Embarrassing moments socially

Perhaps give more info on these 'moments'?
Is there drink involved?
Is it something you said or did?
Are you offending people?

Honestly go easy on yourself! Most people are too busy thinking of themselves and what they did then to be thinking about you.


And also think about if someone else did what you did, would you be thinking about it later, no you'd have forgotten all about it. Be reassured people are not thinking about what you did! Honestly! Forgive yourself and move on (to the next thing and then forgive yourself for that) - that's what I do!

Adnan44 wrote: »

How to get over embarrassing moments?
I can't seem to let go of stupid things i have said (you know the look people give you) and done. I'm finding it very hard especially when i have to see these people everyday at work. I can't mix with people at all & have no friends(i'm 28yrs old) I've tried forcing myself to go out to social events & none of them went well, in fact there all just bad memories.

Advice would be much appreciated.

You have toxic shame. I used to be similar to you, I would make a mistake or say something silly and it would haunt me as if I had done something genuinely bad. I realised my problems were due to being a perfectionist. Once I identified toxic shame was my problem I was able to get over it and accept that it's ok to make mistakes and that no one really cares if you do something embarrassing.

Of course the root of your problem may be different but hopefully what I wrote can help you.

Social anxiety is very difficult. I'm sorry that you are going through this and depression can make things very hard. Sometimes we overthink situations, over analyze things and make it worse in our own heads. That can then get you worried and anxious even before going to meet a person or have a conversation. If you are overthinking before even talking to someone it can also cause you to be stuttering or saying something random as you are nervous and getting in your own head. I would suggest building your confidence slowly. Take time and go to an event/hobbie or sport you are interested in to meet new people. That way you can talk about shared interests and it might help you build your confidence as you might find it easier to chat about stuff you really like and feel knowledgeable on. I'm suggesting this as these are people you don't know so don't ever have to bump into or see again if don't want to. This is big step I understand. But you seem like you really want to try. A lot of places have new people joining all the time especially January if it's anything to do with sport. I know it's hard but don't be hard on yourself. Fact that you are trying to sort this out is great first step. I think it's good to laugh at yourself. Keep doing that if you feel awkward and maybe let other person talk more and you be listener. Asking someone questions too in conversation can put conversation back to them. Like if in work Hiya how was your weekend. They chat away and ask how was yours? You can say quiet one watched tv and met up with some family or had a nice walk weather has gotten better... If keep conversations short and have exit sentence it can really help. If you have a way that if you are feeling anxious it's your sentence that lets you leave early to go. Whether it be wish I could stay longer I have an apt in town or early start tomorrow or so much work today must get started. Keep conversations short if feeling anxious. Smile and be friendly that's even more important than anything. I waffle to my friends so much that sometimes I actually will say during conversation what was I just saying?! So trust me most of us all talk nonsense and even have close friends think what are we on about. Also with all this maybe get a notebook and write down things express yourself, how you imagine a conversation with work colleague. Good luck with it and also to note you might think you are being awkward but I bet 9/10 the person you are chatting with isn't even realizing or thinking back to conversation it's just we build it up in our own heads to be worse. This may sound bad but a lot people are so wrapped up in their every day lives that honestly they prob don't even think back on that conversation. Take care (now look how much I have waffled on back to ya )

Adnan44 wrote: »

Thank you for your advice Michelle. I guess i have to keep trying, it's very frustrating

Addy, buddy - stop trying.

Ask yourself this, how would a brick feel if it bricked something off-brickic to another brick? Seriously. How would it brick? I'm not really trying to make a point here, I'm genuinely asking you to contemplate this question, even if just for a moment.

Be a brick, Adnan. Forget about words. Bricks don't remember words. Bricks only remember how you made them feel. People are the same as bricks. What is a brick without a thousand other bricks? It's just one brick. What is a thousand bricks? It's a house, a building. We're all bricks. We're all in this house together. And none of us want to see the other brick brick. Otherwise the house could experience structural damage. And nobody bricks that.

Start thinking, like. A. Brick.

How does a brick think?

It. Doesn't.

What i found helped me was to have the mindset (which i think is true to life), to realise that people/person I am interacting are so caught up in tgeir own thought processes about themselves,how they are behaving/reacting/interacting/thinking what others think of them that they dont realise all my insecurities. Hence just get on with it and be myself and not overthink about myself.