The worst sex you have ever had with someone?

wolfmoon87

Spektor wrote: »

I offered to go down on her, and she said yeah. So about 30secs into licking her out, I realise it tastes really really weird. It tasted like blood. I couldnt believe it, so I jumped up thinking its her time of the month.

I said "are you ok, i can taste blood". Her exact words were, "O I was with some guy last night, and he was really big, and went really hard".

Ewww! :pac:

Sky King

Feisar wrote: »

Worst that ever happened me was leaving behind an expensive watch my Mum had got me for my 21st.

A gyno could probably retrieve it for you.

ziggy23

I'm shocked at the amount of guys that go down on a girl on the first night. I'd never let a fella do it to...well maybe the second night:o I thinks its way too personal for a one night stand

Siuin

ziggy23 wrote: »

I'm shocked at the amount of guys that go down on a girl on the first night. I'd never let a fella do it to...well maybe the second night:o I thinks its way too personal for a one night stand

Bah, the way I see it, the only thing that's changed from one night to the next is that we'd have had to endure more polite chit chat and learn extra mundane crap about each other. If both parties are up for it, 69 FTW.

maglite

ziggy23 wrote: »

I'm shocked at the amount of guys that go down on a girl on the first night. I'd never let a fella do it to...well maybe the second night:o I thinks its way too personal for a one night stand

Wha, you'll score and shag, but a bit of licking is too far?

chughes

maglite wrote: »

Wha, you'll score and shag, but a bit of licking is too far?

Mag, I think she was being a bit tongue in cheek.

ziggy23

maglite wrote: »

Wha, you'll score and shag, but a bit of licking is too far?

I suppose. I would also help if a lot of them actually knew what they were doing too

Snowie

44leto wrote: »

I don't see anything wrong with that, he came didn't he and anyway women don't get "organisms" like men, they just have to lie there and think of Ireland.

Besides I am such a man I would have came twice in the time it took him to come once.

You just went up a notch t near ace rimmer like coolness

Spektor

maglite wrote: »

Wha, you'll score and shag, but a bit of licking is too far?

True, thats what I was thinking.
Sure, licking out is a must, gets things going, gets things nice and wet, then get on to the Badooming!
:pac:

maglite

chughes wrote: »

Mag, I think she was being a bit tongue in cheek.

Nope don't think that's where she had a problem with the tongue going?

ziggy23

maglite wrote: »

Nope don't think that's where she had a problem with the tongue going?

I've no problem with the tongue it's the ones who try to put their whole face in there

Johnny Foreigner

homerjay2005 wrote: »

why? did you break up with her or something or was she grounded permanently?

She dumped me.

Feisar

ziggy23 wrote: »

I'm shocked at the amount of guys that go down on a girl on the first night. I'd never let a fella do it to...well maybe the second night:o I thinks its way too personal for a one night stand

Well I'd never put my penis where I wouldn't put my tongue for the most part.

I can never understand the war stories I hear of other lads about absolutely foul smelling vagina that they couldn't go down on but had sex with nonetheless

cruiser178

Feisar wrote: »

Well I'd never put my penis where I wouldn't put my tongue for the most part.

I can never understand the war stories I hear of other lads about absolutely foul smelling vagina that they couldn't go down on but had sex with nonetheless

Hate to state the obvious but you cant smell with your mickey, ohh the things us men have to go through to pleasure a woman/women :cool:

Feisar

cruiser178 wrote: »

Hate to state the obvious but you cant smell with your mickey, ohh the things us men have to go through to pleasure a woman/women :cool:

Oh I know, but if I headed south and it was reeking badly there's no way I have sex with the girl in question.

munsterkerryfan

MugMugs wrote: »

I was in the middle of the act with a lass when she climaxed. I naturally kept going but she started shouting "oh Jesus no, stop! Peggy is too tender! She's too tender stop!"

I rolled off her, kinda annoyed and then said "Peggy" while pissing (not literally) myself laughing. She cried and I left....

Winner alright!! Best story so far.

allandanyways

smash wrote: »

So you never copped a feel during any of the random drunken kisses?

I'm probably one of the worst women I know for dropping the hand but at least I know where all the various bits and pieces are!

mickrock

Spektor wrote: »

I offered to go down on her, and she said yeah.

That was very gentlemanly of you.

Snowie

xoxyx wrote: »

This has got to be my worst - not so much that the sex was bad (although it wasn't exactly good), but it's the one that has stayed with me.

I hooked up with a guy years ago - I was 17 and he was 19, but he was a virgin. I had been staying in my aunt's for the summer, and myself and this guy had been going out for a few weeks when I had a free place and I took him home.

We went up to my room and started making out and things started moving on. But, maybe because he had waited for a while and wanted it to be special, he was moving very slowly and reverently. It took about an hour before we actually got to the deed - which was fine - but, even then, he was moving sooooooo slowly and spending ages just lying on top of me with this big grin on his face. I didn't want to pick up the pace, 'cause it was his first time, and he seemed to be enjoying himself, and whenever I started moving it a bit more, he slowed it down again.

Then, all of a sudden, he pushes his upper body up with his hands and shouts out "I can't believe I'm having sex"

Cue heavy footsteps racing up the stairs. My aunt had come back and heard him roaring! She burst into the room and started screaming at me. Yer man just froze, so there I was - him on top of me, I'm desperately trying to escape, and my aunt is calling me every name under the sun!

She didn't leave either, and the poor guy had to find his clothes and get dressed in front of her and she stood in front of the door blocking his escape until she'd had a good go at him too.

I made it up to him though.

Johnny Foreigner wrote: »

I was 19 years old and my girlfriend was 17. I wasn't allowed to stay over at her parents house, or to enter her bedroom as her Father was very protective. He was a football Referee, and was always out at a match on Sunday mornings for 2 hours. So after months of frustration we arranged next Sunday was to be our session. Regular as clockwork her father went off to the match Sunday morning. As soon as he was gone I was in her house and up the stairs. Her parents had a four poster king size bed, and I decided this was too good to resist. We had 2 hours with the house free and I was going to make the most of it. We got undressed and started having a good time. So much so that we didn't notice the torrential rain outside. Little did we know but the match had been rained off and her father was on his way home from the match. I was busy pounding his daughter doggy style on his four poster bed when he walked in soaked in his Referee kit. The look of shock on his face as he walked in and saw his daughter impaled on me was priceless. My girlfriend had a panic attack. I burst out laughing in fear, which sent her father into a rage. I quickly grabbed my clothes and got dressed running down the stairs while he tore into her. Then I realised his car was blocking mine in on the drive way. I would have to go back and ask him to move his car. He came out of the house and pinned me up against the wall. My legs buckled with fear as I tried to stutter an apology. Then to make matters worse, my legs were shaking so much my clutch control wasn't the best, and I reversed into his car on the driveway. He got out of his car and tried to rip my locked car door open to hit me while swearing as I made a quick get away. I never saw her again.

man im sitting on a bus reading this crying my eyes out

and i just spurted coffee every were too to fvcking epicly funny stories :pac:

Arawn

allandanyways wrote: »

I'm probably one of the worst women I know for dropping the hand but at least I know where all the various bits and pieces are!

Expect alot of pm's!

Johnny Foreigner

I was 17 and in my bedroom going down on my girlfriend. My Mother walked in to show her friend my nice new curtains she had bought me. She forgot to knock and they both walked straight in to see me hard at it with my head between my girlfriends legs. My girlfriend gave me whiplash when she jumped off the bed in fright seeing my Mother and her friend walk in on us.

boomkatalog

Arawn wrote: »

Expect alot of pm's!

If i pass out from taking it up the back way and dont get pms from AHers, theres no way a girl who gives handjobs is gonna get loads :pac:

Arawn

boomkatalog wrote: »

If i pass out from taking it up the back way and dont get pms from AHers, theres no way a girl who gives handjobs is gonna get loads :pac:

Yeah but you quit after a minute!! thats just taking being a prick tease to the extreme :pac:

mickrock

Insurgent wrote: »

Ripped my banjo string while a girl was going down on me. That wasn't much fun!

Couldn't you have waited until after the blowjob before you started playing the banjo?

boomkatalog

Arawn wrote: »

Yeah but you quit after a minute!! thats just taking being a prick tease to the extreme :pac:

Well I stopped, I only presume he did

dr.bollocko

mickrock wrote: »

Couldn't you have waited until after the blowjob before you started playing the banjo?

That's how we roll in Galway.

maglite

boomkatalog wrote: »

If i pass out from taking it up the back way and dont get pms from AHers, theres no way a girl who gives handjobs is gonna get loads :pac:

expect that to be rectified.

Arawn

boomkatalog wrote: »

Well I stopped, I only presume he did

depends tbh if he was Irish he woulda quit, if he was Polish he woulda stayed till the job was done no matter what!

boomkatalog

maglite wrote: »

expect that to be rectumfied.

Giggity

maglite

boomkatalog wrote: »

Giggity

http://operatorchan.org/v/arch/src/v25234_thats%20the%20joke.jpg