Dating apps and ladies over 35

Hamachi

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Nice put down! I have a decent wage and my own house and no debts so I'm happy like this.

It’s not a put down. It’s pointing out that your perception of those women is likely reciprocated.

Thelonious Monk

Hamachi wrote: »

It’s not a put down. It’s pointing out that your perception of those women is likely reciprocated.

Well I have a professional job it's just not at the level of doctor or up high in some multinational or something and I can forget about it once I stop work for the day most of the time. But yes maybe they'd be seeking someone at the same level of professionalism, their just seems to be a lot of them out there, but it's more likely they don't care that much and I just make a deal of it in my head.

YellowLead

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Well I have a professional job it's just not at the level of doctor or up high in some multinational or something and I can forget about it once I stop work for the day most of the time. But yes maybe they'd be seeking someone at the same level of professionalism, their just seems to be a lot of them out there, but it's more likely they don't care that much and I just make a deal of it in my head.

What about tinder? There are certainly more of the kinds you seek on there, bumble and hinge attract certain types, of both genders.

Also what is it about the professional women not from the northside that you dislike? Are you intimidated by them or it’s just they don’t have the qualities you seek?

You can probably tweak your profile to be less appealing to professional women if you don’t like them swiping on you

Thelonious Monk

YellowLead wrote: »

What about tinder? There are certainly more of the kinds you seek on there, bumble and hinge attract certain types, of both genders.

Also what is it about the professional women not from the northside that you dislike? Are you intimidated by them or it’s just they don’t have the qualities you seek?

I never said I didn't like them, I just said the majority that message me seem to be a certain type!

YellowLead

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I never said I didn't like them, I just said the majority that message me seem to be a certain type!

Sorry
My bad. But yeah it’s probably the apps you are on.

Hamachi

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Well I have a professional job it's just not at the level of doctor or up high in some multinational or something and I can forget about it once I stop work for the day most of the time. But yes maybe they'd be seeking someone at the same level of professionalism, their just seems to be a lot of them out there, but it's more likely they don't care that much and I just make a deal of it in my head.

I work in a multinational and am colleagues with women who have worked their way up. There are a few I know who are single and appear to have extremely exacting standards in potential partners. That’s their prerogative but it can’t be doing their dating life any good.

However, they’re a small minority. Most are either happily married or if single, would be open to going out with all sorts of men, with the exception of total deadbeats.

Thelonious Monk

Alberta64 wrote: »

I'd be quite happy to be a stay at home husband.

I'm interested...

Galwayguy35

Antares35 wrote: »

Surely "ideal" is a subjective concept and is up to people to decide for themselves based on their own circumstances and choices.

It is, just from my own experience my father was late 50s and my mother mid 40s when I was born and they were amazing parents but sometimes it felt strange that they were the same age as my friends grandparents.

Galwayguy35

con___manx1 wrote: »

I feel really bad for girls that age who want kids. I went out with a girl who put it out early that she wanted kids. I really liked her but we broke up after 5 6 months. I decided i didnt want to have kids and let her no as i didnt want to waste any more of her time. It was horrible. She was stunning and we got on so well.
Im with another girls now who doesnt want kids.i still think of the kids girl tho. I hope she found the guy she was looking for.

There are other option avaviable these days though like sperm donor clinics.

AndrewJRenko

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

There are other option avaviable these days though like sperm donor clinics.

No such thing in Ireland

Galwayguy35

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

No such thing in Ireland

No but the sperm is imported by clinics so its still an option.

Juza1973

I can understand the feeling of these ladies, I'm not that different, if not that I'm male!

Burt Renaults

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

The amount of medical Doctors I've spoken to on Bumble over the years, and I can't remember ever meeting one in real life. I have to admit I feel kind of inferior in some ways to women with a job like that as I always have just done enough to get by and am not really career driven, so it kind of puts me off!
Maybe it's the same for other men and that's why so many of them are single.

It's possible that there are a lot of medical doctors in their late thirties, early forties on Bumble/Tinder because they spent their twenties and the first half of their thirties too busy studying and working to meet someone. I'd never feel inferior or superior to anyone based on what they do for a living or what they earn. There's a lot more to people than their job.

Is there a decent alternative to online dating though if you are in your 30s or 40s and actually looking for someone not another boring one night thing

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Is there a decent alternative to online dating though if you are in your 30s or 40s and actually looking for someone not another boring one night thing

Know lots and lots of people and/or have a great social life

Surely its just a numbers game?

Hamachi

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Is there a decent alternative to online dating though if you are in your 30s or 40s and actually looking for someone not another boring one night thing

Sports clubs. A friend of mine met his OH in a running club. It’s luck of the draw though and obviously you need to have some interest in the sport to start with.

I know somebody else who met his girlfriend through a language course in Dublin. Not really an option with current restrictions though.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Know lots and lots of people and/or have a great social life

Surely its just a numbers game?

Probably a good strategy, Id say widen the network etc.

I hear good things about hill walking clubs

Hamachi

Hamachi wrote: »

Sports clubs. A friend of mine met his OH in a running club. It’s luck of the draw though and obviously you need to have some interest in the sport to start with.

I know somebody else who met his girlfriend through a language course in Dublin. Not really an option with current restrictions though.

The running club could be a runner for me as I am in to a bit of running. Good time for a chat out on a 10 k, enough time to have a nice chat

The sports club is a good idea, id say people will be out joining everything after covid

Hamachi

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The running club could be a runner for me as I am in to a bit of running. Good time for a chat out on a 10 k, enough time to have a nice chat

The sports club is a good idea, id say people will be out joining everything after covid

For sure. I’m not looking to meet somebody and usually run with existing friends. However, I did join a running club for about 6 months a few years ago and really enjoyed it. Everybody was sound and lots of women there between 30-50. Unfortunately, I just didn’t have the time to stay involved.

Honestly, I think when life gets back to normal there will be a real opportunity to meet people for the first year or so. Covid has caused a lot of people to re-evaluate their lives. I believe many people will be determined to break out of existing ruts and open themselves up to new people and experiences.

Hamachi

Hamachi wrote: »

Honestly, I think when life gets back to normal there will be a real opportunity to meet people for the first year or so. Covid has caused a lot of people to re-evaluate their lives. I believe many people will be determined to break out of existing ruts and open themselves up to new people and experiences.

The few times I met colleagues from work in the last year I really appreciated it. I think there could be a window after this like you say where people are up for meeting up and making new friends / partners etc

completedit

Really you should meet someone by 21 and fall in love. Dating past 30 sucks

Burt Renaults

completedit wrote: »

Really you should meet someone by 21 and fall in love. Dating past 30 sucks

We change a lot through our twenties and thirties. Fall in love with someone when you're 21 and there's no guarantee that you won't be looking to meet someone new a decade or two later. It only sucks until you meet the right person.

Thelonious Monk

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Am I missing something, what's wrong with a 37 year old woman wanting kids?

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. To be fair, someday needs to be soon.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. To be fair, someday needs to be soon.

A lot of men put having kids on the long finger as well.

YellowLead

YellowLead wrote: »

Everything Lainey said - well put! I’m 36 too and am generally taken for much younger - I have a body that most 20 years olds envy. I could settle for any number of guys but I’d much prefer to be single than with the likes of some on this thread for example who are calling me middle aged and desperate. But that’s fine lads if you want to see the reason you’re not dating attractive interesting successful 30 something women is because we are old/delusional/desperate then carry on.

PM sent :pac:

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

A lot of men put having kids on the long finger as well.

Aye, although the chances are better for a 50-year-old man than a 50-year-old woman all the same. I've heard of plenty of older men having children such as Bernie Ecclestone, Hugh Hefner, PJ Mara (all in their 70s and beyond). Ive never heard of a woman having children beyond the 40s except a rare case.

That all said, you still need to be choosy to a certain level because with the level of narcissists today, you could end up with any tosser.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Aye, although the chances are better for a 50-year-old man than a 50-year-old woman all the same. I've heard of plenty of older men having children such as Bernie Ecclestone, Hugh Hefner, PJ Mara (all in their 70s and beyond). Ive never heard of a woman having children beyond the 40s except a rare case.

That all said, you still need to be choosy to a certain level because with the level of narcissists today, you could end up with any tosser.

Id say ideally it dosent feel like a choice or settling etc and you find someone you get on with.

Maybe it gets harder if you need financial security or love money or care what people think or something.

Attraction is a combination of chemistry, connection and shared hobbies etc id say. If its based on money sure its like a job.

Maybe people wait longer in Ireland as we like to see ourselves with a partner for life.

See in the US, married in 20, again 30s and maybe even again in 40s or 50s

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Id say ideally it dosent feel like a choice or settling etc and you find someone you get on with.

Maybe it gets harder if you need financial security or love money or care what people think or something.

Attraction is a combination of chemistry, connection and shared hobbies etc id say. If its based on money sure its like a job.

Maybe people wait longer in Ireland as we like to see ourselves with a partner for life.

See in the US, married in 20, again 30s and maybe even again in 40s or 50s

I would honestly think the expectations of people are elevated beyond reality today, not helped in any way by the growth of social media and increasing celebrity culture.

At the same time, we are still in the 'marriage for life' mindset which is not a bad thing either because I think society needs strong marriages (if there is such a thing). I hate the idea of polygamy and trouples and all this new sh1te. id rather stay single than be part of that train wreck.

Mister Vain

Mister Vain wrote: »

I've noticed that on Bumble alright. Some fine looking women on it too in fairness. Although I seem to only match with women from Tyrone or Hong Kong.

Go with the Hong Kong ones those Tyrone wans will only sledge ya

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

I would honestly think the expectations of people are elevated beyond reality today, not helped in any way by the growth of social media and increasing celebrity culture.

At the same time, we are still in the 'marriage for life' mindset which is not a bad thing either because I think society needs strong marriages (if there is such a thing). I hate the idea of polygamy and trouples and all this new sh1te. id rather stay single than be part of that train wreck.

Celebrities used to be like Marylin Monroe, Elvis, Mohamod Ali etc. Famous people in photos we knew little about.

Now you get famous for over sharing your life and these people turn their lives in to content.

Expectations are high in modern life but I think that we are a victim of marketing and are looking for something that we were over sold and dosent exist.

Id say as earlier posters said there get out there meet people in real world not overly choreographed settings where you have things in common and people will match up naturally.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

35 is the start of middle age.

I think there are a lot of people in that age bracket that think your 30s are like your 20s but with money.

There is a lot of pressure on single people after 35 from friends, family and internally. Possibly best to stay true to yourelf and seek out people that you get on with.

What your saying there is true in a lot of cases.

I dont know why employers discourage people meeting at work, makes no sense, its a great place to meet people. There are so few places to meet people from your 30 s up.

Im not a fan of online dating maybe we need more speed dating style events.

I think they just mean, dont shag her on company time and dont bring your private life to work. I dont think they are actually telling you who to go out with.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

I think they just mean, dont shag her on company time and dont bring your private life to work. I dont think they are actually telling you who to go out with.

Some do, other posters noted examples of this

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Some do, other posters noted examples of this

Wow?? :eek: Worked for a very Orwelian type multinational a few years back and there was a lot of couples who met on the factory line. My idea of hell tbh.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Wow?? :eek: Worked for a very Orwelian type multinational a few years back and there was a lot of couples who met on the factory line. My idea of hell tbh.

Multinationals dont give a toss about the line unless the ceo is around for some "little guy" photo opps

Mister Vain

Deleted User wrote: »

I would honestly think the expectations of people are elevated beyond reality today, not helped in any way by the growth of social media and increasing celebrity culture.

I think that is the case with a lot of the younger cohort alright. Years ago a woman would dress up on a Saturday night and get attention for a few hours. Now with social media its 24/7. The gym body, the huge following on Insta, maybe an Onlyfans account. That's a lot to compete with. It's a far cry from the Celtic Tiger days when there was no smartphones and people were getting hammered every weekend and riding anything with a pulse.

Even the fellas who weren't particularly blessed in the looks department were doing fairly well once they had the gift of the gab. Transport them same fellas to todays world where they need to rely more on dating apps and it would be a different story.

Hamachi

Mister Vain wrote: »

Now with social media its 24/7. The gym body, the huge following on Insta, maybe an Onlyfans account. That's a lot to compete with. It's a far cry from the Celtic Tiger days when there was no smartphones and people were getting hammered every weekend and riding anything with a pulse.

That’s not the norm. There has always been a small % of attention seekers in every generation.

The vast majority of men and women in their 20s and 30s are just ordinary people who had to study and work hard to get a job or a trade and are more preoccupied with paying their bills and maintaining relationships with the people who matter to them.

Most people aren’t looking for the ‘Love Island’ types. They just want somebody reasonable who isn’t a total head melt.

Mister Vain

Hamachi wrote: »

That’s not the norm. There has always been a small % of attention seekers in every generation.

The vast majority of men and women in their 20s and 30s are just ordinary people who had to study and work hard to get a job or a trade and are more preoccupied with paying their bills and maintaining relationships with the people who matter to them.

Most people aren’t looking for the ‘Love Island’ types. They just want somebody reasonable who isn’t a total head melt.

Maybe the Instagram model isn't be the norm, but most young people are on it or influenced by it in some way. I still think the expectations are higher nowadays, compared to the 90's/00's. It's just a different time.

Hamachi

Mister Vain wrote: »

Maybe the Instagram model isn't be the norm, but most young people are on it or influenced by it in some way. I still think the expectations are higher nowadays, compared to the 90's/00's. It's just a different time.

It’s not all negative though. The health and fitness trend is actually a good thing. Irish young people in their late teens and early 20s are often fantastic looking these days. They make the most of themselves, which really only brings us into line with countries like France, Spain etc..

When I look back to when I was a student in the early 00s, we spent our free time going out getting hammered and stuffing our faces with hangover grease. Great fun at the time, but in retrospect, not a particularly healthy way to spend your youth!

SnuggyBear

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I'm 40 but after a few failed relationships in my 30s I just can't really be that bothered any more

I definitely don't have the energy or interest in it. A friend of mine is constantly on them. Going out with different women all the time. He doesn't even want a relationship with them. My head would be melted. Seems pointless.

Mister Vain

Hamachi wrote: »

It’s not all negative though. The health and fitness trend is actually a good thing. Irish young people in their late teens and early 20s are often fantastic looking these days. They make the most of themselves, which really only brings us into line with countries like France, Spain etc..

When I look back to when I was a student in the early 00s, we spent our free time going out getting hammered and stuffing our faces with hangover grease. Great fun at the time, but in retrospect, not a particularly healthy way to spend your youth!

Ohh they definitely look better nowadays alright. Girls going to the gym in the early 00's would have been practically unheard of. Even for the fellas it would have been a bit unusual unless you were training for a specific sport like rugby. Sometimes I wonder if its gone too far in the opposite direction though. Some seem completely obsessed with their appearance now.

Hamachi

Mister Vain wrote: »

Sometimes I wonder if its gone too far in the opposite direction though. Some seem completely obsessed with their appearance now.

There’s an element of that alright. Most people wise up by the time they’re 30 though and realize that there’s more to life than self-obsession.

The frontal lobe isn’t even fully developed until you are 25/26. In my view, it’s just young people being young. Something else will come along to supersede Instagram for the next cohort.

Mister Vain

Mister Vain wrote: »

Some seem completely obsessed with their appearance now.

Good point, Mister Vain.

Daisy78

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Well I have a professional job it's just not at the level of doctor or up high in some multinational or something and I can forget about it once I stop work for the day most of the time. But yes maybe they'd be seeking someone at the same level of professionalism, their just seems to be a lot of them out there, but it's more likely they don't care that much and I just make a deal of it in my head.

You might be surprised, these women might not be as demanding as you think when it comes to looking for professional achievements/status. I work in a high paying, senior management role, my OH is in retail with no professional qualifications. It wasn’t a main consideration for me. I work in a fairly driven, competitive environment, with plenty of the ambitious (and sometimes toxic) men you describe. I spend enough time with them during my working day, I don’t want to go home to that also. Plus many late thirties/forties women have their own place and are financially independent so won’t necessarily be fixated on ambition and income when it comes to a prospective partner, other qualities will feature more prominently in their requirements in a partner.

3DataModem

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

So? Lots of people nowadays have kids in their late 30s or older.

The percentage of women that try to have their first kid in their late 30s who succeed is sadly not as high as many women in their late 30s think.

Thelonious Monk

3DataModem wrote: »

The percentage of women that try to have their first kid in their late 30s who succeed is sadly not as high as many women in their late 30s think.

I would imagine women know this

3DataModem

Deleted User wrote: »

Id feel mugged off paying for everything for someone who didnt want to have their own money.....(though on otherhand many are as well off not working with cost of childcare,which is a whole other can of worms)

I can tell you from personal experience, if two people can figure out a way to make the one-at-home and one-at-work scenario work it is FANTASTIC. The big challenges are to cut your cloth to suit a single income. The next big challenge is for one of the two people to be ready to give up their career to look after children. The next big challenge is to figure out how to ensure that the non-working spouse does not feel like they don't have their own discretionary money.

Crack those 3... and it can be bliss. No stress about drop-offs or pick-ups. No stress about business travel. A tough gig for the non-working spouse when the kids are very young (and not really 'company') but can be very rewarding.

The biggest trick life pulls on us is convincing us that the workplace is some sort of a grand calling, or is a worthy endeavour in its own right. I have almost literally my dream job but I know it'll never love me back, the personal fulfilment is short term and they'll replace me without a second thought when the time comes. We convince ourselves its important because otherwise how DF would we get up in the morning?

Tip for people starting families: seriously consider one of you staying home. Makes sure that person has discretionary money (both a lump and a regular income). Get it right, and life is good.

Daisy78

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I would imagine women know this

Of course women know this. To be honest this thread is totally daft. If a woman puts on her profile that she wants children, what that means is she is open to having children, not that it will be a given. I’m sure everyone knows of women in their forties who have had kids and equally couples trying without success in their twenties, into their thirties. Fertility is a lottery, there are no guarantees. I think these women should be respected for making known their needs/wants/preferences from the get go and not belittled or demeaned for having (in your view) unrealistic desires. As someone else put it you never know what is around the corner in life, you could be married for thirty years and all of a sudden find yourself single be it as a result of a bereavement or separation or whatever. Are the men on here seriously saying that if they met a cool/funny/smart/well put together women in their late thirties or forties they wouldn’t consider her because she isn’t in the right age bracket? Even if she is of a similar age to them?!!

Thelonious Monk

Daisy78 wrote: »

Of course women know this. To be honest this thread is totally daft. If a woman puts on her profile that she wants children, what that means is she is open to having children, not that it will be a given. I’m sure everyone knows of women in their forties who have had kids and equally couples trying without success in their twenties, into their thirties. Fertility is a lottery, there are no guarantees. I think these women should be respected for making known their needs/wants/preferences from the get go and not belittled or demeaned for having (in your view) unrealistic desires. As someone else put it you never know what is around the corner in life, you could be married for thirty years and all of a sudden find yourself single be it as a result of a bereavement or separation or whatever. Are the men on here seriously saying that if they met a cool/funny/smart/well put together women in their late thirties or forties they wouldn’t consider her because she isn’t in the right age bracket? Even if she is of a similar age to them?!!

I just don't get the thread at all, that people are surprised women 35+ want to have kids. I know my last gf is 38 in a few months, but I'd nearly put my house on it she'll have kids, she really wanted them and is a really great person, her sister had twins at 40 I think she was.

Thelonious Monk

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I just don't get the thread at all, that people are surprised women 35+ want to have kids. I know my last gf is 38 in a few months, but I'd nearly put my house on it she'll have kids, she really wanted them and is a really great person, her sister had twins at 40 I think she was.

If you have kids at 40 and your kids have kids at 40 then you will be a grandparent at 80.

You have got to feel sorry for people advancing in years waiting for grand kids.

Loads of middle-aged men 35 to 45 also want kids but struggle to find someone as well. Its not just an issue that impacts women.

I think the OP made a valid point. You see a lot of people with the "some day" option down. If you dont know if you want kids by 30 chances are you dont really want them

Thelonious Monk

If you're waiting for grand kids you should really find something else to do ffs