rejected for my financial situation

Consider yourself lucky to have dodged the bullet. She's made her interest and level of respect for you demonstrably clear. So delete her number and move on.

You're in your 40s and she's in her 20s - of course there are some successful relationships with a big age gap, but even without accusing her of being a gold digger, I think in most cases the older person is expected to provide financial security. Otherwise what do you have to pffer that a random 30 year old doesn't? Lots of 30 year olds are good people too you know.

Put yourself in her shoes: would you date someone 20 years older than you unless they had something really special about the

Or maybe she just doesn't want to find herself with someone who hasn't shown themselves responsible with money in the past, and therefore may not be responsible in the future either? That's a fair enough question for someone who may be thinking of having childnre in the next few years to ask themselves.

Note that I'm not saying she's a nasty gold digger, just that people can have a vision of their future which may not be with someone who lives day to day without planning for the future.

Or she could be a gold digger.

Either way, clearly the relationship is going nowhere. Forget it and move on. But if I were you, I think someone closer to your own age might be a better bet.

That's one way of looking at it, but OTOH what else do you think attracts a 20-something to an over 40 guy? Most people are attracted to people round their own age, and someone looking for a father figure is at least as problematic as someone wanting a stable financial set up.

(Not saying those are the only two reasons for such a big age gap, but when you're 20 years older than a prospective partner, there's going to be some reason for that. Wanting stability is no worse than many others.)

She dodged potential heartache from someone who'd end up being a drain on her resources by bringing her into a wasteful lifestyle.

A good job for years, with nothing to show for it, not even a PS5...

I think ghosting you doesn't reflect well on her, but people do that sh*t all the time unfortunately. Maybe she is a shallow gold digger, or maybe not, who knows... You just do your thing and forget her. However, maybe this experience has made you think more about your financial priorities and what you want for your future; not for anyone else but for yourself. And if so, make some changes, but don't look at what happened in the past as waste, savings don't buy experiences sitting in the bank, be glad you spent some of that money seeing the world and doing what you wanted.

Can't see anything that would indicate she wants someone else to look after her financial security. I know plenty of people at 29 who are financially independent and quite well off, could easily be the OP's wasteful use of money was a red flag for her.

I absolutely love how people are criticising the woman for looking for a 'cushy arrangement' and not the man for dating someone 12 years younger instead of a woman his age. So he gets the youth, beauty, energy, potential possibility of kids, and what does she get?!

I never understand why men who date much younger don't get this. An attractive woman of 29 can find a man her own age with more energy and less baggage...what reason is there to go for someone much older if not for financial security? Not saying that's all he'd have to offer, but it's a major part of it, just like beauty and fertility are a major part of why a man of 41 is wanting to date someone in her twenties. It IS somewhat transactional. There's an understanding in these big age gap relationships that each party is bringing something the other doesn't have.

Why is she a 'gold digger' while he's not a 'fertility digger'?

Very much a two tier society out there, I was surprised to learn on a previous thread that a graduate position in software development starts at €65k.

In my own profession anyone 7 years working out of college would be in a position to have a deposit yes. Naturally they'd have the mortgage against that so it wouldn't be a huge asset.

Maybe she's looking for somebody to spoil her rotten, in which case you dodged a bullet, or maybe she decided your attitude to spending and saving wasn't compatible with hers. As she just ghosted you maybe you'll never know.

One sentence in the OPs post show that he dodged a bullet. The fact that she “ghosted” him rather than openly ending the relationship with a proper conversation and closure shows that she is immature and not a nice person.

However, OP take it as a wake- up call that you need to get your sh1t together. I think I would find lack of fiscal prudence a real turn off in a potential partner.

The most telling post of the thread. Unfortunately, OP, you’re no Brad or Leo and thus will never have young supermodels hanging out of you just for the reward of your precious attention. Life sucks, I know. Adjust your expectations, sort out some savings, and remember what some other experienced female posters here have already told you; a young woman looking for an older man will usually have a reason to do so and that reason will often have to do either with father figure elements to a relationship or simply material security ones, even. The same kind of evolutionary reasons that get you horny looking at a 20 year old girl rather than a 50 year old woman. Fair’s fair, surely. I’m pushing 50 myself over here and have never been a materialistic woman, even to my bitter detriment at times, but then I don’t have daddy issues, and financial security is I think something that I missed having a chip implanted of, when they were doing that. I can think back to situations when I could have seized and worked my life and professional opportunities much better than I ever did, and it does seem much more important now than it ever did before. So I think any woman who is looking for an older man would be a fool not to look into that man’s situation and future a bit, life can be hard enough without having to spend one’s forties/fifties and beyond as the proverbial nurse with a purse.

Being financially responsible is quite attractive to some women, and when they themselves are also financially responsible it's not "gold digging", its just looking for a partner with similar values. By 41 she probably expected you to have your **** together by now.

I don't know if she was a gold digger and ghosting is immature alright but that's likely to happen to you when you date young women rather than women your own age.

Shame that relationship didn't work out. I presume both of you went on several dates together and that this didn't happen on the first date?

I view that that line of questioning is very inappropriate so soon in a relationship. Ghosting you was a childish act especially as she is 29. However, who honestly hasn't done some daft things without considering the feelings of others. I know I have. I wouldn't dwell on her.

What you should take from this is whether or not your financial situation is where it should be? I don't know how much it applies to you but a person who lacks financial common sense is a real turn off to most. Nobody wants to be weighed down or held back by a person who can't be arsed cutting their cloth to measure, and saving for their future. Especially if that person is in a position do so.