girls chatting up guys

ciagr297 · 11-05-2009 9:18am #1

hey, i was wondering what is the general girl's opinion about us chatting up guys? i'm a fairly confident girl, but its been drilled into my head that this is one thing i am not supposed to be forward about...

its happened a few times that the guy i've been checking out has been checking me out too (all good) but can't(i know, or won't) seem to be able to break out of the group of lads he is with....that and i am a little impatient

if there are guys on here, how would you feel about a girl chatting you up? or is it the rare bloke who is not put off by this?

11-05-2009 10:23am

ciagr297 wrote: »

hey, i was wondering what is the general girl's opinion about us chatting up guys? i'm a fairly confident girl, but its been drilled into my head that this is one thing i am not supposed to be forward about...

its happened a few times that the guy i've been checking out has been checking me out too (all good) but can't(i know, or won't) seem to be able to break out of the group of lads he is with....that and i am a little impatient

if there are guys on here, how would you feel about a girl chatting you up? or is it the rare bloke who is not put off by this?

If he is outgoing enough to make it obvious he is checking you out, but doesn't act...then maybe he has a good reason and is only looking.

I don't see any harm in it, but personally I want to be wooed.

Disease Ridden · 11-05-2009 10:54am

The vast majority of guys would prefer to be chatted up by a woman rather than having to do it themselves.

But most girls also rather being chatted up by the man, rather than having to do it themselves.

Because we want the woman more than they want us, we have to break the ice and take the risk! And I really hate this fact!!

Das Kitty · 11-05-2009 10:57am

Yeah, seriously, if you want to go and chat to the hot guy who's checking you out I can't believe that etiquette is stopping you. Go for it girl.

I'd be of the opinion that we should push for more equality in this area. Making the first move should not be the "job" of just one sex.

MadgeBadge · 11-05-2009 12:15pm

I'm all up for equality and creating as many opportunities as you can for yourself, but from my experience it's a big, frustrating, fat waste of time.

Any man who I have ever approached or made the first move on, things have never worked out. Ok, some were obviously not interested, that's fine, but even with the others who did seem interested. I give my number, they don't use it.

At least if they approach you, you know they're interested.

homerun_homer · 11-05-2009 12:33pm

If you got the guts to do it then do it. There should be no one way street in regards to this.
When I don't chat to someone I'd be checking out it's because of circumstance (her being stuck to the group of girls) or other times I just don't feel like I can have a good chat with a stranger and come across as funny or appealing. I prefer natural interactions with people out rather than forced, but I'd be very open to a girl coming up and saying hello.

Das Kitty · 11-05-2009 1:26pm

MadgeBadge wrote: »

I'm all up for equality and creating as many opportunities as you can for yourself, but from my experience it's a big, frustrating, fat waste of time.

Any man who I have ever approached or made the first move on, things have never worked out. Ok, some were obviously not interested, that's fine, but even with the others who did seem interested. I give my number, they don't use it.

At least if they approach you, you know they're interested.

If men thought like that our species would have died out long ago!

I made the first move with my husband.

Melange · 11-05-2009 1:38pm

MadgeBadge wrote: »

I'm all up for equality and creating as many opportunities as you can for yourself, but from my experience it's a big, frustrating, fat waste of time.

Any man who I have ever approached or made the first move on, things have never worked out. Ok, some were obviously not interested, that's fine, but even with the others who did seem interested. I give my number, they don't use it.

At least if they approach you, you know they're interested.

Welcome to our world!

For a man, the ratio of successful chat-ups to non successful ones is nearly always pretty damn small. It seems that the same may well be true if the genders are reversed. Not too surprising, IMO, as the odds that both parties are sufficiently interested in each other to follow up on the encounter aren't bound to be too high in either case. It's true when people say it's a numbers game: you just have to try many people, and eventually you'll get lucky.

banshee_bones · 11-05-2009 1:46pm

I have no problem chatting to guys and or giving them my number if im interested and they seem so too and have been showing as much but when i do nothing ever materialises out of it so gettn skeptical if I should bother anymore.

Black Swan · 11-05-2009 1:50pm

ciagr297 wrote: »

hey, i was wondering what is the general girl's opinion about us chatting up guys?

Why not? If he's smart and not immature, he won't misconstrue a girl asking first as being loose.

It seems to me that the lads would welcome it, given that they are the ones most often put at risk of rejection by having to ask first? But would most women want to assume the risk of rejection too?

Kintarō Hattori · 11-05-2009 1:53pm

Girls chatting up guys......... snigger.......... my fiancée stalked me! She followed me home, knocked on the door and here we are almost 5 years later.

So yeah, there's no problem with the girls chatting up guys. If you know what you want, go for it.

ciagr297 · 11-05-2009 1:56pm

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Why not? If he's smart and not immature, he won't misconstrue a girl asking first as being loose.

bingo! i have no massive issue with actually going and chatting him up..the crux of doing this is how it comes across....and more to the point, how i do NOT want it to come across

Das Kitty · 11-05-2009 1:57pm

ciagr297 wrote: »

bingo! i have no massive issue with actually going and chatting him up..the crux of doing this is how it comes across....and more to the point, how i do NOT want it to come across

Well if he thinks like that he's not worth having, lucky escape.

Snowie · 11-05-2009 2:00pm

nope as a dude i love it when it happens

Melange · 11-05-2009 2:01pm

ciagr297 wrote: »

bingo! i have no massive issue with actually going and chatting him up..the crux of doing this is how it comes across....and more to the point, how i do NOT want it to come across

It's quite easy: just be friendly, humourous, interested in what he has to say (unless he's seriously boring!) and most importantly, be relaxed. That really is it.

Professey Chin · 11-05-2009 2:09pm

I wish it happened to me.........ever

MadgeBadge · 11-05-2009 2:09pm

Melange wrote: »

Welcome to our world!

Thanks for the warm welcome!

Whether it works out or not, I'm sure no one has has ever been anything but flattered by being approached, so OP should just go for it. Especially if its been weighing on the mind. Also, it's character building.

Melange wrote: »

It's true when people say it's a numbers game: you just have to try many people, and eventually you'll get lucky.

Was never very good at maths

Galvasean · 11-05-2009 2:14pm

As a bloke it's a very nice feeling to be approached by a female whose interested in you. It takes courage for a girl to make the first move and that is to be admired. So that's one thing in your favour already!

Melange · 11-05-2009 4:26pm

MadgeBadge wrote: »

Was never very good at maths

Maths and chat-up, eh? Reminded me of this:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=14331864402

I actually feel like trying one of these out. Betcha they'd work

delija_sever029 · 11-05-2009 4:51pm

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't see any harm in it, but personally I want to be wooed.

Wooo!

Snowie · 11-05-2009 5:05pm

i remember when i was working in the cave in france (pub) and this girl wouldnt be served bye any body but me, didnt really notice untill closeing time, I was a bit drunk but anyway i was like can you leave the bar please.. and she started speaking in french to me so i retorted in french and she retorted in broken english the next thing i new i was kissing her.... its really very flatering...She was very pretty to... and also very very crazy... But I went to her art excebision in marsea and her crazyness transpires into some of the coolist stuff ive ever seen... rembeling at this point but its supriseing and very cool when it happens i think women should do it more ...

chickenhawk · 11-05-2009 6:47pm

I'm a guy and I love when it happens. I lived in america for a while and it happened alot there. Makes things more relaxed for the guy i think when the girl approached as he already passed the looks test!

On a similar note I got a new puppy at the weekend. Brought her to a park today. It seems girls have no problem chatting guys up if they have a cute puppy in their arms!!

dotsman · 11-05-2009 7:48pm

If you like a guy, talk to him. Trust me, there's a lot of guys who don't "chat women up". In my entire life, I have never actually chatted a girl up (ie gone up to a random girl and started specifically chatting to her). And most guys I know don't do that either. I mainly chat to girls who break the ice, girls I've been introduced to, or, as a group, started chatting to another group of girls and take it from there.

I guess it's mainly to do with the fact that I often go out with groups of girls and I see how they treat the random guys who come up to them.

I, nor any of my male friends, have ever ignored or belittled any girl who's made the first contact. If i'm not interested sexually/romantically etc, I'll still chat to her and have a laugh and comfortably let her know (slip that I've a "girlfriend" into the conversation or something). It does seem to only be girls who actually destroy a person's self worth for no other reason than the guy thought they were attractive.

sillyputty · 11-05-2009 8:16pm

I have chatted up a guy once, and it was the most nerve-racking encounter of my life but the adrenaline rush was fantastic!
It was at a work outing so the worst part was knowing if he wasnt interested i would still have to see him monday morning. Anyways turns out he was interested.
As a girl i prefer to be chatted up than do the chasing.

MadgeBadge · 11-05-2009 8:19pm

Melange wrote: »

Maths and chat-up, eh? Reminded me of this:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=14331864402

I actually feel like trying one of these out. Betcha they'd work

You've got smartz! Yeah, probably would work, I love a man who can confuse me with complex mathematical theorems. :rolleyes:

RacoonQueen · 11-05-2009 8:32pm

Disease Ridden wrote: »

The vast majority of guys would prefer to be chatted up by a woman rather than having to do it themselves.

But most girls also rather being chatted up by the man, rather than having to do it themselves.

Because we want the woman more than they want us,we have to break the ice and take the risk! And I really hate this fact!!

Lolz :pac:

I wouldn't do it, not because I don't have the guts but because that would give him the upper hand, it would show him that I like him enough to make a move, you have to remain in control you know.

Melange · 11-05-2009 9:03pm

MadgeBadge wrote: »

You've got smartz! Yeah, probably would work, I love a man who can confuse me with complex mathematical theorems. :rolleyes:

Relax, I hardly think that lines such as "Hey babe, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?" will make the ladies go weak at the knees...

MadgeBadge · 11-05-2009 9:08pm

Melange wrote: »

Relax, I hardly think that lines such as "Hey babe, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?" will make the ladies go weak at the knees...

I dunno, I'm feeling pretty weak at the knuckles right now

Melange · 11-05-2009 9:22pm

MadgeBadge wrote: »

I dunno, I'm feeling pretty weak at the knuckles right now

And I don't know quite how I should take that! Am I on thin ice, perhaps? :pac:

Nevyn · 11-05-2009 10:12pm

While being wooed is nice, but why should guys have all the fun.

cooperguy · 11-05-2009 10:13pm

As a guy I have to say go for it. Its always good when it happens!!

MadgeBadge · 11-05-2009 10:26pm

Melange wrote: »

And I don't know quite how I should take that! Am I on thin ice, perhaps? :pac:

Is that the reaction you've come to expect? Poor Melange

I agree with Moonbaby, it would be nice to be wooed.

musicmonky · 11-05-2009 10:36pm

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Lolz :pac:

I wouldn't do it, not because I don't have the guts but because that would give him the upper hand, it would show him that I like him enough to make a move, you have to remain in control you know.

typical....next time you get chatted up go easy on him....

Melange · 11-05-2009 10:43pm

MadgeBadge wrote: »

Is that the reaction you've come to expect? Poor Melange

You know, what you've just said there gave me a rather odd mental image of a little hedgehog (called Melange) curling up into a ball to protect itself against the hostility it expects.

This mental image is not to be taken seriously, for I don't in reality expect hostility. And nor am I a spiky little mammal, oddly enough.

And on the topic in general (and to the OP): I'd advise the ladies always to go for it and chat up a guy whenever he takes your fancy. Women chatting up men really isn't all that common, so he'll be very pleasantly surprised indeed when you present yourself. It really feels great, as a man, to be on the receiving end of a chat-up - trust me on this. I guess I'm just seconding what every male poster has said already, tbh!

MadgeBadge · 11-05-2009 11:01pm

Melange wrote: »

You know, what you've just said there gave me a rather odd mental image of a little hedgehog (called Melange) curling up into a ball to protect itself against the hostility it expects.

I'd like to re-assure Melange the hedgehog (or indeed the man), that he is in no way on thin ice.:)

And, if we're encouraging ladies to make the approach, I would similarly like to urge gentlemen to do so also.

Melange · 11-05-2009 11:16pm

MadgeBadge wrote: »

I'd like to re-assure Melange the hedgehog (or indeed the man), that he is in no way on thin ice.:)

Oh, I never really thought I was, but both hedgehog and man are satisfied.

And, if we're encouraging ladies to make the approach, I would similarly like to urge gentlemen to do so also.

True. It'd be hypocritical of me not to encourage men to do so despite the fear and anticipation that sometimes goes with it. After all, I'm sure that women would feel the very same fear if they were to contemplate approaching a guy. Fear of rejection ain't just a male concept, and in many ways I'd say it'd be tougher for a woman than a man. Correct me if I'm mistaken.

11-05-2009 11:30pm

It's exactly like a guy chatting up a girl - same rules apply....
- if person chatted up finds other person attractive it's fine
- if person chatted up finds other person unattractive - rejection

i.e. make eye contact first to see if there's any interest...

MadgeBadge · 11-05-2009 11:36pm

Melange wrote: »

Oh, I never really thought I was, but both hedgehog and man are satisfied.

Oh, good, I'm glad to see I still haven't got to the stage where I'm scaring off men....or hedgehogs.

Melange wrote: »

True. It'd be hypocritical of me not to encourage men to do so despite the fear and anticipation that sometimes goes with it. After all, I'm sure that women would feel the very same fear if they were to contemplate approaching a guy. Fear of rejection ain't just a male concept, and in many ways I'd say it'd be tougher for a woman than a man. Correct me if I'm mistaken.

I think it's one and the same. If it's less intimidating for either sex I'd say it works in the ladies favour. I've seen some friends reject men cruelly when approached. I think men receive it better, whether interested or not.

Melange · 11-05-2009 11:48pm

MadgeBadge wrote: »

Oh, good, I'm glad to see I still haven't got to the stage where I'm scaring off men....or hedgehogs.

I think it's one and the same. If it's less intimidating for either sex I'd say it works in the ladies favour. I've seen some friends reject men cruelly when approached. I think men receive it better, whether interested or not.

The cruelty of the rejections sometimes meted out to men aside, I would have thought that because an average man has been rejected many times in his life, he would be somewhat hardened to it. It's almost a part of male culture to approach the woman: if she likes you, that's great, and if she rejects you, then you laugh it off with a drink with your mates. On the other hand, women being more inexperienced in approaching men will take the rejection more to heart, not being used to the experience.

banshee_bones · 12-05-2009 12:02am

Melange wrote: »

I'd advise the ladies always to go for it and chat up a guy whenever he takes your fancy. Women chatting up men really isn't all that common, so he'll be very pleasantly surprised indeed when you present yourself. It really feels great, as a man, to be on the receiving end of a chat-up - trust me on this.

Seriously? So it doesnt reek of desperation?
(my only fear with this point)
as this is what other girls would advise against because it may come off as desperate. I find if its nice and relaxed surely its not that desperate? Or am i wrong? Is it wrong for a woman to iniate the exchange of numbers and or send the first text slash iniate contact?

Melange wrote: »

On the other hand, women being more inexperienced in approaching men will take the rejection more to heart, not being used to the experience.

This much is true.

MadgeBadge · 12-05-2009 12:03am

Melange wrote: »

women being more inexperienced in approaching men will take the rejection more to heart, not being used to the experience.

I think men are less inclined to reject women in a way they're likely to take to heart. Especially if approached in a sort of casual chat way. Unless one was approaching with a question like 'do you want a drink' or something, I think they're unlikely to receive a flat out rejection. It's pretty easy to read negative signals and move on, or just have a platonic chat.

Melange · 12-05-2009 12:11am

banshee_bones wrote: »

Seriously? So it doesnt reek of desperation?
(my only fear with this point)
as this is what other girls would advise against because it may come off as desperate. I find if its nice and relaxed surely its not that desperate? Or am i wrong? Is it wrong for a woman to iniate the exchange of numbers and or send the first text slash iniate contact?

No, it really doesn't reek of desperation. I've been chatted up by quite a few women at this stage, and at no point did any of them come across as desperate in any way. As long as you're relaxed and not too forward about it, you'll be fine. And no, it's certainly not wrong for a woman to initiate a number exchange or sent a first text. I'd say you'd be hard pressed to find a man who'd disagree with me about this.

MadgeBadge wrote: »

I think men are less inclined to reject women in a way they're likely to take to heart. Especially if approached in a sort of casual chat way. Unless one was approaching with a question like 'do you want a drink' or something, I think they're unlikely to receive a flat out rejection. It's pretty easy to read negative signals and move on, or just have a platonic chat.

It's very true that a man would very rarely issue a blunt rejection to a woman, but his soft/nice rejection is still one all the same, and I would have assumed that a woman would take it harder than a man would take an equivalent rejection.

MadgeBadge · 12-05-2009 12:16am

Melange wrote: »

I'd say you'd be hard pressed to find a man who'd disagree with me about this.

Good to know.

Melange wrote: »

It's very true that a man would very rarely issue a blunt rejection to a woman, but his soft/nice rejection is still one all the same, and I would have assumed that a woman would take it harder than a man would take an equivalent rejection.

Perhaps. Perhaps I'm a little thick skinned. Or have had a skin-full.

Melange · 12-05-2009 12:26am

MadgeBadge wrote: »

Good to know.

Perhaps. Perhaps I'm a little thick skinned. Or have had a skin-full.

I'd far rather believe the first option, tbh

Nothing worse than approaching someone when you're the worse for wear!

MadgeBadge · 12-05-2009 12:33am

Approaching men with casual banter-cool
Drunken lechery- not cool

Check!

metaoblivia · 12-05-2009 12:39am

I think a girl should chat up a guy if she's so inclined.
But that's easier said than done! I know from personal experience that it's one thing to say, "Yeah I'd go chat up a guy!" and quite another to be sitting across from a guy you don't know but would like to strike up a conversation with. I've done it, and I've found it just short of excruciating (I'm kind of shy). It has given way to some short term fun, though.

Melange · 12-05-2009 12:40am

MadgeBadge wrote: »

Approaching men with casual banter-cool
Drunken lechery- not cool

Check!

Got it in one. Now I must depart; the world of sleep and dreams calls me. Night all.

MadgeBadge · 12-05-2009 12:45am

metaoblivia wrote: »

I think a girl should chat up a guy if she's so inclined.
But that's easier said than done! I know from personal experience that it's one thing to say, "Yeah I'd go chat up a guy!" and quite another to be sitting across from a guy you don't know but would like to strike up a conversation with.

That's where the skin-full comes in I suppose.

I know what you mean. I'd only do it if I could think of something suitably interesting enough to say.

randylonghorn · 12-05-2009 12:54am

ciagr297 wrote: »

if there are guys on here, how would you feel about a girl chatting you up? or is it the rare bloke who is not put off by this?

Jebus, I wouldn't be put off by it at all!! I wish to hell more women would take the initiative!

That said, there's a difference between being chatted up, and being slobbered over (and grabbed painfully below the belt on one occasion) at the end of the night ... but in fairness I suspect women have to put up with a lot more of that than us guys do.

MadgeBadge wrote: »

Approaching men with casual banter-cool
Drunken lechery- not cool

Check!

Exactly.

So it basically works the same whichever gender is doing the chatting up / being chatted up!

Snowie · 12-05-2009 1:08am

banshee_bones wrote: »

Seriously? So it doesnt reek of desperation?
(my only fear with this point)
as this is what other girls would advise against because it may come off as desperate. I find if its nice and relaxed surely its not that desperate? Or am i wrong? Is it wrong for a woman to iniate the exchange of numbers and or send the first text slash iniate contact?

No it does'nt....
whats desperate about it ?
the girls who say that could possibly likt the hole game tactic of dating personally i get board with that... I prefer easy going people, and wouldnt really bother getting involved.....

If things are relaxed thats good if theres good stimulation between partys rolling good conversation before numbers are given out, I dont see any desperation.. If you got on with some one and want to meet them again go right ahead, there's no problem, why would there be ?

Nevyn · 12-05-2009 2:21am

Nothing like buying someone roses and having them appericate them.

girls chatting up guys

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