Boyfriend feels I've trapped him for getting pregnant

LegacyUser

fenris wrote: »

be happy if he doesn't top himself when the full impact hits him, current life shattered and future stolen

This is the worst advice i have ever heard!

He can walk away if he wants to. I don't condone it but its no secret that plenty of men do it! Or if he chooses to hang around it still doesn't mean his life is shattered. Its only shattered if he wants it to be. If he has any sense he could still go to college and plan for the future,he just has to adjust his plans and make room for a child in his life. I know a few people who have done it and have made a very nice life + future for themselves. If they all had a "boo hoo" attitude their life probably would have been over. He is going on like a spoilt child!!!And btw, she didn't trap him. She was on the pill. She done her part. He should have used condoms ALL the time if he's that scared of having a child.OR else kept it in his pants!!!!!

mardybum

As far as I'm concerned if you have sex you have to be prepared for pregnancy, and no pre-arangement can be cast iron because of emotional nature of pregnancy.

**** situation for both of them. This girl is not evil, nor is her boy.

I think everyone should cut them some f*cking slack, and maybe give some advice rather than lambasting the OP.

Op - someone posted the positive options website up. Have a look, make an appointment, get counselling, fill yourself up with information about pregnancy and childbirth.

You can't really do anything about the boy, so you might as well look after yourself as much as you.

LegacyUser

fenris wrote: »

How many 21 year olds of either sex do not know that antibiotics can make the pill ineffective?

Just so everyone is clear on this, you'll think I'm nuts because it's so ingrained into society's thinking but anyway - ANTIBIOTICS do not affect the pill. 2 drugs that happen to be antibiotics affect the pill, both only given for TB these days. Any antibiotics you get at the doc won't affect the pill and there is no way you need to come off the pill as you said you have done OP.

Rb

drunkmonkey wrote: »

personally fine but publicly you could have a little more tact/respect.....

pretend it was your mum/dad for a minute in the same dilema when having you.....would you still give the same advice?

What are you talking about? Where do my parents come into this?

Unregistered wrote: »

This is the worst advice i have ever heard!

He can walk away if he wants to. I don't condone it but its no secret that plenty of men do it! Or if he chooses to hang around it still doesn't mean his life is shattered. Its only shattered if he wants it to be. If he has any sense he could still go to college and plan for the future,he just has to adjust his plans and make room for a child in his life. I know a few people who have done it and have made a very nice life + future for themselves. If they all had a "boo hoo" attitude their life probably would have been over. He is going on like a spoilt child!!!And btw, she didn't trap him. She was on the pill. She done her part. He should have used condoms ALL the time if he's that scared of having a child.OR else kept it in his pants!!!!!

He tried to keep it in his pants and they were using condoms at the time of conception, please do keep up.

Also, it's easy to say "He can still go to college and plan for the future, just has to adjust his plans a little" when realistically the cost of raising a child, particularly a new one that eats loads and flys through clothing, is enormous and good luck to anyone trying to do college, work enough to support themselves & their child and then also be able to follow their other dreams (travel etc).

I know people who've had kids young and can't afford to go back to college, despite their interest in doing so, who can't go travelling because they can't afford it and it wouldn't be fair on the kids etc. These people are 25-30 and their kids aren't newborns either so you should be careful about how "easy" you're trying to make it out for the guy.

Fact of the matter is that now could not be a worse time for this couple to consider having a child.

Rb

mardybum wrote: »

As far as I'm concerned if you have sex you have to be prepared for pregnancy, and no pre-arangement can be cast iron because of emotional nature of pregnancy.

Well, perhaps if we had women (and their families) who used a bit more logic and reason when deciding on the outcome of an unplanned pregnancy, as opposed to emotion and religious beliefs, then perhaps we'd have less teenagers pushing around buggies filled with children they can't control, afford or mother properly and all at the expense of the tax payer.

Emotions and hormones are no excuse tbh and really go against the whole "equality" mantra if anything.

LegacyUser

Rb wrote: »

good luck to anyone trying to do college, work enough to support themselves & their child and then also be able to follow their other dreams (travel etc).

Eh...... Travel is a luxury and many people even without kids can't afford it.

And yes good luck to them.You are treating it as if the glass being half empty instead of being optomistic.He lives with his folks so surely he has plenty of support to go on to college as originally planned.

Rb wrote: »

I know people who've had kids young and can't afford to go back to college, despite their interest in doing so, who can't go travelling because they can't afford it and it wouldn't be fair on the kids etc.

Too late to think about that now isn't it? They knew what they were doing!

Rb wrote: »

Fact of the matter is that now could not be a worse time for this couple to consider having a child.

Depends on how you look at things. If he grows a pair of ba**s and takes responsibility, gives her a helping hand and they both do their best, not to mention that they both have family coz they live with them, they've more support than a lot of parents nowadays. Right, its not ideal i.e. married, perfect life, perfect house, got to "travel" before settling, a dog named rover and loadz of cash in the bank! but then again it's not exaclty the worst situation I've heard of either!!!!!

Charcoal

OP I posted last night, didn't think the thread would snowball like this. I'm glad that ye are talking. I've been thinking about this and I think that maybe you could acknowledge to your partner that you understand that his worst fears have come true because both of you need to get past that stage before you can make clear minded and level headed decisions about your futures without bringing emotions into it.

There are a variety of perpectives on this thread, I believe each of those perspectives holds it's own merit as it is right for the person who holds it. For what it's worth, I have friends who took different roads faced with your decision and they are all fine with their choices because they were right for them and their decisions were considered. There is no wrong or right, just what's right for you.

LegacyUser

Well said Charcoal!

mardybum

In fairness Rb, a man will never have to make the decision whether or not to abort their baby from their body. So I think its unfair to say that its a cop out for women to make an emotional decision on this issue.

The point is that it IS an emotional crisis to go through, the hormonal changes at pregnancy can't be ignored, they change your perspective.

And while you may not think this is ideal, it is the reality of the situation.

This is why if you have sex, you have to accept that there is a percentage change that you'll end up having a baby with the person you happen to be shagging.

Anyway, my central point is that there can be no blame aportioned in this situation.

Rb

Unregistered wrote: »

Depends on how you look at things. If he grows a pair of ba**s and takes responsibility, gives her a helping hand and they both do their best, not to mention that they both have family coz they live with them, they've more support than a lot of parents nowadays. Right, its not ideal i.e. married, perfect life, perfect house, got to "travel" before settling, a dog named rover and loadz of cash in the bank! but then again it's not exaclty the worst situation I've heard of either!!!!!

Sorry but quite frankly this is a load of ****.

A 21 year old, unmarried, relatively uneducated couple who still live apart with their parents (i.e aren't even providing for themselves) shouldn't be bringing a child into this world, particularly now when money is hard to come by AND where one party to the couple is adamant that it will ruin their lives. Just another mouth for the taxpayer to feed, I suppose?

Yes, they live with their parents. Does that automatically mean that their parents are prepared to deal with another child in the house, to effectively raise more children and most likely foot part of the financial bill? I haven't seen anything to suggest it and they'd be quite justified in booting the two of them out.

So, where does the money come from? Kids cost a hell of a lot afterall, who'll pay for them?

To suggest he is less of a man for how he is acting, or "ball-less" is nigh on pathetic and I'd question what kind of position you yourself are in life.

They're both young and have a lot that to experience before settling down, a child will both prevent them from these experiences and from bettering themselves/progressing in their careers etc. It's not all that hard for them to merely put it on hold for a few years and treat this as a scare, then they can go on living their happy lives and do the things they want to do.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

Just so everyone is clear on this, you'll think I'm nuts because it's so ingrained into society's thinking but anyway - ANTIBIOTICS do not affect the pill. 2 drugs that happen to be antibiotics affect the pill, both only given for TB these days. Any antibiotics you get at the doc won't affect the pill and there is no way you need to come off the pill as you said you have done OP.

Antibiotics can cause side effects which sometimes include vomiting, as well the fact that your infection could cause vomiting. This could mean you lose some of the hormones from the pill.

So whilst you're right about the antibiotics not directly affecting the pill, the effects of the antibiotics can have an effect on the pill.

LegacyUser

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Antibiotics can cause side effects which sometimes include vomiting, as well the fact that your infection could cause vomiting. This could mean you lose some of the hormones from the pill.

So whilst you're right about the antibiotics not directly affecting the pill, the effects of the antibiotics can have an effect on the pill.

True, but it should be emphasised to the public that any vomitting in general can interfere with the pill, and emphasis should not be put on antibiotics because they CAN cause vomitting. It leads to an irrational fear of antibiotics and people coming off the pill etc and can contribute to situations like this. Anyway, I digress, just so the awareness is out there, if you think this affects you ask your doctor about it.

LegacyUser

I've no sympathy for the BF, if he was that mad on not having a baby he should have USED A CONDOM EVERY TIME!

Dropping out of college? Giving up on all his hopes and dreams? What an eejit.

OP you should have been more honest with him from the get-go, but if you honestly thought you'd have an abortion, only to change your mind when you actually had a child inside you, that's fair enough. Nobody really knows how they'd react to being pregnant until it's there. Going to England, the clock-and-dagger bull****, is terrifying to face.

On the other hand, if you don't want a baby you should USE A CONDOM! Not "sometimes" as it says in OP but ALL THE TIME! The BF has no excuse, if you don't want a baby, you use a condom.

Silverfish

Wibbs wrote: »

OK Mod time, this is getting way beyond the OP's original question at this stage. There's a humanities thread in the making so please can you take it there if you want to continue. To everyone else only posts that directly impact on advice for the OP. If you want to jump in on this Please read the entire thread. It's simple good manners if nothing else. Any further back and forth not connected to advice and there will be infractions followed by bannings for repeat offenders. Unregistered posts will not be approved if they don't agree with this warning. Thank you. Final warning.

.

Rb

Unregistered wrote: »

I've no sympathy for the BF, if he was that mad on not having a baby he should have USED A CONDOM EVERY TIME!

Dropping out of college? Giving up on all his hopes and dreams? What an eejit.

OP you should have been more honest with him from the get-go, but if you honestly thought you'd have an abortion, only to change your mind when you actually had a child inside you, that's fair enough. Nobody really knows how they'd react to being pregnant until it's there. Going to England, the clock-and-dagger bull****, is terrifying to face.

On the other hand, if you don't want a baby you should USE A CONDOM! Not "sometimes" as it says in OP but ALL THE TIME! The BF has no excuse, if you don't want a baby, you use a condom.

Because squeezing a baby through a tiny hole in your body isn't terrifying :rolleyes:

It's legal and regulated there and isn't "cloak and dagger" and I would imagine is a lot less painful (physically) than going through what childbirth entails. That is, afterall, only should you leave it to the point where the abortion pill is no longer applicable and I believe you're given enough time to get that pill anyway.

I really don't understand these "He should have used a condom hur hur hur" people popping in here, while the OP herself has said
"Also I had to come off the pill as I got a bad infection in my leg which I was on a lot of heavy anti-biotics so we were solely usnig condoms at this point".

If you're going to try to give someone advice on something as big as this, at least read the thread properly.

Beruthiel

This thread is closed.

The OP has gotten all he can from it.

If ye wish to discuss the topic, go to Humanities.