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I swear I did no not watch porn!

  • 22-04-2014 01:50PM
    #1
    bogwalrus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,454 ✭✭✭


    This has me in stitches. In fairness though I think this is a glimpse in to every married mans future. Trying to watch some dirty vid's without the missus knowing.

    I have my current porn watching routines down to a tittle. Volume always at 2db. Sky news on favourites so just one button away from channel change (unless it is Kay Burley I am watching in the first place). If the pants are around my ankles I make sure I have the blanket. I can just tell I was a bit cold.

    Never been caught.


Comments

  • #2
    bodice ripper
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,681 ✭✭✭bodice ripper


    Don't marry someone who you have to hide **** from. Problem ****ing solved.


  • #3
    Duggy747
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,295 ✭✭✭✭Duggy747


    I read the thread title in Fawlty Tower's Manuel's voice.

    "I swear, Mr. Fawlty, I did no not watch porn!"

    *Thump*

    "Aaaaaiiiieeeee!!"


  • #4
    runawaybishop
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,521 ✭✭✭runawaybishop


    The look on yer mans face says it all.


  • #5
    Davarus Walrus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,280 ✭✭✭Davarus Walrus


    There must be nothing worse than trying to pull the skeleton out of yourself through your groin, while watching a video of two people fúcking for money, and having the significant lady in your life walk in on you. Extremely humiliating and embarrassing. Trying to mouth out excuses and half apologies as you tuck the lad back into your y-fronts.


  • #6
    The One Doctor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,339 ✭✭✭The One Doctor


    Are there really women out there who get angry if their partner watches porn? Sad if true. My partner certainly doesn't worry about such trivia.


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  • #7
    gramar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,045 ✭✭✭✭gramar


    Judging by the way you wrote the title I'd say you only had one hand on the keyboard.


  • #8
    131spanner
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,305 ✭✭✭131spanner


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xDXF0agUeM


  • #9
    Kilgore__Trout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 454 ✭✭Kilgore__Trout


    ‘I couldn’t believe it was happening again. No-one else comes in here. There’s obviously something wrong with the technology.’


  • #10
    homeless student
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,020 ✭✭✭homeless student


    bogwalrus wrote: »
    This has me in stitches. In fairness though I think this is a glimpse in to every married mans future. Trying to watch some dirty vid's without the missus knowing.

    I have my current porn watching routines down to a tittle. Volume always at 2db. Sky news on favourites so just one button away from channel change (unless it is Kay Burley I am watching in the first place). If the pants are around my ankles I make sure I have the blanket. I can just tell I was a bit cold.

    Never been caught.


    living the dream:rolleyes:


  • #11
    Calibos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,840 ✭✭✭Calibos


    bogwalrus wrote: »
    This has me in stitches. In fairness though I think this is a glimpse in to every married mans future. Trying to watch some dirty vid's without the missus knowing.

    I have my current porn watching routines down to a tittle. Volume always at 2db. Sky news on favourites so just one button away from channel change (unless it is Kay Burley I am watching in the first place). If the pants are around my ankles I make sure I have the blanket. I can just tell I was a bit cold.

    Never been caught.

    You get your porn fix from...........TV ????????????????

    Dude, its not the 90's anymore!!


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  • #12
    ScumLord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    runawaybishop wrote: »
    The look on yer mans face says it all.
    Yeah, he's got that guilty "I'm in too deep to turn back now" look on his face.


  • #13
    Pumpkinseeds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,635 ✭✭✭Pumpkinseeds


    bogwalrus wrote: »
    This has me in stitches. In fairness though I think this is a glimpse in to every married mans future. Trying to watch some dirty vid's without the missus knowing.

    I have my current porn watching routines down to a tittle. Volume always at 2db. Sky news on favourites so just one button away from channel change (unless it is Kay Burley I am watching in the first place). If the pants are around my ankles I make sure I have the blanket. I can just tell I was a bit cold.

    Never been caught.
    Never been caught or she just hasn't mentioned it?:D Maybe if you put as much thought and effort into sex with your wife as you do trying to hide your porn habit from her you might actually get to have sex. Unless of course you're just happy to settle for hand jobs and blaming your wife.

    In short, more time in bed pleasing your wife, less time on the sofa pleasing yourself.


  • #14
    ArtyM
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,880 ✭✭✭ArtyM


    bogwalrus wrote: »
    This has me in stitches. In fairness though I think this is a glimpse in to every married mans future. Trying to watch some dirty vid's without the missus knowing.

    I have my current porn watching routines down to a tittle. Volume always at 2db. Sky news on favourites so just one button away from channel change (unless it is Kay Burley I am watching in the first place). If the pants are around my ankles I make sure I have the blanket. I can just tell I was a bit cold.

    Never been caught.

    Wtf is a tittle?


  • #15
    Rory Gallagher
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 292 ✭✭Rory Gallagher


    131spanner wrote: »
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xDXF0agUeM

    I really did lol


  • #16
    Gannicus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,736 ✭✭✭Gannicus


    bogwalrus wrote: »
    I have my current porn watching routines down to a tittle. Volume always at 2db. Sky news on favourites so just one button away from channel change (unless it is Kay Burley I am watching in the first place). If the pants are around my ankles I make sure I have the blanket. I can just tell I was a bit cold.

    Never been caught.

    You could have linked a picture of Kay Burley, OP.

    But no if I was gonna fap to a Sky News personality it would have to be Charlotte Hawkins or Nazaneen Ghaffar


  • #17
    Cantremember
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,305 ✭✭✭Cantremember


    I reddit before.


  • #18
    bogwalrus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,454 ✭✭✭bogwalrus


    Pumpkinseeds wrote: »
    Never been caught or she just hasn't mentioned it?:D Maybe if you put as much thought and effort into sex with your wife as you do trying to hide your porn habit from her you might actually get to have sex. Unless of course you're just happy to settle for hand jobs and blaming your wife.

    In short, more time in bed pleasing your wife, less time on the sofa pleasing yourself.


    Me and the missus have a great sex life. She is very demanding in the sack and gets annoyed if i don't last longer than 15mins.

    Am I the only one that masterbates to build up endurances levels?

    The reason for the secrecy is that it just adds a bit of fun. Helps the juices flow a bit better:D


  • #19
    bogwalrus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,454 ✭✭✭bogwalrus


    Calibos wrote: »
    You get your porn fix from...........TV ????????????????

    Dude, its not the 90's anymore!!


    I live in the middle of nowhere. Not everyone has good broadband in Ireland. I'm lucky to get even 56k off my wireless dongle.


  • #20
    Gannicus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,736 ✭✭✭Gannicus


    bogwalrus wrote: »
    I'm lucky to get even 56k off my wireless dongle.

    So's your missus :P:P:P


  • #21
    bogwalrus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,454 ✭✭✭bogwalrus


    Big Steve wrote: »
    So's your missus :P:P:P


    Laffed my arse off there. well done!


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  • #22
    Banjo String
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,380 ✭✭✭✭Banjo String


    Calibos wrote: »
    You get your porn fix from...........TV ????????????????

    Dude, its not the 90's anymore!!

    Underwear section of little woods catalogue for me.

    If you squint you can see some pubes in that pic..... Oh boy, there's a nipple.....


  • #23
    dan1895
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,597 ✭✭✭dan1895


    Davarus Walrus wrote: »
    There must be nothing worse than trying to pull the skeleton out of yourself through your groin, while watching a video of two people fúcking for money, and having the significant lady in your life walk in on you. Extremely humiliating and embarrassing. Trying to mouth out excuses and half apologies as you tuck the lad back into your y-fronts.

    Y fronts? That's embarrassing alright.


  • #24
    Ruu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,622 ✭✭✭Ruu


    Banjo String wrote: »
    Underwear section of little woods catalogue for me.

    If you squint you can see some pubes in that pic..... Oh boy, there's a nipple.....

    Littlewoods, laa deee daaaaaa, posh!

    Tattered old copy of Kays catalogue for me. :p


  • #25
    Banjo String
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,380 ✭✭✭✭Banjo String


    Ruubot2 wrote: »
    Littlewoods, laa deee daaaaaa, posh!

    Tattered old copy of Kays catalogue for me. :p

    Stick with me Ruubot. ;)

    Littlewoods has a far greater selection of camel toes.


  • #26
    Calibos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,840 ✭✭✭Calibos


    Banjo String wrote: »
    Underwear section of little woods catalogue for me.

    If you squint you can see some pubes in that pic..... Oh boy, there's a nipple.....

    Yeah, Littlewoods and Kays catalogues. I hear ya. But surely you are talking about them in the past tense from when you were a horny 13 year old pulling the lad off yourself upstairs while everyone else was still finishing their dinner downstairs while watching Niamh Kavanagh win the Eurovision LIVE on TV.

    Is BB infrastructure still so bad in the sticks that there are actual Adult men having to resort to a Kays catalogue in 2014!!! :eek:

    :D


  • #27
    SamAK
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭SamAK


    No matter how much sex a man is having, he'll always fancy a **** or two when the missus isn't around. C'est la vie!


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