Male, low income, complicated housing situation, should I bother trying to date agai

Hi OP - no great insights, but I would say isn't more about the journey rather than the destination?


You meet people, you enjoy their company, have fun ...

hawley wrote: »

I wouldn't have very high hopes for you, but if you really want it, than you should go ahead. It depends on what you want from the relationship. Do you want to meet someone and potentially have children? You probably know a lot of this already, but most ladies out there want a guy who is financially secure and who takes care of his appearance. I'd say go for it, but your best chance is meeting women in their 40s and 50s who are divorced and already have children.

What a load of BS. Don't listen to this ****e OP. Obviously a case of someone bitter about their life trying to offload it.

Plenty of people fall down midway through life and have to start again. You sound like you've a very negative opinion of yourself. That will show through to others so you should really focus on trying to feel better about yourself.

In practical steps your focus should be taking care of yourself physically - which will also help you to improve mentally; and also trying to improve your financial situation. The economy's going well now so with a bit of proper planning you should be able to find something to get your income up. I think others can probably advise better than me on opportunities to quickly scale up salary wise later in life...

As you've read the other thread on this you're well aware that some people place a premium on income levels etc when choosing partners. But thankfully there are plenty of people who focus on the person rather than the bank balance. Of most importance in that case is to be seen to be a positive man, who's doing his best and working hard to self-improve despite having suffered some setbacks.

Best of luck!

Megwepz wrote: »

What kind of stupid response is this?

OP, don't listen to this posters 'advice'. I'm a woman in my 30s on a fairly good salary, have my own home, pay my own bills, go on holidays twice a year and live a pretty comfortable existence. Any previous partners have earned less than I have and I've never given it a second thought. My current partner who I am completely besotted with is on minimum wage, in college as a mature student and lives at home with his parents... none of these things define him as a human being. What does define him is his wit and humour, his understanding, his kindness and his support. These are the things that matter to any decent partner.

Fair enough you might meet a woman who wants different things in life and relationships will inevitably end if your life goals and expectations don't align...but that is the case with any relationship, whether you're earning minimum wage or a six figure salary. But anyone that would judge you or disregard you purely based on your income is not worth your time or energy.

Think about and continue to focus on your good qualities and the positives that you could bring to a relationship. Get out there and have fun! Best of luck x

According to this article, around 50% of people wouldn't date someone who is earning less than them.

https://fairygodboss.com/articles/the-importance-of-salary-in-modern-relationships-may-surprise-you

It's not just that, he is earning quite a low salary, around e19,000 before tax. It might not be important to you, but it will be to other people. I never said that he couldn't meet someone, just that I believe it will be difficult. I think that when people are dating at that age, they'd be looking to meet somebody who is financially secure. Obviously there are going to be other factors, such as how attractive you are and whether or not you own a car. Best of luck OP.

hawley wrote: »

According to this article, around 50% of people wouldn't date someone who is earning less than them.

https://fairygodboss.com/articles/the-importance-of-salary-in-modern-relationships-may-surprise-you

It's not just that, he is earning quite a low salary, around e19,000 before tax. It might not be important to you, but it will be to other people. I never said that he couldn't meet someone, just that I believe it will be difficult. I think that when people are dating at that age, they'd be looking to meet somebody who is financially secure. Obviously there are going to be other factors, such as how attractive you are and whether or not you own a car. Best of luck OP.

No you didn't say he couldn't meet someone...you said he had no hope...

Quoting stats now and trying to backtrack....<snip>

dateagain wrote: »

@petros1980 many thanks. Again not sure where you got the idea I don't look after myself, see above. I do try to be positive but feel that in any relationship you should be living together after a while and I can't do that so worried the next lady (if there is one) will get frustrated at the situation like the last

@Bigmac1euro thanks!

I didn't get that idea at all, sorry if it came across that way, was just offering general advice!

dateagain wrote: »

Thanks for your replies and advice

@Purgative good point I suppose, but I do prefer someting long term

@hawley - I have no problem is a potetial partner has kids (well not 6 of them!) - as for my appearance I'm not sure how you concluded I don't take care of that. I keep slim, wash and comb my hair, brush my teeth etc and cook daily a proper dinner for myself, not a microwave ready meal or take out

@petros1980 many thanks. Again not sure where you got the idea I don't look after myself, see above. I do try to be positive but feel that in any relationship you should be living together after a while and I can't do that so worried the next lady (if there is one) will get frustrated at the situation like the last

@Bigmac1euro thanks!

If you are willing to date someone with children, then you should have a good chance of meeting a woman. You were asking how likely you are to meet a partner; I was just saying that your appearance would be an important factor in it. Best of luck mate.

I'd agree with @Petros1980 here, as well as the OP, who said they don't want to put their life on hold. I don't think you should put your life on hold until you're 'good enough' (by god knows whose standards?) to be in a relationship!?! If you're a good person who wants love, affection and companionship and are in a position to offer that to someone else then don't wait. Of course I would also suggest working on your career and trying to increase your income... but that is for your benefit, comfort and self esteem....not so that you are 'good enough' to be someone's partner. If the right person comes along nothing will matter but the type of person you are and whether your views on a relationship and future together are in sync.

I also agree with what Ursus and another poster have said above, reflection on why your previous relationship didn't work would be hugely beneficial. You obviously cared for this woman but were hesitant to move in with her and take the risk on building a future and a home together. I understand the worry around the housing situation particularly given the climate we currently live in but was there more to it? Do you have an aversion to commitment maybe? This would be a very important thing to know about yourself before entering into another relationship as longevity and commitment are very important to most people.

petros1980 wrote: »

What strange advice...It's not either or....

Not in his best interest to be with women for the next 5 years??

No I gave two pieces of advice.

Be single for the next 5 yrs and focus on his career and situation etc.

Or only date women who have a bit of money and security.

I know people are going to rag on that but there.

But if he only dates women without that in the next five yrs he will prob not focus on career and be worse off.

He isn't a goldigger for doing that. He is wise.

Listen ballymun is full of people living in poverty and raising children who thought love was unconditional. They thought they should marry anyone whether it was in their best interests or not.

When you have money you have more choice in love you can marry poor or rich.

But when you have NO money you need to be wise. Or you will be sorry.

That is NOT being a bad person. It is being a GOOD person. Its caring for your future life and children.

The alternative is he takes the next five yrs to concentrate on career makes more money and then he can date who he likes and still be responsible to his future.

I am sorry if this is too honest. But there you have it.

Poor people dating poor people is how generational poverty happens.

Men who have no money should either seek a woman who does or try and move on the ladder in their career.

That is not being a bad person its being a responsible good person trying to build the best relationship and family they can.

Love isn't a feeling its providing for your family etc or your relationship.

He should find a woman who brings something to the table that he cannot. If she loves him she will want to support him and help him. That is REAL love.

If he isn't comfortable with that idea i would suggest he focuses on career.

Relationships and poverty or financial woes etc are not fun together.


Again sorry if i offended people.

Tell me how wrote: »

I don't like your vibes. (in terms of advice you're giving)

Let me get this straight. You are telling me your advice would be for a man in serious debt to not worry about the financial situation of the women he is dating?

Does that sound like sound advice?



A woman with prospects doesn't need a man with prospects she needs other things. That is what the op is.

Him getting into a relationship with that kind of debt with a woman who is not financially secure is a recipe for disaster for them both.

The other better option is to just focus on career.

dateagain wrote: »

Thanks again for the replies.


@ILoveYourVibes - agree with many things you say there. Thing is unless I start to earn 100k pa (unlikely!) even if I treble my income I'm unlikely to be able to buy my own place again what with the prices now and my very large debt from my negative equity mortgage. As I said in the OP I am trying to improve things, but if possible I'd rather not put my personal life on hold for x years.

Then choose your partner wisely or you will be in a very uncomfortable position in 15 yrs time.

Tell me how wrote: »

I know that if I am ever truly in love and my partner loses their income, my concern won't be what that means to 'me' financially, but how we can get through it.

You sound like a lovely person who will bring a lot to a relationship. Tell me How.

My first thought though would be for any kids we have and how it would affect them not me.

This OP sounds like they have much more important attributes to offer a potential partner

He absolutely does. And that's is why a financially secure person will value them.

Listen two poor people in love after a while usually end up on benefits or homeless. Its not a business arrangement its life. If they are lucky they will make it. But many are not lucky. They are born into unfortunate situations. Or encounter them. They are villainized for being a burden on society. But they are also villianized for trying to socially mobile through career social climbing etc.


We have a homeless crisis. The OP is a five figured sum in deep into that crisis he has to keep up with repaying that on minimum wage. He could go under easily.

I am not being cold. I promise. I really care.

I just know how bad things can get.

Love is not a feeling.

Purple Mountain wrote: »

I think OP, it would be beneficial to work on your self esteem too.
You were obviously dealt a blow in the recession and are still feeling the impact of that more than a lot of others.
It comes across in your posts as a lack of confidence if you don't mind me saying.
Could you explore ways to build that?
As they say, you can't really love someone else until you love yourself.

I totally agree with this.

You have to get it into your head you deserve the best possible partner for you.

OP I really hope you do not take that terrible insensitive advice on board about not dating for 5 years or only with a wealthy woman.

Many many women, including myself, have far more interest in a man's integrity and ability to be kind to others over a bank balance.

I would only suggest that you be upfront about your circumstances when the conversation arises and don't apologise for them. I wish you well.

cannotlogin wrote: »

Can't speak for all women, but between myself and most women I know, it's very simple in terms of what we want.

A good guy, who they are attracted to, who will treat them well, love them for who they are and make them laugh.

Most men are all of the above, except for the attraction piece which is the most difficult to find but once it's there and the rest applies nothing else really matters. When the right people meet each or and truely love each, they make it work. Don't put limitations on yourself, the right woman won't!

Absolutely this. A decent guy who will treat the other person well, have a laugh with them and accept them for who they are. Who a person is is more important than what they are or what they have.

LoughNeagh2017 wrote: »

<SNIPPED>

I will be slaughtered for this. But there is a certain amount of truth to this. The exception is if you are really really sweet and have a lot to give.


I know women will say not me etc. But its true for a lot of women. I am not saying its right but i am being realistic.

Op focus on your life etc. But also focus on your strength and NOT your weaknesses. If you are kind funny etc ...you might not have the best career etc so that isn't your strength.


Find your strengths and focus on them.