What would you do?

Cletoreyes50

Candie wrote: »

Must be terrible when sex becomes a whatyamacallit. A chore, that's the word.

Your friend is immature, self-centred and selfish. He's concerned about the impact of 'unauthentic' sex - whatever that is - on his life, but is willing to leave three young children and the mother he apparently loves with no regard for the impact on those kids lives. Go him, sounds like a stand-up guy.

If he is miserable and depressed that would likely have a negative impact on his children.

It was a chore for both of time, Saturday night arrives and it's "oh suppose it's that time of the week, we should probably have sex". And the clock resets.

jimgoose

So it was all the wife's fault that the sex had become "mundane"? Women respond to a bit of attention and romance - if he even gave her arse-cheek a squeeze now and then when passing in the kitchen it would probably make a difference. You get out of relationships what you put in, for the most part.

FrancieBrady

grahambo wrote: »

F*cker!
Bet me to it!!!

I bet you meant 'beat'.

*Which brings us back to the lack of sex.

Cletoreyes50

jimgoose wrote: »

So it was all the wife's fault that the sex had become "mundane"? Women respond to a bit of attention and romance - if he even gave her arse-cheek a squeeze now and then when passing in the kitchen it would probably make a difference. You get out of relationships what you put in, for the most part.

Who said it was his wife's fault, sometimes the spark just fades.

Also, are all women the same, didn't realise they had one hive mind.

Sardonicat

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

optogirl wrote: »

Yes. Counselling can help get to the root of why the sex has become mundane or lost spark or whatever and provides a dedicated time, place & moderator to air those feelings, thoughts & worries that you may never discuss outside of that dedicated space. Moderator also ensures that you stay on point & each person gets time to speak & discuss.

In reality you can't negotiate desire, it's either there or it isn't.

Likewise love. You either love your kids more than anything else or, you know, you don't love them at all.

As long as he's having great "authentic "(?) sex though. Clearly the most important thing here. Ask him how that's going for him in a few years time.

Sounds like a tosser and his Mrs is well shot.

Cletoreyes50

Sardonicat wrote: »

Likewise love. You either love your kids more than anything else or, you know, you don't love them at all.

As long as he's having great "authentic "(?) sex though. Clearly the most important thing here. Ask him how that's going for him in a few years time.

Sounds like a tosser and his Mrs is well shot.

Would you stay in a relationship if it was making you unhappy?

Cletoreyes50

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

If he is miserable and depressed that would likely have a negative impact on his children.

Well he could have been a grown-up, and worked on his marriage and put his kids first. He loved his wife but left his family for more exciting sex? It doesn't have the ring of truth about it.

If it is true, then he's a tosspot who'll leave a trail of devastated kids and broken relationships behind him in his search for novelty.

kerryjack

What is authentic sex, i might ask the wife for some of that this evening

jimgoose

buried wrote: »

Welcome to the real world- Life is miserable. Nobody has the right or the capability to be continuously happy or happily get what they want like a baby infant all of their lives

Some of us would like to think that there is a happy medium somewhere between "continuously happy or happily get what they want like a baby infant all of their lives" and "not shackled to the same person for eternity like poor mad Ahab in Moby Dick when neither is the same person they were twenty years ago.".

PlaneSpeeking

Apologies to the OP but the friend sounds like an absolute arsehole.

Sure sex with some sort of female twink may be more energetic and exciting on the surface but read any number of books on the subject and there are couples in their 60s, 70s and 80s having sex and it is an expression of their love, closeness, bond and shared life.

To break up a family like that is scummy quite frankly.

jimgoose

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

Who said it was his wife's fault, sometimes the spark just fades.

Also, are all women the same, didn't realise they had one hive mind.

This man seems to think the problem is his wife, seeing as he's gone off having "authentic sex" with another lady. In furtherance, I have no recollection of saying that all women are the same.

buried

jimgoose wrote: »

Some of us would like to think that there is a happy medium somewhere between "continuously happy or happily get what they want like a baby infant all of their lives" and "not shackled to the same person for eternity like poor mad Ahab in Moby Dick when neither is the same person they were twenty years ago.".

You think the twat this gadge is on about is somewhere in between them two mediums or just stuck in the first one?

PlaneSpeeking

kerryjack wrote: »

What is authentic sex, i might ask the wife for some of that this evening

It might be what you get when you do the dishes and put the bins out as asked!

Where she's thinking of you and not Hugh Jackman!

I imagine....!!

Church on Tuesday

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

He's not like everyone, he makes fairly ballsy moves, I actually admire his courage.

There's nothing courageous about a lad like that.

Surely he could have given marriage counselling a go, or just try better communication with the wife. Often when the spark is gone, it's because of other ****e going on in the background.

If she was a headwrecker or just gave up, then fine, but breaking up a family just to get your end away on a more regular basis doesn't deserve a medal my eyes.

Sardonicat

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

Sardonicat wrote: »

Likewise love. You either love your kids more than anything else or, you know, you don't love them at all.

As long as he's having great "authentic "(?) sex though. Clearly the most important thing here. Ask him how that's going for him in a few years time.

Sounds like a tosser and his Mrs is well shot.

Would you stay in a relationship if it was making you unhappy?

You say they still love each other?
I'm old enough to know that means you've hit the Jack pot. It doesn't get better than that If he had all that and three kids and threw it away for more exciting sex the man is incapable of ever being happy.

jimgoose

buried wrote: »

You think the twat this gadge is on about is somewhere in between them two mediums or just stuck in the first one?

I haven't been making this clear I suppose, but my own personal view is that the man described in the OP is nearer to the first than the second. :pac:

optogirl

jimgoose wrote: »

Some of us would like to think that there is a happy medium somewhere between "continuously happy or happily get what they want like a baby infant all of their lives" and "not shackled to the same person for eternity like poor mad Ahab in Moby Dick when neither is the same person they were twenty years ago.".

but he chose to get married. Surely he has the wit to know that things will change and there will be ups and downs - you essentially are saying I'm in this boat with you knowing that changes will happen and hard times will come, but we'll get through them together. It's a commitment. If you bail out despite still really loving and caring for the person for better sex, that is a bit scummy.

Cletoreyes50

buried wrote: »

Welcome to the real world- Life is miserable. Nobody has the right or the capability to be continuously happy or happily get what they want like a baby infant all of their lives

My friend is happy now

jimgoose

optogirl wrote: »

but he choose to get married. Surely he has the wit to know that things will change and there will be ups and downs - you essentially are saying I'm in this boat with you knowing that changes will happen and hard times will come, but we'll get through them together. It's a commitment. If you bail out despite still really loving and caring for the person for better sex, that is a bit scummy.

I completely agree. I was more responding to another assertion up-thread that honouring the commitment is the "mature" thing to do, presumably regardless of individual circumstance.

PlaneSpeeking

Sardonicat wrote: »

You say they still love each other?
I'm old enough to know that means you've hit the Jack pot. It doesn't get better than that If he had all that and three kids and threw it away for more exciting sex the man is incapable of ever being happy.

The best relationship of my life is with my male best mate.

There's no sex involved, just two people who have a deep love and respect for one another.

If you have that - and wee ones depending on you - you're set. Anything is gravy.

optogirl

jimgoose wrote: »

I completely agree. I was more responding to another assertion up-thread that honouring the commitment is "mature" thing to do, presumably regardless of individual circumstance.

Fair enough. Agree with that too - staying married is not always the answer either.

NOVA MCMXCIV

I wish I had a friend who knew every, little intimate detail of my life. Some people have all the luck...

Cletoreyes50

Sardonicat wrote: »

You say they still love each other?
I'm old enough to know that means you've hit the Jack pot. It doesn't get better than that If he had all that and three kids and threw it away for more exciting sex the man is incapable of ever being happy.

He's happy now, a relationship with just love is a friendship, there needs to be sexual desire.

eviltwin

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

My friend is happy now

Does he love his new partner?

buried

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

My friend is happy now

Course he is! He's got the game sown up. Probably thinks he'll cheat death himself by authentically sucking Deaths knob for immortality. Your friend is a infant man. A deluded happy moron.

mordeith

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

He's happy now, a relationship with just love is a friendship, there needs to be sexual desire.

Maybe he's **** in bed and that's why his wife was no longer interested.

Sardonicat

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

buried wrote: »

Welcome to the real world- Life is miserable. Nobody has the right or the capability to be continuously happy or happily get what they want like a baby infant all of their lives

My friend is happy now

Really? He's left the woman he loves and his children and now he's happy?
You need new friends. Or you need to reassess the meaning of happy.

Are his kids happy, I wonder?

Cletoreyes50

eviltwin wrote: »

Does he love his new partner?

Presume he does as they moved in together, but didn't ask him.

Cletoreyes50

mordeith wrote: »

Maybe he's **** in bed and that's why his wife was no longer interested.

Maybe, I wasn't in the bedroom watching them.

super_furry

super_furry wrote: »

I'm sure those three young kids will be delighted to know that their Dad has a better sex life now.

If there is a happier atmosphere in the house, then kids won't care what the reason is, so long as there is happiness. Who knows how some couples think. There probably are many people out there who are open minded enough to live in a flexible relationship / marriage, without allowing it to interfere with harmony in the house.

Take for example the 'Cinq à sept' in France.

From wiki:

Cinq à sept originally referred to a time for a tryst, and consequently a metonymy for visit to one's mistress, an affair, and the mistress (or lover) involved. It derived from the time of day French men would make such a visit.[2] It is still commonly considered today as the moment of the day to meet one's mistress or lover.