Being told what to do in social situations

Women without Makeup · 26-12-2018 04:55PM #1

I'm talking about being asked requests by people who aren't necessarily in charge. Something like "go get John there". Nobody likes to be observed, for the first time, as the person being told what to do. How do you handle these situations?

If you're put on the spot like this, and given an order in front of others, it might actually seem like a fair request though. But you mightn't have time to question whether it's a fair ask, as you have to make your decision there and then... whether you want to say "get it yourself" or whether you follow the request. In such situations I'd often actually make a point of doing it myself rather than asking someone else and possibly showing them up.

But what you don't want to do is say 'no' and look like you're trying to prove some pointless point. Often it mightn't be until you're actually carrying out the task that you might realise "why on earth did she she ask me that anyway?" or think "it would actually have made more sense for her to get it".

Recently after a funeral back at the house my bossy cousin tried something like this on me. We had run out of milk and she asked if I'd go into town for some more. It would be hard for me to say no as I wasn't doing a lot at the time. My initial response was "yes". But then I said "hang on now, they might have milk next door, (in the uncle's house) go get that", and I sort of gave her an order of my own. She seemed a little pissed that I was quick on my feet, so I do have to wonder to people get a sense of power out of bossing others around.

Another time I was given an order by a work colleague, but I was told, (not asked). I quoted her line back at herself and then asked "where's your manners?", and only then did I carry out the request. So it sort of backfired on her.

Fart · 26-12-2018 05:15PM

Jahsus...

endacl · 26-12-2018 05:20PM

Go take that molehill, and make it into a mountain.

Good girl yourself.

Franz Von Peppercorn · 26-12-2018 05:21PM

I’m eating my breakfast. Kate.

Collie D · 26-12-2018 05:23PM

Here’s one for you.

Stop overthinking things

aaronjumper · 26-12-2018 05:24PM

Just be really passive aggressive for the rest of the day. People love that.

26-12-2018 05:24PM

Women without Makeup wrote: »

I'm talking about being asked requests by people who aren't necessarily in charge. Something like "go get John there". Nobody likes to be observed, for the first time, as the person being told what to do. How do you handle these situations?

If you're put on the spot like this, and given an order in front of others, it might actually seem like a fair request though. But you mightn't have time to question whether it's a fair ask, as you have to make your decision there and then... whether you want to say "get it yourself" or whether you follow the request. In such situations I'd often actually make a point of doing it myself rather than asking someone else and possibly showing them up.

But what you don't want to do is say 'no' and look like you're trying to prove some pointless point. Often it mightn't be until you're actually carrying out the task that you might realise "why on earth did she she ask me that anyway?" or think "it would actually have made more sense for her to get it".

Recently after a funeral back at the house my bossy cousin tried something like this on me. We had run out of milk and she asked if I'd go into town for some more. It would be hard for me to say no as I wasn't doing a lot at the time. My initial response was "yes". But then I said "hang on now, they might have milk next door, (in the uncle's house) go get that", and I sort of gave her an order of my own. She seemed a little pissed that I was quick on my feet, so I do have to wonder to people get a sense of power out of bossing others around.

Another time I was given an order by a work colleague, but I was told, (not asked). I quoted her line back at herself and then asked "where's your manners?", and only then did I carry out the request. So it sort of backfired on her.

This is whats wrong with todays society. When you call out that society isnt in a good place, remember you are part of the problem. Just go and get the fecking milk! God help the man who marries you!!

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 26-12-2018 05:26PM

You seem to have issues with these simple social interactions. I told you before; get over it or find another angle for these threads.

AmberGold · 26-12-2018 05:30PM

I get you, as somewhat retiring individual I've been on the receiving end of this type of thing over the years from certain gimps I've encountered. One neighbour who's an OTT extrovert and on the spectrum was ordering me about recently at a get together. An in-law who's the top dog in a huge organisation loves nothing more than dishing out the orders to all in sundry at family events.

The difference with me is my blood boils when I get a sniff of this behaviour so typically don't do myself any favours when I tell them to F'off.

begbysback · 26-12-2018 05:30PM

It’s a defining characteristic when a person asks others to do what they can do themselves, word of advice - stay away from them

DS86DS · 26-12-2018 05:32PM

Women without makeup means Feminist?

punisher5112 · 26-12-2018 05:33PM

Just keep repeating..... Burn em burn em all

Purgative · 26-12-2018 05:36PM

Did you mean to post this in the anal sex thread?

_Brian · 26-12-2018 05:39PM

Jesus when your in a house after a funeral and asked to help isn’t the time to start making things about you. Be glad you can do anything to help a family on the day their relative is buried.

Being a functioning member of a community means sometimes your asked to do something and you help if you can, then if your stuck you ask and hopefully somebody helps you out.

If your too far up your own arrse to lend a hand in the community when asked then they are probably better without your help anyway.

Turkey Sandwhich 10 · 26-12-2018 05:42PM

There are people who like to find opportunities to tell people what to do out of a sense of superiority.

OP take a mental of note of these incidents and reverse the roles at a future point in time. It can be hilarious to see how they react when asked to do something they regularly ask others to do.

Also OP, don't mind the the little digs boardsies may throw your way about this topic, some people are just bothered by making the implicit explicit.

bfa1509 · 26-12-2018 05:44PM

Just do what 99% of what everyone else does and use good old passive aggression - "Of course I'll go get John, no problem!!!" - then leave, don't get John, don't come back and most importantly pretend like nothings unusual. Then enjoy their reaction next time you see them.

Turkey Sandwhich 10 · 26-12-2018 05:49PM

_Brian wrote: »

Jesus when your in a house after a funeral and asked to help isn’t the time to start making things about you. Be glad you can do anything to help a family on the day their relative is buried.

Being a functioning member of a community means sometimes your asked to do something and you help if you can, then if your stuck you ask and hopefully somebody helps you out.

If your too far up your own arrse to lend a hand in the community when asked then they are probably better without your help anyway.

Why are you being hostile to the OP?

Women without Makeup · 26-12-2018 06:03PM

Purgative wrote: »

Did you mean to post this in the anal sex thread?

Cum again?

TheValeyard · 26-12-2018 06:09PM

Women without Makeup wrote: »

Cum again

Why thank you.

greencap · 26-12-2018 06:09PM

I'm with ya OP.

Non-verbal-communication I believe its called.

I was working with some big foreign lads recently, they never gave up the macho bullsht for one second.

Swaggering around. Shouting yes/no questions and then turning their backs when you tried to respond. All that shyte.

One of them ended up swaggering his way out of a job.

I take my time answering and responding to such behavior, respond slowly and casually, pat them on the back, ask them questions back, and maybe just turn my back and walk off.

Wouldn't be taking that shyt from a higher up, let alone an equal.

greencap · 26-12-2018 06:18PM

bfa1509 wrote: »

Just do what 99% of what everyone else does and use good old passive aggression - "Of course I'll go get John, no problem!!!" - then leave, don't get John, don't come back and most importantly pretend like nothings unusual. Then enjoy their reaction next time you see them.

And then when they blow up, 'sure what are you getting so upset about' 'would you ever calm down'.

Church on Tuesday · 26-12-2018 06:31PM

The xmas cabin fever is kicking in already it would seem...

punisher5112 · 26-12-2018 06:34PM

Purgative wrote: »

Did you mean to post this in the anal sex thread?

Didn't say bum em, bum em all......

26-12-2018 06:37PM

I also don't think a funeral is the time or place to start trying to throw your weight around

pablo128 · 26-12-2018 06:39PM

bluewolf wrote: »

I also don't think a funeral is the time or place to start trying to throw your weight around

You're right. If you want something done, you could always do it yourself instead of imposing on someone else who is grieving.

King of Kings · 26-12-2018 06:43PM

Im with the OP.
Run into this quite a few times generally being asked for favours by people who are just too lazy to do it themselves. And same people would do sweet fa for you.

Fell for it a few times when I was younger due to my general helpful nature so unless its my wife or kids who ask my default answer is now a polite "no".

I dont get the sneering of the OP here, it a fair comment they make.

Franz Von Peppercorn · 26-12-2018 07:21PM

I’m confused about where the funeral was. Back at the house. What house?

Also this is so very countryish - the uncles house next door.

DanMurphy · 26-12-2018 07:27PM

Kate lives the other side....I think, but pops in for breakfast the odd day.

Getting back to the question, be interesting to know what your relative works at?
Maybe they are used to ordering folks about and delegating jobs?

4068ac1elhodqr · 26-12-2018 07:29PM

A taxi driver once told me he never gets 'told what to do',
that he enjoys being his own boss and making own choices.

I said to him, "take a left here pal".

Lefty Bicek · 26-12-2018 07:36PM

Best way to deal with this is with humour - the more indignant you make it, the better...

1. 'Fetch me a bucket of sand and I'll sing the Desert Song for you !'

2. 'Stick a brush up my arse and I'll sweep the floor for you !'

3. 'Do you see cunnt written on my forehead ?'

kaji · 26-12-2018 07:36PM

Purgative wrote: »

Did you mean to post this in the anal sex thread?

Post of the year.

Alrigghtythen · 26-12-2018 08:14PM

There's always one knob who acts all sergent major.

26-12-2018 08:24PM

I hear ya OP. It is a minefield. No correct answer.

Birneybau · 26-12-2018 08:28PM

Lefty Bicek wrote: »

Best way to deal with this is with humour - the more indignant you make it, the better...

1. 'Fetch me a bucket of sand and I'll sing the Desert Song for you !'

2. 'Stick a brush up my arse and I'll sweep the floor for you !'

3. 'Do you see cunnt written on my forehead ?'

Dunno, throw up a picture

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 26-12-2018 08:40PM

Sister used to do this. It was usually a badly-crap request rather than an order. I got her into the habit of correctly wording it be staring her firm and saying '...Please...?" as condescendingly as possible...

lawred2 · 26-12-2018 08:43PM

Women without Makeup wrote: »

I'm talking about being asked requests by people who aren't necessarily in charge. Something like "go get John there". Nobody likes to be observed, for the first time, as the person being told what to do. How do you handle these situations?

If you're put on the spot like this, and given an order in front of others, it might actually seem like a fair request though. But you mightn't have time to question whether it's a fair ask, as you have to make your decision there and then... whether you want to say "get it yourself" or whether you follow the request. In such situations I'd often actually make a point of doing it myself rather than asking someone else and possibly showing them up.

But what you don't want to do is say 'no' and look like you're trying to prove some pointless point. Often it mightn't be until you're actually carrying out the task that you might realise "why on earth did she she ask me that anyway?" or think "it would actually have made more sense for her to get it".

Recently after a funeral back at the house my bossy cousin tried something like this on me. We had run out of milk and she asked if I'd go into town for some more. It would be hard for me to say no as I wasn't doing a lot at the time. My initial response was "yes". But then I said "hang on now, they might have milk next door, (in the uncle's house) go get that", and I sort of gave her an order of my own. She seemed a little pissed that I was quick on my feet, so I do have to wonder to people get a sense of power out of bossing others around.

Another time I was given an order by a work colleague, but I was told, (not asked). I quoted her line back at herself and then asked "where's your manners?", and only then did I carry out the request. So it sort of backfired on her.

Clearly you should have caved her face in with the closest heavyweight object to hand..

Only way to deal with such affronts

Sardonicat · 26-12-2018 08:45PM

OP, this bossy cousin at your uncle's funeral who ASKED if you could get some milk, was that a child of the deceased who you then ORDERED next door?

BBFAN · 26-12-2018 08:56PM

So lets get this straight, you were at a funeral, with nothing to do and someone asked you do something and you were pissed off?

Really?

richiepurgas · 26-12-2018 08:59PM

Isn't Joe Duffy lucky he's off air this week ?

:rolleyes:

Dakota Dan · 26-12-2018 09:15PM

begbysback wrote: »

It’s a defining characteristic when a person asks others to do what they can do themselves, word of advice - stay away from them

Or just tell them to fcuk off and do it themselves.

Women without Makeup · 26-12-2018 10:38PM

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote: »

I’m confused about where the funeral was. Back at the house. What house?

Also this is so very countryish - the uncles house next door.

I'm not sure whether it was called a removal, or a wake, or whatever the hell it's called.

Women without Makeup · 26-12-2018 10:41PM

DanMurphy wrote: »

Kate lives the other side....I think, but pops in for breakfast the odd day.

More like pops in to nag me while I eat it.

Women without Makeup · 26-12-2018 10:42PM

Sardonicat wrote: »

OP, this bossy cousin at your uncle's funeral who ASKED if you could get some milk, was that a child of the deceased who you then ORDERED next door?

I never said the uncle died. Stop trying to bait me.

Sardonicat · 26-12-2018 10:49PM

Women without Makeup wrote: »

Sardonicat wrote: »

OP, this bossy cousin at your uncle's funeral who ASKED if you could get some milk, was that a child of the deceased who you then ORDERED next door?

I never said the uncle died. Stop trying to bait me.

I'm not trying to bait you just trying to establish the relationship of this cousin to the deceased.

Women without Makeup · 26-12-2018 11:01PM

Sardonicat wrote: »

I'm not trying to bait you just trying to establish the relationship of this cousin to the deceased.

It's no different from mine.

Sardonicat · 26-12-2018 11:11PM

Women without Makeup wrote: »

Sardonicat wrote: »

I'm not trying to bait you just trying to establish the relationship of this cousin to the deceased.

It's no different from mine.

So it was your grandparent?

Well done op. I'm sure you showed her.

Women without Makeup · 26-12-2018 11:42PM

Sardonicat wrote: »

So it was your grandparent?

Well done op. I'm sure you showed her.

Get out of my thread.

99nsr125 · 26-12-2018 11:48PM

Fart wrote: »

Jahsus...

It's

Jaysus

;-)

Sardonicat · 26-12-2018 11:49PM

It's not your thread. You may have opened it bi5t you did so on a public forum and invited people to comment.

That sounded a lot like someone telling me what to do . Didn't think you approved of that kind of thing.

zapitastas · 27-12-2018 12:01AM

Wakes and funerals do tend to bring the bossiness out in people

p1akuw47h5r3it · 27-12-2018 01:19AM

kaji wrote: »

Post of the year.

The post of the year, if not of the decade, is the Amish post from a few months back.

Being told what to do in social situations

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