Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Partner Keeping a Diary of my activties

13»

Comments

  • #62
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    catonthewire wrote: »
    Sorry missed this post before my reply...
    A lot of couples have different interests, but her need to be around you all the time does point to insecurity issues...
    Given that you have been together so long and do appear happy, it could be she is simply worried that she may lose you in the future...
    If she had serious trust issues I doubt if she would have left you to go off on a holiday with her Sisters, she wouldn't let you out of her sight..

    The holiday was planned for a while and she didnt stop moaning about the ordeal of having to go with them. This weekend I was out with my friends for the weekend, and really let of steam, she kept texting during the day and then kept asking me what time I was going home at.

    I just stopped replying and now she isnt answering me this morning, which if im honest doesnt bother me

    As an aside Its one of those cases where her friends are "our friends" and my friends are my friends

    I do think she is probably a bit depressed, but I think constantly watching that eastenders and other crap isnt going to help things. "Be the change" and all that

    As for the start of it when I look at the dates I can see now that it started about two months after I went back to college to do a part time course and made a large circle of new friends

    BTW thank you all for your replies to date


  • #63
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    I don't see what the big deal is with her watching brain dead tv. Is that just typical of other issues you have with her?


  • #64
    KMoon09
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26 ✭KMoon09


    OP, there's no excuse for her to try and control you like that. Both of you need your space and time out. You need to have a serious chat with her.


  • #65
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Stavro Mueller wrote: »
    OP have you actually had a discussion about it? It's all well and good to ignore texts, let off steam etc but it's not addressing the problem. I think you have to talk to her about it instead of venting.

    She's still on holiday I'll address it when she returns, I wouldnt be doing something like that over text message
    I don't see what the big deal is with her watching brain dead tv. Is that just typical of other issues you have with her?

    I've sat through some of these shows and they are nothing but negative, relationships not working, family strife, affairs and so on. Each to their own but I'm not going to sit through 2 hours a night watching that and I do believe that it is a kind of negative reinforcement in her life.

    Again thanks for the replies


  • #66
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    JustAngry wrote: »
    This weekend I was out with my friends for the weekend, and really let off steam, she kept texting during the day and then kept asking me what time I was going home at.

    I just stopped replying and now she isn't answering me this morning, which if I'm honest doesn't bother me

    I'm assuming you've not had a conversation about this file then? You still sound very angry, which I don't blame you for. However, you going out on the razz as a form of revenge and both of you now ignoring texts isn't the way to handle this. You are going to have to have a conversation. Not just about this file and her clinginess but just where your relationship is going.

    You're together 10 years - at this stage what is it that you want? Do you think the relationship has run its course and that the pair of you are too different now? Or are you willing to try and save the relationship even though it sounds like you're different people now. Certainly, you aren't speaking very kindly of your girlfriend just now and you sound frustrated.

    If you reckon your girlfriend is depressed, are you willing to try and help her get over it? Or have you simply had enough?


  • Advertisement
  • #67
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    CaraMay wrote: »
    I don't see what the big deal is with her watching brain dead tv. Is that just typical of other issues you have with her?

    I can see how it could be quite annoying when he feels she is sitting tracking his movements instead of getting out there and enjoying the company of friends or having a social life of her own - maybe making an effort to do so would distract her from whatever insecurities she has.


  • #68
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    JustAngry wrote: »
    The holiday was planned for a while and she didnt stop moaning about the ordeal of having to go with them. This weekend I was out with my friends for the weekend, and really let of steam, she kept texting during the day and then kept asking me what time I was going home at.

    I just stopped replying and now she isnt answering me this morning, which if im honest doesnt bother me

    As an aside Its one of those cases where her friends are "our friends" and my friends are my friends

    I do think she is probably a bit depressed, but I think constantly watching that eastenders and other crap isnt going to help things. "Be the change" and all that

    As for the start of it when I look at the dates I can see now that it started about two months after I went back to college to do a part time course and made a large circle of new friends

    BTW thank you all for your replies to date

    I had an ex who wasn't quite as insecure as yours, but no less irritating when I was out for the night - constant texts about when I'd be home, where I was, etc. I came back one night at 2am instead of the usual 1am closing time - I dared to *shock* *horror* stop with my friend at his house for an hour for another drink. I did let her know in advance, but she locked me outside for 40 mins in a state of anger anyhow when I eventually got back.

    That behaviour was exhausting to be honest, for both of us, and was one of the main reasons I said goodbye and good riddance to her. Lots of apologies afterwards but none of it washed with me.


  • #69
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    JustAngry wrote: »
    she kept texting during the day and then kept asking me what time I was going home at.

    Have you maybe been feeding the bear by responding to questions like this? A quick 'when I'm ready' should nip that in the bud. Behaviour like this rarely happens in a vacuum. She's acting like thus because she gets away with it


  • #70
    InPainRightNow
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22 ✭InPainRightNow


    JustAngry wrote: »
    She's still on holiday I'll address it when she returns, I wouldnt be doing something like that over text message



    I've sat through some of these shows and they are nothing but negative, relationships not working, family strife, affairs and so on. Each to their own but I'm not going to sit through 2 hours a night watching that and I do believe that it is a kind of negative reinforcement in her life.

    Again thanks for the replies

    Hi Op

    This will confirm your opinion on the likes of eastenders
    My ex was cheating and during the time we were still living under the one roof (me trying to get her to work through problems) I sat with her watching it. Guess what the plot was? One of the married characters was cheating and doing the same thing ex was doing he had the same name and everything lol. I just said "fact stranger than fiction"
    She got up walked out of the room calling me a bollocks!!!

    Just taught I'd share that best of luck with situation hope it works out.


  • #71
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    Bizarre. Actually reminds me of a particularly neurotic, paranoid co-worker of mine who is wound as tight as a cat's aRse most of the time. Started keeping logs on other colleagues, their work assignments, hours they were keeping, mistakes they made on various projects etc. To use as “evidence” as it were if anyone called her on her own behaviour (which would happen frequently as she’s bloody difficult to work with and rubs everyone up the wrong way)

    It takes a certain type of personality to engage in this type of behaviour IMO. Someone controlling, uptight, petty, paranoid and insecure to the extreme. Someone who isn’t interested in engaging on a human level and discussing emotions, ‘this is how this makes me feel…can we talk about this?” but instead is interested in point-scoring. “You did this so you are WRONG” etc.

    I can understand if something is negatively affected your relationship, you’d want to have a few examples of how and when and where etc, but there’s a world of difference between making a mental note versus racking up a spreadsheet with dates, times, names, places and filing it away on your computer like some sort of work project. That’s mental and more than a little unstable tbh.

    I think someone like this is addicted to drama and the need to be ‘right’ all the time. The question is are you going to stick around to see this escalate? What if you have kids, what if work gets busier, what if your social circle expands and she has no interest in hanging out with your new mates?

    On a base level, it doesn’t seem like you are compatible as people anymore. You’ve gotten active and interested in your fitness, she’s still stuck to the couch. Something which you don’t seem to look favourably on. She doesn’t like your friends. Is it worth sticking around? Is there anything to salvage here?


  • Advertisement
  • #72
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    JustAngry wrote: »
    She's still on holiday I'll address it when she returns, I wouldnt be doing something like that over text message

    So she is on holidays, texting you constantly and asking what time you are going to be home at when you are on a night out!!! long term relationship or not she's obviously isn't enjoying her holiday much if she feels the constant need to be in touch with you. I mean whatever about the texting once or twice a day when you are away from each other but asking you what time you are going to be home at fffss. Sorry OP but that clingy and needy behaviour would be a major turn off.


Advertisement