Why would anyone want to get married??

nicegirl

IvySlayer wrote: »

Do people get married cos they love each other or because society tells people who love each other to get married?

I think most people get married because they love each other, in other cases they may not love each other enough, or know each other, and then some people I believe, just "settle" for someone. These reasons alone can lead to problems in the marriage, which can lead to separation and divorce.

I find there are alot of pressure on people in their 30's to find someone, and get married, or for some girls they are competing with time and the whole biological clock issue.

I have found that there is pressure from friends also, when your friends surrounding you start getting married, and are settling down, that can transcend pressure on a couple also.

Then there is the issue that the woman can change over time, or the man also. The menopause and the andropause can affect man/womans personality during that time in their life, and can affect sex in the relationship, and how they both get along with each other.

There can be so many differences of opinion between a man and a woman, like how a man thinks is different to how a woman thinks. Respect, trust, appreciation are huge issues for men, and issues they need and want in a marriage, and I have seen it so many times in other marriages how the woman can sometimes lose appreciation for her husband. The same of course applies to lack of appreciation from a husband to a wife.

I think understanding each other needs, communication, and understanding the differences between how a man thinks and how a woman thinks are very important in a marriage, as well as the other issues above.

Of course, love is of huge importance, but I feel that love cannot always keep a marriage together, there are so so many issues within a marriage.

Tipsy McSwagger

T-K-O wrote: »

Why wouldn't you marry this women?

Sarcasm mate

T-K-O

Tipsy McSwagger wrote: »

Sarcasm mate

I was actually waiting for that post to arrive from someone. They do exist!

Friends of mine take a similiar stance and flat out refuse to do something that means nothing to them but everything to the GF.

In my mind, that is mental carry out.

hatrickpatrick

Anyone else actually perfectly happy to be with the one love of their life forever, but simply object to sate marriage on moral grounds as it's currently a system which invariably places 100% responsibility on the man if things go wrong, and also somehow imagines that if you choose to dump someone, you're still entitled to the quality of life which you had purely as a side effect of being in a relationship with them?

Aidric

nicegirl wrote: »

The thought of it turns my stomach!

Bit strong imo. Whilst I don't see it as the be all and end all I certainly value the bond of marriage. When I see the largely happy marriage of my parents for over 30 years standing I feel imbued and not a little hopeful to repeat the same.

neckedit

I'm the opposite though. Been stuck with the one person for the rest of your life. If children come along, you are completely stuck with that person - even if you love them.

To me, its a ball and chain for life, effectively signing your life away bound legally, which also puts me off it.


When you are in love with someone.....the words "stuck with" and "ball and chain" are not really relavent.
If you feel that way about you gf/bf, time to kiss them on the cheek, say goodbye, walk away and let them get on with their lives.

Grayson

I just saw a reference to this festival somewhere. It's only vaguely relevant but I thought I'd put it in here.

http://www.odditycentral.com/pics/vietnam-festival-is-dedicated-to-meeting-ex-lovers.html

It's a festival where old lovers meet up. Relationships don't work out as we all know, but once a year people who once shared something but are not married to each other meet up and reminisce about old times.

Lau Minh Pao, for instance, gets to meet his old flame and talk to her once a year. “In the past, we were lovers, but we couldn’t get married because we were far apart,” says Pao. “Now we pour our hearts out about the time when we were in love. We meet together to re-tell the tale of how it was when we were in love back then.” Pao’s wife has no problems with this, as she is off meeting her ex-lover at the very same time.

T-K-O

neckedit wrote: »

I'm the opposite though. Been stuck with the one person for the rest of your life. If children come along, you are completely stuck with that person - even if you love them.

To me, its a ball and chain for life, effectively signing your life away bound legally, which also puts me off it.


When you are in love with someone.....the words "stuck with" and "ball and chain" are not really relavent.
If you feel that way about you gf/bf, time to kiss them on the cheek, say goodbye, walk away and let them get on with their lives.

Common sense but nothing to do with the thread, really.

T-K-O

Grayson wrote: »

I just saw a reference to this festival somewhere. It's only vaguely relevant but I thought I'd put it in here.

http://www.odditycentral.com/pics/vietnam-festival-is-dedicated-to-meeting-ex-lovers.html

It's a festival where old lovers meet up. Relationships don't work out as we all know, but once a year people who once shared something but are not married to each other meet up and reminisce about old times.

If they can arrange a bigger venue, Ill turn up next year :pac::pac:

XxMCRxBabyxX

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Please, the marriage had broken down at that stage, and Tiger frequented high end joints only.

Is that what he told you to get you into bed?

Red Nissan

IvySlayer wrote: »

Do people get married cos they love each other or because society tells people who love each other to get married?

Very much depends on your society, in some societies children are married off at twelve years of age, newborn babies are assigned partners and fornication outside marriage punishable by death.

Ireland, being a predominately Christian society, demands formal union prior to copulation but aside from breaking non binding religious laws, couples who live together are not punished [assuming no state law is broken].

What a society does or is 'founded on' becomes a culture and a way of life expected to be abided by, by all who live under it. Therefore, there still exists a peer pressure to follow traditional values. In Ireland, that would ask a couple to formalise their relationship via engagement and marriage and preferably through the church.

Grandpa Hassan

I'm in my 30s and can't think of anything worse than getting married and just having that person around all the time. When 'compromise' means doing too much stuff that you don't want to do, then I'm out of there

I've a massive independent streak, and need time on my own. I need weekends when my im left on my own completely. And to not get pressured into going out when I don't want to. And to sleep in a separate bed when I actually want a good nights sleep

My girlfriend, who I love to bits and who I've been with for a good while, feels the exact same. Which is great. We leave each other to our own devices regularly...and there's no pressure to see each other all the time. If we ever move in together we'd have our own rooms so that we didn't have to share a bed every bloody night for ever! We already talked about it

Marriage is just the opposite of that. Living in each others pocket

No way

IMO, our relationship is a hell of a lot healthier than many married couples I know

neckedit

T-K-O wrote: »

Common sense but nothing to do with the thread, really.

Everything to do with the thread as I was responding to a post in the thread and it was given as a reason for not getting married.

Red Nissan

neckedit wrote: »

To me, its a ball and chain for life, effectively signing your life away bound legally, which also puts me off it.

Well, yes, to some extent that is true, but it would be a choice you would make, her dad can't shoo you up the aisle at the end of a double barrelled shotgun these days.

There is also a work place masculinity that precludes real men from saying they love their wives, one must have a reason to stay with them, it can't be because you actually still love her after your marriage and especially after ten or more years, now can it?

Red Nissan

Grandpa Hassan wrote: »

Marriage is just the opposite of that. Living in each others pocket

Interesting post. I'm not sure where living in her pocket in marriage is coming from though, traditionally Irish couples had their own bedrooms separately and shared a bed when necessary.

I know a few couples who are still like that.

Galwayguy35

I was nearly married a few years ago but called it off because I knew it would have been a mistake and felt we rushed into it, my ex was gutted but it was the right thing to do.

Having said that I would still like to get married someday.

T-K-O

Grandpa Hassan wrote: »

I'm in my 30s and can't think of anything worse than getting married and just having that person around all the time. When 'compromise' means doing too much stuff that you don't want to do, then I'm out of there

I've a massive independent streak, and need time on my own. I need weekends when my im left on my own completely. And to not get pressured into going out when I don't want to. And to sleep in a separate bed when I actually want a good nights sleep

My girlfriend, who I love to bits and who I've been with for a good while, feels the exact same. Which is great. We leave each other to our own devices regularly...and there's no pressure to see each other all the time. If we ever move in together we'd have our own rooms so that we didn't have to share a bed every bloody night for ever! We already talked about it

Marriage is just the opposite of that. Living in each others pocket

No way

IMO, our relationship is a hell of a lot healthier than many married couples I know

You have found someone similiar and that's great but that is an unusual set-up.

However, if you replace marriage with 'conventionally relationship' (what ever that means) the same applies. Most couples want to spend that time together. The married situated you would hate to find yourself could easily happen with a different partner, let alone getting married.

Your relationship works and that's all that really matters

zenno

Wibbs wrote: »

I suspect it's more the massive overcompensation for his infidelities that people are pointing to. If I got hitched to I dunno Madonna and a few years in I discover she's having her way with a bevvie of Italian male models on tour. Bad Madonna, Bad. However how does that equate to me being entitled to half her fortune? It doesn't.

Umm,,, Madonna - La isla bonita, she can suck me dry for everything i have, at least it would be worth it.

Shane-KornSpace

Im with my missus three years now and shes OK with me not wanting to ever get married. Happy.
Its pointless, really. A very expensive piece of paper.

zenno

Shane-KornSpace wrote: »

Im with my missus three years now and shes OK with me not wanting to ever get married. Happy.
Its pointless, really. A very expensive piece of paper.

A man and woman of intelligence, at last.

T-K-O

Its really not expensive

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/getting_married/registration_of_marriage.html

Grandpa Hassan

T-K-O wrote: »

Its really not expensive

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/getting_married/registration_of_marriage.html

That may be. But the most common quoted benefit of getting married is that there's a party. And that the woman has 'the best day of her life'. And that's the needlessly expensive bit

Grayson

Shane-KornSpace wrote: »

Im with my missus three years now and shes OK with me not wanting to ever get married. Happy.
Its pointless, really. A very expensive piece of paper.

I think not wanting to get married is not as big a deal anymore.
Not wanting to have kids is a huge dealbreaker for a lot of people.

Rented Mule

zenno wrote: »

What ever you do, do not sacrifice your life to a contract. Making a deal with the devil you can love a person 100% without having to sell your soul.

Sounds a bit like a Tracker Mortgage.

T-K-O

Grandpa Hassan wrote: »

That may be. But the most common quoted benefit of getting married is that there's a party. And that the woman has 'the best day of her life'. And that's the needlessly expensive bit

So, are you against extravagant parties or marriage. For the record, not wanting to get married is fine by me.

Reading through this thread I find a lot of the reason do not add up. A simple, 'I do not want to get married' would do.

Not wanting a priest or a big party etc etc are silly reasons IMO

Rented Mule

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Please, the marriage had broken down at that stage, and Tiger frequented high end joints only.

He was banging a waitress at Dennys.

Grandpa Hassan

T-K-O wrote: »

So, are you against extravagant parties or marriage. For the record, not wanting to get married is fine by me.

Reading through this thread I find a lot of the reason do not add up. A simple, 'I do not want to get married' would do.

Not wanting a priest or a big party etc etc are silly reasons IMO

I'm not 'against' anything.

realweirdo

There's pros and cons to marriage, and in my view the pros and cons are roughly equal.

It's as easy to fall out of love with someone as be in love with someone.

Weddings are great excuse for a p*ss up and party for sure, but someone has to pay for it and they don't come cheap. It puts a lof of financial pressure on people.

The argument about living in sin is redundant in this day and age as is having children out of wedlock.

I'd personally have nothing to do with the Catholic Church and I'm not going to be a hypocrite by having a wedding in a church just to please other people.

Weddings are a tradition but like a lot of traditions less relevant with the passing of years.

T-K-O

Grandpa Hassan wrote: »

I'm not 'against' anything.

' can't think of anything worse than '

Worse then

zenno

Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a socially or ritually recognized union or "legal contract" between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.

The above seems a bit over the top and nuts imo. If you love the person then why go into a legal loop ?

You can choose a more intimate and less hassle free way of dealing with this in simple terms of which would be a verbal love contract between you and the other half. At the end of the day, it is a private and serious connection, why feck it up with legal papers ?

Clandestine

I will never get married

>Less freedom
>Divorce courts are biased against husbands and fathers.
>Having to pay child support etc. after losing a divorce case is bs
>Police are more likely to believe a woman in a domestic violence case, even if she is the perpetrator. This can lead to lies which can be used in divorce proceedings
>Marriage usually results in kids. I don't want kids.

its better to be a free man and not to be tied down by a contract.

T-K-O

'>I wait for the green man, every time'

Mrs Garth Brooks

You can be with someone and not get married. You can walk away anyday you want without the hassle of divorce.

Whatever about marriage, its having kids that terrifies me the most. You cant get rid of them, you cant put them into kennels and go on holidays, feed and put clothes on them, put them through college. 18 years of being responsible for someone else's life.

I like being independant and free, and all that ties you down.

No thanks

Cool Mo D

Clandestine wrote: »

I will never get married

>Less freedom
>Divorce courts are biased against husbands and fathers.
>Having to pay child support etc. after losing a divorce case is bs
>Police are more likely to believe a woman in a domestic violence case, even if she is the perpetrator. This can lead to lies which can be used in divorce proceedings
>Marriage usually results in kids. I don't want kids.

its better to be a free man and not to be tied down by a contract.

Child support has nothing to do with marriage - if you have a kid, you are legally obligated to support them financially, married or not.

There are downsides to marriage, but there are some really serious downsides to not being married if you share your life with them. Especially if something happens to them, like suddenly getting sick or dying, legally you are a stranger to them, with no rights to participate in medical, legal or inheritance decisions.

Grandpa Hassan

T-K-O wrote: »

' can't think of anything worse than '

Worse then

Geez....you're putting words in my mouth. Because the idea of my getting married personally horrifies me, I am not against it. That implies I don't think anyone should get married and the whole concept should be got rid of

Jonny Blaze

Marriage is a relic of a bygone age, unnecessary in modern times.

T-K-O

Grandpa Hassan wrote: »

Geez....you're putting words in my mouth. Because the idea of my getting married personally horrifies me, I am not against it. That implies I don't think anyone should get married and the whole concept should be got rid of

That was direct quote from you. As is this

'That may be. But the most common quoted benefit of getting married is that there's a party. And that the woman has 'the best day of her life'. And that's the needlessly expensive bit'

I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, seriously. The above quote is money related. I merely stated the fact that it doesn't have to cost you a penny or it can be done on a sensible budget.

T-K-O

Jonny Blaze wrote: »

Marriage is a relic of a bygone age, unnecessary in modern times.

Lots of things we do are unnecessary but some people want to do it,others, not so much.

It's all good.

justforlaugh

The idea of being married to one woman for the rest of me life would be one of my worst nightmares ever unless it a open married

Grandpa Hassan

T-K-O wrote: »

That was direct quote from you. As is this

'That may be. But the most common quoted benefit of getting married is that there's a party. And that the woman has 'the best day of her life'. And that's the needlessly expensive bit'

I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, seriously. The above quote is money related. I merely stated the fact that it doesn't have to cost you a penny or it can be done on a sensible budget.

I give up!

It doesn't mean I'm against it. It means personally I'd never do it. I have no problem if other people want to

T-K-O

Grandpa Hassan wrote: »

I give up!

It doesn't mean I'm against it. It means personally I'd never do it. I have no problem if other people want to

You give up, I give up.

You went on about how bad marriage was and that it costs a lot of money.

I stated that you could do it for little or nothing.

Next question from me, what is worse; the expense or marriage itself, is it the expense or the marriage that puts you off.

I should not have used the word against but surely you knew what I was getting at.

zenno

Rented Mule wrote: »

Sounds a bit like a Tracker Mortgage.

I'm not selling anything or trying to take anything, it's free

Mr_Spaceman

Geomy wrote: »

Im just about to load up the car with my surfing gear, stop off have breakfast with a single gorgeous surfer called Jane...

Then we'll hit the waves for a few hours,meet Jackie for lunch in Kinvara.

Spin back to Ballyvaughan, meet Janette for tea, back to Lahinch for another surf, then head home to my 4 bed palace.

Have supper off out again for the evening, and the great thing is I don't drink or smoke, so can drive anywhere I like. ..

Love being a selfish bas...tard ;-)

Well done you.

gcgirl

Marriage is for the insecure to feel somewhat secure.

Why buy a cow when you can milk it for free

T-K-O

gcgirl wrote: »

Marriage is for the insecure to feel somewhat secure.

Why buy a cow when you can milk it for free

Absolute tripe.

gcgirl

T-K-O wrote: »

Absolute tripe.

Have I hit a nerve ???

FameHungry

I don't know tbf.
The way my brother sees marriage is that it's for couples that have run out of things to talk about

Sunglasses Ron

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Please, the marriage had broken down at that stage, and Tiger frequented high end joints only.

You wouldn't ride some of his women into battle. Rank.

Woods is a strange bloke all round in truth.

upandcumming

RachaelVO wrote: »

Jesus... Tiger Woods shagging lots of women and increasing the risk of bringing home an STD to the mother of his kids. Yep she was totally in the wrong :rolleyes:

Ah Jesus you're stretching very far with that.

T-K-O

gcgirl wrote: »

Have I hit a nerve ???

'My first book of forum answers'

Read the thread. No, you have not hit a nerve. I am not married and have no immediate plans to get married.

You're just not making any sense.