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Behaved like a child last night

  • 08-03-2009 12:00PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    long story short: whirlwind romance - all going really well, with a very independant and strong woman (all good!)
    Few crossed wires during the past week where she thought I was getting a bit "heavy" with her.. I realised I was and stopped. Nothing big or anything and too vague to put into words so I won't even try - plus I don't believe in sharing info about someone I am loyal to on the net - regardless of the fact no-one would know her.

    Anyway - last night I went out with her - only to meet her friends for the first time after dating for 5 weeks. We went home late and I was in work this morning. I woke after about an hours sleep and asked to turn the tv off cos it was on - she sleeps with it on. She said that I always ask her to turn it off every time I stay over.. in a bit of a snotty tone but in hindsight I can't figure out if that's how I took it to be rather than how it was.
    Anyway I got in a drunken huff and got up and went to sleep on the couch but couldn't cos too cold so back into bed, fully dressed. Was leaving this morning and went to give her a kiss and cuddle before I left and asked if we were ok - "you're the one who left" she said. Realised I'd been a dick when i started sobering up and texted to say that I behaved like a child last night and I was sorry - nothing back since.

    My reaction was ridiculous - have no idea where it came from!
    Trouble is exactly that it is only a few weeks in - it surely means that she will wonder what it's going to be like if she keeps seeing me, instead of if it happened further down the line and she knew it wasn't a regular way of behaving for me?

    For many reasons I'm not going to go into I can say that having had many girlfriends and lovers this one has/had many reasons that the relationship would be very likely to be "the one".

    I don't really expect any great advice cos it's pretty much in her hands, but I just wanted to write it down and vent my frustration a bit. I feel like such a knob - I'm in my 30's and last night was the behaviour of a 16 year old! AArrrrggghhhh


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    actually, Wibbs - you are usually on the ball with your thinking on topics here - what comment would you make?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    So what you're saying is

    two of you go home to bed (you have to be up for work), you can't sleep cuz she has the tv on (Which she's not watching), you ask her to turn it off, she makes a retort so you try to sleep on the couch but can't.
    Tbh, I don't really see a big issue, you weren't acting out of line asking her to turn off the tv if it was late & you couldn't sleep because of it. She didn't need to retort like she did. You just wanted sleep. I just don't see how you're feeling you acted like a 16year old? (am I missing something?)


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,698 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    We went home late and I was in work this morning. I woke after about an hours sleep and asked to turn the tv off cos it was on - she sleeps with it on. She said that I always ask her to turn it off every time I stay over.. in a bit of a snotty tone but in hindsight I can't figure out if that's how I took it to be rather than how it was.
    Anyway I got in a drunken huff and got up and went to sleep on the couch but couldn't cos too cold so back into bed, fully dressed. Was leaving this morning and went to give her a kiss and cuddle before I left and asked if we were ok - "you're the one who left" she said.

    My first thought was..... it's not you asking for the tv to be turned off that's bothering her, its something else.
    Sounds like she's trying to make something your fault.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    star-pants wrote: »
    So what you're saying is

    two of you go home to bed (you have to be up for work), you can't sleep cuz she has the tv on (Which she's not watching), you ask her to turn it off, she makes a retort so you try to sleep on the couch but can't.
    Tbh, I don't really see a big issue, you weren't acting out of line asking her to turn off the tv if it was late & you couldn't sleep because of it. She didn't need to retort like she did. You just wanted sleep. I just don't see how you're feeling you acted like a 16year old? (am I missing something?)

    well when you sum it up like that it would seem a non -issue - maybe I wasn't very clear - to add more detail:

    she did switch it off and I said ok I didn't realise I said it every night and I was sorry she said that I analyse things too much and I should go asleep - and ironically I asked what it was I over analysed! That may end up being funny sometime in the future! It was then that I pulled my strop instead of just shutting up and going to sleep (and it would have been a total non-issue then today if I only bloody well had!).


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    star-pants wrote: »
    So what you're saying is

    two of you go home to bed (you have to be up for work), you can't sleep cuz she has the tv on (Which she's not watching), you ask her to turn it off, she makes a retort so you try to sleep on the couch but can't.
    Tbh, I don't really see a big issue, you weren't acting out of line asking her to turn off the tv if it was late & you couldn't sleep because of it. She didn't need to retort like she did. You just wanted sleep. I just don't see how you're feeling you acted like a 16year old? (am I missing something?)

    +1.....an absolute non issue in my opinion. If anything she is the one acting childish.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Silverfish wrote: »
    My first thought was..... it's not you asking for the tv to be turned off that's bothering her, its something else.
    Sounds like she's trying to make something your fault.

    I would have agreed with you if I read someone else writing it - but we had sex only an hour before and we are usually very communicative during and after that - verbally of how we enjoy each other's company so I am thinking she was just a bit drunk too and I made a mountain out of a molehill which she got p'd off about


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    Silverfish wrote: »
    My first thought was..... it's not you asking for the tv to be turned off that's bothering her, its something else.
    Sounds like she's trying to make something your fault.
    This too is very possible
    she did switch it off and I said ok I didn't realise I said it every night and I was sorry she said that I analyse things too much and I should go asleep - and ironically I asked what it was I over analysed!.
    Did she say it in a nice way, or a 'omg you overanalyse too much now go to sleep' kind of way?
    Cuz if the latter, then I could see you being a bit 'oh for goodness sake what I do now'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    star-pants wrote: »
    This too is very possible

    Did she say it in a nice way, or a 'omg you overanalyse too much now go to sleep' kind of way?
    Cuz if the latter, then I could see you being a bit 'oh for goodness sake what I do now'


    In a kind of a tired and grumpy way and yeah I don't think I was wrong to get annoyed I just think I overdid it by going down to the couch and then ignoring her when I got back in bed fully dressed (she had put the tv back on while I was downtairs and turned it off again for me when i got back into bed)..
    Just feel confused about how something so small became something that she wouldn't even text back to accept my apology..


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,581 ✭✭✭✭TheZohanS


    You wanted the tv turned off because you had to get up early for work, thats fair enough.

    Then you apologise?!

    You should have turned off the tv and said nothing.

    Sounds as if you're putting this girl up on a pedestal and think that she can do no wrong, you'd want to keep that in check.

    Girls don't like walkovers.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    TheZohan wrote: »
    You wanted the tv turned off because you had to get up early for work, thats fair enough.

    Then you apologise?!

    You should have turned off the tv and said nothing.

    Sounds as if you're putting this girl up on a pedestal and think that she can do no wrong, you'd want to keep that in check.

    Girls don't like walkovers.

    Yeah you are right and that's part of what's p***in me off today - all of that behaviour was totally unlike me


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    In a kind of a tired and grumpy way and yeah I don't think I was wrong to get annoyed I just think I overdid it by going down to the couch and then ignoring her when I got back in bed fully dressed (she had put the tv back on while I was downtairs and turned it off again for me when i got back into bed)..
    Just feel confused about how something so small became something that she wouldn't even text back to accept my apology..

    Did you say she was a bit drunk too?
    I don't see why she'd be so annoyed with you over this situation, it's not really a big issue. As you said you apologised, even though you'd not really done anything wrong and she's not gotten back to you? that's unfair (of her)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 320 ✭✭*Honey*


    Sounds to me like you both had a bit too much to drink and you were both being a bit snotty with each other... give her a call and ask her for coffee and just talk it out. Silly things happen in relationships - the important thing is sorting it out as quickly as possibly afterwards. Both of you being able to say sorry is such an important thing in a relationsip - I think you were both at fault a bit, probably related to drink a bit.

    Give her a call and talk.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    *Honey* wrote: »
    Sounds to me like you both had a bit too much to drink and you were both being a bit snotty with each other... give her a call and ask her for coffee and just talk it out. Silly things happen in relationships - the important thing is sorting it out as quickly as possibly afterwards. Both of you being able to say sorry is such an important thing in a relationsip - I think you were both at fault a bit, probably related to drink a bit.

    Give her a call and talk.

    It seems from popular female friend opinion that she is making me sweat it out so I am just gonna let her.. or else text her and say "yes, I am sweating it out, just give it a bit longer"


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,581 ✭✭✭✭TheZohanS


    *Honey* wrote: »
    Sounds to me like you both had a bit too much to drink and you were both being a bit snotty with each other... give her a call and ask her for coffee and just talk it out. Silly things happen in relationships - the important thing is sorting it out as quickly as possibly afterwards. Both of you being able to say sorry is such an important thing in a relationsip - I think you were both at fault a bit, probably related to drink a bit.

    Give her a call and talk.


    Normally I would agree with you but the OP has already sent her a text, ringing her now and asking for a chat etc. might come across as clingy/needy.

    She needs to make the next move.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,115 ✭✭✭✭Nervous Wreck


    I reckon leave it. You've apologised and she'd probably already gotten over it before you texted her. You may have made a mountain out of a molehill last night but right now you're doing exactly what she complained about in over-analysing it.


    "Hey honey, I know you hate it when I over-analyse things but remember that tiny fight we had over nothing last night? Well I've been going over and over it in my head all day - to the point where I felt the need to even post about it on a public message board! - and, well gee, I'm just so sorry for everything that happened!!!"

    Yep. Alot of backbone in that conversation. You've apologised, now pretend it never happened. If she ends up bringing it up again, the issue goes deeper than the incident.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 320 ✭✭*Honey*


    OP & TheZohan.... I sort of agree but I personally can't stand the game playing involved in that tactic. If it was me, I'd just call and be up front about it. But that's just me - never was very good at the games people play.

    OP, hope it works out for you - some people find it hard to say sorry, maybe she's one of them. If she is, I'm not sure that's a good relationship characteristic. Let's hope I'm wrong!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Nervous Wreck - I reckon you are right so I am leaving it at the moment and just gonna let her get back to me - if I hear nothing in a couple of days I'll figure something out then.

    Honey - she has apologised before for just being in a narky mood - and the thing is I never even noticed that she was. We tend to both be stubborn and enjoy a lot of slagging/banter between ourselves.

    Guess I had better just wait and see.. which I don't think is game playing - it's giving her space and letting her realise that maybe I am not so much at fault and also allowing the mountain shrink back down to molehill size.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 38 mealone42


    long story short: whirlwind romance - all going really well, with a very independant and strong woman (all good!)
    Few crossed wires during the past week where she thought I was getting a bit "heavy" with her.. I realised I was and stopped. Nothing big or anything and too vague to put into words so I won't even try - plus I don't believe in sharing info about someone I am loyal to on the net - regardless of the fact no-one would know her.

    Anyway - last night I went out with her - only to meet her friends for the first time after dating for 5 weeks. We went home late and I was in work this morning. I woke after about an hours sleep and asked to turn the tv off cos it was on - she sleeps with it on. She said that I always ask her to turn it off every time I stay over.. in a bit of a snotty tone but in hindsight I can't figure out if that's how I took it to be rather than how it was.
    Anyway I got in a drunken huff and got up and went to sleep on the couch but couldn't cos too cold so back into bed, fully dressed. Was leaving this morning and went to give her a kiss and cuddle before I left and asked if we were ok - "you're the one who left" she said. Realised I'd been a dick when i started sobering up and texted to say that I behaved like a child last night and I was sorry - nothing back since.

    My reaction was ridiculous - have no idea where it came from!
    Trouble is exactly that it is only a few weeks in - it surely means that she will wonder what it's going to be like if she keeps seeing me, instead of if it happened further down the line and she knew it wasn't a regular way of behaving for me?

    For many reasons I'm not going to go into I can say that having had many girlfriends and lovers this one has/had many reasons that the relationship would be very likely to be "the one".

    I don't really expect any great advice cos it's pretty much in her hands, but I just wanted to write it down and vent my frustration a bit. I feel like such a knob - I'm in my 30's and last night was the behaviour of a 16 year old! AArrrrggghhhh
    Dump her she is clearly unstable. Get a real woman who cares for your feelings. She was wrong and you were right. Forget her and move on. She is clearly a difficult woman


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well, I called after 2 days and she asked how I was - and said she was very p***ed off. Seems I said more when I was drunk than I was aware of! Along the lines of calling her selfish and other things - after she had already turned the tv off and then to top it off was cheeky enough to get out of her bed and go sleep on her couch then get back into her bed cos it was cold on the couch. This on top of some rather unlike me clingy behaviour the two days before explains why
    a) I feel like I have dealt a blow to my masculinity
    b) she is so p***ed off with me.

    so , upshot is she had pretty much decided it was finished with us as she had drama before with guys and it;s early yet with us so she couldn't be sure it was gonna get like this all the time, but she also had thought many times that she would still like to keep seeing me. She wants a couple of days space to herself to decide what's best.

    I am reading this as "I more than likely will forgive you and forget about this and we will be back to normal in a couple of weeks once you just leave me alone for a couple of days to get over being annoyed".. Time will tell.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I added an update here but it doesn't seem to have updated on the forum?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,581 ✭✭✭✭TheZohanS


    Well, I called after 2 days and she asked how I was - and said she was very p***ed off. Seems I said more when I was drunk than I was aware of! Along the lines of calling her selfish and other things - after she had already turned the tv off and then to top it off was cheeky enough to get out of her bed and go sleep on her couch then get back into her bed cos it was cold on the couch. This on top of some rather unlike me clingy behaviour the two days before explains why
    a) I feel like I have dealt a blow to my masculinity
    b) she is so p***ed off with me.

    so , upshot is she had pretty much decided it was finished with us as she had drama before with guys and it;s early yet with us so she couldn't be sure it was gonna get like this all the time, but she also had thought many times that she would still like to keep seeing me. She wants a couple of days space to herself to decide what's best.

    I am reading this as "I more than likely will forgive you and forget about this and we will be back to normal in a couple of weeks once you just leave me alone for a couple of days to get over being annoyed".. Time will tell.

    Save yourself the grief, dump her.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,931 ✭✭✭Jimmy Bottlehead


    Sounds like you were at fault in the main incident. I'd be p!ssed off at my missus if she called me selfish and other things, then went to sleep on the sofa and pretending everything was fine.

    If this is what alcohol does to you, then you need to grow up and learn how to moderate it. Why would anyone want to be with a guy (or girl) that drinks so much they change their personality?

    Tell her you're sorry, and act like an adult in future.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,525 ✭✭✭vorbis


    Time to dump her OP.
    This in the grand scheme of things was a smallish issue.
    She's using it to gain control over you. Never a good sign.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 270 ✭✭bicardi19


    i agree with above comment!! i know that I really dont know all the circumstances in your relationship but come on. I cant believe this is even an issue. She seems to be testing the water to see how far you can be pushed!
    I'm a woman and have a fair idea of the tactics that are used to suss out a man in the early days of a relationship.
    Not that I do of course!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,557 ✭✭✭LD 50


    Just wait it out for the few days/weeks. If you like her, no point dumping her over a small issue which got escalated by alcohol. So what if she's testing to see how far she can push her. Next time you'll know not to act like a kid and make a big deal of it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Sorry but from a woman's point of view you sound rather ridiculous.. not surprised youre luck with women is down.. Sounds like youre fairly juvenile..and also a bit too dependant on alcohol. Five week's weeks in only & youre behaving like a teenage lad?!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,557 ✭✭✭LD 50


    Where are you pulling "too dependant on alcohol from"?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 470 ✭✭Craft25


    1)you said in your first post you thought you were getting too heavy for her liking, 'wires crossed', 'vague' issues - so you began to cool it a bit

    2)you said later some stuff about over-analyzing stuff

    3)then you went and did the following when you were too drunk to actually remember it:
    Well, I called after 2 days and she asked how I was - and said she was very p***ed off. Seems I said more when I was drunk than I was aware of! Along the lines of calling her selfish and other things - after she had already turned the tv off and then to top it off was cheeky enough to get out of her bed and go sleep on her couch then get back into her bed cos it was cold on the couch. This on top of some rather unlike me clingy behaviour the two days before explains why

    Some **** went on in your head mate even before this night, and it came out in a very unattractive way when you were more than a little drunk... in fact it seems you are not even able to make much sense of it yourself..

    you said you've alot of dating experience, so you're not naive, yet you felt this girl ticks all the boxes to be a long term prospect.. So whats up?? you scared of the real thing? Getting involved in a little self sabotage??

    ask yourself these questions before she does ring you back, what made you act out like that?? - cos if you do see yourself being with her your behaviour will have to become alot more natural, less 'affected' & tainted by over-analysis


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    upshot is she had pretty much decided it was finished with us

    I get the impression she might have thought that BEFORE this argument...
    ....as she had drama before with guys

    And the ONLY common factor in these relationships is......?
    she also had thought many times that she would still like to keep seeing me.

    Been there, and at best you're looking at someone who'll flip-flop or throw this at you at every opportunity........basically a drama queen who's never to blame (in her own eyes).
    I am reading this as "I more than likely will forgive you and forget about this and we will be back to normal in a couple of weeks once you just leave me alone for a couple of days to get over being annoyed".. Time will tell.

    Do you want that EVERY time you two have an argument ? Sounds like far too much trouble to me.....

    I will temper the above by saying that the "been there, only threw the t-shirt out recently" would skew my objectivity a bit on this scenario.....hope I'm wrong.....


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    hmmm. You've only been going out with her for five weeks? That's what, 7-10 dates? Seems a bit early to be stropping with her if you ask me. The fact that you think she's "the one", and she's being a bit dodgy leads me to believe that you're more into her than she is to you. You're already acting like you're part of an established couple, and she hasn't made her mind up yet. Sorry dude, I don't really see this progressing.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,324 ✭✭✭Oh The Humanity


    OP.

    You sound perilously close to being pu**y whipped there, she sounds bulldozeringly domineering and you sound neurotically clingy.

    You=Back off, back off, back off !!

    She=needs to learn to compromise and loosen her death grip on her 'routine'


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,793 ✭✭✭John_Mc


    OP.

    You sound perilously close to being pu**y whipped there, she sounds bulldozeringly domineering and you sound neurotically clingy.

    You=Back off, back off, back off !!

    She=needs to learn to compromise and loosen her death grip on her 'routine'

    +1


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well yes I am sorry to say that those who called me juvenile are correct - as that's how I stated I behaved. And yes, dangerously close to being p***y whipped. Also I hold my hands up to having fallen more for her than she had for me so far. It was very early for me to pull a strop - but in the time together we had spent a LOT of time together and it had all been good.
    Upshot is she is still playing it cool and I reckon doing the very "male" thing of waiting for me to finish it so as to save her the bother. I have my faults and my behaviour - as I stated previously - was well out of order, so no point in havig a go at me about it when I already know.
    All the same I think her way of going about things with me at the momet shows similar immaturity and if she can't sit down and talk it through with me then what would it be like in the long run? I would have been p***ed off at that behaviour too, but I am generally quite forgiving of people if they show genuine remorse and would definitely not allow someone to continue feeling bad about something they'd done. If it was the other way round I would have pointed out how her behaviour had affected me and then let it go.
    My grip on alcohol? Dunno why you jump to conclusions about that.. maybe something to do with someone else you know because as I also stated that behaviour was very out of character for me - sober or drunk!
    So, I asked her if she wanted to go out somewhere tomorrow just for a chill out time together for an hour or two and she made her excuses. It only remains that I pick up the stuff I left at hers and drop the whole thing and learn a lesson from this.
    It's just very unfortunate that something that had huge potential and was a perfect fit has ended in a rather shoddy fashion.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 128 ✭✭Scorpio Girl


    imho, i think she was just looking for an excuse to finish it with you. this will make her sound shallow but maybe you didn't live up to her friends expectations.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    imho, i think she was just looking for an excuse to finish it with you. this will make her sound shallow but maybe you didn't live up to her friends expectations.


    I suppose there is that possibility but based on one meeting alone it would be incredibly shallow. In a different way the friends may have played a role in that if she told them about how I behaved they would probably have told her to dump that loser now. To do that based on their advice after my first big f*** up would also be a bit shallow though, I think.
    Either way I think someone who is willing to throw away something with such potential doesn't have much staying power. She wated a man who looked at her like the guy looks at the girl in The Notebook and who would stick with her through thick and thin. She had that in me but isn't prepared to be forgiving in return. I'm not saying at all that I am blaming her but like I said earlier I would be more forgiving of someone else's mistakes and see them in light of the big picture. I was going to say I suppose I would be better off with someone more similar to me in that way, but like I said this was such a one off that happened out of the blue that wouldn't make much sense. Then again sense doesn't seem to make any at the moment.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    she is .....I reckon doing the very "male" thing of waiting for me to finish it so as to save her the bother

    Don't give in......you'll be blamed from here til kingdom come!

    Made the mistake of falling into this trap before, and never again!!! Despite an initial full admission of how she'd spent a few weeks trying to f**k things up, I was still the world's worst for "dumping" her when I said that I was giving up second-guessing....

    Let her do her own dirty work, and in the meantime just prepare yourself for it so that when she eventually does, you'll be able to say "fair enough, good luck!"

    Onwards and upwards!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    Liam Byrne wrote: »
    Don't give in......you'll be blamed from here til kingdom come!

    Made the mistake of falling into this trap before, and never again!!! Despite an initial full admission of how she'd spent a few weeks trying to f**k things up, I was still the world's worst for "dumping" her when I said that I was giving up second-guessing....

    Let her do her own dirty work, and in the meantime just prepare yourself for it so that when she eventually does, you'll be able to say "fair enough, good luck!"

    Onwards and upwards!

    Liam - why would you subject yourself to that? Not pride, surely?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    Either way I think someone who is willing to throw away something with such potential doesn't have much staying power. .

    hmm. i think you may have scared her off to be honest. It seems to me from the stuff you've told us that you got serious before she did, and you kind of forced her to make a decision while she was still making her mind up. I'm not judging you or anything, but you seem to be pretty cut up after five weeks..I know you said it was a whirlwind romance, you didn't meet her online by any chance? I've a genuine reason for asking.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    tbh wrote: »
    Liam - why would you subject yourself to that? Not pride, surely?

    Yeah, I think I would have to agree with that.. I am worth more than being dangled like a worm and couldn't give a toss about pride. Would rather be gettin on with life


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    tbh wrote: »
    hmm. i think you may have scared her off to be honest. It seems to me from the stuff you've told us that you got serious before she did, and you kind of forced her to make a decision while she was still making her mind up. I'm not judging you or anything, but you seem to be pretty cut up after five weeks..I know you said it was a whirlwind romance, you didn't meet her online by any chance? I've a genuine reason for asking.

    Yeah you are right in a way but she had said she had allen for me too - that was a volunteered statement. I didn't go asking for it. And yeah I am cut up - I have been with women for up to a year that I have not had a connection like that with. She expressed similar sentiments. Although I do agree it seems I was too heavy handed too soon but sometimes life is messy and you can'talways be perfect.
    I met her in my old local from where I used to live but why do you ask about an internet meeting out of curiosity?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,897 ✭✭✭Kimia


    I agree with some of the earlier posters. You seem to be WAY too heavy handed after only really over a month together. If this was the other way around the girl would be called a bunny boiler and ignored forever. The only way you can possibly save this is to back off and act Extremely nonchalant if she calls you again. How you act now will determine if you will stay together.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Kimia wrote: »
    I agree with some of the earlier posters. You seem to be WAY too heavy handed after only really over a month together. If this was the other way around the girl would be called a bunny boiler and ignored forever. The only way you can possibly save this is to back off and act Extremely nonchalant if she calls you again. How you act now will determine if you will stay together.

    Yes, and as I have stated more than once I agree that I was - hence my remorse over the situation. Is there a helpful point to telling me that again?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    I met her in my old local from where I used to live but why do you ask about an internet meeting out of curiosity?

    internet dating is kind of different to meeting someone while you're out with your mates dating. with internet dating, both parties are there with the express intention of meeting someone, and both of them know that, so the dynamic is a little different. In my experience, with internet dating, by the time the two people meet f2f, they are both making assumptions about the other person that they'd never make normally, so internet relationships tend to be quite serious quite quickly. It's just my experience and it's irrelevant in this case anyway.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,897 ✭✭✭Kimia


    Yes, and as I have stated more than once I agree that I was - hence my remorse over the situation. Is there a helpful point to telling me that again?

    Well i did try and give you a helpful point - act nonchalant and back off and how you act now will determine if you stay together, which according to you is the goal of this entire post.


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