Unbelievably in-depth lies from men

midlandsmissus · 04-03-2009 06:11PM #1

I was just wondering what other ladies experiences have been of this.

I'm going out with a nice guy now, thank God. But in the past I went out with some unbelivable men. Unbeleivable to the extent and depth that they could lie!

I went out with this one guy, and I tought he was the sweetest, nicest guy ever. He used to be really nice to me, used to bring me up to meet his granny, who would tell me he was such a nice family boy, he used to say he hated men who treated women like dirt,(looking back now i feel a fool for swallowing that one!) that he was really shy with girls etc.

I later found out that he had three other girls on the go, and that he used to meet up with his friends and laugh about all the bull sh*t he was spinning me and the others. They used to sit together and tell him what to put in test msgs to me, and then laugh at all the crap he was coming out with. Apparantly he even brought me up to meet his granny just to reinforce that he was a nice guy. I was friends with one of his friends and he told me all this in a fit of guilt. The guy i was seeing then told me not to believe the other guy as he had it in for him and was crazy etc etc, though i found out from other people aferwards it was all true. like such depth of lies!
My world actually fell apart. I couldnt believe that anybody could be so conniving, and that i believed he was somebody he totally wasn't. That was the end of that anyway.

A nice guy in between, and then the next one happened to me. I met this guy who I thought was so lovely, he always seemed to be looking after any girls he knew, and said he was 'really shy with girls'.(!!!I know i know!) I wouldnt have bought it only he went into extraordinary detail about how few women he'd been with, and not to tell his friends that he was so inexperienced cause he'd be mortified. I really fell for him. Of course AFTER i slept with him i found out he had a few women on the go, and was known as a real playboy around the area!!!! i felt such a fool!

but honestly couldnt believe that people would go to such depth of lies. Never trusted a man again.

My friend had the exact same thing happened to her. Said she found out his friends used to sit around laughin at the sh&te he was spinning her on the phone. Ever happen to anyone else on here? and if there are men reading, have you ever done it? It really is awful.

MarkR · 04-03-2009 06:16PM

I heard that women kill people. If any women are out there reading this, why do you do this?

That was a bad joke about generalising.

Bad luck for you, but I'm sure you have to realise that those types of men are in the minority, so saying you'll never trust a man again is cutting off you nose to spite your face.

midlandsmissus · 04-03-2009 06:22PM

MarkR wrote: »

I heard that women kill people. If any women are out there reading this, why do you do this?

That was a bad joke about generalising.

Bad luck for you, but I'm sure you have to realise that those types of men are in the minority, so saying you'll never trust a man again is cutting off you nose to spite your face.

Nah cause I didnt say 'if there are any men out there, why do you this' I said 'if there are an men out there, have you ever done this?'!

Hmmm maybe ive just had more than my fair share of lyin feckers

who007 · 04-03-2009 06:37PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Nah cause I didnt say 'if there are any men out there, why do you this' I said 'if there are an men out there, have you ever done this?'!

Hmmm maybe ive just had more than my fair share of lyin feckers

Never

&

Yes it seems so

tribulus · 04-03-2009 06:42PM

[x] Thinly veiled man-bashing thread
[ ] Want genuine discussion

Can't say I have, maybe I'm yet to discover my inner, lying asshole.

LolaLuv · 04-03-2009 06:48PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

but honestly couldnt believe that people would go to such depth of lies. Never trusted a man again.

I've been with a couple liars in my day. I think the real issue here is that you probably won't ever trust yourself again. There are always, always warning signs. If you avoid them (which people in love tend to do) then you really have no one to blame but yourself. You have to take a bit of responsibility.

That said, men can be lying douchebags. So can women, in fairness, we just don't have a romantic interest in them so we don't give a crap!

Capt'n Midnight · 04-03-2009 06:50PM

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone.

midlandsmissus · 04-03-2009 07:04PM

tribulus wrote: »

[x] Thinly veiled man-bashing thread
[ ] Want genuine dicussion

Can't say I have, maybe I'm yet to discover my inner, lying asshole.

Tribulus its not a man bashing thread, just a lying scumbag bashing thread

Here's another example, ooooh I could write a book. I used to live with this guy in a house share. 3 other people aswell. He was the ultimate player. Telling women they were the only one for him, while bringing a different one back every wknd.

Anyway i bit my lip for a while as I didnt really know him that well, so what could i say?

Anyway one wknd, me and him and this new girl he had just met were sitting downstairs. She was saying about how men were all the same and couldnt be trusted and were b*stards. He turns and goes with a butter couldnt melt in his mouth look, "Oh we're not all the same, there are some really nice guys out there' and hands her a tissue while she was crying. Then he turns to me and goes 'You don't think men are all the same do you?' (cause he knew i was with a really nice guy at the time)so I go 'NO they're not, but you're definitely one of the WORST!!!' the girl fell for him anyway and he told her she was his girlfriend, but then other women would come round at the wknds, and i would say to our other male flatmate 'where's his girlfriend?' and he would go 'no he doesnt have a girlfriend tonight, dont mention the girlfriend'. After a while of this i got sick of the antics and moved out.

I have been surrounded by alot of them alright

04-03-2009 07:16PM

One of my friends, used to get the best/worst excuses for failure to text, until they were drunk and womanless the next weekend.

Elaborate stories about temporarily broken digits and laser eye surgery were the best.

MJOR · 04-03-2009 08:12PM

Women are every bit as bad OP. I have a mate who was seeing a girl briefly and she is now making his life a misery, anyway i digress.....

Yep man can be bad... Luckily while I have gone out with most of the lunatic population of Cork I have never had a mad liar..... that i know of anyway!

cuckoo · 04-03-2009 08:41PM

I've dated bad liars, the ridiculous lies would be spilling forth and i'd be looking at them thinking "hmmm, does he really think i'm buying this?".

First rule of lying - keep it simple.

04-03-2009 09:02PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I have been surrounded by alot of them alright

I always thought the type of person you attract is a reflection on what you're like yourself

04-03-2009 09:28PM

bluewolf wrote: »

I always thought the type of person you attract is a reflection on what you're like yourself

~scours post for the punchline~

Rotters never show their true colours at the start of a relationship.
We are each and everyone of us capable of falling for a wrong 'un.

I don't see what people have the hump for. Men like telling lies....weather they are vindictive or entirely silly and pointless depends on the quality of the man. It is like a hobby.

04-03-2009 09:29PM

cuckoo wrote: »

I've dated bad liars, the ridiculous lies would be spilling forth and i'd be looking at them thinking "hmmm, does he really think i'm buying this?".

First rule of lying - keep it simple.

Shush! Don't be giving them tips!

04-03-2009 09:33PM

Moonbaby wrote: »

Men like telling lies... It is like a hobby.

Is it my turn to look for the punchline?

Rotters never show their true colours at the start of a relationship.
We are each and everyone of us capable of falling for a wrong 'un.

That's really not what I was talking about

Terodil · 04-03-2009 09:34PM

Moonbaby wrote: »

Men like telling lies....weather they are vindictive or entirely silly and pointless depends on the quality of the man. It is like a hobby.

Women like generalising... weather [sic] they are vindictive or entirely silly and pointless depends on the quality of woman. It is like a hobby.

Oh my god... I think my brain just spontaneously atrophied.

Latchy · 04-03-2009 09:35PM

Some men have to lie for various reasons .If a womon is coming onto a guy and he aint intrested then he may have to tell white lies , or BIG lies to get shot of her.However guys just stringing a womon along out of kicks ,to fill his ego are 10 a penny .Women can be the biggest liars on the planet and better at it than men imo .

GirlInterrupted · 04-03-2009 09:40PM

LolaLuv wrote: »

I've been with a couple liars in my day. I think the real issue here is that you probably won't ever trust yourself again. There are always, always warning signs. If you avoid them (which people in love tend to do) then you really have no one to blame but yourself. You have to take a bit of responsibility.

That said, men can be lying douchebags. So can women, in fairness, we just don't have a romantic interest in them so we don't give a crap!

Couldn't have said it better.

Moonbaby wrote: »

One of my friends, used to get the best/worst excuses for failure to text, until they were drunk and womanless the next weekend.

Elaborate stories about temporarily broken digits and laser eye surgery were the best.

She seriously believed him? Or did she not care?

Moonbaby wrote: »

~scours post for the punchline~

Rotters never show their true colours at the start of a relationship.
We are each and everyone of us capable of falling for a wrong 'un.

I don't see what people have the hump for. Men like telling lies....weather they are vindictive or entirely silly and pointless depends on the quality of the man. It is like a hobby.

Its true you don't always spot them at the get go, but they don't all lie surely?
Say it isn't so!

Black Swan · 04-03-2009 09:42PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Never trusted a man again.

I'm going out with a nice guy now, thank God.

You trust him? If so, problem solved.

Men in general? There is no general man. They are all individuals and different. That's what makes them interesting.

04-03-2009 09:58PM

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

She seriously believed him? Or did she not care?

Its true you don't always spot them at the get go, but they don't all lie surely?
Say it isn't so!

Ohh no she didn't buy it for a second. She has quite a collection of these anecdotes though. She must have a gullible face.

Your the one with a half dozen (+/-) brothers. What do you think?
To be fair most of them are so bad at it, it is practically like telling the truth.

Wibbs · 04-03-2009 09:58PM

Terodil wrote: »

I think my brain just spontaneously atrophied.

Kudos! could I use that? It often describes my head to a tee.

Men and women for that matter who are BS artists are fairly easy to spot. We choose not too, mostly because our hearts or wideons/hardons get in the way.

Latchy · 04-03-2009 10:03PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Men and women for that matter who are BS artists are fairly easy to spot. We choose not too, mostly because our hearts or wideons/hardons get in the way.

Indeed ,like the words in the Annie lennox song 'Sweet Dreams '

''...Some of them want to use you ,some of them want to be used by you ,some of them want to abuse you , some of them want to be abused ''

GirlInterrupted · 04-03-2009 10:09PM

Moonbaby wrote: »

Ohh no she didn't buy it for a second. She has quite a collection of these anecdotes though. She must have a gullible face.

Your the one with a half dozen (+/-) brothers. What do you think?
To be fair most of them are so bad at it, it is practically like telling the truth.

Now, my brothers are all princes among men. Never has a lie passed any of their lips. Ever.:)

Actually, to all their credit, they seem to have held on to ex's as friends, and when an ex can't find anything bad to say about them, it can only be a good thing.

My big brothers are obviously exceptional though, and I'm not at all biased.:D

Latchy · 04-03-2009 10:15PM

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

Now, my brothers are all princes among men. Never has a lie passed any of their lips. Ever.:)

My big brothers are obviously exceptional though, and I'm not at all biased.:D

Of course not and good liars men are hard to find these days

04-03-2009 10:18PM

I don't suppose any of them are going a begging GI!

GirlInterrupted · 04-03-2009 10:23PM

latchyco wrote: »

Of course not and good liars men are hard to find these days

Now, now, don't you diss my brothers! You'll have me to answer to.:)

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't suppose any of them are going a begging GI!

I have a selection of four, ranging from 28-35, all dark Italian good looks, minimum height 6'4'' max 6'5'', own teeth, own hair.

Applications on a postcard to GI Vetting Services Inc.
There will be a comprehensive screening process, starting with mental ability.
Expect a physical exam.
Not a fun one either.

Latchy · 04-03-2009 10:29PM

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

Now, now, don't you diss my brothers! You'll have me to answer to.:)

Of course not GI ,only kidding .your discription of your Bro's is quite nice and refreshing in a thread about men who lie .

I am sure they are the gentlemen you say they are

Snowie · 04-03-2009 11:02PM

Terodil wrote: »

Oh my god... I think my brain just spontaneously atrophied.

pinch your noise and blow, You can do it....:P

Earthhorse · 05-03-2009 10:11AM

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't see what people have the hump for. Men like telling lies....weather they are vindictive or entirely silly and pointless depends on the quality of the man. It is like a hobby.

As long as you continue to think this you will continue to tolerate it.

shellyboo · 05-03-2009 10:24AM

LolaLuv wrote: »

I think the real issue here is that you probably won't ever trust yourself again.

Nail on head.

If you get fcuked over by a lying asshole, the question you should be asking yourself is "why didn't I figure out he was a lying as$hole", not "why are all men lying as$holes".

I know that's how it works for me. I've been done over by a couple of real w@nkers in my time, and when it ended I was berating myself for being stupid enough to fall for their crap. Inevitably, the signs are ALWAYS there. ALWAYS. You just choose not to see them.

Nevyn · 05-03-2009 10:59AM

I found two articals the last few days which I am going to share.

The Justifying Zone
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-justifying-zone-when-a-woman-needs-to-justify-her-emotional-or-sexual-investment/

The Justifying Zone is that slippery slope that a lot of women find themselves in, especially after they have sexual contact with a guy. Many of us feel that we need to justify our emotional and sexual investment and this justification is effectively attempting to close the door after the horse has bolted.

The Justifying Zone will always appear when a man fails to live up to the initial promise that he first exhibited or does something inappropriate or that raises a major red flag that could potentially scupper the possibility of the relationship. If for instance, he’s a Mr Unavailable and the ambiguity increases along with all of his other core behaviours, the potential to stay in the zone and cling to it for dear life becomes even bigger.

As women, we tend to look for the smallest of things to make ourselves feel better about sleeping with our guys or just plain ‘ole liking/loving them, and this often causes us to spend more time on a relationship than is necessary. We see gold when in actual fact it’s brass, or even rusty ‘ole copper, and often we use the Justifying Zone as the launch pad for betting on potential and basically hoping that a cockroack will turn into a frog, and then eventually into a prince.

Why? Well to be fair, who wants to feel like they’ve had Yet Another Dubious Dating Experience? But women who habitually live in The Justifying Zone do so because they tend to already have unhealthy relationship habits and measure the value of themselves based on their interaction with their men. They don’t want to have another Here We Go Again Moment and they like to bet on the potential, even if he never shows an ounce of decency ever again.

Sex of course, is the biggest booby trap. You will definitely find yourself in this zone if you sleep with him too soon, or sleep with him and things don’t prosper and develop as expected. Many women still equate sex with someone as a signal of a bigger, deeper connection and if we’re left feeling empty, unfulfilled, confused, and a whole host of other negative feelings, we’ll remind ourselves that there must be a strong potential if we slept with him in the first place. We don’t want to feel devalued by the experience even though the subsequent lack of return on investment that we experience by being in The Justifying Zone, actually only serves to deplete our self-esteem anyway.

The reality is that The Justifying Zone is an excuse and if you find yourself there, it means that there is something wrong with the relationship. We spend a lot of time agonising over what is behind a man’s behaviour - He didn’t turn up/He spoke to you inappropriately/He doesn’t show affection can easily turn into He’s got a lot going on/He’s deep and complicated/I need to not be so needy so that he’ll be more comfortable.

If you feel the need to start rationalising and justifying his behaviour, you need to step back and examine your investment into the relationship because after a while, a justification for staying with the wrong type of guy eventually becomes you believing that you’re madly in love with him and you measuring your self-worth based on how successful (or unsuccessful) you are at getting a return on your investment.

You deserve to be in a relationship that doesn’t need a justification for you being there.

So step 1 stop justifying his behaviour and making excuses, do by all means see if change is possible but don't waste your time waiting around for it to happen. Let the epiphany happen that he is not suitable and take the time to figure out why and what drew you to him in the first place and then try to learn from it so you don't make the exact same mistake next time around.

Epiphany Relationships
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/epiphany-relationships/

Throughout your dating and relationship history, you’ve ended relationships and felt that whatever had happened had galvanised change, only for you to find yourself in a similar or worse situation all over again. But if you have truly experienced self-defining, life galvanising change as a result of a relationship, you have experienced an Epiphany Relationship.

An Epiphany Relationship is a relationship that caused you to have a sudden clarity and insight into that particular relationship, yourself, your actions, and potentially all of your relationships. There is a defining moment within this relationship where everything changed for you and suddenly you couldn’t escape the truth and it became life changing.

I had had a series of moments in my life where I was glimpsing the truth about myself and relationships, but I was put on the path to change when I woke up after five months of being in a ‘relationship’ with an ambiguous Mr Unavailable and suddenly thought “I can’t do this!” We’d spent the previous evening together, laughing, joking and appearing to be a happy-go-lucky couple. As he got ready to leave my flat the following morning though, it occurred to me that the ambiguity cloud had returned again. He kissed me on the cheek and said “Speak soon” and it occurred to me that I had no idea when I would hear from or see this man who had just spent the night with me. I realised that we were NOT in a relationship and this guy was completely taking the piss!

I lay in my bed and it occurred to me that funny as my dating escapades had been, I had a penchant for emotionally unavailable men and destructive relationships that eroded at my self-esteem and promoted my until then secret and unknown fear of commitment. As I played my dating and relationship showreel through my mind, I cringed at my truth as a parade of dubious relationships where I clearly wasn’t happy went trotting by.

From that moment onwards, life wasn’t the same for me again and to this day I put a lot of effort into sharing my thoughts on emotional unavailability and commitment-phobia because there are a hell of a lot of women out there just like me. I’m lucky that I had my Epiphany Relationship but not everybody gets the trigger.

The key with Epiphany Relationships is that it makes it difficult for you to return back to your old behaviours and patterns because from then on, you’re doing it consciously and that means that the responsibility for your outcome lands squarely with you. These defining moments are difficult to ignore and they can throw out some painful realisations about yourself, but it can be the beginning of a better relationship with yourself, which leads to a better life all round.

The great thing about Epiphany Relationship’s is that from something that could be perceived as negative can come a great deal of positivity. I may not give a monkeys about the Mr Unavailable that gave me my epiphany but thanks to his inability to connect, I’ve been set free from the constraints that I had put myself in and I am most definitely far happier now…without him!

Live, learn and grow, it's all we can do.

midlandsmissus · 05-03-2009 11:54AM

bluewolf wrote: »

I always thought the type of person you attract is a reflection on what you're like yourself

Well you're wrong with me Bluewolf if you think like attracts like, as i've never ever cheated on anyone, or ever told big feckin lies to cover myself. same with one of my friends, she's the nicest girl you'd ever meet, has never cheated on anyone, and has had a really bad experience with a lad telling her lies with bells on.

I think it might be more a case of naivety attracts badness in alot of cases. I'm sure more savvy girls mightn't have fallen for the bull I did, but I was very naive and innocent at the time, and would believe most things.

Then again maybe everybody is innocent until they meet their first rat, and then they harden up? It's sad in a way but I definitely don't have my rose tinted view of the world anymore, I'm alot more hardened and cynical now!

Wibbs · 05-03-2009 12:50PM

Great links there from Thaedydal. I would recognise that in a lot of my women mates(and exes). Especially the justifying one and particularly where sex is involved. IMHO I would say women do this far more than men. In general terms sex for men can be just sex, or something to establish a connection at the particular time without thoughts of a "future", much more than for women. Even when the guy is thinking vaguely of a future, he does so much less than the woman he's with. Some women are very prone and extreme in this. Damn near picking out kids names, the first time they have sex. IME anyway. Certain elements that came along with a more free society have a tendency to say that men and women exist on a level playing field in this, but in practical everyday terms, I really do think there are subtle diffs between the two genders. Now that's just my take of course.

As well as what the person described about the sexual connection bit with regard to hopes for a relationship with a particular guy, I've also noted the justification after the fact with one nighters or short termers. Where women basically just wanted a shag, went with that feeling and then justified that to themselves afterward in a myriad of ways. They felt they had to justify it, in a way few men would. Societal pressure? Some built in gender reason? Not wanting to be regarded as a "slut"? I've no clue, but I've seen it time and time again. I've heard things like, "he swept me off my feet", "I felt a spark", "I was drunk", "it just happened" etc. Now they can be viable reasons, but as often they're not. You will never or very rarely hear that from a man. At most you'll hear "I needed beer goggles last night" from men insecure about a choice they made, but that's about it. TBH and in my humble it usually boils down to not feeling or appearing to be a "slut", as much to other women as men too. I will say speaking as a bloke, one of the quickest ways to put the kibosh on ones chances of sleeping with a woman is if she feels even slightly that you're judging her.

I think the justification over a hope for a long termer is different, but has some elements of the last bit. The comment about "(women) measure the value of themselves based on their interaction with their men" is more true of women than men. Yes men can and will measure their social value on the status of the women they attract, but it's much more compartmentalised than with women. Women IME and IMHO place far more importance on their relationships than men as a reflection of their social failure and/or success. Much more women than men have been thinking about and dreaming about the romantic man in their future, from a very early age.

Even in this forum, you can compare how many threads about men and relationships you will see in the LL by comparison to any male dominated forum you care to mention. Same with mens versus womens magazines. Woman's mags articles = How to get a man, how to keep a man, how to know a man is into you, will you look at yer wan off the tellies cellulite in this long lens shot.... Mens mags articles = Here's a few reviews of stuff you cant possibly afford and no it won't make your willy bigger even if you could, how to make your willy bigger, Here's a photoshopped piccy of yer wan off the telly with her wobblies out. Nice eh?:D Ok a bit jokey, but not far wrong either.

So long as many women seek to both justify themselves and boost their self esteem entirely through their relationships, this problem of ending up with muppets will continue. Many would prefer to be with a muppet, than be alone. It doesn't have to that extreme either. I can think of quite a few women in relationships that are not obviously bad at all. Their partners may be nice enough guys too. But they are guys that don;t suit them or don't help them to grow and they they can't quite figure that little niggle in the back of their mind that says, is this really working? So long as the fear of being alone is running strong that will continue for them. I know women who've married such men. It's not great for her and it's not great for him either, when they would be more content with others.

I would reckon, that the first step is to be alone for a while. Have some fun if you will, but keep it light. Shag/snog around a bit too, if you like. Keep it discrete for your own sake. Taste the different flavours out there of male personality and types. Look to your own life outside an relationship. Only when the focus of your self esteem is centered for the most part on yourself, can you hope to bring another along for the ride we call life and relationships. My 2 cents anyway.

justsomebloke · 05-03-2009 01:17PM

fool me once shame on you.
fool me twice shame on me.

midlandsmissus · 05-03-2009 01:44PM

Or as the George Bush version goes!:

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee (long pause) that says,..... fool me once, shame on................shame on you. Fool me........(long blank stare).......................... look the fool cant get fooled again!!!"

Terodil · 05-03-2009 01:59PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Then again maybe everybody is innocent until they meet their first rat, and then they harden up? It's sad in a way but I definitely don't have my rose tinted view of the world anymore, I'm alot more hardened and cynical now!

Nothing wrong with being cautious.

Disbelieving everybody is a psychological condition. Esp. when it comes down to insulting 49% of the population by calling them chronic liars.

And just because I got a certain feeling from the other thread you just opened, about power in relationships: being cynical and pursuing power games does not make anybody cool.

minidazzler · 05-03-2009 02:15PM

Is this thread only about men being lying bastards? I don't think that's fair!!! I am a fantastic liar, I really am and I admit it, but I never lie in a relationship.

However I have been lied to, majorly!!! Had a girl tell me she was definitely Pregnant, which I found odd, given that Her period was not due for another week. (she didn't realise I remember stuff well!!!), Took her more than a week to tell me she wasn't, and kept insisting her period was late, which it wasn't!!! She fcuked me up majorly for a couple of months with that. And that was only 3 days after new years this year!!! I still have trouble trusting females who I don't know properly!!!!

midlandsmissus · 05-03-2009 02:30PM

Terodil wrote: »

Nothing wrong with being cautious.

Disbelieving everybody is a psychological condition. Esp. when it comes down to insulting 49% of the population by calling them chronic liars.

And just because I got a certain feeling from the other thread you just opened, about power in relationships: being cynical and pursuing power games does not make anybody cool.

Yeah i really am analysing my relationships this week haha.

No, the thing in the power thread is that I wasn't doing it on purpose at all. Just that I realised when I wasn't overly loving, that made the man extremely loving. And the same vice versa to me. People don't set out to do that, but when you really aren't overly keen this does make the other person more keen. As other people said this could be a mark of immaturity, but it happens to alot of people.

midlandsmissus · 05-03-2009 02:31PM

minidazzler wrote: »

Is this thread only about men being lying bastards? I don't think that's fair!!! I am a fantastic liar, I really am and I admit it, but I never lie in a relationship.

However I have been lied to, majorly!!! Had a girl tell me she was definitely Pregnant, which I found odd, given that Her period was not due for another week. (she didn't realise I remember stuff well!!!), Took her more than a week to tell me she wasn't, and kept insisting her period was late, which it wasn't!!! She fcuked me up majorly for a couple of months with that. And that was only 3 days after new years this year!!! I still have trouble trusting females who I don't know properly!!!!

No it's about all lying scumbags in relationships! Feel free to vent!

Femelade · 05-03-2009 02:58PM

I was seeing a guy, he seemed nice enough. he rang me one day to ask me was i doing anything, i was at home and not up to much, so he said he would just have his lunch and then call down to me. (i live less than 10 mins from him) didnt hear from him for about 2 days.. he claimed he had tonsilitis and a fever..suddenly came on him after he spoke with me on the phone..
Whatever!!

05-03-2009 05:06PM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Well you're wrong with me Bluewolf if you think like attracts like, as i've never ever cheated on anyone, or ever told big feckin lies to cover myself. same with one of my friends, she's the nicest girl you'd ever meet, has never cheated on anyone, and has had a really bad experience with a lad telling her lies with bells on.

No, that's not what I was implying either.
I'd be more surprised if you were the type to be cheating or telling lies.

you*ess*bee · 06-03-2009 01:09AM

I suppose some people feel the need to be in a relationship and to feel wanted, therefore, ignore the signs that somethings not right. Unfortunately, in life everyone will experience relationship lies to some degree. But we learn from our mistakes, most of us, and dont make it again...or do we. Are certain people attracting that type of guy/girl by their personality?
Both men and women are fantastic liars, it all depends on what you want. Men usually lie to get sex, and women lie to get money. Point is, no one on earth is lie free, everyone has told some small lie at one point in their relationships. And if everyone around you is saying your partner isnt who you think they are...maybe you should listen.

I know ive had my share from a brilliant liar! If there were awards, I feel he should win top marks. And now to vent, ill share a bit..

My guy was the cream of the crop..sweet, innocent, insecure about his looks, even though he was handsome, and had only been out with 2 girls before me. Sadly, turns out he was seeing someone at the same time as me. Went away to Rome with her for a week and told me he was helping his aunt in the uk cause her husband died. But his lies starting coming back on him. We visted his aunt 2 months later and he couldnt find the place after having been there recently. Whenever his phone would ring he wouldnt answer it. He would get texts at 3-4am and would insist they were always from his footie mates. I would use his laptop sometimes at his house and the screen would be open with an internet translation sometimes about a mistress and slave from one language to english. I asked him about it, but he said he was just translating a website. The worst part, which made me sick to my stomach.. I was using the internet one day after him and the page froze, so I clicked back a few times and it went into his email account. One I didnt even know about. He was pretending to be a girl and had sex emails from other girls, but not normal ones. He was talking about f*cking his dog, and how good it was, and had sent pics he found on the internet of a girl doing it with a dog saying it was him. He even had voice changing software on his computer so he could call them. That really disturbed me mentally and everything became clear for me. I confronted him about everything and he said he lied to protect my feelings, and the dog stuff was just a joke. Clearly it wasnt, but I didnt stick around to find out anymore.

I know everyone has a story, albeit a guy or girl. And venting certainly helps. But sadly in the end it makes you paranoid about new people, and trust is certainly an issue after lies. But isnt it the grand ole scheme of things in life? Live, learn, laugh, cry?

(sorry for the long rant!)

Craft25 · 06-03-2009 01:28AM

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I was just wondering what other ladies experiences have been of this.

I'm going out with a nice guy now, thank God. But in the past I went out with some unbelivable men. Unbeleivable to the extent and depth that they could lie!

I went out with this one guy, and I tought he was the sweetest, nicest guy ever. He used to be really nice to me, used to bring me up to meet his granny, who would tell me he was such a nice family boy, he used to say he hated men who treated women like dirt,(looking back now i feel a fool for swallowing that one!) that he was really shy with girls etc.

I later found out that he had three other girls on the go, and that he used to meet up with his friends and laugh about all the bull sh*t he was spinning me and the others. They used to sit together and tell him what to put in test msgs to me, and then laugh at all the crap he was coming out with. Apparantly he even brought me up to meet his granny just to reinforce that he was a nice guy. I was friends with one of his friends and he told me all this in a fit of guilt. The guy i was seeing then told me not to believe the other guy as he had it in for him and was crazy etc etc, though i found out from other people aferwards it was all true. like such depth of lies!
My world actually fell apart. I couldnt believe that anybody could be so conniving, and that i believed he was somebody he totally wasn't. That was the end of that anyway.

A nice guy in between, and then the next one happened to me. I met this guy who I thought was so lovely, he always seemed to be looking after any girls he knew, and said he was 'really shy with girls'.(!!!I know i know!) I wouldnt have bought it only he went into extraordinary detail about how few women he'd been with, and not to tell his friends that he was so inexperienced cause he'd be mortified. I really fell for him. Of course AFTER i slept with him i found out he had a few women on the go, and was known as a real playboy around the area!!!! i felt such a fool!

but honestly couldnt believe that people would go to such depth of lies. Never trusted a man again.

My friend had the exact same thing happened to her. Said she found out his friends used to sit around laughin at the sh&te he was spinning her on the phone. Ever happen to anyone else on here? and if there are men reading, have you ever done it? It really is awful.

:rolleyes: here's your first clue ladies.. if he's charming your pants up & down like a yoyo and at the same time says he's sh*t with girls then i'd beware if i were youse

in fact if he's trying to paint himself in any angelic light at all it's probably bull****!! Most of us do this naturally at the start anyway, including myself... and the thing is we almost believe it ourselves... the solution is to not put out too quick & dig around until you know what he's like before oyu commit too much emotionally

you wouldnt go in on a business deal with someone you dont know would you? - so dont do it with your heart!

K-9 · 06-03-2009 01:49AM

Wibbs wrote: »

Great links there from Thaedydal. I would recognise that in a lot of my women mates(and exes). Especially the justifying one and particularly where sex is involved. IMHO I would say women do this far more than men. In general terms sex for men can be just sex, or something to establish a connection at the particular time without thoughts of a "future", much more than for women. Even when the guy is thinking vaguely of a future, he does so much less than the woman he's with. Some women are very prone and extreme in this. Damn near picking out kids names, the first time they have sex. IME anyway. Certain elements that came along with a more free society have a tendency to say that men and women exist on a level playing field in this, but in practical everyday terms, I really do think there are subtle diffs between the two genders. Now that's just my take of course.

As well as what the person described about the sexual connection bit with regard to hopes for a relationship with a particular guy, I've also noted the justification after the fact with one nighters or short termers. Where women basically just wanted a shag, went with that feeling and then justified that to themselves afterward in a myriad of ways. They felt they had to justify it, in a way few men would. Societal pressure? Some built in gender reason? Not wanting to be regarded as a "slut"? I've no clue, but I've seen it time and time again. I've heard things like, "he swept me off my feet", "I felt a spark", "I was drunk", "it just happened" etc. Now they can be viable reasons, but as often they're not. You will never or very rarely hear that from a man. At most you'll hear "I needed beer goggles last night" from men insecure about a choice they made, but that's about it. TBH and in my humble it usually boils down to not feeling or appearing to be a "slut", as much to other women as men too. I will say speaking as a bloke, one of the quickest ways to put the kibosh on ones chances of sleeping with a woman is if she feels even slightly that you're judging her.

I think the justification over a hope for a long termer is different, but has some elements of the last bit. The comment about "(women) measure the value of themselves based on their interaction with their men" is more true of women than men. Yes men can and will measure their social value on the status of the women they attract, but it's much more compartmentalised than with women. Women IME and IMHO place far more importance on their relationships than men as a reflection of their social failure and/or success. Much more women than men have been thinking about and dreaming about the romantic man in their future, from a very early age.

Even in this forum, you can compare how many threads about men and relationships you will see in the LL by comparison to any male dominated forum you care to mention. Same with mens versus womens magazines. Woman's mags articles = How to get a man, how to keep a man, how to know a man is into you, will you look at yer wan off the tellies cellulite in this long lens shot.... Mens mags articles = Here's a few reviews of stuff you cant possibly afford and no it won't make your willy bigger even if you could, how to make your willy bigger, Here's a photoshopped piccy of yer wan off the telly with her wobblies out. Nice eh?:D Ok a bit jokey, but not far wrong either.

So long as many women seek to both justify themselves and boost their self esteem entirely through their relationships, this problem of ending up with muppets will continue. Many would prefer to be with a muppet, than be alone. It doesn't have to that extreme either. I can think of quite a few women in relationships that are not obviously bad at all. Their partners may be nice enough guys too. But they are guys that don;t suit them or don't help them to grow and they they can't quite figure that little niggle in the back of their mind that says, is this really working? So long as the fear of being alone is running strong that will continue for them. I know women who've married such men. It's not great for her and it's not great for him either, when they would be more content with others.

I would reckon, that the first step is to be alone for a while. Have some fun if you will, but keep it light. Shag/snog around a bit too, if you like. Keep it discrete for your own sake. Taste the different flavours out there of male personality and types. Look to your own life outside an relationship. Only when the focus of your self esteem is centered for the most part on yourself, can you hope to bring another along for the ride we call life and relationships. My 2 cents anyway.

I know you're generalising.:rolleyes:

In general terms sex for men can be just sex, or something to establish a connection at the particular time without thoughts of a "future", much more than for women.

I would say the lines are getting vaguer generally in the last 5/10 years which confuses men. Oh for the simple answers 10 years ago!

Some women are very prone and extreme in this. Damn near picking out kids names, the first time they have sex.

I think that is very rare. I know you said some, but I think it's rare. I think us men perceive that to suit us.

I've heard things like, "he swept me off my feet", "I felt a spark", "I was drunk", "it just happened" etc. Now they can be viable reasons, but as often they're not.

See what you are saying. Personally I think that is because Society puts pressure on women to say that. Yes, a strong independent woman should be able to say "I wanted a one night stand" but that is less acceptable.

I would reckon, that the first step is to be alone for a while.

Therein lies the best advice.

CorkLady1983 · 07-03-2009 10:34PM

yep! I was in a similar situation although, I didn't actually get involved with the guy, because I was warned about him from 2 girls I worked with, they were in his class in college, he tried to score all of them letting on that they were indeed "the one"!

This guy used to call over to my house, telling me how well he was getting on with parents, about the wonderful family wedding coming up...and to top it all off, how shy he was, that he had never been on a date with someone - that was a total lie!

Found out after that he had three different ones on the go, three "potential" girlfriends or shoud I say fools! , I suspect from the discriptions, that I may have one of them.... I actually kind of fancied him at one stage, but not anymore.... see him strolling around back home these days with his new victim hand in hand....

keep the chin up, it's not you, those people are the sad ones...will end up on their own for a finish!

Tupins · 09-03-2009 04:48PM

two rather embarassing lies that I actually believed at the time

One guy that I was on/off with for a while moved to australia. We used to send letters back and forth (this was before email became so widely used). Anyway, was sort of hoping for a valentine's card from him but none came. About a week after Valentine's day I got a postcard from him (one of the free ones you get in pubs) with 'P.S. did you get the valentines card I sent you?' on it. Cut to me calling to all my neighbours to see if they had received any letters/cards addressed to me but delivered to them by accident. It was only when he came back months later and I mentioned not getting the card that he came over all smirky and I realised that he'd never sent it. Felt such a fool.

Another time a group of us were talking in the pub about turn ons/offs and I mentioned that I always found men in pilots uniforms really sexy. The following week this guy that I fancied (and who knew I fancied him) turned up wearing a pilots shirt with the wings, tie and everything. Cue much hilarity in the pub and me blushing to within an inch of my life. I asked him where he got it and he told me that he went to the airport and hung around for hours until he found a pilot who was willing to give him one of their old shirts - I was thrilled that he put in all that work for little old me. It was weeks later that I was telling someone else the story and one of the lads (his friend) was there. When I said about him being in the airport for hours etc his friend snorted and said "you mean you actually believed that?". Was mortified when I realised that he was having me on. Apparently he borrowed it from a friend who was a pilot.

God I was so STOOPID sometimes!

LadyE · 10-03-2009 01:33PM

I have a (good) few unbelieveable lies from men that I can only laugh about now..some were really out there. And one guy in particular must have done lots of research before we our first date, because his elaborate lies featured my home town (which of course, he wouldnt have known

...of course, me being the guillable twat I am, believed everything he said, his cancer stories, how he helps out on Childrens wards, his broken foot (not broken at all, got himself some crutches and faked it for two months, his trips to egypt when we hadnt spoke in 3 days and so much worse. Even bragged about him and how friggin great he was

. Everyone warned me away, everyone (except me) questioned what he did/said to me. A guy I used to work with even got in touch after 1.5years to meet me for lunch to warn me off him..did I listen? Noooooooo

A flashing neon sign wouldnt have helped

So yep, some men are lying pricks, but then lots arnt

you just got hold off til you find a good 'un

partyguinness · 10-03-2009 01:41PM

I was at a wedding b4 xmas..I'd say most people in the room (well at least all her friends) know the bride is banging this other guy on the side for the last 2 years...he is 20yr older and she tells the now husband that she is visiting friends and she drives off to Limerick to sleep/see this other man..

You wldnt mind but she put to pressure on to get married..the guy she married is totally pussy whiped..does her ironing, shopping and all the housework while she is off with this other guy..who was also at the wedding and I had to sit next to him..my stomach was sick watching the charade the bride was putting up..they are not my friends I was a guest..

I mean she is 29 and a National School teacher..makes you think and feel very sad and cynical..:(:(:(

ps she even shagged some random punter on her Hen night...!!

Unbelievably in-depth lies from men

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