Her mother is a living nightmare

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 09:10AM #1

i have been with the missus 3 Years now and from Day 1 i have disliked her mother, the first time i went to the house was hell on earth, her mother sat there looking me up and down with barely a word out of her, so from the offset i have barely visited the house, the missus made it quite clear " Ma doesn't like anyone in the house"

i am an easy going Guy i have no enemies in life, i have a great family myself who look out for each other's well being , but this Yolk is set out to make everyone's life a misery, some examples of her miserableness

the GF lost weight and not once did she praise her

the GF got pregnant at 19 , didn't speak to her for 6 months , and to this
Day she still says " Well you shouldn't have opened your legs (7 years on)"

She goes mad if the GF leaves a crumb on the table or uses her pots when cooking her own dinner

She doesn't cook dinner for the GF and her daughter but she does for the other 2 brothers and her father

My question is, Life is extremely hard as it is and her mother, the one who is supposed to love and care for most, is the one who is making her life a living nightmare , Can anyone explain why a "Mother" can be so bitter and nasty to her only daughter, i cant fathom it myself, i am not a violent man at all but sometimes i feel a good hard loaf to the head wont do her any harm.

Rant over

BarryD · 30-03-2016 09:16AM

Who knows? Mothers and daughters can have strange relationships, particularly 'only daughters' I think. But this sounds a bit harsh alright. At end of the day though, I suspect it's up to your partner. If she can hack it and they muddle through, I think it unwise to interfere too much - choose your words carefully. Blood is thicker than water etc.

Estrellita · 30-03-2016 09:18AM

Pettiness about using pots aside, it sounds like her Mother is very old school attitude. Irish Mammy syndrome at it's finest. Takes care of the boys and the girls get treated like crap. Your girlfriend could tell her Mother that her comments about opening her legs are offensive and hurtful, but I would wager she would get another bout of it. That leopard is not gonna change her spots..

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 09:55AM

Barry i am not one for putting people down etc it's not in my nature i treat everyone the same, respect and dignity to start off with then if the person is a D******d i tend to lose that respect and this is how i feel everyone should treat others, her "Mother" does the opposite it seems after 3 Years of this kinda disgusting behaviour (best way to describe it) it starts getting under ones skin, as many people have said, " why does she not move out" she is on the list for a house but that be another 3 or 4 years, it's as easy as people think.

I feel for anyone who has a parent like this, it's a mental strain , like a prison sentence , but as i keep telling the GF, she will break Free one Day

pwurple · 30-03-2016 10:21AM

I'm trying to make this out.... Who is 'the missus' and who is 'the gf'? Are they the same person?

Does your girlfriend and her daughter live with the grandmother?

I imagine this is the general source of being pissed off. I'd tolerate it for a while, but if one of my children was fully grown up, had a family of their own, and a husband/boyfriend and the whole extra family were still in on top of me 7 years later eating my food, I'd be getting stroppy too.

Time for everyone here to grow up.

Never mind the 'list' for a house. You can get stuck on that list for eternity, so you need another plan. Where are you living? Is she working? If not, why not?

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 10:38AM

She lives with her Mother , she has a 7 year old daughter, this has got nothing to do with eating her food etc., in fact she buys her own food fyi, this is about her mother being a bitter and twisted woman, i am trying to figure out why the mother is like this, How can someone be so nasty to their own daughter, She is working , Moving out will solve a lot of this hassle, but it still wont solve her mother being the way she is, i have never met a woman like her, i wonder is there an underlying reason why one can be so nasty/full of hate for life in general (the first time i was in the house she was fuming that the neighbour got a claim "That's my tax that C*** is getting"

This is not normal behaviour at all is it

tinkerbell · 30-03-2016 10:59AM

Your gf needs to move out - if she got pregnant at 19 and has a 7 year old then she's late 20s now. She'll never change her mother but she can change how she interacts with her mother. If her mother treats her like crap, then she can go low or no contact. But she really needs to move out.

lazygal · 30-03-2016 11:35AM

Why don't you live together?

Kenpo · 30-03-2016 12:28PM

It's a very tough (and common) situation.

I wrote an article on breaking out dysfunctional families here:

http://toxicescape.com/the-great-escape-breaking-free-of-dysfunctional-families

Hope it helps

Take care
Karl

Doop · 30-03-2016 12:32PM

Just move out???

sbsquarepants · 30-03-2016 12:33PM

Put simply your girlfriends mother is a cúnt. There are plenty of them out there and they tend not to change. Distance is the only cure I'm afraid.

Jayop · 30-03-2016 12:37PM

Aye tell her to get the hell out of there. If you're going out 3 years, maybe it's time to decide if you want this to be a permanent deal and take on the responsibility of helping raise the child. If not then maybe it's fairer on her to move on and give her and her child a chance with someone else.

Either way she needs to move away.

stoplooklisten · 30-03-2016 12:46PM

Time for her to move out and stand on her own two feet.

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 01:08PM

lazygal wrote: »

Why don't you live together?

i have no intentions of moving out of my home just yet, i have the easiest life possible and a lovely family, she's the one with the issue at home, not me.

i probably sound selfish but if i was that selfish i could easily dump her, but that would not be fair on her,

But i can assure you now, many men my age wouldnt have that in their life, a GF with a **** of a ma and a 7 Year old daughter who is not his.

stoplooklisten · 30-03-2016 01:13PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

...
But i can assure you now, many men my age wouldnt have that in their life, a GF with a **** of a ma and a 7 Year old daughter who is not his.

Get off the cross, you made the choice, don't make it sound like you're doing your girlfriend some sort of favor by going out with her. A man in his mid twenties living at home with his mother is nothing to boast about btw.

The mother is probably frustrated at the daughters choices so far and doesn't see much changing in the future

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 01:22PM

stoplooklisten wrote: »

Get off the cross, you made the choice, don't make it sound like you're doing your girlfriend some sort of favor by going out with her. A man in his mid twenties living at home with his mother is nothing to boast about btw.

The mother is probably frustrated at the daughters choices so far and doesn't see much changing in the future

You could not be more wrong, she has said to be on many occasions " i dont know why you haven't walked away"

She understands it's nor ideal for

A) i cant go to the house, only at christmas , and at that, i hate it

Her Mother wont mind her daughter so we have to take her everwhere and cant go out at weekends, well we get out probably once every 2 months

My life could be so much easier than it is when it comes to the social aspect, cant even go for a walk with her at night as she has to be at home with her daughter or her "Mother" slates her

" Ah yeah off out with lover boy and dumping your daughter at home" would be the kind of trash she would get thrown at her.

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 01:23PM

stoplooklisten wrote: »

Get off the cross, you made the choice, don't make it sound like you're doing your girlfriend some sort of favor by going out with her. A man in his mid twenties living at home with his mother is nothing to boast about btw.

The mother is probably frustrated at the daughters choices so far and doesn't see much changing in the future

This is another problem, her ma does not care about her choices, she shows no interest in her life in that way. If anything, the happier she is, the more nagging she gets from this waste of space.

Stheno · 30-03-2016 01:24PM

Why doesn't your gf move out and get her own place?

m'lady · 30-03-2016 01:25PM

Your with your girlfriend that length of time and have a 7 year old child and your making no effort in moving out of your family home and think your great that you haven't walked away? I can only imagine what the mother must think of you, and honestly I can't blame her.

LegacyUser · 30-03-2016 01:29PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

You could not be more wrong, she has said to be on many occasions " i dont know why you haven't walked away"

This sounds like some self-aggrandisement talk. I wonder how you can bear to lower yourself to her levels?

Dial Hard · 30-03-2016 01:30PM

m'lady wrote:

Your with your girlfriend that length of time and have a 7 year old child and your making no effort in moving out of your family home and think your great that you haven't walked away? I can only imagine what the mother must think of you, and honestly I can't blame her.

While the OP hasn't exactly covered himself in glory with his last couple of posts, the child isn't his.

Stheno · 30-03-2016 01:30PM

m'lady wrote: »

Your with your girlfriend that length of time and have a 7 year old child and your making no effort in moving out of your family home and think your great that you haven't walked away? I can only imagine what the mother must think of you, and honestly I can't blame her.

In fairness he's with the woman three years, don't think it's his child?

draiochtanois · 30-03-2016 01:31PM

This post has been deleted.

El Tarangu · 30-03-2016 01:33PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

Her Mother wont mind her daughter so we have to take her everwhere and cant go out at weekends, well we get out probably once every 2 months

Ken Masters wrote: »

" Ah yeah off out with lover boy and dumping your daughter at home" would be the kind of trash she would get thrown at her.

- would this be when you are expecting her to look after the child so that you and your partner can go out drinking?

stoplooklisten · 30-03-2016 01:33PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

You could not be more wrong, she has said to be on many occasions " i dont know why you haven't walked away"

She understands it's nor ideal for

A) i cant go to the house, only at christmas , and at that, i hate it

Her Mother wont mind her daughter so we have to take her everwhere and cant go out at weekends, well we get out probably once every 2 months

My life could be so much easier than it is when it comes to the social aspect, cant even go for a walk with her at night as she has to be at home with her daughter or her "Mother" slates her

" Ah yeah off out with lover boy and dumping your daughter at home" would be the kind of trash she would get thrown at her.

So her mam won't mind her child at the weekends and evenings. Why should she? She's not a babysitter and has her own life. That's the responsibility of having a child, you're girlfriend is the childs mother and yes she should be there in the evening, most parents are. Do you expect the granny to just be there at the beck and call as a babysitter.

Pawwed Rig · 30-03-2016 01:35PM

OP you are not coming out great in this. Are you sure the gfs mother does not have a point?
Maybe she questions her daughters judgement (which to be fair seems very poor).
Also I am not understanding why a 26 year old is living somewhere that they do not want to be. I would guess the bigger issue is between you and the mother rather than mother and daughter and that the daughter tolerates the situation well enough.
There are alot of relevant facts missing from this story.

wuzziwig · 30-03-2016 01:35PM

I can't understand why your girlfriend hasn't walked away from you. You may not realise it but you are coming across like you feel your girlfriend is lucky you were so charitable to go out with her. It also appears that you have no interest or bond with her daughter after 3 years so if I were you I'd do the decent thing and leave her to find a decent fella for herself who will take her situation and her daughter as being a fundamental part of being with her. You actually sound like a teenager TBH.

m'lady · 30-03-2016 01:40PM

Dial Hard wrote: »

While the OP hasn't exactly covered himself in glory with his last couple of posts, the child isn't his.

Sorry my bad, I didn't see that.

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 01:48PM

First off her daughter is a spoilt little brat who i cant bond with because she's a spoilt little brat, Secondly i am not saying "She's lucky to have me" not at all, couldn't be further from the truth, the point of this post was to get to the bottom line of why her mother is like this, i get on with every single person i meet, even her mother as i make the effort as at the end of the Day , she is her mother . Her Da is a different kettle of fish, very laid back and we get on like a house on fire, and with all of her other family members, it's just the mother that is ruining everything, My Family cant believe how bad she is (they seen her in action, slating her for "Dumping" her daughter in a friends for a sleep over- on Facebook , the whole world could see, it's not as if she was even minding her ) she works hard, 5 Days a week , and we get out probably once every two months, not much to ask for is it?

stoplooklisten · 30-03-2016 01:50PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

First off her daughter is a spoilt little brat who i cant bond with because she's a spoilt little brat, Secondly i am not saying "She's lucky to have me" not at all, couldn't be further from the truth, the point of this post was to get to the bottom line of why her mother is like this, i get on with every single person i meet, even her mother as i make the effort as at the end of the Day , she is her mother . Her Da is a different kettle of fish, very laid back and we get on like a house on fire, and with all of her other family members, it's just the mother that is ruining everything, My Family cant believe how bad she is (they seen her in action, slating her for "Dumping" her daughter in a friends for a sleep over, it's not as if she was even minding her ) she works hard, 5 Days a week , and we get out probably once every two months, not much to ask for is it?

How often does your family offer to mind her daughter for her?I know she not yours, but she is a big part of your life and potentially your step-child.

Stheno · 30-03-2016 01:50PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

First off her daughter is a spoilt little brat who i cant bond with because she's a spoilt little brat, Secondly i am not saying "She's lucky to have me" not at all, couldn't be further from the truth, the point of this post was to get to the bottom line of why her mother is like this, i get on with every single person i meet, even her mother as i make the effort as at the end of the Day , she is her mother . Her Da is a different kettle of fish, very laid back and we get on like a house on fire, and with all of her other family members, it's just the mother that is ruining everything, My Family cant believe how bad she is (they seen her in action, slating her for "Dumping" her daughter in a friends for a sleep over on Facebook , the whole world could see, it's not as if she was even minding her ) she works hard, 5 Days a week , and we get out probably once every two months, not much to ask for is it?

Do you really see a future for yourself with a woman whose child you refer to as a "spoiled brat"? Who minds the child while your gf is at work?

jackofalltrades · 30-03-2016 01:50PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

i have no intentions of moving out of my home just yet, i have the easiest life possible and a lovely family, she's the one with the issue at home, not me.

i probably sound selfish but if i was that selfish i could easily dump her, but that would not be fair on her,

But i can assure you now, many men my age wouldnt have that in their life, a GF with a **** of a ma and a 7 Year old daughter who is not his.

Honestly do you love your girlfriend?
Because the easiest solution in this case is for both of you to move in with each other.
Everyone should end up happier as a result.

Yes a lot of men wouldn't go out with a single mother, but that doesn't mean your doing her a huge favour.

Jayop · 30-03-2016 01:51PM

If you think that about her child then do everyone a favour and walk away.

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 01:58PM

stoplooklisten wrote: »

How often does your family offer to mind her daughter for her?I know she not yours, but she is a big part of your life and potentially your step-child.

They offer all the time but she wont stay with them as she "Will be bored" in her words

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 01:59PM

jackofalltrades wrote: »

Honestly do you love your girlfriend?
Because the easiest solution in this case is for both of you to move in with each other.
Everyone should end up happier as a result.

Yes a lot of men wouldn't go out with a single mother, but that doesn't mean your doing her a huge favour.

We will be moving in Together next year.

stoplooklisten · 30-03-2016 02:04PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

We will be moving in Together next year.

Then you'll be able to go out as many nights as you want

I hope you work on bonding with her daughter before the big move

ChampagnePop · 30-03-2016 02:05PM

I feel so sorry for the daughter

Jayop · 30-03-2016 02:11PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

They offer all the time but she wont stay with them as she "Will be bored" in her words

She's 7. That's what they do man.

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 02:11PM

Jayop wrote: »

If you think that about her child then do everyone a favour and walk away.

And that would completely destroy her.

Why would i walk away? Would that not just be the easy way out??

i look after her daughter for her.

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 02:13PM

stoplooklisten wrote: »

Then you'll be able to go out as many nights as you want

I hope you work on bonding with her daughter before the big move

100% will be bonding once we live Together , cant bond now as the ma does not let anyone in the house etc.

like i said, her ma has/is ruining everything

Jayop · 30-03-2016 02:15PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

And that would completely destroy her.

Why would i walk away? Would that not just be the easy way out??

i look after her daughter for her.

If you strongly dislike the child then that's the person who needs to be put before both your happiness and your gf's.

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 02:16PM

Jayop wrote: »

She's 7. That's what they do man.

Yes i know, so that means no nights out for us. well very rare

How many men would stick around in this situation?

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 02:18PM

Jayop wrote: »

If you strongly dislike the child then that's the person who needs to be put before both your happiness and your gf's.

not once did i say i disliked her daughter??

She screams the car down if her ma doesn't get her what she wants, we were in a Pizza place last week, her ma forgot the garlic sauce so she screamed the house down for an hour solid.

ChampagnePop · 30-03-2016 02:21PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

100% will be bonding once we live Together , cant bond now as the ma does not let anyone in the house etc.

like i said, her ma has/is ruining everything

Your partner shouldn't be living at home still, it's ridiculous that your blaming the mother.

I'm also curious- you mentioned that your partner was on the housing list, moving in together is going to effect her claim

Tasden · 30-03-2016 02:23PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

Yes i know, so that means no nights out for us. well very rare

How many men would stick around in this situation?

Who gives a crap how many men would "stick around". You either want to be with her or you don't, it's your choice but you can't act like a martyr if you CHOOSE to stay with her.

dodzy · 30-03-2016 02:24PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

100% will be bonding once we live Together , cant bond now as the ma does not let anyone in the house etc.

like i said, her ma has/is ruining everything

You're tripping yourself up all over the place. You said you look after the daughter....then you can't bond as you can't get into the house, yet you get on well with the Mother.

Out of interest, and aside to your self confessed "easiest life possible", do you have a job ?

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 02:24PM

ChampagnePop wrote: »

Your partner shouldn't be living at home still, it's ridiculous that your blaming the mother.

I'm also curious- you mentioned that your partner was on the housing list, moving in together is going to effect her claim

i have questioned her as to why she hasn't moved out but she only has a part time Job as she has the school run etc , she is very restricted, the childs father isn't around which didn't help either.

She should have went down the rent allowance route.

ChampagnePop · 30-03-2016 02:25PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

i have questioned her as to why she hasn't moved out but she only has a part time Job as she has the school run etc , she is very restricted, the childs father isn't around which didn't help either.

She should have went down the rent allowance route.

I'm guessing that's why her mother is mad at her, she's really not the victim you make her out to be

Jayop · 30-03-2016 02:26PM

Ken Masters wrote: »

Yes i know, so that means no nights out for us. well very rare

How many men would stick around in this situation?

That's why I'm telling you to **** or get off the toilet.

Ken Masters wrote: »

not once did i say i disliked her daughter??

She screams the car down if her ma doesn't get her what she wants, we were in a Pizza place last week, her ma forgot the garlic sauce so she screamed the house down for an hour solid.

You called her a spoiled brat and said you can't bond with her. It sounds very much like you don't like her.

Look I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I honestly just think you don't realise that a lot kids at that age are incredibly difficult. I have two myself, one was a dream child and everyone thought we were great parents, then the next one came along and he was a nightmare. He's 8 now and only starting to stop the epic tantrums.

If you don't see yourself long term in this relationship and able to be something of a parent for the kid then you should move on. If you do see that then you need to step up and get your gf and the child out of their horrible situation.

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 02:28PM

dodzy wrote: »

You're tripping yourself up all over the place. You said you look after the daughter....then you can't bond as you can't get into the house, yest you get on well with the Mother.

Out of interest, and aside to your self confessed "easiest life possible", do you have a job ?

Theres a difference between bonding and getting along , i get along with the ma even though she's the way she is because i get on with everyone, i find it hard to not get on with people in general, I have been in the house about 6 times in the past 3 Years , and everytime her ma says something smart but i always let it blow over my shoulder as i know the way she is.

i have a Job myself, but like i said, i have no intention of moving out just yet, I told her we will look for a place in January.

Ken Masters · 30-03-2016 02:31PM

Jayop wrote: »

That's why I'm telling you to **** or get off the toilet.

You called her a spoiled brat and said you can't bond with her. It sounds very much like you don't like her.

Look I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I honestly just think you don't realise that a lot kids at that age are incredibly difficult. I have two myself, one was a dream child and everyone thought we were great parents, then the next one came along and he was a nightmare. He's 8 now and only starting to stop the epic tantrums.

If you don't see yourself long term in this relationship and able to be something of a parent for the kid then you should move on. If you do see that then you need to step up and get your gf and the child out of their horrible situation.

i would love nothing more than being able to bond with her, but you don't know the half of it pal. She's getting worse as she gets older, giving her ma an awful time on a daily basis despite her doing everything for her.

Her mother is a living nightmare

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