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Embarrassing moments socially

  • 13-01-2016 02:50PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 48


    How to get over embarrassing moments?
    I can't seem to let go of stupid things i have said (you know the look people give you) and done. I'm finding it very hard especially when i have to see these people everyday at work. I can't mix with people at all & have no friends(i'm 28yrs old) I've tried forcing myself to go out to social events & none of them went well, in fact there all just bad memories.

    Advice would be much appreciated.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Perhaps give more info on these 'moments'?
    Is there drink involved?
    Is it something you said or did?
    Are you offending people?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,166 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    As above, it depends on the moments.

    If its basic silly stuff then consistently telling yourself that it's gone, forgotten by everyone seconds after it's happened, will help.
    Peole really don't give much thought to these things honestly so go easy on yourself.

    Expanding on the issues would help.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,653 ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Honestly go easy on yourself! Most people are too busy thinking of themselves and what they did then to be thinking about you.


    And also think about if someone else did what you did, would you be thinking about it later, no you'd have forgotten all about it. Be reassured people are not thinking about what you did! Honestly! Forgive yourself and move on (to the next thing and then forgive yourself for that) - that's what I do!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,787 ✭✭✭mohawk


    It really depends on what type of of embarrassing stuff you speak of.

    I do embarrassing crap all the time. In general I can laugh at myself then I don't ever think of it again. Of course there is embarrassing stuff that my friends bring up and I then retaliate by bringing up stuff they have done and we laugh.

    More details needed of what kind of stuff you mean.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 48 Adnan44


    Ok I think Rubberchicken described it well 'basic silly stuff' i would say. I have suffered depression & Anxiety for years but have turned a corner so to speak the last 2 years but i'm getting nowhere socially. I don't drink & certainly haven't said anything bad to anyone. I do just tend to say something stupid maybe off topic, or just stutter or take far to long to answer. When i'm around people i just laugh it off but it really gets me inside. I feel terrible about myself then. The next time i see that person i get very tense. I don't know whats wrong with me, i keep telling myself get over it, move on.

    Does anyone else have this issue? sorry i can't really explain it better, i don't want to say the exact conversations


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Roselm


    Adnan44 wrote: »
    Ok I think Rubberchicken described it well 'basic silly stuff' i would say. I have suffered depression & Anxiety for years but have turned a corner so to speak the last 2 years but i'm getting nowhere socially. I don't drink & certainly haven't said anything bad to anyone. I do just tend to say something stupid maybe off topic, or just stutter or take far to long to answer. When i'm around people i just laugh it off but it really gets me inside. I feel terrible about myself then. The next time i see that person i get very tense. I don't know whats wrong with me, i keep telling myself get over it, move on.

    Does anyone else have this issue? sorry i can't really explain it better, i don't want to say the exact conversations

    I was going to suggest laughing at yourself but you said you already do that. I think that's the best you can do in the moment. It can make someone seem nice and easy going.
    How regularly does this happen though? You don't want to be laughing after every sentence or you'll seem nervous and like you don't believe in what you're saying and people won't take you seriously...
    Is this a vicious circle where your anxiety when you next meet the person leads you to trip up again because you can't relax while worrying what you'll say wrong??


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 Black and Blue15


    Adnan44 wrote: »
    How to get over embarrassing moments?
    I can't seem to let go of stupid things i have said (you know the look people give you) and done. I'm finding it very hard especially when i have to see these people everyday at work. I can't mix with people at all & have no friends(i'm 28yrs old) I've tried forcing myself to go out to social events & none of them went well, in fact there all just bad memories.

    Advice would be much appreciated.

    You have toxic shame. I used to be similar to you, I would make a mistake or say something silly and it would haunt me as if I had done something genuinely bad. I realised my problems were due to being a perfectionist. Once I identified toxic shame was my problem I was able to get over it and accept that it's ok to make mistakes and that no one really cares if you do something embarrassing.

    Of course the root of your problem may be different but hopefully what I wrote can help you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 48 Adnan44


    Is this a vicious circle where your anxiety when you next meet the person leads you to trip up again because you can't relax while worrying what you'll say wrong??

    Yes Roselm, that's exactly what it is.

    Thank you Black and Blue15 I think it maybe something to do with shame.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 99 ✭✭Michelle_b


    Social anxiety is very difficult. I'm sorry that you are going through this and depression can make things very hard. Sometimes we overthink situations, over analyze things and make it worse in our own heads. That can then get you worried and anxious even before going to meet a person or have a conversation. If you are overthinking before even talking to someone it can also cause you to be stuttering or saying something random as you are nervous and getting in your own head. I would suggest building your confidence slowly. Take time and go to an event/hobbie or sport you are interested in to meet new people. That way you can talk about shared interests and it might help you build your confidence as you might find it easier to chat about stuff you really like and feel knowledgeable on. I'm suggesting this as these are people you don't know so don't ever have to bump into or see again if don't want to. This is big step I understand. But you seem like you really want to try. A lot of places have new people joining all the time especially January if it's anything to do with sport. I know it's hard but don't be hard on yourself. Fact that you are trying to sort this out is great first step. I think it's good to laugh at yourself. Keep doing that if you feel awkward and maybe let other person talk more and you be listener. Asking someone questions too in conversation can put conversation back to them. Like if in work Hiya how was your weekend. They chat away and ask how was yours? You can say quiet one watched tv and met up with some family or had a nice walk weather has gotten better... If keep conversations short and have exit sentence it can really help. If you have a way that if you are feeling anxious it's your sentence that lets you leave early to go. Whether it be wish I could stay longer I have an apt in town or early start tomorrow or so much work today must get started. Keep conversations short if feeling anxious. Smile and be friendly that's even more important than anything. I waffle to my friends so much that sometimes I actually will say during conversation what was I just saying?! So trust me most of us all talk nonsense and even have close friends think what are we on about. ;) Also with all this maybe get a notebook and write down things express yourself, how you imagine a conversation with work colleague. Good luck with it and also to note you might think you are being awkward but I bet 9/10 the person you are chatting with isn't even realizing or thinking back to conversation it's just we build it up in our own heads to be worse. This may sound bad but a lot people are so wrapped up in their every day lives that honestly they prob don't even think back on that conversation. Take care (now look how much I have waffled on back to ya :) )


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 48 Adnan44


    Thank you for your advice Michelle. I guess i have to keep trying, it's very frustrating


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1 TOXX


    Adnan44 wrote: »
    Thank you for your advice Michelle. I guess i have to keep trying, it's very frustrating

    Addy, buddy - stop trying.

    Ask yourself this, how would a brick feel if it bricked something off-brickic to another brick? Seriously. How would it brick? I'm not really trying to make a point here, I'm genuinely asking you to contemplate this question, even if just for a moment.

    Be a brick, Adnan. Forget about words. Bricks don't remember words. Bricks only remember how you made them feel. People are the same as bricks. What is a brick without a thousand other bricks? It's just one brick. What is a thousand bricks? It's a house, a building. We're all bricks. We're all in this house together. And none of us want to see the other brick brick. Otherwise the house could experience structural damage. And nobody bricks that.

    Start thinking, like. A. Brick.

    How does a brick think?

    It. Doesn't.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,787 ✭✭✭mohawk


    Sounds like you handle things just fine when you are in the moment. So that's half the battle won. It's afterwards that you start to build it up in your head. When you start thinking about an awkward interaction maybe try to force yourself to think of something else so it doesn't get built up in your head. (I do this when I start to worry about stuff I have no control over)
    Also do you run or walk? It really helps clear your head. It really works for me when I am stressed and worried.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    What i found helped me was to have the mindset (which i think is true to life), to realise that people/person I am interacting are so caught up in tgeir own thought processes about themselves,how they are behaving/reacting/interacting/thinking what others think of them that they dont realise all my insecurities. Hence just get on with it and be myself and not overthink about myself.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 48 Adnan44


    Thanks ghkkv & mohawk yes i do walk. The fact that it's actually a new job i think makes it worse cause they are judging me especially boss


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