no dilemma here at all.

You say nothing at all.

suicide_circus · 02-11-2015 3:29pm

I'd be curious to know how and why your employer wants to interfere with your personal life? Seems odd and well outside the remit of an employer to do so...unless you work with vulnerable people or something.

Ann84 · 02-11-2015 4:59pm

I online dated for a while and saw lots of guys from my office on it - I also had a pic up so they saw me, one of the teachers from my daughters school was on it, as was a guy that worked in my local shop...
I didn't mention it to any of them in 'real life' as that would be weird! I did end up messaging a few but kept my distance as I didn't fancy any of them before seeing them on pof but also because I didn't want to date anyone from work at the time...

I would suggest you not mention the online profile to this particular woman... If you know her and fancy her, why not strike up conversation in 'real life' and see how it goes!? (If you want to ignore your company policy)

baby and crumble · 02-11-2015 5:08pm

suicide_circus wrote: »

I'd be curious to know how and why your employer wants to interfere with your personal life? Seems odd and well outside the remit of an employer to do so...unless you work with vulnerable people or something.

TBH loads of companies have similar policies. it makes perfect sense if you think about it. Imagine trying to be civil and work together after a bad break-up? Why would you even want to go there? As they say, yo don't dip your pen in the company ink.

OP, it's really not an issue for you. It's like saying "I saw you on facebook". That's literally how it is. It's a total non-issue. People like your colleague and yourself are entitled to a life outside work.

CaraMay · 02-11-2015 7:18pm

Oh god say nothing. It would come across as very weird for you to mention it to her.

Sleepless and Manic · 03-11-2015 3:02am

baby and crumble wrote: »

TBH loads of companies have similar policies. it makes perfect sense if you think about it. Imagine trying to be civil and work together after a bad break-up? Why would you even want to go there? As they say, yo don't dip your pen in the company ink.

Its weird for a company to have such an intrusive policy even if lots of them do.

baby and crumble · 03-11-2015 8:26am

Sleepless and Manic wrote: »

Its weird for a company to have such an intrusive policy even if lots of them do.

I actually don't see a problem with it myself.

discus · 03-11-2015 8:41am

Don't **** where you eat, mate. Just leave this one be. Anything can and will be used against you in the workplace.

Ursus Horribilis · 03-11-2015 8:44am

Sleepless and Manic wrote: »

Its weird for a company to have such an intrusive policy even if lots of them do.

Friend of mine dated a colleague. It went sour and he ended up having to find a new job. It's not for nothing that there are phrases out there line "don't get your honey where you make your money" or "don't dip your pen in the company ink".

OP I'd love to know what your logic behind this is. Do you fancy her? Or do you feel you should fancy her because some sort of algorithm matched you up?

While we're on the subject, I wonder has her profile shown you up as a potential match? She probably knows you're on the site too.

kylith · 03-11-2015 9:08am

I'm also in the 'not a problem' camp. Were you thinking you should tell her that you saw her on the site but don't think ye should do anything? Because that's just weird.

Diamond Doll · 03-11-2015 9:20am

I think there's an option to block other users on that site. Just block her, she won't show up as a match for you again, and you won't show up as a match for her. Don't say anything to her about it, and there's no dilemma there - just act like you never saw it. No need to create unnecessary drama or complications.

Online dating and work

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