Unbelievably in-depth lies from men

midlandsmissus

bluewolf wrote: »

I always thought the type of person you attract is a reflection on what you're like yourself

Well you're wrong with me Bluewolf if you think like attracts like, as i've never ever cheated on anyone, or ever told big feckin lies to cover myself. same with one of my friends, she's the nicest girl you'd ever meet, has never cheated on anyone, and has had a really bad experience with a lad telling her lies with bells on.

I think it might be more a case of naivety attracts badness in alot of cases. I'm sure more savvy girls mightn't have fallen for the bull I did, but I was very naive and innocent at the time, and would believe most things.

Then again maybe everybody is innocent until they meet their first rat, and then they harden up? It's sad in a way but I definitely don't have my rose tinted view of the world anymore, I'm alot more hardened and cynical now!

Wibbs

Great links there from Thaedydal. I would recognise that in a lot of my women mates(and exes). Especially the justifying one and particularly where sex is involved. IMHO I would say women do this far more than men. In general terms sex for men can be just sex, or something to establish a connection at the particular time without thoughts of a "future", much more than for women. Even when the guy is thinking vaguely of a future, he does so much less than the woman he's with. Some women are very prone and extreme in this. Damn near picking out kids names, the first time they have sex. IME anyway. Certain elements that came along with a more free society have a tendency to say that men and women exist on a level playing field in this, but in practical everyday terms, I really do think there are subtle diffs between the two genders. Now that's just my take of course.

As well as what the person described about the sexual connection bit with regard to hopes for a relationship with a particular guy, I've also noted the justification after the fact with one nighters or short termers. Where women basically just wanted a shag, went with that feeling and then justified that to themselves afterward in a myriad of ways. They felt they had to justify it, in a way few men would. Societal pressure? Some built in gender reason? Not wanting to be regarded as a "slut"? I've no clue, but I've seen it time and time again. I've heard things like, "he swept me off my feet", "I felt a spark", "I was drunk", "it just happened" etc. Now they can be viable reasons, but as often they're not. You will never or very rarely hear that from a man. At most you'll hear "I needed beer goggles last night" from men insecure about a choice they made, but that's about it. TBH and in my humble it usually boils down to not feeling or appearing to be a "slut", as much to other women as men too. I will say speaking as a bloke, one of the quickest ways to put the kibosh on ones chances of sleeping with a woman is if she feels even slightly that you're judging her.

I think the justification over a hope for a long termer is different, but has some elements of the last bit. The comment about "(women) measure the value of themselves based on their interaction with their men" is more true of women than men. Yes men can and will measure their social value on the status of the women they attract, but it's much more compartmentalised than with women. Women IME and IMHO place far more importance on their relationships than men as a reflection of their social failure and/or success. Much more women than men have been thinking about and dreaming about the romantic man in their future, from a very early age.

Even in this forum, you can compare how many threads about men and relationships you will see in the LL by comparison to any male dominated forum you care to mention. Same with mens versus womens magazines. Woman's mags articles = How to get a man, how to keep a man, how to know a man is into you, will you look at yer wan off the tellies cellulite in this long lens shot.... Mens mags articles = Here's a few reviews of stuff you cant possibly afford and no it won't make your willy bigger even if you could, how to make your willy bigger, Here's a photoshopped piccy of yer wan off the telly with her wobblies out. Nice eh?:D Ok a bit jokey, but not far wrong either.

So long as many women seek to both justify themselves and boost their self esteem entirely through their relationships, this problem of ending up with muppets will continue. Many would prefer to be with a muppet, than be alone. It doesn't have to that extreme either. I can think of quite a few women in relationships that are not obviously bad at all. Their partners may be nice enough guys too. But they are guys that don;t suit them or don't help them to grow and they they can't quite figure that little niggle in the back of their mind that says, is this really working? So long as the fear of being alone is running strong that will continue for them. I know women who've married such men. It's not great for her and it's not great for him either, when they would be more content with others.

I would reckon, that the first step is to be alone for a while. Have some fun if you will, but keep it light. Shag/snog around a bit too, if you like. Keep it discrete for your own sake. Taste the different flavours out there of male personality and types. Look to your own life outside an relationship. Only when the focus of your self esteem is centered for the most part on yourself, can you hope to bring another along for the ride we call life and relationships. My 2 cents anyway.

justsomebloke

fool me once shame on you.
fool me twice shame on me.

midlandsmissus

Or as the George Bush version goes!:

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee (long pause) that says,..... fool me once, shame on................shame on you. Fool me........(long blank stare).......................... look the fool cant get fooled again!!!"

Terodil

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Then again maybe everybody is innocent until they meet their first rat, and then they harden up? It's sad in a way but I definitely don't have my rose tinted view of the world anymore, I'm alot more hardened and cynical now!

Nothing wrong with being cautious.

Disbelieving everybody is a psychological condition. Esp. when it comes down to insulting 49% of the population by calling them chronic liars.

And just because I got a certain feeling from the other thread you just opened, about power in relationships: being cynical and pursuing power games does not make anybody cool.

minidazzler

Is this thread only about men being lying bastards? I don't think that's fair!!! I am a fantastic liar, I really am and I admit it, but I never lie in a relationship.

However I have been lied to, majorly!!! Had a girl tell me she was definitely Pregnant, which I found odd, given that Her period was not due for another week. (she didn't realise I remember stuff well!!!), Took her more than a week to tell me she wasn't, and kept insisting her period was late, which it wasn't!!! She fcuked me up majorly for a couple of months with that. And that was only 3 days after new years this year!!! I still have trouble trusting females who I don't know properly!!!!

midlandsmissus

Terodil wrote: »

Nothing wrong with being cautious.

Disbelieving everybody is a psychological condition. Esp. when it comes down to insulting 49% of the population by calling them chronic liars.

And just because I got a certain feeling from the other thread you just opened, about power in relationships: being cynical and pursuing power games does not make anybody cool.

Yeah i really am analysing my relationships this week haha.

No, the thing in the power thread is that I wasn't doing it on purpose at all. Just that I realised when I wasn't overly loving, that made the man extremely loving. And the same vice versa to me. People don't set out to do that, but when you really aren't overly keen this does make the other person more keen. As other people said this could be a mark of immaturity, but it happens to alot of people.

midlandsmissus

minidazzler wrote: »

Is this thread only about men being lying bastards? I don't think that's fair!!! I am a fantastic liar, I really am and I admit it, but I never lie in a relationship.

However I have been lied to, majorly!!! Had a girl tell me she was definitely Pregnant, which I found odd, given that Her period was not due for another week. (she didn't realise I remember stuff well!!!), Took her more than a week to tell me she wasn't, and kept insisting her period was late, which it wasn't!!! She fcuked me up majorly for a couple of months with that. And that was only 3 days after new years this year!!! I still have trouble trusting females who I don't know properly!!!!

No it's about all lying scumbags in relationships! Feel free to vent!

Femelade

I was seeing a guy, he seemed nice enough. he rang me one day to ask me was i doing anything, i was at home and not up to much, so he said he would just have his lunch and then call down to me. (i live less than 10 mins from him) didnt hear from him for about 2 days.. he claimed he had tonsilitis and a fever..suddenly came on him after he spoke with me on the phone..
Whatever!!

coffee_cake

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Well you're wrong with me Bluewolf if you think like attracts like, as i've never ever cheated on anyone, or ever told big feckin lies to cover myself. same with one of my friends, she's the nicest girl you'd ever meet, has never cheated on anyone, and has had a really bad experience with a lad telling her lies with bells on.

No, that's not what I was implying either.
I'd be more surprised if you were the type to be cheating or telling lies.

you*ess*bee

I suppose some people feel the need to be in a relationship and to feel wanted, therefore, ignore the signs that somethings not right. Unfortunately, in life everyone will experience relationship lies to some degree. But we learn from our mistakes, most of us, and dont make it again...or do we. Are certain people attracting that type of guy/girl by their personality?
Both men and women are fantastic liars, it all depends on what you want. Men usually lie to get sex, and women lie to get money. Point is, no one on earth is lie free, everyone has told some small lie at one point in their relationships. And if everyone around you is saying your partner isnt who you think they are...maybe you should listen.

I know ive had my share from a brilliant liar! If there were awards, I feel he should win top marks. And now to vent, ill share a bit..

My guy was the cream of the crop..sweet, innocent, insecure about his looks, even though he was handsome, and had only been out with 2 girls before me. Sadly, turns out he was seeing someone at the same time as me. Went away to Rome with her for a week and told me he was helping his aunt in the uk cause her husband died. But his lies starting coming back on him. We visted his aunt 2 months later and he couldnt find the place after having been there recently. Whenever his phone would ring he wouldnt answer it. He would get texts at 3-4am and would insist they were always from his footie mates. I would use his laptop sometimes at his house and the screen would be open with an internet translation sometimes about a mistress and slave from one language to english. I asked him about it, but he said he was just translating a website. The worst part, which made me sick to my stomach.. I was using the internet one day after him and the page froze, so I clicked back a few times and it went into his email account. One I didnt even know about. He was pretending to be a girl and had sex emails from other girls, but not normal ones. He was talking about f*cking his dog, and how good it was, and had sent pics he found on the internet of a girl doing it with a dog saying it was him. He even had voice changing software on his computer so he could call them. That really disturbed me mentally and everything became clear for me. I confronted him about everything and he said he lied to protect my feelings, and the dog stuff was just a joke. Clearly it wasnt, but I didnt stick around to find out anymore.

I know everyone has a story, albeit a guy or girl. And venting certainly helps. But sadly in the end it makes you paranoid about new people, and trust is certainly an issue after lies. But isnt it the grand ole scheme of things in life? Live, learn, laugh, cry?

(sorry for the long rant!)

Craft25

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I was just wondering what other ladies experiences have been of this.

I'm going out with a nice guy now, thank God. But in the past I went out with some unbelivable men. Unbeleivable to the extent and depth that they could lie!

I went out with this one guy, and I tought he was the sweetest, nicest guy ever. He used to be really nice to me, used to bring me up to meet his granny, who would tell me he was such a nice family boy, he used to say he hated men who treated women like dirt,(looking back now i feel a fool for swallowing that one!) that he was really shy with girls etc.

I later found out that he had three other girls on the go, and that he used to meet up with his friends and laugh about all the bull sh*t he was spinning me and the others. They used to sit together and tell him what to put in test msgs to me, and then laugh at all the crap he was coming out with. Apparantly he even brought me up to meet his granny just to reinforce that he was a nice guy. I was friends with one of his friends and he told me all this in a fit of guilt. The guy i was seeing then told me not to believe the other guy as he had it in for him and was crazy etc etc, though i found out from other people aferwards it was all true. like such depth of lies!
My world actually fell apart. I couldnt believe that anybody could be so conniving, and that i believed he was somebody he totally wasn't. That was the end of that anyway.

A nice guy in between, and then the next one happened to me. I met this guy who I thought was so lovely, he always seemed to be looking after any girls he knew, and said he was 'really shy with girls'.(!!!I know i know!) I wouldnt have bought it only he went into extraordinary detail about how few women he'd been with, and not to tell his friends that he was so inexperienced cause he'd be mortified. I really fell for him. Of course AFTER i slept with him i found out he had a few women on the go, and was known as a real playboy around the area!!!! i felt such a fool!

but honestly couldnt believe that people would go to such depth of lies. Never trusted a man again.

My friend had the exact same thing happened to her. Said she found out his friends used to sit around laughin at the sh&te he was spinning her on the phone. Ever happen to anyone else on here? and if there are men reading, have you ever done it? It really is awful.

:rolleyes: here's your first clue ladies.. if he's charming your pants up & down like a yoyo and at the same time says he's sh*t with girls then i'd beware if i were youse

in fact if he's trying to paint himself in any angelic light at all it's probably bull****!! Most of us do this naturally at the start anyway, including myself... and the thing is we almost believe it ourselves... the solution is to not put out too quick & dig around until you know what he's like before oyu commit too much emotionally

you wouldnt go in on a business deal with someone you dont know would you? - so dont do it with your heart!

K-9

Wibbs wrote: »

Great links there from Thaedydal. I would recognise that in a lot of my women mates(and exes). Especially the justifying one and particularly where sex is involved. IMHO I would say women do this far more than men. In general terms sex for men can be just sex, or something to establish a connection at the particular time without thoughts of a "future", much more than for women. Even when the guy is thinking vaguely of a future, he does so much less than the woman he's with. Some women are very prone and extreme in this. Damn near picking out kids names, the first time they have sex. IME anyway. Certain elements that came along with a more free society have a tendency to say that men and women exist on a level playing field in this, but in practical everyday terms, I really do think there are subtle diffs between the two genders. Now that's just my take of course.

As well as what the person described about the sexual connection bit with regard to hopes for a relationship with a particular guy, I've also noted the justification after the fact with one nighters or short termers. Where women basically just wanted a shag, went with that feeling and then justified that to themselves afterward in a myriad of ways. They felt they had to justify it, in a way few men would. Societal pressure? Some built in gender reason? Not wanting to be regarded as a "slut"? I've no clue, but I've seen it time and time again. I've heard things like, "he swept me off my feet", "I felt a spark", "I was drunk", "it just happened" etc. Now they can be viable reasons, but as often they're not. You will never or very rarely hear that from a man. At most you'll hear "I needed beer goggles last night" from men insecure about a choice they made, but that's about it. TBH and in my humble it usually boils down to not feeling or appearing to be a "slut", as much to other women as men too. I will say speaking as a bloke, one of the quickest ways to put the kibosh on ones chances of sleeping with a woman is if she feels even slightly that you're judging her.

I think the justification over a hope for a long termer is different, but has some elements of the last bit. The comment about "(women) measure the value of themselves based on their interaction with their men" is more true of women than men. Yes men can and will measure their social value on the status of the women they attract, but it's much more compartmentalised than with women. Women IME and IMHO place far more importance on their relationships than men as a reflection of their social failure and/or success. Much more women than men have been thinking about and dreaming about the romantic man in their future, from a very early age.

Even in this forum, you can compare how many threads about men and relationships you will see in the LL by comparison to any male dominated forum you care to mention. Same with mens versus womens magazines. Woman's mags articles = How to get a man, how to keep a man, how to know a man is into you, will you look at yer wan off the tellies cellulite in this long lens shot.... Mens mags articles = Here's a few reviews of stuff you cant possibly afford and no it won't make your willy bigger even if you could, how to make your willy bigger, Here's a photoshopped piccy of yer wan off the telly with her wobblies out. Nice eh?:D Ok a bit jokey, but not far wrong either.

So long as many women seek to both justify themselves and boost their self esteem entirely through their relationships, this problem of ending up with muppets will continue. Many would prefer to be with a muppet, than be alone. It doesn't have to that extreme either. I can think of quite a few women in relationships that are not obviously bad at all. Their partners may be nice enough guys too. But they are guys that don;t suit them or don't help them to grow and they they can't quite figure that little niggle in the back of their mind that says, is this really working? So long as the fear of being alone is running strong that will continue for them. I know women who've married such men. It's not great for her and it's not great for him either, when they would be more content with others.

I would reckon, that the first step is to be alone for a while. Have some fun if you will, but keep it light. Shag/snog around a bit too, if you like. Keep it discrete for your own sake. Taste the different flavours out there of male personality and types. Look to your own life outside an relationship. Only when the focus of your self esteem is centered for the most part on yourself, can you hope to bring another along for the ride we call life and relationships. My 2 cents anyway.

I know you're generalising.:rolleyes:

In general terms sex for men can be just sex, or something to establish a connection at the particular time without thoughts of a "future", much more than for women.

I would say the lines are getting vaguer generally in the last 5/10 years which confuses men. Oh for the simple answers 10 years ago!

Some women are very prone and extreme in this. Damn near picking out kids names, the first time they have sex.

I think that is very rare. I know you said some, but I think it's rare. I think us men perceive that to suit us.

I've heard things like, "he swept me off my feet", "I felt a spark", "I was drunk", "it just happened" etc. Now they can be viable reasons, but as often they're not.

See what you are saying. Personally I think that is because Society puts pressure on women to say that. Yes, a strong independent woman should be able to say "I wanted a one night stand" but that is less acceptable.


I would reckon, that the first step is to be alone for a while.

Therein lies the best advice.

CorkLady1983

yep! I was in a similar situation although, I didn't actually get involved with the guy, because I was warned about him from 2 girls I worked with, they were in his class in college, he tried to score all of them letting on that they were indeed "the one"!

This guy used to call over to my house, telling me how well he was getting on with parents, about the wonderful family wedding coming up...and to top it all off, how shy he was, that he had never been on a date with someone - that was a total lie!

Found out after that he had three different ones on the go, three "potential" girlfriends or shoud I say fools! , I suspect from the discriptions, that I may have one of them.... I actually kind of fancied him at one stage, but not anymore.... see him strolling around back home these days with his new victim hand in hand....

keep the chin up, it's not you, those people are the sad ones...will end up on their own for a finish!

Tupins

two rather embarassing lies that I actually believed at the time

One guy that I was on/off with for a while moved to australia. We used to send letters back and forth (this was before email became so widely used). Anyway, was sort of hoping for a valentine's card from him but none came. About a week after Valentine's day I got a postcard from him (one of the free ones you get in pubs) with 'P.S. did you get the valentines card I sent you?' on it. Cut to me calling to all my neighbours to see if they had received any letters/cards addressed to me but delivered to them by accident. It was only when he came back months later and I mentioned not getting the card that he came over all smirky and I realised that he'd never sent it. Felt such a fool.

Another time a group of us were talking in the pub about turn ons/offs and I mentioned that I always found men in pilots uniforms really sexy. The following week this guy that I fancied (and who knew I fancied him) turned up wearing a pilots shirt with the wings, tie and everything. Cue much hilarity in the pub and me blushing to within an inch of my life. I asked him where he got it and he told me that he went to the airport and hung around for hours until he found a pilot who was willing to give him one of their old shirts - I was thrilled that he put in all that work for little old me. It was weeks later that I was telling someone else the story and one of the lads (his friend) was there. When I said about him being in the airport for hours etc his friend snorted and said "you mean you actually believed that?". Was mortified when I realised that he was having me on. Apparently he borrowed it from a friend who was a pilot.

God I was so STOOPID sometimes!

LadyE

I have a (good) few unbelieveable lies from men that I can only laugh about now..some were really out there. And one guy in particular must have done lots of research before we our first date, because his elaborate lies featured my home town (which of course, he wouldnt have known ...of course, me being the guillable twat I am, believed everything he said, his cancer stories, how he helps out on Childrens wards, his broken foot (not broken at all, got himself some crutches and faked it for two months, his trips to egypt when we hadnt spoke in 3 days and so much worse. Even bragged about him and how friggin great he was . Everyone warned me away, everyone (except me) questioned what he did/said to me. A guy I used to work with even got in touch after 1.5years to meet me for lunch to warn me off him..did I listen? Noooooooo

A flashing neon sign wouldnt have helped

So yep, some men are lying pricks, but then lots arnt you just got hold off til you find a good 'un

partyguinness

I was at a wedding b4 xmas..I'd say most people in the room (well at least all her friends) know the bride is banging this other guy on the side for the last 2 years...he is 20yr older and she tells the now husband that she is visiting friends and she drives off to Limerick to sleep/see this other man..

You wldnt mind but she put to pressure on to get married..the guy she married is totally pussy whiped..does her ironing, shopping and all the housework while she is off with this other guy..who was also at the wedding and I had to sit next to him..my stomach was sick watching the charade the bride was putting up..they are not my friends I was a guest..

I mean she is 29 and a National School teacher..makes you think and feel very sad and cynical..:(:(:(

ps she even shagged some random punter on her Hen night...!!