Little Johnny Jokes

Sharik

A school teacher told her students that if they could answer a question on Friday afternoon before they left for the weekend, then they wouldn't have to attend classes on Monday.
The teacher asked her class, "Okay, kids, how many grains of sand are on a beach?"
Well, none of the kids had the answer, as suspected. The teacher expresses with a grin, "Have a good weekend everyone, and we'll see you all on Monday morning!"
The following Friday, Little Johnny brought two freshly painted black tennis balls to class. That afternoon, the teacher said, "Okay, kids, it's time for our question..."
Little Johnny quickly threw the two black tennis balls at the teacher. Shocked, she insisted "All right, who's the comedian with the two black balls?"
Little Johnny replied, "Bill Cosby, see you on Tuesday teacher!"

HammstR

A door to door salesman rings the door bell of little johnny's house. After a few minutes little eight year johnny answers with a bottle of jameson in one hand and a big fat cigar in the other. The salesman is obviously shocked and takes a second to compose himself. Hesitantly he asks "I..is you mother at home?". Little johnny takes a swig from the bottle and taps the ash from his cigar onto the salesman's shoe and says "What the F##k do you think?"

jc7

Little Johnny walks into school one morning with his cat under his arm,

when he gets into class the teacher asks " Why are you carrying your cat?"

Johnny replies " Because I heard my dad say to my mum this morning when the kids go out im going to eat your pussy"

dxhound2005

It is near the Christmas break of the school year.

The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing
more to do.

All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have
an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask,
first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get
outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says,
"Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.


Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says,
"John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to
answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says,

"I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

chughes

Teacher was talking to the class one day and she asked them :
"If your mother was a bird, what type of bird would she be ?"
Mary puts her hand up. "My mother would be a swan because she's very graceful".
Ann puts her hand up. "My mother would be a dove because she's very peaceful and calm".
Teacher turns to little Johnny and asks what type of bird his mother would be.
"She'd be a thrush" says Johnny.
"Why is that ?" asks teacher.
"Because she's an irritating cnut" says Johnny.

jc77

A teacher asks the class to find out what their mothers do.
Little Johnny goes home, his mum isn't around so he asks his dad.

The next day the teacher asks little Johnny what his mum does.
He replied, "What she's fcuking told."

jc77

A teacher spotted little Johnny drawing pictures.

She asks, "What are you drawing?"
"I'm drawing God." little Johnny replies.

The teacher paused and then says, "But nobody knows what he looks like."
"They will in a minute." he replies.

Ninasky

Have to say Little Johnny is great!!!! in spanish we have Pepito!!! hahaha I think they are twins separated at birth!!!

dxhound2005

This is a picture of Little Johnny in action


Attachment not found.

jc77

Little Johnny puts his hand up in class:

"Please Miss have you got a rubber?"

"No Johnny, use the girl's behind."

MarkGrisham

jc7 wrote: »

Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection.

"What's that, Mummy?" asks the child.
"Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on.

A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?"

"That, son, is the elephant's penis."
"Mummy said it was nothing."
"Your mother's spoiled, Son!"

Brilliant!

D_murph

Little Johnny is in school and the teacher is asking the meaning of some different works.

She asks the class, "What is an oscillator?"

Little Johnny never heard that word before but he thinks it was "asal eater". Asal is the Irish word for donkey so he replies. "Miss, I dont know that it is but I think it eats donkeys".

Someone else gets the correct answer and the teacher asks another one.

Teacher, "What is a copulator?" Again, johnny misunderstands the word and thinks it was "capall eater". Capall being Irish for horse, he replies, "I dont know miss but I think it eats horses".

The teacher gets annoyed at the rubbish he is coming up with so she tells him in an angry voice to put his hand down unless he actually knows the answer in future.

Johnny says, "Miss, I have a question for you actually, what is a vibrator?"

The teacher gets very embarrassed and says, "Goodness me Johnny, I dont know, what do you think it is?"

"I dont know either", says Johnny "but my sister says it eats batteries".

RoryMurphyJnr

Teacher "can I have a word beginning with A?
Johnny "Arse miss"
Teacher "Johnny not another word from you"

Teacher "can I have a word begining with B?
Johnny "Bollox miss"
Teacher "Johnny not another word from you"

Teacher "can I have a word beginning with C?
Johnny jumping up and down shouting "me miss me miss"
Teacher "Mary"
Mary "Cat miss"
Teacher "very good Mary"

Teacher "can I have a word beginning with D?
Johnny jumping up and down shouting "me miss me miss"
Teacher can't think of a rude word "ok Johnny"
Johnny "Dwarf miss"

Teacher "very good Johnny and what's a dwarf?
Johnny" he's a little ****ing prick about 3 feet tall"

RoryMurphyJnr

Teacher "can I have a word beginning with A?
Johnny "Arse miss"
Teacher "Johnny not another word from you"

Teacher "can I have a word begining with B?
Johnny "Bollox miss"
Teacher "Johnny not another word from you"

Teacher "can I have a word beginning with C?
Johnny jumping up and down shouting "me miss me miss"
Teacher "Mary"
Mary "Cat miss"
Teacher "very good Mary"

Teacher "goes through the rest of the alphabet, all the time Johnnys jumping up and down for a go

Teacher "can I have a word beginning with R?
Johnny jumping up and down shouting "me miss me miss"
Teacher "ok Johnny"
Johnny "Rat miss"
Teacher "very good Johnny"
Johnny "with a 3 foot mickey"

dxhound2005

Little Johnny's letter to Santa.

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