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Do guys like quiet girls?

  • 09-11-2009 07:40PM
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 732 ✭✭✭scarymoon1


    ok i have a friend and she is fairly quiet. Talks to a whisper kind. Nice girl though - wouldn't say boo to a goose. Well for as long as I know her she has ALWAYS had a boyfriend. She dumped her ex last week and already has a date next week with another guy. When out with her and say for example we meet people to chat to I usually have to initiate the talk yet she's the one that ends up with the date!! In no way am I pushy - just friendly. So my question - do guys prefer the really quiet girls?


Comments

  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,671 ✭✭✭BraziliaNZ


    scarymoon1 wrote: »
    ok i have a friend and she is fairly quiet. Talks to a whisper kind. Nice girl though - wouldn't say boo to a goose. Well for as long as I know her she has ALWAYS had a boyfriend. She dumped her ex last week and already has a date next week with another guy. When out with her and say for example we meet people to chat to I usually have to initiate the talk yet she's the one that ends up with the date!! In no way am I pushy - just friendly. So my question - do guys prefer the really quiet girls?

    not particularly she may be just easy to talk to or something. Or maybe she's hotter than you?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    scarymoon1 wrote: »
    ok i have a friend and she is fairly quiet. Talks to a whisper kind. Nice girl though - wouldn't say boo to a goose. Well for as long as I know her she has ALWAYS had a boyfriend. She dumped her ex last week and already has a date next week with another guy. When out with her and say for example we meet people to chat to I usually have to initiate the talk yet she's the one that ends up with the date!! In no way am I pushy - just friendly. So my question - do guys prefer the really quiet girls?

    Is she really hot? If so then the fact that shes quiet probably doesnt make a difference.

    As far as quiet/noisy goes, have no preferences really, depends on the girl


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,115 ✭✭✭✭Nervous Wreck


    BraziliaNZ wrote: »
    not particularly she may be just easy to talk to or something. Or maybe she's hotter than you?

    Valid. It's also very possible that guys like her because they don't have an awful lot of confidence either, so they find her easier to talk to than someone who's more outgoing.

    TBH, it could be any number of things. Possible reasons for why she gets dates are endless. She's probably just lovely!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 356 ✭✭dirtydress


    Don't mean to give a knock to the confidence but you're asking a general question in relation to your specific situation. Your question should be "do guys like my friend better than me?" and it appears that in general, yes they do. It most likely has nothing to do with her being quiet unfortunately.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 225 ✭✭e04bf099


    Guys get intimidated. Not all the time and not all guys obviously, but guys do get intimidated by women, quite often. A quiet girl like your friend can make it easier for us to be ourselves. That doesn't mean she is more interesting or hotter or even more friendly. It could be that she has a way of making lads more comfortable, so they can be themselves.

    Her soft-spokenness would be vulnerable seeming and endearing. Lads do still want to be protectors. If she was a soft-spoken and then slightly dumb, or else just defensive in some way, then it wouldn't matter how vulnerable sounding she is. But she sounds very nice if she gets on well with people so well. Making lads comfortable allows their better, less defensive side to come out more.

    Not all lads want this. Some lads want their "hard-headed woman, that'll make [them] do [their] best." So don't worry about it. Its a relatively minor problem. Some lads like a challenge, and love a good argument. (Not that thats how you are, but these things tend to swing both ways.)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 732 ✭✭✭scarymoon1


    so maybe if i speak softly and look vulnerable Il get guys asking me out more????




  • In my experience, a certain type of guy likes quiet girls. The more controlling type, who like to get things their own way and don't want to be 'answered back'. Yes, it's a generalisation but something I've noticed. Some guys are put off by a woman who has opinions and speaks her mind.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 225 ✭✭e04bf099


    [quote=[Deleted User];62929557]In my experience, a certain type of guy likes quiet girls. The more controlling type, who like to get things their own way and don't want to be 'answered back'. Yes, it's a generalisation but something I've noticed. Some guys are put off by a woman who has opinions and speaks her mind.[/quote]
    That goes both ways. There are just as many controlling women as controlling men. And that doesn't have to be the reason that a lad would like a quiet girl. He might just consider her more considered in her views because she doesn't assert them so vehemently and dogmatically, and hence is more pragmatic, but no less opinionated. But he may still love her underlying assertiveness and self-confidence. I fell in love with a girl a few years ago like that. She seemed so shy and quiet, but when you spoke to her you could tell that she was a rock at heart. And often the most blusterous and opinionated women are the most insecure and dependant at heart. It can go either way though, and maybe as a rash generalisation your right. But you won't get very far with people if you jump those conclusions from their demeanours.

    Scarymoon, I didn't mean that at all, if your question was directed at me. If you read my post properly you'll see that I said lads like all different kinds of girls. If you're bitter about your friend getting more attention then all I can say is: Get over it!!! Fellas like who they like, and while they usually don't expect women to change, we don't apologise for our tastes. I'm starting to think I'd most likely like your friend better now tbh. My mates get more attention than me because they are easier to have a laugh with in the pub. Does that make me bitter? Well slightly, on my worst days, but thats out of loneliness. I just am not like them. I don't know how to have banter with women. Should I ask you to change your tastes so as to appreciate a more serious guy with a taste for politics and philosophy in the pub? Fcuk NO! Women want to have a laugh, and I don't expect them to change that fact for my sake. All I can do is try to lighten up, and maybe you should lighten up also, and stop feeling entitled to the attention your friend gets.

    (I don't talk about philosophy in the pub, actually. I like talkin' politics though. But you don't lead into a conversation with a girl at the bar with: "so do you think they'll end up nationalising the banks?")
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 732 ✭✭✭scarymoon1


    im not bitter that she gets more boyfriends than me - im wondering why! And as she is quiet and shy and is never single i was wondering if that was what most guys like - MOST not ALL. But saying that my ex didnt like her as she was too quiet and made him nervous. But I guess she just has met guys that prefer quiet girls, and of course liked her for who she is. I havn't met the right guys for me I guess.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 970 ✭✭✭Kirnsy


    scarymoon1 wrote: »
    so maybe if i speak softly and look vulnerable Il get guys asking me out more????


    concentrate on being yourself as opposed to obsessing over why others get asked out.

    if you are naturally bubbly and chatty like I am (im a guy) its almost impossible to change that. and why should you?? its a very desirable feature in someone.

    is the real issue here, why dont you have a boyfriend op?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,535 ✭✭✭Raekwon


    [quote=[Deleted User];62929557]In my experience, a certain type of guy likes quiet girls. The more controlling type, who like to get things their own way and don't want to be 'answered back'. Yes, it's a generalisation but something I've noticed. Some guys are put off by a woman who has opinions and speaks her mind.[/QUOTE]

    Pointless comment really because just as many women go for quite guys so they can control them and not have them 'answer back'. You see generalizations can go both ways :D

    Seriously OP, your friend sounds like she comes across as very genuine and relaxed around guys and the vast majority of men dig those traits. She also must be fairly attractive if she is hardly ever single and always getting attention.

    Cute + Quiet = Good Catch!
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    she sounds non-threatening. thats a major plus these days, what with all the loud, overly confident, brash women that are around these days.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 732 ✭✭✭scarymoon1


    Im not been big headed but she is average looking - nothing special, i dont mean this in a bad way. She's a great friend. And I honostly don't know how she manages to get guys all the time - is it the vulnerable look? must be. When out Im the one that is open to conversation. And then she joins in. I just don't get it. Some of my other friends have sais she must have under-lying issues the way she CANNOT be single. She said before she doesnt like it on her own. Maybe I am jealous - after my post here I guess I am.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    Jealousy is probably the biggest turn off in a girl so it's hardly surprising guys avoid you like syphilis. Work on that and it might help you get dates.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 732 ✭✭✭scarymoon1


    Jealousy is probably the biggest turn off in a girl so it's hardly surprising guys avoid you like syphilis. Work on that and it might help you get dates.

    I don't think guys can tell Im jealous by looking at me!!!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    scarymoon1 wrote: »
    I don't think guys can tell Im jealous by looking at me!!!!!

    From your OP...

    scarymoon1 wrote: »
    ok i have a friend and she is fairly quiet. Talks to a whisper kind. Nice girl though - wouldn't say boo to a goose. Well for as long as I know her she has ALWAYS had a boyfriend. She dumped her ex last week and already has a date next week with another guy. When out with her and say for example we meet people to chat to I usually have to initiate the talk yet she's the one that ends up with the date!! In no way am I pushy - just friendly. So my question - do guys prefer the really quiet girls?


    Which is it? :confused: I got the impression that you chat to the lads but at the end they drift towards her and would rather go on a date with her then you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 732 ✭✭✭scarymoon1


    From your OP...





    Which is it? :confused: I got the impression that you chat to the lads but at the end they drift towards her and would rather go on a date with her then you.


    well i guess in future i should look and act like a puppy and they might drift over to me right? She doesnt say much so maybe the guys she meet are controlling!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    scarymoon1 wrote: »
    well i guess in future i should look and act like a puppy and they might drift over to me right? She doesnt say much so maybe the guys she meet are controlling!



    Or maybe after 5 minutes of talking to you the appeall of girl who rarely speaks suddenly becomes a massive attraction? I mean unless it's just been a big massive conciedence that most guys you end chatting to are the controlling ones( I think that's BS anyway tbh) then I'd maybe spent a bit more time looking at yourself as to why you can't get a date when your friend has no problems at all. Specially if this has been the same situation for awhile.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 732 ✭✭✭scarymoon1


    Or maybe after 5 minutes of talking to you the appeall of girl who rarely speaks suddenly becomes a massive attraction? I mean unless it's just been a big massive conciedence that most guys you end chatting to are the controlling ones( I think that's BS anyway tbh) then I'd maybe spent a bit more time looking at yourself as to why you can't get a date when your friend has no problems at all. Specially if this has been the same situation for awhile.


    maybe she has no standards???


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 732 ✭✭✭scarymoon1


    standards was a joke so hold off on insulting me. But yeah maybe i should look at myself to see why im 'dateless'.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    scarymoon1 wrote: »
    maybe she has no standards???


    If she dating guys who aren't goodlooking then why did you start this thread about not being able to get dates when your friend can? :confused: Also it seems strange for you to intiate the talk with a group of guys you don't fancy like you mentioned in your OP.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    It's not the end of the world, we have different futures and destinies...

    She's got a date, good for her. If you start comparing yourself with all your mates, you'd die of frustration.

    Think about it this way; there's more to life than being in a relationship. You don't need a man/relationship to be happy and content....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 225 ✭✭e04bf099


    scarymoon1 wrote: »
    well i guess in future i should look and act like a puppy and they might drift over to me right? She doesnt say much so maybe the guys she meet are controlling!
    I hope I didn't come across as mean. I wasn't trying to initiate this attack. I understand you're frustrated. I get the same way. The fact that she gets more attention and dates is just the way it is though. Saying that she must have issues with dependancy comes across as very bitchy? But again, I don't want to attack you, but in fairness, you are not entitled to anything here. Lads make their decisions and approach the women they want to approach. If you are such a great catch then someone will eventually be smart enough to realise it. But there are no gaurentees.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    it depends on the girls personality for me
    if i see a loud girl shouting in a bar and shes sayin inappropriate things or yelling abuse at somebody then im turned off no matter how hot she is

    if i see a loud girl whos laughing and being nice to people then i will be attracted even if she isnt that hot

    if a quiet girl is known for gossiping/being bitchy behind people backs then again i will be turned off

    if a quiet girl is just nice and quiet then ill like her

    my preference would be for the quiet girls though because im a quiet lad myself and dont like being the centre of attention. some people may think that i dont like loud girls because im scared but i find loud behaviour boorish and ungraceful. it just doesnt attract me, some lads love it i dont...so i dont see the harm in it


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 714 ✭✭✭Smyth


    You sound really jealous OP. They like your friend because she's just more likeable or just hotter. It's really that simple. It's not that every guy who talks to her has some weird possessive complex. As much as that would ease your mind and make you feel better, I think it's far from the truth.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 732 ✭✭✭scarymoon1


    Smyth wrote: »
    You sound really jealous OP. They like your friend because she's just more likeable or just hotter. It's really that simple. It's not that every guy who talks to her has some weird possessive complex. As much as that would ease your mind and make you feel better, I think it's far from the truth.

    wow lucky im not too sensitive :) In honosty I wouldnt date any of her ex's and maybe she wouldnt date mine. Min was right - we all have different destinies :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 339 ✭✭Darthhoob


    [quote=[Deleted User];62929557]In my experience, a certain type of guy likes quiet girls. The more controlling type, who like to get things their own way and don't want to be 'answered back'. Yes, it's a generalisation but something I've noticed. Some guys are put off by a woman who has opinions and speaks her mind.[/quote]

    i gave you the thumbs up simply because that could be a possibility. i am a very quiet person and i ALWAYS had a relationship...i was never out of one (except for the 3 months before i met my OH). for me i think it was because i was seen as controllable and an easy target. i was also a single mum most of that time. i was quite vulnerable....till i actually saw through it!

    that isnt to say that these guys are liking the OPs friend because they see her as an easy target...far from. it's just possible that some of the men are like that. aware women can be too but this thread is about men being attracted to a quiet woman..not visa versa.

    alot of things are possible though

    she may have a more appealing look (clothes too)
    may have a nicer smile
    may appear more friendly
    may be less intimidating
    maybe because she is meek and so seems more ladylike (as in the weaker sex...some men like to be the man ;))

    we have no idea, and i dont think the OP will ever know either.
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


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