Why should a man offer a seat to a woman on train/bus?

Samaris · 20-11-2015 11:04AM

Duggy747 wrote: »

If I'm on the bus and a woman comes near me in my seat I just smash the window of the moving bus and leap to my escape.

Checkmate, feminists!

Best approach.

Copa Mundial · 20-11-2015 11:04AM

As most people have mentioned, I'd give up my seat for anyone, man or woman, who's elderly, frail, obviously sick or pregnant.

I don't see why a woman should get offended by being offered a seat. That's a complete over reaction by someone who's looking for something to be offended by. It's nothing more than a polite gesture from someone who was raised by parents who believed in chivalry.

20-11-2015 11:05AM

Copa Mundial wrote: »

I don't see why a woman should get offended by being offered a seat. That's a complete over reaction by someone who's looking for something to be offended by. It's nothing more than a polite gesture from someone who was raised by parents who believed in chivalry.

I think the overreaction is by those who suggest there are women marauding public transport, waiting to be offended by anyone nice enough to offer a seat.

I really can't think of one occasion where someone took offence.

Samaris · 20-11-2015 11:06AM

discus wrote: »

Why though? Apparently women and men are similar. Apparently we all have the same capabilities.... eg - Female soldiers get paid the same, for the "same" work (but easier fitness tests). Let them skip a queue? Is their time more valuable than yours?

Women don't see you as an equal, even though you see them as an equal. They see the likes of you as an easy opportunity to make their life easier. Males like you are a pushover.

It seems that feminism means "bending over backwards for women" to you, and they no doubt love you for it

Crikey, you've got unresolved Issues.

As a woman, I see you in your manly maleness as just the same as I. As a person, I think you sound like you've got a chip on your shoulder the size of a small subcontinent!

Wabbit Ears · 20-11-2015 11:07AM

Ill give up a seat to an elderly person, a pregnant woman or someone with a baby/small kid where they may need it.

I cant see any reasoning to offer a seat to an able bodied anyone. Why would you do that? Most things considered chivalrous are now just seen as plain old sexist.

tashiusclay · 20-11-2015 11:09AM

amdublin wrote: »

Everytime I see a seat that is vacated on a bus/train and a man taking it and leaving a woman standing it irks me. Or not offering it to the woman and just sitting it irks me.

This morning that happened amd something clicked with me. Why am I irked? I want equality in every other male/female scenario so why not this???

Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts on this?? On why men should or shouldn't offer seat ton women

.

It sounds like you want gender equality when it suits you, and traditional gender roles when it doesn't, in the case of having to stay standing on busy public transport. Why do you need the seat more than an equal able bodied man, assuming you're not elderly or pregnant? Are female legs structurally weaker than male legs or something?

Most women seem to manage high heels ok despite how uncomfortable they look to me at least, but not being able or willing to stay standing while travelling?
Strange.

Skoop · 20-11-2015 11:19AM

Shermanator wrote: »

I was raised to believe a man gave up his seat for a woman just because he was a man. This is not about "seating etiquette". this is about what type of man you are. Yes, we could all stay seated and hide behind the equality for women argument. We could also use this argument for "men" who hit women.
I still give up my seat for women, old people etc. I hold doors open for whoever may be behind me (male or female). It costs me nothing and makes me feel good.

Have you read the story about Josh, the school kid who was being bullied in his small town school. He moved to a big school and decided he wanted to be noticed and not bullied. So on his first day, he held the door open for all the other students. He even held doors open between classes. He continued to do this every day for the rest of his time in school. At first all the kids thought he was weird and called him doorman. However, after a few weeks they started to realize it was an act of kindness and people started to look forward to him greeting them each day.
Students gave testimonies, claiming how Josh set an example for other students, and how this small act of kindness encouraged them to do nice things for other people. Beaming with infectious positive energy, Josh rose in popularity to be named Prom King the next year.
Josh is now an avid public speaker, reaching out to younger students, and hoping to inspire kindness at an even earlier age.

"It's amazing how one simple act can change your whole life," said Josh. "I never thought doing something so simple could be so rewarding.

Can't post a link but his story is on YouTube

Josh didn't just hold the door open for women. If you want to follow his example you should be giving up your seat to men too. But you don't. So it's not about kindness or what kind of man you want to be. It's demonstratably about 'social etiquette' for you. Nothing horribly wrong with social etiquette or anything. Just a bit silly for you to be trying to dress it up as something else.

Tilly · 20-11-2015 11:20AM

If there's someone worse off than me they'll get my seat whether they're a man or a woman.

Dolbert · 20-11-2015 11:21AM

If someone offered me their seat out of the blue I'd be paranoid that I looked pregnant!

Tilly · 20-11-2015 11:21AM

Dolbert wrote: »

If someone offered me their seat out of the blue I'd be paranoid that I looked pregnant!

I've done that, and she wasnt

El_Duderino 09 · 20-11-2015 11:23AM

Isaiah wrote:

Well I actually would stand up if an elderly, frail or injured person got on regardless of gender. I would 'defer' to a woman if we were both going for the last seat. I would sometimes defer to men too but that depends upon who is closer to the seat or who went for it first.

So you defer to elderly, frail, injured and women. Treating men with normal etiquette, first come first served. See what I mean?

Isaiah wrote:

With a women even if I went for the last seat first or was closer, I would stand aside and let her have it.

I can see it's well intentioned. I can see it probably comes from your upbringing. I can see that it's treating women, frail and elderly favourably. I see the logic with giving preferential treatment to people who may have difficulty standing but why preferential treatment for women? That's the logic I'm asking for.

Isaiah wrote:

If this offends you then it's your problem, not mine.

Not offended. Amused though.

Lux23 · 20-11-2015 11:26AM

I don't think many men offer their seat to women on trains and buses often any more, they are not expected to either. I always offer my seat to older, disabled and pregnant women or parents with a young child, it's manners plain and simple. (I'm female)

Wabbit Ears · 20-11-2015 11:26AM

To Add I also hold doors for people, Regardless of Gender and for Elderly and infirm and pregnant women I will be happily wait a bit longer for them.

Basically I'm saying, There is good manners and there is being a good person where it needs but giving a seat to a woman on a bus is neither of those. I learned good manners and pass this onto my own kids but the idea that a woman is weaker then a man and therefore requires you to give up your seat is not a lesson Ill be teaching them.

20-11-2015 11:38AM

Holding doors is one I always do and will think someone who doesn't is an ignorant prick. It probably doesn't take me any longer at all to get through a closing than an open door but having one shut in my face feels very disrespectful.

VinLieger · 20-11-2015 11:44AM

Liam O wrote: »

Holding doors is one I always do and will think someone who doesn't is an ignorant prick. It probably doesn't take me any longer at all to get through a closing than an open door but having one shut in my face feels very disrespectful.

Ive had a women snap at me before that she didnt need a door held open for her, I still do it regardless of gender cus im polite and would expect someone else to do it for me but its kinda funny how she took my simple overall politeness as some kind of insult

Ash.J.Williams · 20-11-2015 11:46AM

VinLieger wrote: »

Ive had a women snap at me before that she didnt need a door held open for her, I still do it regardless of gender cus im polite and would expect someone else to do it for me but its kinda funny how she took my simple overall politeness as some kind of insult

i always hold a door for women, and always brace myself for a belt in the face when a woman opens a door in front of me!!

El_Duderino 09 · 20-11-2015 11:47AM

Liam O wrote:

To answer the OPs question succinctly, if they are pregnant, elderly or have some impediment that is making standing difficult.

Exactly this. Bringing gender into it is no different to bringing race, ethnicity or nationality into it. Of someone needs the seat more than you, then do the decent thing and discreetly offer them the seat.

Figbiscuithead · 20-11-2015 11:48AM

I've had some embarrassed reactions from older men when I've offered them my seat, so I simply wait 'till they're looking in my direction and get up without saying anything, so they can take it without feeling self-conscious.

Ash.J.Williams · 20-11-2015 11:53AM

it's better to see a pregnant woman standing, than a fat woman sitting crying!
jimmy Carr

Carlos Orange · 20-11-2015 11:54AM

Women aren't quite the fragile creatures Victorians thought them to be so I just try to treat them the same as men. The only problem is I think my brain is hard wired to give them right of way on the street.

SAMTALK · 20-11-2015 11:55AM

I think it so sad that we have become so PC... I really dont think its so much about equality as it is about manners. I most certainly wouldnt expect anyone to give me their seat because im a woman but i do think it a lovely trait to see in a man, If i was offered a seat and didnt need it I would politely decline but thank them for the offer. I think sometimes that men are afraid of the reaction they will get if they offer a seal......Sometimes there is no pleasing women;)

WoolyJumper · 20-11-2015 11:57AM

It's never crossed my mind that I must give up my seat for a young/healthy women. Nor have I ever experienced a woman glaring and me or looking at me expectedly to give them my seat and i take public transport everyday. Honestly didnt realise this was a thing.

seamus · 20-11-2015 11:58AM

I wouldn't automatically give up my seat for an elderly person unless it was pretty clear that they're frail or otherwise struggling. I can see why someone in their sixties would get offended if they were offered a seat that they didn't need.

On the toddler thing I can see why people would be annoyed, but as the parent of a toddler they're not the most stable of individuals, even up to four years old. Sure they're made of rubber, but on a bus in particular when it's starting, stopping and turning, a toddler will fall around the place like an abrasive drunk and be far more annoying on a packed bus than if they just took a seat. Certainly if I saw a parent with a younger child get onto the bus, I would give them my seat for the toddler.

Ave Sodalis · 20-11-2015 12:00PM

I don't like wasting energy. I would consider an abled person getting up for another abled person to be a complete waste of time and energy. Same goes for holding out chairs, opening car doors, and going out of the way to open a door for someone. All wastes of time and energy so they annoy me. Now, if someone was obviously struggling or if you were at the door already, then it would be easier for you to do those things.

What I have noticed on this thread is there are way more people getting angry and insulted at the idea that women mightn't see it as a done thing anymore and that these women don't accept that it's manners or whatever, than there are women giving out about men standing. Honestly, it seems you can't say that it's an outdated idea without getting "feminism" thrown in your face, and a highly hypocritical rant about how you won't accept that they're doing it because they taught it to be manners. There are people throwing hissy fits over the idea that some people don't see asking a woman to sit as necessary anymore. There's even accusations of being an unpleasant person if you don't have the same idea of manners, despite the fact that the idea of manners makes no sense.

Darkglasses · 20-11-2015 12:11PM

I don't offer unless I'm positive they're in a bad way with something, too many people get offended. Better if they just ask.

SEPT 23 1989 · 20-11-2015 12:12PM

I feel very old school reading this thread

of course i will ask a woman if she would like to sit down

basic manners

the_syco · 20-11-2015 12:16PM

amdublin wrote: »

Everytime I see a seat that is vacated on a bus/train and a man taking it and leaving a woman standing it irks me. Or not offering it to the woman and just sitting it irks me.

Because women are weak?

Deleted User wrote: »

Because it's a courtesy?

Because we were raised to see women as weak?

VinLieger wrote: »

Old/infirm people no matter the gender get it first

That's a given.

VinLieger wrote: »

then pregnant women

Only if I'm certain they ain't fat. Hard to tell sometimes.

VinLieger wrote: »

ive had women who were perfectly capable glower at me on a bus or train when I take a seat instead of offering it to them, their sense of entitlement continues to amuse me and I hope one day one of them tries to call me on it that will be incredibly enjoyable

They're probably the same sort who insist on being treated equally, but don't get the irony.

Del2005 wrote: »

I've offered my seat to old people and they've been offended.

Because they assume that you think they're weak.

amdublin wrote: »

I think it's in ingrained in me as a courtesy and that is why it irked me (ok made my blood boil! ) but thinking realistically if I want to be treated equally in every other way why do I / other women need that seat?

It's ingrained in you that women are weak.

Calling it a courtesy makes the man doing it look "gentlemanly".

But I see it as another piece of bullsh|t. Women want equality, but still seem to want to keep the good things. They want equality in some of the nice jobs, but don't seem to want the crappy jobs. They also get to keep the shorter prison sentences, again due to the assumption that women are weaker, and thus couldn't do as much damage as the man.

Meh. Any attempt by man to change this, they'll get called "women haters", but if women try to expand on their rights, they're called "women helpers". Great fun :P

whatismyname · 20-11-2015 12:16PM

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

I feel very old school reading this thread

of course i will ask a woman if she would like to sit down

basic manners

And a man?

Choc Chip · 20-11-2015 12:16PM

I'm female and while I don't get insulted by someone offering me their seat, I do get a bit embarrassed. It's like I feel they might think that I'm not as capable of standing as they are so I always politely decline (even when I'm tottering around on massive heels and they probably have a very good point).

I do think it's lovely when people offer to give their seat up though (to anyone, not just me).

suicide_circus · 20-11-2015 12:16PM

This is a non issue since gender is an illusory social construct. Pregnant woman? Wrong. Pot bellied dude.

Why should a man offer a seat to a woman on train/bus?

Comments