Why should a man offer a seat to a woman on train/bus?

amdublin · 20-11-2015 09:16AM #1

Everytime I see a seat that is vacated on a bus/train and a man taking it and leaving a woman standing it irks me. Or not offering it to the woman and just sitting it irks me.

This morning that happened amd something clicked with me. Why am I irked? I want equality in every other male/female scenario so why not this???

Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts on this?? On why men should or shouldn't offer seat ton women

Ps. It also annoys me when parents have a toddler on a seat and leaving an adult standing - it's in the terms and conditions of carriage that they are free so you should put them on your lap.
Also with older children I think it is a good thing to teach civic duty to a child and have them stand and offer an adult a seat.

Pawwed Rig · 20-11-2015 09:18AM

If she is heavily pregnant, obviously ill or frail then I would. Otherwise no.

Same for a man too other than the pregnant part.

Staplor · 20-11-2015 09:19AM

Birds either want equality or they don't.

By not giving a seat I'm helping the feminist movement.

Also travelling with kids is a pain in the hole, the little snot bag might be taking up a seat, but give the parent a break.

b_mac2 · 20-11-2015 09:20AM

It's the Dublin football teams fault...

20-11-2015 09:20AM

Because it's a courtesy?

I'm sure it evolved from an era when chivalry was more relevant and ostentatious, and the reason is probably buried in here somewhere...

http://www.amazon.com/Manwatching-Field-Guide-Human-Behavior/dp/0810921847

VinLieger · 20-11-2015 09:21AM

Old/infirm people no matter the gender get it first, then pregnant women after that its a free for all, ive had women who were perfectly capable glower at me on a bus or train when I take a seat instead of offering it to them, their sense of entitlement continues to amuse me and I hope one day one of them tries to call me on it that will be incredibly enjoyable

Del2005 · 20-11-2015 09:22AM

I've offered my seat to old people and they've been offended. But if someone looks like they are struggling to stand I'd still offer it, if someone doesn't look like they are struggling they can stand, doesn't matter what sex they are.

Buona Fortuna · 20-11-2015 09:22AM

amdublin wrote: »

Ps. It also annoys me when parents have a toddler on a seat and leaving an adult standing - it's in the terms and conditions of carriage that they are free so you should put them on your lap.
Also with older children I think it is a good thing to teach civic duty to a child and have them stand and offer an adult a seat.

You yearn for the 1950s

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

If she is heavily pregnant, obviously ill or frail then I would. Otherwise no.

Supposing she's just carrying a bit of weight - your gallantry could backfire

GLaDOS · 20-11-2015 09:22AM

I've never been under the impression you were supposed to give up your seat for a (young, healthy, non pregnant) woman on public transport?

amdublin · 20-11-2015 09:23AM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Because it's a courtesy?

I'm sure it evolved from an era when chivalry was more relevant and ostentatious, and the reason is probably buried in here somewhere...

http://www.amazon.com/Manwatching-Field-Guide-Human-Behavior/dp/0810921847

I think it's in ingrained in me as a courtesy and that is why it irked me (ok made my blood boil! ) but thinking realistically if I want to be treated equally in every other way why do I / other women need that seat?

El_Duderino 09 · 20-11-2015 09:24AM

It's fair game between able bodied men and women. It would be patronising to give up your seat to a person and treat them as a delicate flower if you're supposed to treat them equally in every other way.

I don't know much about raising children so I can't really comment.

As an aside, I commute on the train in the UK. Often you see a person sitting in the isle seat with a free window seat. people will stand beside a free seat sooner than ask someone to allow them in. Its survival of the fittest.

JustShon · 20-11-2015 09:25AM

I'm with the other posters here. I'll give up the seat if they're disabled / old / pregnant but that goes for all genders.

Women aren't so weak that they can't stand on the bus for a while.

20-11-2015 09:25AM

Life is too short to worry about bus seating etiquette

Weatherproof79 · 20-11-2015 09:25AM

Depend on the way you were raised. I would offer my seat.

amdublin · 20-11-2015 09:25AM

Staplor wrote: »

Birds either want equality or they don't.

By not giving a seat I'm helping the feminist movement.

Also travelling with kids is a pain in the hole, the little snot bag might be taking up a seat, but give the parent a break.

Hmmm. No that doesn't wash with me tbh. Your child (uunder 3 or iirc) is travelling free on the basis that they don't take a seat from a fare paying adult. It's not my responsibility to deal with your travelling being a pain in the hole. Frankly your child taking up a seat when it's not supposed to is a pain in the hole.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 20-11-2015 09:26AM

Was on a bus once and a woman with a spoilt brat was sitting across from me. The little fvcker was whining, pointing at me, saying she wanted my seat. Instead of telling the child to cop on, the mother asked me could the child have my seat.

Obviusly I said no.

Other than that I always offer my seat to old people.

John_Rambo · 20-11-2015 09:28AM

As a happy compromise that shows respect, chivalry and won't upset the equal rights folk I often suggest young, healthy, non-pregnant girls sit on my lap on the train.

Isaiah · 20-11-2015 09:29AM

If I am trying to sit down and there is only 1 seat left on the bus/train, and a woman is also going for it I will step back and let her sit.

I feel that it's more becoming of a man to be strong, capable and assertive when needed but also humble and willing to make sacrifices, however small, to benefit those around them, especially those who are physically smaller or weaker than themselves.

Other men, unless frail or old, should do the same. Small behavioural gestures like this uphold a sense of civic decency and moral standards in our everyday engagements with strangers.

Too much "Me" attitude in men these days, especially the selfie generation.

amdublin · 20-11-2015 09:29AM

Weatherproof79 wrote: »

Depend on the way you were raised. I would offer my seat.

Well me too. But I'm questioning it now. Is there something different about women that we need the seat???? Is this courtesy now outdated as we have shown we are equals

Whitewinged · 20-11-2015 09:29AM

ScienceNerd wrote: »

I've never been under the impression you were supposed to give up your seat for a (young, healthy, non pregnant) woman on public transport?

I'd never expect a seat either. I was offered a seat a few times when I was pregnant. Once or twice I took it because I genuinely needed it.

I do worry sometimes when offering my seat if the woman is definitely pregnant or not and also some older people can look offended if you offer too but I'd rather offer the seat and risk it than not offer at all.

kfallon · 20-11-2015 09:30AM

Because the woman might think he is nice so it increases* his chances of getting his hole..... :pac:

*chances increased by 0.00000000001%

El_Duderino 09 · 20-11-2015 09:30AM

Weatherproof79 wrote:

Depend on the way you were raised. I would offer my seat.

Trying that one again. 'I see women as weak or somehow unable to handle standing. It's just the way I was raised'.

How patronising

amdublin · 20-11-2015 09:31AM

In the back of my mind "it's the polite thing to do". But is it????!!!! Or is it saying oh you poor little weak woman, me strong man give you this seat.

Lu Tze · 20-11-2015 09:31AM

Was on the DART one day, an elderly couple got on, and the lady took the seat across the aisle from me. I got up and offered my seat to the gentleman with her... he insisted i keep it - we both ended up standing having a chat ( i was only going another couple of stops). It was his first day getting the pension, think it touched a nerve that he was suddenly getting people offering him a seat on that very day!

Weatherproof79 · 20-11-2015 09:34AM

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Trying that one again. 'I see women as weak or somehow unable to handle standing. It's just the way I was raised'.

How patronising

If you want to feel patronised go ahead. I'm sure you feel a lot of inadequacies. My mother taught me to hold doors open for people and to offer my seat if a lady is standing. I don't see them as weaker in any shape or form and no one has ever reacted badly. I wouldn't offer my seat to you tho, you could quite easily remove than chip from your shoulder and sit on that.

Isaiah · 20-11-2015 09:36AM

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Trying that one again. 'I see women as weak or somehow unable to handle standing. It's just the way I was raised'.

How patronising

Using a persons desire to be a decent man as an excuse to accuse him of being patronising to women. How negative and utterly reprehensable. Do you ever tire of finding things to be offended by?

If you really cared about people, you would praise his efforts and willingness to make small sacrifices for other people.

El_Duderino 09 · 20-11-2015 09:36AM

Weatherproof79 wrote:

If you want to feel patronised go ahead. I'm sure you feel a lot of inadequacies. My mother taught me to hold doors open for people and to offer my seat if a lady is standing. I don't see them as weaker in any shape or form and no one has ever reacted badly. I wouldn't offer my seat to you tho, you could quite easily remove than chip from your shoulder and sit on that.

Unnecessarily aggressive I think.

If it's not blatantly patronising, what's the logic? Humour my tiny intellect.

PARlance · 20-11-2015 09:37AM

Frail or Pregnant will get offered a seat. If they're a good looking woman, they will get offered the lap.

Isaiah · 20-11-2015 09:41AM

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Humour my tiny intellect.

Nobody said this or suggested this. You are creating this attitude in your head and then getting offended by it.

El_Duderino 09 · 20-11-2015 09:41AM

Isaiah wrote:

If you really cared about people, you would praise his efforts and willingness to make small sacrifices for other people.

I praise efforts to see my fellow commuters as equal humans. I see it as well intentioned naivety about gender roles.

I don't doubt that people were raised to think it is a good idea. But times have changed and gender roles have changed.Think about it for a second.

CruelCoin · 20-11-2015 09:42AM

amdublin wrote: »

Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts on this?? On why men should or shouldn't offer seat ton women

All these little priveledges were given to women in leiu of rights and power.

Welcome to equality! You may now stand, thank you.

Why should a man offer a seat to a woman on train/bus?

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