Still so upset after breakup

LegacyUser · 18-01-2011 12:29PM #1

Basically i broke up with my ex over a year now and although i really am over the worst of it i'm still so upset and finding it really card to cope at times, Because i'm single now i tend to go out every weekend and i'm at my most depressed with a hangover, monday's in work are hell, i just find it so hard, Alcohol is really destroying me and i find it hard not to drink because its out culture at the end of the day and 4 years of college has brought me up that way,

I realise if i gave up alcohol for a while it would really help me in the long run but to really move on i go out with the intention of meeting girls and how do i do that if i give up drink?

Miss Fluff · 18-01-2011 01:43PM

You couldn't actually pick a better time of year to knock the booze on the head for a few months. The silly season is out of the way, and beer garden weather won't be here for another few months yet. Why don't you use this time to go off the booze and train for a sporting event? It will keep you occupied and its a reasonable excuse to give to people who want you to go out on the lash with them. You've enough self-awareness to realise booze is making you feel like this so the answer is staring you in the face really. Go off the booze for the next three months say and use the time to get your head together. If you do so you'll give yourself a proper chance of getting over this heart-break and moving on with your life.

LegacyUser · 18-01-2011 02:06PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

Hi OP, I'm guessing you are in your early 20s?

I remember being your age and I know the culture you are talking about. It's hard to just stop completely when your soical life is so intertwined with drinking.

I gave up the drink for about 4 months a few years back. I either drank diet 7up or stuck to no alcohol beer. I still had a good time. It was weird seeing my friends get tipsy etc and it was actually nice to know that I was in control. I still had a good time. I didnt have a hangover and I didn't feel depressed.

You have admitted you know what the problem is and that's a start. When your out drinking no alcohol beer, people don't really notice (I mean outside of the circle you are with).

Why don't you try it.

Alcohol does make you depressed. Fact. Remove that from the equation and you will start to feel a lot better.

I know it's hard. And xmas is a hard time for a lot of people... as is the January blues.

Hang in there, it will get better. Promise

Thanks for the reply, i'm actually 29 would you believe but the breakup with my girlfriend of 4 years has destroyed me mentally and now when any of my mates get on to me about going for beers i'm probably one of the first to reply,

I think I'm just gonna have to try and cut down, I'm not one to do shots or anything, I stick to pints of beer, to get over the breakup Ive been with a good few girls but at this stage they're still rebounds even though Ive met some nice girls, I also find it so hard sitting in on a fri or sat night after a long week in work, ive always been quiet a fun guy whose always laughing and joking and for the first time in my life I'm getting pretty moody and giving out in work and to my friends, I'm just lost in life at the moment

LegacyUser · 18-01-2011 04:41PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

Hey, join the club.... this time last year I was happy. This year I am unemployed and getting over a break-up.

Sometimes we are up, other times down.

I feel your pain, but yes, lay off the booze as much as possible and know that things will get better in time. God, so cliched, but I have to believe that too to get me through.

Thanks, I never thought id ever get like this, life can be a real bitch at times

IrishEyes19 · 18-01-2011 06:52PM

Stillamess wrote: »

Thanks, I never thought id ever get like this, life can be a real bitch at times

Ditto, OP, same issue going on here as yourself and Sunflower, not worrying about drinking however, moreso, that I dont feel very motivated anymore after a sudden breakup there. But I think January is a horrid month anyway and perhaps just getting healthier gym wise, maybe instead of pub nights, play some sports with the lads at the weekends, basically activities outside of the pub. theres no need to stop drinking totally unless you feel you have an actual issue with it, but cutting down maybe would be good. its easier said than done though.

ando · 18-01-2011 07:46PM

Stillamess wrote: »

Thanks for the reply, i'm actually 29 would you believe but the breakup with my girlfriend of 4 years has destroyed me mentally and now when any of my mates get on to me about going for beers i'm probably one of the first to reply

I can deffo relate to that post you made. Very similar circumstances here. I’m 29, just out of a 4 year relationship, mentally destroyed too! Its tough going but I agree with the previous poster, no need to give drink up completely, just be sensible and try have fun. It’s just a low point in your life, nothing unusual or weird about it. Happens to everyone at some point. Sometimes your up, sometimes you're down, just keep at it, stay positive and you'll be fine. Easier said though, I know!!!

treakle · 18-01-2011 08:53PM

Hi OP...can totally relate to your predicament!
I'm 27 and I'm 1.5 years out of a 6 year relationship....totally mentally/emotionally floored for the first year but I'm slowly getting back on track.

I find that the Sunday hangover is much worse if I haven't managed to pull the night before...or at least get a number

I'm guessing that because we're still healing from our past relationship that we need to go out on a Fri/Sat night drinking to try meet a nice girl and help us forget or distract us from the healing process....well it's the case for me anyway.

Most of my mates are getting married or having kids so that probably is adding to the frustration of being single/lonely etc..

Chin up I say...although it's taken me a while to realise, things will work themselves out.

ando · 18-01-2011 09:04PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

What a sad, sorry bunch we are

hah yea maybe we should start a club

IrishEyes19 · 18-01-2011 09:45PM

ando wrote: »

hah yea maybe we should start a club

Sounds like a plan! haha

@OP, I think its worth noticing too, just going back on what posters are saying here, that its a common predicament thats falls on nearly everyone. Break ups are horrendous and truthfully "be happy with yourself and be happy being single" thing that people say, Ive never been a fan off, for the mere reason that as a person I am happy who I am, but Im not happy with what happened, and the same goes for others.

I really suggest just organising a few non alcohol related activities for yourself during the weekends and still having one pub night,, not because I think alcohol is wrong. But because its a bloody devil after a break up when you're either drunk and feeling low about the situation or wake up the next morning hungover and still feeling low.

LegacyUser · 19-01-2011 09:55AM

Thanks everyone for your help, its helped me alot

I play football a couple of times during the week and go to the gym aswell and i also play golf at the weekends(when the weather is nicer than it is now)but once the weekend arrives ive been overdoing it for too long now and come sunday, monday and even tuesday i'm down in the dumps but because its wednesday today i'm feeling much better, this weekend i'm definitely taking it very easy, it amazing how much alocohol effects your mental health more as you get older and the breakup didnt help one bit

Still so upset after breakup

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